Real Life ~ Violin Disappointment

Yes, I feel disappointed than frustrated for now.

Not at the violin but at myself. Do not think that I am being hard on myself either, do not think I am stressing myself too much, I deserve this as I have not been concentrating well. I kept thinking of vibrato and harder songs when I am still a beginner. Yes, I CAN play those harder songs, yes, I can slowly learn vibrato on my own but what I should be doing now is the slur and my bowing coordination.

I guess I did not practise the songs well enough even there were only 3 songs. He just gave me another 3 songs and I suppose that I will do only those 6 songs and maybe other ones from the back where he taught me already.

I cannot focus on Ave Maria and all those yet. I may still play around with those songs but I cannot make those tougher songs become something before those beginner ones.

I also should try relaxing more and actually enjoy the songs. I notice that I've been focusing on whether I held the notes long enough or whether it sounded like those people playing in the orchestra.

My teacher taught me to play from the heart. He made me sing the song out twice. He did not seem to bother whether I sang in tune or not, after all, it's a violin class and this is just an exercise.

I will make sure I can play those songs from my heart. Not because I HAVE to, but because I WANT to, my heart should be making me feel that I NEED to play it. Not saying to play it well to make the next lesson more worth it like the day he skipped many pages for me to play, making me feel happy that I am more talented than a nooby beginner who can't so much as play a song.

I do not want to give up violin as I once thought of before changing teachers. I do not wanna feel insecure anymore. I guess the movie "The Red Violin" taught me something as well. "To play the violin, you need a strong heart". Yeah, that's something right there. I need to be strong. I need to be brave enough to venture out and stop wondering whether I play like a pro or not.

OK then, this is it. xD

Bye and take care. Have fun too, people! Let's Gambateh together! ^^