Real Life ~ Shattered Chance

What a waste of today! After those hours of getting all those notes done, they were like a waste of time.

Went to the room and played. Tried out but it does not seem so nice... xD To be honest, I was a bit confused with the "#". Besides, I've hardly listened to those songs.

My friend who wanted to watch me play came over at last and then my other friend told her to try out the song so I tried the other piano behind her. Well, I played highest notes, it's softer than lower ones. I need to play piano too. After all, the friend who took over already owns about 2 acoustic pianos! She could play every single freaking day. =[ She sometimes complained she could not concentrate but I got bored and played a bit in the end. As expected, she is better so my friend started praising and also started worrying when the one who took over freaked out. The one who took over freaked out because the notes were all complicated.

While she was playing and I was bored to death, Wilson and his other friend joined in. They waited outside at first then they went inside. The one who took over played "Fur Elise". =[ She played so fast! T.T Lucky her... I envy her! Hmph.

I never got to play at all in the end. Another girl same age as us with her friend came in and the one who took over let that girl take over. *Faints*

She played more songs and tried out. Impressive and bla bla bla.

Me stuck behind watching, envying and slightly jealous. The phrase where she said, "I will try out at home" killed me further. T.T That's obvious she has one. Well, duh! She is learning it. >.>

I feel so lame, stupid and nooby in the end. That girl made my friend and I late for class because she hogged the piano and sheet music. =/

That girl is from choir. =< She was the one who got in my way last Friday. T.T My friend and I did not get in trouble, no worries. xD Our teacher is usually later than us. We're just lucky. My friend noticed that it was really unfair for me and apologized. She felt worse when she invited the girl to come back tomorrow. I almost wanted to faint the 2nd time after hearing that! I guess she must have loved those songs so much she was desperate for someone to play it for her. Even she herself wanted to play it. Sigh, now with this word "desperate", I really understand how she feels. Surely both of us feel like that every day. =S My voice broke and thickened when I talked to her at a certain last sentence. I do not wish to reveal what it was about though I am sure with this clue, you can pretty much guess already. Readers, before you fire insults and criticisms at me, I already felt bad for who I became. Alright, I admit I was selfish, mean, jealous and pathetic-ly desperate. Continuing, I truly felt the best place to play the piano is alone and away from people who would suddenly barge in and play, snubbing you right in the face, making you feel so lame and nooby. I started wishing I was at home with MY Olive (the keyboard's name is Olive). Yes, once again, I admit I hated it for having so few keys & always going all fizzy because it's old and gonna break, but it's the only piano I have right now... At that moment, I felt this strong urge to play all those sad songs on my Autumn and Olive. =3 The first song I would have played was "Naruto-Grief & Sorror" (also known as "Naruto-Sadness & Sorrow") After the song, it would be the slower version of "Naruto-Fighting Spirit" Well, the title is something like that. YouTube is currently slow so I will need to wait yonks before I can let you know the real title. OK, it is "Naruto-Naruto's Theme" LOL. I always get them all mixed up. I actually love Naruto's OST and OP and ED songs. =D I know some of you do not like Naruto but at least appreciate it for the music. =/ Lolz, I just found a piano tutorial for "Naruto-Raising Fighting Spirit". Maybe this song can cheer me up the next time.

Real Life ~ Musical Notes Galore

I am now writing down the notes on the sheet music of "Simple & Clean".

It was not a breeze for the right hand notes (Treble Clef). xD After all that violin practice, it made me read those notes faster. =P

For Bass Clef (Left hand notes), it was tough for me. I was never good at reading those notes ever since I started piano. I could mostly just recognize Middle C from the treble clef. xD Now I still have problems with bass clef. T.T

I am now trying to do them all 6 pages. I intend to leave some or at least 1 page for tomorrow instead of reading books for "Library Week". By the way, for "Library Week", we gotta take our own story books to school to read. My current book is thick and hard cover, bringing it to school would be like carrying gold. Lolz.

Besides, even if I've done "Simple & Clean" by tonight, I will bring a bout 1 page of "Passion (a.k.a Sanctuary)" to do. xD It is a nice way to burn those 15 minutes of sitting on the dirty floor. Ugh. I hate it. xD

I hate ants and am allergic to red ants, including other bugs. Problem is, I am sitting in front and always will. T.T

Oh well, at least I can play the piano. That's the only thing keeping me happy besides having great friends.

1 Chinese class tomorrow. Ugh... Just glad it's not the same teacher as before. We have changed our teacher. I am not revealing names here. =x

Take care~!

Real Life ~ Faded Smile

Smile so easily faded... Thanks to my mother. Ugh, she really ruined my mood.

This is one of the reasons why I love doing projects alone: NO QUARRELING. PEACE!

She and I were like, not agreeing on a picture. Gosh, she is a perfectionist and I also, on the other hand, am also one. Lolz.

Just that I can be lazy and apathetic at times. It's not like I ALWAYS freak out over EVERYTHING.

Lazy to play the violin... xD Maybe my left hand's fingers are scared of the pain today. Still, after publishing this post, I will practise and then it will be it for the day. Other than that, I will be either piano or handling sheet music.

Not sure if this pleases any of you but the posts for today are shorter. xD After all, I know one thing I dreaded tonight, correction of yesterday's homework. If my mother is in a horrible mood, she is going to take it all out on me. And I suppose it is sort of my fault too because I am part of the reason why she is angry. She always blames people and I always get blamed. xD Lol. I just cannot help getting on people's nerves. It's like part of my job to. =P Bleh~

Bye-byes.

Real Life ~ Youtube Desire

xD I have been dreaming for some time about this. Not as in the real sleep-dreaming but just a faint hope.

I would have loved to make a video of my own piano and violin playing. xD

Haha. Yeah, I make crazy hopes and probably hurt myself in the end but oh well.

There's a saying about how hopes are the only thing keeping a person alive and working harder. Pretty true, ya know? =P

OK, gotta get back to essay-writing in BM. Dx

Might not read manga tonight because if I got the new sheet music, I will be busy writing the notes down so it will make everything easier for me to play out when I do get the chance to! ={ *Pouts and sighs*

Bye for now~! *Blows kisses* xD Make sure you catch them all! LOL.

Real Life ~ Piano Smiles

Yes, I finally smile form the bottom of my heart because I got to play the piano again.

Even though I still get very excited before entering, I did not play too roughly or loud.

I got to play at a fast speed for Naruto Shippuden-Blue Bird by Ikimono Gakari! =D

I taught my friend how to play the left hand part for me as it is hard to play both left hand and right hand at the moment. Just 3 notes needed but then gotta get the left hand go up higher and then back down. While doing that, the right hand has to play lots of notes too to combine with the left hand. This is what makes piano very tough. Your both hands gotta coordinate. xD

People sometimes looked in but then left in the end.

So happy to be able to play 88 keys. So happy to reach unreachable notes. Lol. Sound so... Sad... xD Lolz.

I do not wish to say more about this for now as I have a feeling I will break easily today. >.< (Yeah, Yeah, I am emotional! Say what you want but not at my face!)

Bye, take care and have fun~! =P

Real Life ~ Youtube Piano Tutorial

I forgotten how incredibly hard it is to learn from Youtube piano tutorials. And what makes this harder is, I actually did not really like the song I wanna dedicate for my friend that much in the first place. I am still determined. I found 2 songs online that I can get free sheet music for. Those are gonna be dedicated to her. Just that I do not have enough keys to practise on.

If I ever get to perform for her again, it would mean that performance = practice. Lolz.

Even so, I still wanna get the scores because you will never know when the website close down or something.

I am still trying to find "Titanic" song for violin. It is very hard so I decided to use ear to get the notes from one of the violin videos of Titanic.

I am still new to violin sound so I am not that good and gave up halfway. Besides, there are too many vibratos and I have not learned it yet. I will try finding simpler ones. If I fail to do so, I will get another song that's equally tough but something I can handle. I played "Jang Guem" for my dad's birthday. It was very horrible as I just started playing that song on that day itself. Now I can play much faster making less mistakes.

Lol, I just noticed I started 2 paragraphs with the word "I am still"! LOL! And I was about to start this 3rd paragraph with the same phrase. @.@

I really took a lot of time and effort to get the notes right from the piano tutorial! I got really confused halfway and stop in the end. I tried on piano and because I did not write it like you normally see in sheet music, I could not really understand my own writing either. Once again, not enough keys so I got even mroe confused than before. xD HAHAHAHAHA! I can't even understand my own writing. What the freak?!

Really feel like sighing really loudly. Very frustrated but... Oh 'But' what?! I admit, I wanna tear the roof off this house right now. I wanna yell at the top of my lungs and cry until I go blind now so that I can finally move on and stop brooding over the past. Stop regretting, stop crying over the big mistakes made in the past, stop worrying about the future, stop getting so frustrated...

All I need now is a good scream to take the anger out but I cannot... Because I cannot show that wild and dark side! I cannot act so selfishly. I cannot make everyone think I have become a complete loony when I have probably crossed that line already.

This blog means a lot to me. I appreciate you readers for dealing with all these and commenting as well. If not for this blog, I would have committed suicide way earlier. If not for some of you guys, I would have died earlier too.

Alrighty, enough of this pathetic crap. I will just go sleep it off or go insane privately in my room. See? This goes to show how much I cherish my own room. Lolz.

Bye. Take care and Have fun.

Real Life ~ Musical Day Much?

Today, I feel accomplished and slightly proud. Know why? (Though I am sure you've all probably guessed already anyways)

I entered the prefect's room. Finally! It was recess and I actually forgotten about it until Wilson reminded me. He and his other friend did not follow me but my other friend who's a girl did.

We went all the way down to the prefect's room and then when I saw the 'enemy' right in front of me, I was like pointing at her a little and looked at my friend with an expression of horror. My friend did not notice but I think the "enemy's" friend might have. If she noticed, she did not show any sign of it. My friend rushed me into the prefect's room. As promised, I played Naruto Shippuden-Blue Bird by Ikimono Gakari.

I played other songs too. She was like 'sweating' when she knew I could play mostly Naruto songs. I could play many others, more than 20, as far as I know but when I play the piano, I usually do not like to talk at the same time unless I am teaching how to play. Songs are to be played with emotions. But on violin, I can hardly do that now as I still need to look out for mistakes to correct.

I played 2 of the songs I wrote but have yet to finish and will never finish. She was surprised I wrote them and said I can become a musician. Easy to say but that would mean I gotta take theory and go to music schools and stuff. Still, I was flattered. =D

When I was in the middle of playing Naruto-Grief & Sorrow, a girl came in and I was like, "Oh, crap. Is she going to tell me to go as the choir members wanna play again?" UnFortunately, *Smiles* I received compliment instead.

She asked what title of the song it was and I told her. She was surprised and said she could recognize it. How wonderful! Even though I have rearranged the whole song, she could still recognize! Yahoo! xD She complimented that I played with all my heart. xD Haha, she got that part a little bit wrong there because while playing, I had to focus on talking to my friend. My friend can also play piano but she learned at the age of 12 or something. She said she could not but I know that you do not really need grades to play any songs. The best is that if you can at least read the sheet music, you can play just about any song. All you need is like I said before: interest (OK, fine, I did not say this in previous posts), strength, speed & big hand span.

She thought you need to be until Grade 8 to play everything. Yes, you will most likely play better but if the interest is not there, what's the use? You may play very wonderfully but something is definitely missing. The effort and emotions you put into the song.

Like acting, you can't just act like it's nothing. Put emotions. Emotions being put into it will bring the best results. For exam, if you are interested in the subject, you are most likely to sail through smoothly.

I tried crescendo on the piano but the piano is first of all, old and chalky, dusty and STUBBORN. That piano is the stubborn type. The hard and naughty type. Aha, I know most of you are having many question marks above your head.

What I meant is, some pianos have very soft keys and one press of the note might accidentally make it too loud and painful to ears. Some pianos are just perfect, hard keys and perfect sound. Acoustic pianos can last forever if you take good care of it. In fact, old pianos are meant to last longer than these new modern digital and including acoustic ones. Hmm, it's probable that every acoustic instruments can last forever.

This piano in the prefect's room has soft keys but shallow end once pressed. It must have been fixed many times and stuff. It will not be as nice as when brand new. The middle pedal is not working anymore. I could not muffle the sound. Thankfully, the right pedal could work. xD

When you play this piano, it will make the pianist think he/she is playing too rough. But still, at least it sounded fine. Just that the end of the notes sounded out of tune. >.< It really hurt my ears to hear them when my friend tried pressing them. Lol.

My friend even thought something was wrong with it. Even so, it may be just a little bit out of tune as high notes on pianos are meant to be harder to press and be loud. They are meant to sound very... er...what's that nicer word...? OK, I give up. They are meant to sound horrible. Quite literally.

So I failed crescendo twice or more and ended up hurting my right fingers. Oh well, they are just used for bowing, the damage were not so bad.

I tried entering the room again when school ended but I noticed many bags were there. I did not want to be accused of stealing so I turned back and decided to wait for another opportunity.

Even though the piano is stubborn, it is pretty addictive. It made me wanna keep on going forever until God-knows-when. xD Lol.

No worries, I am not aiming to play truant in school. Even if you wanna find me, I would probably be there. Not the toilet like other girls who played truant. And not in the canteen either.

Back at home, I practised the violin 1 hour or more again. I played until both my arm ached. The pain is still not as bad as the last time's crazy practice where I played many pages that teacher skipped. I was still nooby by then. I could not play a song without accidentally touching other strings.

Now, I may still do the same but there are improvements.

My arms are still aching. To be honest, they are ALWAYS aching! LOL! In school, at home, in tuition. My left finger tips, my whole of left arm, my right arm, my right hand. Here's a warning. Do NOT ever shake my right hand. If you wanna shake it, do not grip hard because I held the bow until just by gripping it a little hurts like crap. xD

My left hand's finger tips are definitely gonna harden and the skin will peel off. I suppose beginners get that. Surely the finger tips will be numb to pain and stuff one day but the skin will not be rough either. The skin would be smooth and dead. xD I can feel my finger tips hardening day by day. Not only violinists get this, guitarists also can. My index finger is ALREADY numb and hardened. Now's left my other 3 fingers (not thumb).

I am supposed to be learning up the new song "Sanctuary (Passion)" to play on piano for my friend. She requested that and I will try it out. For both our benefit. xD Haha. It's not like I do not want to play that song.

OK, gotta jet!

Take care and Have fun~!^^

Real Life ~ Violin Intensive Training?

LOL, I woke up feeling excited and hyper. All pumped up and ready to... PLAY THE VIOLIN!

xD Call me anything you want but I gotta get that stupid slur right. If my friend can call it easy, I will make sure I can say that one day myself too! >.> Lolz.

I played for about an hour and extra few minutes. But look on the bright side, I got better. In fact, I memorized that one song the teacher kept making me play. Yes, I admit I still made mistakes but I will keep on playing. I will try managing the violin practice twice a day and about an hour or so per practice. On Mondays, I doubt I can make it but on other days, I GOTTA make it! I will show him I am not as rough and out of it like that Saturday! Oh wait, it was yesterday. ^^lll Sweat.

I tried playing each song twice before moving on to the next and then turn back the page again to try playing twice again and then over and over. Sometimes I lost count and moved on straight away. To not bore myself to death, I made sure I entertained myself by trying out new violin techniques without having learned them yet and also to try out the "Titanic" I just copied down from the web yesterday. I am trying to play that song for my mom's birthday. I wanna perform for my parents. I wanna perfect everything. I wanna perform piano too but it does not impress anyone anymore these days unless it is very fast and complicated looking. >.>

Seriously, piano is just as amazing as violin if you really compare. And fine, violin looks more impressive and probably has more skills and techniques than a piano. But piano has all the chords. You have the whole range of 88 keys to play. It's like you can play almost EVERY song! Just not all. xD But you get the meaning anyways. And I gotta say this, not everyone can play the violin and same goes for piano. =P Fair enough. I suppose that you can play how you like but what I meant is, how far can you go? For piano, is your hand big enough to reach the far note? What is your strength? A really good piano is the type that has very hard-to-press keys and also has VERY good sound quality. This is why you need strength. Besides strength, you need speed. La Campanella requires them all, speed, big hand span and (strength-depending on your type of piano).

Practice will definitely help for both instruments and in fact, in everything.

For violin, you need to be dexterous, speedy, firm posture but also relaxed, sensitive hearing.

Lol, I am not gonna go into details about violin. After all, I am still a beginner. Let's see, it has been about 3 months since I started learning the violin. But in February, my time was wasted. For the whole month, my old violin teacher did not show up. Can you believe it? <.< Hmph! My interest was dying and I almost decided to give up violin to get that piano. Sigh, I was VERY desperate for the 88 keys piano that time because all I could do with the violin was only open D string and I haven't got the courage to tune at that time. I was REALLY a beginner then. Now I can't let go of my violin even though this slur is very frustrating. I still do want the piano but I am controlling myself now. And yes, I still do wanna play the piano in the prefect's room. ;) *Winks* I am so amazed at how I can play songs after songs and still play ones that I was not taught but played on piano. I remember the last time I blogged about being desperate for a violin. I remembered what I promised myself and how I should handle the matter regarding violin. It's just that, sometimes I forget some of them and in the end got hurt deeply. But you know what? I am still glad to be able to play it. =D I remember predicting about days that I will cry over the violin. True enough, I cried not only for/over the violin, but also for music, for my mistake of quitting piano. I cried when the bridge of the violin collapsed but I did not cry when the E string snapped. Lolz, I LAUGHED when it snapped! Sure, I was pretty surprised there but then it did not upset me because I know it would have to happen some day. Haha. I remembered worrying that I am not cut out for playing the violin and is stuck with piano forever. I worried like that because I could not tune the violin and dared not. Now that I can tune and the fear of tuning the violin disappeared, I feel much better. And you know what? I sometimes wonder if I will EVER get the slur right but I know that if I can play that song with slurs but just missing a few, I know I will make it eventually. Just hope I do not need to wait too long for it to be perfect. Since I am note-perfect for one of the 'slur' songs, all I gotta do next is get the slur right besides the speed. At the same time, I have 5 more songs with slurs to perfect for this whole week until I see him next Saturday. I checked the further pages of the book and noticed about all the songs after that contain slurs. xD Guess it is really important that I get it right. Even though I do not find slurs that remotely nice at all, I still gotta get it right because I still need to rely on the teacher to teach me every technique. In my violin book, I saw that one day, he will be teaching me double-stopping. That one is very hard so far but I will get this slur right first! xD I am still working on vibrato alone but gotta get the slur first. That slur is number 1 now. And saying the word "slur" is making me go bonkers now. Anyways, I played the violin (2nd practice for the day) just now. I am not sure of how long the practice lasted but I played until my left arm ached and could not take it anymore. The ache after every practice is decreasing and that means that I can play longer if I wanted to. I know some people can practise the violin for 3-4 hours. Some practised until their ears ring and throb in pain. Some practised until their shirts were drenched in sweat. I may not have 3 or 4 hours for violin but one day, I WILL be able to do so in order to improve and perform without receiving lies so that my feelings won't be hurt. I will wow them all. In fact, when I was into singing last time, I remembered being very desperate for solo on stage in front of people in school. Now, I wanna solo for violin, piano and singing. Maybe not much for singing but anything to perform. I love performing, after all. =P I wanna hear the compliments. >=D Muahahahaha, I admit it, finally. I want the compliments to be genuine. Not pity-lies. I want to hear the thundering claps and roaring cheers. I do not care which instrument is it for but I wanna achieve that. I wanna let people know the musical side of me. Not the nerdy, boring, ugly, whiny girl in their school.

I will also keep my hair past my shoulders so that I can take a picture with my violin. I hope to get a red prom dress to match the photo too. xD Sadly, I do not go to formal parties so if I ever bought one, it would be a waste unless I go to the testing room. Then again, I can't bring the violin along and sit there at the shop just to get my photo taken, can I? Lolz.

I will find a way to solve that anyways. =P

OK, that's it. You readers must be thinking I'm a bizarre person. No worries, I think I am one too. Lol.

Bye. Take care and have fun~!^^

Let's hope tomorrow (Monday) will be a smooth day. Not the stressful day like this week's! T.T

Real Life ~ Grateful Day

Even though I just had like, half of the day without hives, or should I say, serious hives, I feel grateful because it has been about 5 months since I ever came close to being normal.

Now my hives are worsening and last night's hives were very bad, almost like the worst. My hives now are increasing at an alarming speed and well, it would be as bad as last night, just that I will need to use a different lotion this time to help stop it. I used finish the bottle of lotion last night. Today, it's not "spitting" anymore out for me. Lol. Just the funny farting-like sound. xD

OK, today did not exactly go so well. I still got scolded for the most ridiculous things ever but I decided this: I DON'T CARE. They're not a big deal.

I may have lots of manga to read today but I feel like going back to how I was in the past. This is just for today. And when I said how I was in the past, I meant as in when I have not have broadband thingy to use Internet. I would always create stories using Microsoft Word & Micrsoft Power Point. =D

I was much more creative in the past, I would say. After all, in the past would mean when we were much younger and then, younger would mean we were much more innocent & lively. Lol. I sure can be long-winded but I do hope it is clear enough for an explanation. Dunno WHY I need to explain either but that's not the case here.

Even though I have NO IDEA what to write about now, once I open that blank page, something WILL come to mind. That is how everything often happens. Every time I see a blank piece of paper, I feel excited. My mind would start spinning up thousands of stories and even illustrations came in mind. Sadly, I do not that much of a talent for drawing. I lose there. xD I can only write. =<

Y'know what? I don't know if I have said this on the blog before but I may go into journalism. =P I love writing and talking on papers and online. I am not good at socializing in real life since I mostly just want to hide my dreadful face. In the online world, I do not need to show how I look and I can always pretend to be who I wanna be but I mostly be who i really am inside anyways, especially my blog, I say what's in my mind, I do more of acting before thinking here but I still DO think as people are reading what I say. So that means, I have to also still be careful of what I say.

One of you readers suggest I upload photos for you all to see. Good idea, but there's like 1000KB or something to upload. That means, I only have limited space so I would eventually run out of space to upload photos. It's only lucky that words are unlimited here, as far as I know. I can't simply upload photos though. T.T There's all this copyright shit that I hate but also sometimes agree with. I can only feel secured if I uploaded my own photos. First of all, I can take photos but that would mean to take the trouble to borrow it from my dad and then, I would need to learn how to put the photos into the computer and then upload. Before uploading, I would have to resize and edit. I suck at editing. It's the truth. Dx

I do not know how most of the people edit. They just do not make it how I want it to be. Frustrating, really.

If I upload my own photos here, it would mean that my identity is revealed, my friends and family's identity revealed and lastly, if I put photos of my own violin and stuff, it would be boring. xD Lolz.

Holy crap, how did the topic of hives suddenly get to this. Jeez, what's wrong with me? See? Once I start talking online or something, I will never stop. Sadly, like a saying here said before "A person knows himself/herself the most than other people so they can only talk more about themselves". That one is right. This is why I hardly talk about other people. After all, if I talked about them, I might accidentally reveal their name and besides, I should be getting their permissions to reveal their names. It does not seem so right for me to simply upload their photos and reveal their names however I want to.

This is why I get permissions to use their name on this blog. If I were to talk about them and need names, I would not use initials but I put another name like say an alphabet or something. xD There are 26 alphabets altogether, so that means, I have at least 26 people to talk about in a post. Lol. If more are needed, I would use numbers. Once numbers run out or get too long, I will use alphabets AND numbers! LOL!

No worries, people, I will not go to the extremes to create too many in case you all get confused. Lolz. Even I got confused while writing about people and using alphabets as names in an older post!

I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes, forgive me, I am just a Malaysian, our English level is VERY HORRIBLE so I can only depend on reading adult books to improve.

OK, that's it for now. I will read manga first. =P

Take care and have fun~!^^ Bye.

Real Life ~ Violin Disappointment

Yes, I feel disappointed than frustrated for now.

Not at the violin but at myself. Do not think that I am being hard on myself either, do not think I am stressing myself too much, I deserve this as I have not been concentrating well. I kept thinking of vibrato and harder songs when I am still a beginner. Yes, I CAN play those harder songs, yes, I can slowly learn vibrato on my own but what I should be doing now is the slur and my bowing coordination.

I guess I did not practise the songs well enough even there were only 3 songs. He just gave me another 3 songs and I suppose that I will do only those 6 songs and maybe other ones from the back where he taught me already.

I cannot focus on Ave Maria and all those yet. I may still play around with those songs but I cannot make those tougher songs become something before those beginner ones.

I also should try relaxing more and actually enjoy the songs. I notice that I've been focusing on whether I held the notes long enough or whether it sounded like those people playing in the orchestra.

My teacher taught me to play from the heart. He made me sing the song out twice. He did not seem to bother whether I sang in tune or not, after all, it's a violin class and this is just an exercise.

I will make sure I can play those songs from my heart. Not because I HAVE to, but because I WANT to, my heart should be making me feel that I NEED to play it. Not saying to play it well to make the next lesson more worth it like the day he skipped many pages for me to play, making me feel happy that I am more talented than a nooby beginner who can't so much as play a song.

I do not want to give up violin as I once thought of before changing teachers. I do not wanna feel insecure anymore. I guess the movie "The Red Violin" taught me something as well. "To play the violin, you need a strong heart". Yeah, that's something right there. I need to be strong. I need to be brave enough to venture out and stop wondering whether I play like a pro or not.

OK then, this is it. xD

Bye and take care. Have fun too, people! Let's Gambateh together! ^^

Real Life ~ Anime Frustration

I am deeply frustrated.

I just wanna watch free anime online but then there were all these little problems I do not know where to start.

I want to watch "Kodocha No Omocha" all 102 episodes but then I could not thanks to the Espanyol sub on YouTube and besides, they were not completed. Finally I found it completed at animecrazy.net but then only 9:15 shown for the first episode. I do not get it! I created account hoping to be able to watch but failed. I installed veoh to watch but Malaysia was not able to use it. DAMMIT! I deleted it in the end but the thing would not disappear. I am pissed off now.

I could not find that anime in stores anywhere! I just want to watch them all! Even if I downloaded it on emule, it would be in Chinese. I do not like it in Chinese. So what if I am a Chinese? So what if I could understand it too? My Chinese suck and I just want it in English! I HATE IT! I am so goddamn pissed off! Where can I get all 102 episodes in English dub/sub?! I do not care if the dub sounded like shit, I just wanna watch and know what happened, as long as there's English in it! If it were to be in Chinese, I do not want OLD Chinese! Argh!

Real Life ~ Kuroshitsuji Thoughts

Recently, I've been reading this manga called "Kuroshitsuji".

I personally find it nice and good. It is something I do not read every day. Funny though, I usually read shoujo mangas but this one is surprisingly not a shoujo manga when it looked like one. xD

I like the drawing. =3 But what I am mostly after is the storyline.

Readers, do try it out sometimes, it is not that bad. Even though my friend complained about something from that manga, it is still nice and I would like to say that it is pretty popular. Besides, my fried did not read far enough to be proven wrong. Lol.

OK, that's all I wanna say. Lol. Bye. Violin class at 12PM tomorrow. =x

Real Life ~ Chocolate Control

Here's a very funny reason for controlling the amount of chocolate to eat in one day.

Chocolate and nuts can cause allergy, same goes for pollen but we will leave pollen out for a moment here now.

Recently, I just told my dad that I do not like to eat the chocolate with raisins in it so this time he bought one with only nut-filled chocolate. I was satisfied but right after the day of buying that, I notice that I should not be eating it because it causes hives. Lol.

I decided to control how many I eat. This time is not for dieting but more like avoiding hives. Last night, Thursday 25th March 2010, I ate 3 of them as an experiment to see what happens next. Guess what? Hives got REALLY horrible so now it is either I eat 1 or 2 only. Lolz, this is pathetic.

Every time I do something whether I want to or not, I could not think about hives only, because that would mean I have to explain to the teacher why I cannot do that and then I have to deal with their unconvinced looks and then explain further more. Besides, it would make me like some sort of invalid or weakling. I do not want to seem like those fussy whiny girls either. So I have to suffer later and wish that I never did that. xD

Surely they never suffer from chronic urticaria (chronic hives/nettles) so they do not understand how torturing or dangerous it can be. They do not know that a person can die from it. They do not know that it affects the heartbeat every time the skin contracts from the swells. I cannot blame them either because all these diseases were not a major thing unless they are in medical field learning all these stuff. But what I search for from them is not pity or the look of disbelief, what I search for is the look of understanding. I want them to understand that I am not much of a normal person now with everything happening now and that it's not like I am purposely making an excuse to not do something. I want them to understand that I am not those fussy, whiny girls.

Know why I never bother about diet these days? I've got tired of it. It's really exhausting. I started eating stuff with sugar because I know that there will be days that I would have no appetite at all and that I would start dieting desperately after receiving a snide remark from the 'enemies'.

Now what I am facing with is not about the slimness but the face.

I am still trying to recover from this thing again. >.<

That day I went cycling, remember? Well, I know that this 'healthy' stage after an exercise is wearing off because the heart pain is slowly coming back.

I cannot get excited or get too anxious or even worried now if not the heart will suddenly just hurt.

Lately I have been feeling like that. I will not give details on how I felt like that but no worries, it is not something to hide from you all anyways.

OK, here's the more generous sentence again, TAKE CARE AND HAVE FUN, READERS~!^^

Real Life ~ BM Tuition VS Science Tuition

Science tuition wins! >=D

The people in BM tuition are meaner.

But the people in Science tuition are nicer.

The space in BM tuition is narrow and uncomfortable.

But the space in Science tuition is wider and much more comfortable.

The teacher is meaner in BM tuition.

But the teacher in Science tuition is nicer. =D

One thing they both have in common:

They're air-con is COLD, as in FREEZING, which cause the hives very bad. Dx

Lol, that's it for this post.

Here's something I just learned from a book recently but I do not remember if I've told any of you yet. It is "There are 2 tragedies in our lives: it is the ones who get what they wish for but not what they need and those who do not get what they wish for."

Something like that but it still has the same meaning. Just hoping you get what I meant. xD

Real Life ~ Is This Fate?

Is it fate that I had to learn piano at the age of 4 and then quit. And then after years of hating piano, I realize my love for violin? And THEN after that, I start loving piano again, this time just minus the music exams and pressure. xD

Is it fate that now no matter how much I am desperate to play piano, I can never play it however I want to?

Is it fate that now no matter I try so hard to get into that damn Prefect's Room, I can never get in?

OK, fine, I DIDN'T try hard enough but I do not wanna leave my friend just to play the piano and able to let her hear a mini performance. After all, I am sure she secretly loves that song. Muahahaha. She just will not admit it. *Sinister smile*

This is what happened today, before school, I obviously cannot sneak into the room to play. During recess, I almost could have but then I decided to help my friend out first before getting in there. I did not see my 'enemy' so I have more courage to enter. Sadly, I head the piano sound and so did my friend. I forgotten Fridays are choir days. =.= So, the choir seniors were playing the piano and joking about, really noisy. After school, I wanted to and my friend understood my desperation but the problem is still thanks to choir members.

As a human, I will say this and yes, I will not deny that I am selfish after saying this: I HATE YOU FREAKING CHOIR MEMBERS! You get in my way and I hate you all. You all piss me off and you all break my promises to myself. You all make me fail my personal mission. Now this mission is MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!

I WILL NOT GIVE UP. I WILL enter that stupid room. I WILL play a song or 2. I will try from only Monday to Thursday. Fridays are really impossible now that I can see that! Lol.

I almost had half the mind to enter and asked them if I could play a little bit. Seeing as it would shut their laughter in an instant and create an awkward atmosphere, I decided to let it past and then go for it another time. Grr...!

Real Life ~ Sneezy-Weezy

LOL, this is like the cheesiest title EVER! Hahahaha! But forgive me, people, I really am sick now so I cannot think of anything better for a title.

So far, today's fine. It's not like there's anything much to say.

Oh! I just remembered! LOL.

I remember stressing myself like God knows what just to get into the Prefect's Room so that I can play the upright piano there! Ever since I took the courage to sneak a peek into the room to find all the pianos inside it, I have been desperate to be able to play them. Come on, I do not have 88 keys to play on every day even when I want to so badly, the most I can do now is play the school's since they do not make use of them.

My friend told me she played with it during her PE lesson. Today's my PE day so I have been looking forward to listening to the natural piano sound. I could not play it. No matter how desperate I was, I could not.

Here are the reasons why:
1. My friend went up after PE class and straight back to our classroom T.T
2. My enemy (sort of) from my class was guarding the staircase near the Prefect's Room so I dare not enter even though I saw other people entering T.T
3. My friend wanted to walk out of school with me so I could not save that precious few minutes with the piano T.T

Sob... I WILL play it tomorrow! Even if it's just for a short song! I DO NOT CARE!

Even if teachers question me, I have my answer and seriously, how can they punish a girl who just loved music so much and realize their mistake of quitting piano and then now desperate to play but then does not want to pressure parents to buy her a digital one as long as there are 88 keys? LOL.

But one thing I DO care about, make sure no strangers enter looking and that my classmates do not catch me unless they found me cooler and stop judging me by the way I look. Seriously, I cannot change the way I look but they do not understand and never thought of considering that fact. >.>

Now I'm gonna skip right to Science Tuition.

As expected, wearing that old black shirt with short sleeves was a BAD idea. THANK GOODNESS I did not wear that stupid 3/4 pants that causes BAD hives! ^^ Lol. The air-con there was freezing and as teacher started teaching, I could not help but start taking out tissues and using them. I used up almost whole of 2 packs. I felt disgusted by my own actions. Why is it that my friends look so fine and yet here I am, sneezing and using tissues?

At least bringing the cream for hives was not a bad idea...

For violin practice, it is getting much better as I can play faster and faster. Slur still not perfect but I do not wanna stress so much on that either... I just hope the teacher don't think it much of a big deal and continue moving on to other songs to make the fees worth it.

Bye. Take care and have fun again. xD

Real Life ~ This Day

March 24th 2010.

Yes, this is today and it will not return tomorrow.

Today is like a mini break. I still do feel tired at school, I still suffer from hives, I still have tons of homework to finish, I still cannot master the slur on violin perfectly and everything. Plus, I even had to do extra cleaning for my room. Remember I told you readers about how the stupid air-conditioner broke down? Yeah, well, I will get on to that later. xD

I still could not get to befriend or call a truce with those girls I hated and my Chinese class teacher came. Hives also appeared on my face but what kept me content and controlled today were my feelings. No matter how I should be screaming my head off today or anything, I just never did. And that is tanks to the way I feel: Calm.

It has been very long since I've felt calmed. It makes me feel better. I can say that the main cause of hives is almost solved. That would be anxiety causing it all. Let's see, this should give you confused readers a clearer understanding.

Kindergarten Years
Innocent, foolish, naive, energetic, cheerful

Elementary School Years
Innocent -> foolish -> naive -> Anxiety -> gradually weaker & tired -> Anger -> stress & pressure

Secondary School Years
Anxiety -> Shocked -> Surprised -> Naive -> Heartbreak -> Anger -> Depression -> Stress & pressure -> Emotions gradually unstable

See? OK, now I am going to explain it even more clearer to you all so you get why I summarized it.

Alrighty, starting with kindergarten years, like any of us children, we were all innocent. We believed in almost everything and even when we were proved wrong, we still believe. We were still young, we have less worries so therefore, we remained cheerful.

Elementary school years? Standard 1, still innocent as we just came out of the kindergarten and as we go higher up, growing every single day, we have more things to fear and worry about. Come on, exams and all, things are becoming a bit more hectic and because of that, we can no longer pretend house and play tag. We have to focus and start tolerating many others' attitudes we dislike.

Now coming to where I am currently in, secondary school years. NOT a very good start. It started with me worrying I could not get into any schools. Then I worry I could not get into any classes. Then I worry I was gonna be changed to another class when the school announced that they are opening 2 more classes. Then I worry about getting along with people and try not to be as geeky as when I was in elementary school. Shocked when I found out who were my real friends and who were traitors. Surprised as I found some things out. I was naive and still am. xD Heartbroken... That came in many ways. My family involved and everything happening in school. BOTH came to me at the SAME time. I was angry very often and then came depression. Now that part is no joke. Some of you should know and still remember, I was desperate for death. I could not face life. I did not create goals. I now wonder why didn't I create any goals and stop leading myself into foolish situations. Stress and pressure really are the best of friends. They seem to like coming hand in hand. Lol. Yes, when I say emotions are gradually becoming unstable, I mean it and that's what I am going through now. Do not see this as a light matter. Even though this is normal for teenagers, whether a girl or a boy, if one does not handle it the right way, then something bad will happen. Death may happen as well.

Lol, I forgotten why I suddenly tell you all this. xD But anyways, I just haven't felt so calm for a long time. This feeling is like a stranger to me but I still recognize it. It's just like my long lost friend. LOL.

Yes, I admit I still got mad at school. And yes, I still got annoyed at home. Thankfully, this feeling saved me from breaking down.

Aha, as promised, I will talk about the air-conditioner. Lol. xD

The guy was stinky, no offense, even though I've not seen him, but he is. And there were evidences. First, came home after lunch with dad to find mom mopping the floors, it turned out the guy did not take off his socks and it was dirty, all black and left a small hanging for hours even after my bath. Wait, that is not the end of it. He, of course went to my room to fix the air-con. As expected, the table was being stepped on and there were mysterious liquids on my table and including the items on the table. I mean, the items on my table got wet as well. Then, also as expected, there were dusts everywhere. My windows looked like they were opened and they were not closed properly.

Wait again! This is also NOT the end! =P He used my bathroom. You may think this was not a big deal but since it is one of my favorite room as mentioned from the previous post, it does matter a whole lot to me. If he took care of cleanliness well, I would not be kicking up such a fuss as to write this out. The whole toilet bowl was dirty, not that he stood on it or anything but the ... "Big Business" stuck on parts of it. The dark coloured urine still there. I know he flushed but it was such an incredible business that he could not even hide the evidence. Or maybe he didn't bother. Not only that, he used the water hose and it was not put back properly. The whole bathroom stank like shit, and I mean this LITERALLY. I had to take my bath downstairs, which by then, I realize the smell still hung even after he left.

My parents and I cleaned the whole house like on every Saturdays. Just that I only cleaned my room. I still haven't transferred the things I put away in case they were messed up if they were left on the table back yet.

I will do that when I feel like it and will do more sorting out while I am at it.

Gosh, he actually wrecked the house. Not like he bombed the whole place but his cleanliness did.

Oh well, blaming him would have put me in the wrong and seen as the bad guy so I will not say I blamed him.

Hey, he really worked hard to survive. His schedule is packed. How on Earth could he find time to stay long in bath though I suppose most guys do not take a thorough bath as much as girls do. Honestly, do not deny. I cannot say ALL guys are like that. So quit accusing me of being a sexist now. It's the fact anyway. >.>

We girls are much more annoyed easily. We can be hard to handle. We can be unfair to you guys. But look, it's thanks to girls you're here too.

Anyways, I better shut it before I really DO go on sexist mode! LOL.

That's all there is to say and bye, everyone.

Take care and Have fun. (Man, I get tired of typing this sentence!)

Real Life ~ My Favorite Rooms

Today's post will be back to a more optimistic, positive one. xD

But first,(smirks and sneer), I will continue yesterday's horrible start of school, MONDAY after the 1 week holiday. xD

As I went up preparing for sleep, I switched the air-conditioner on. I then went to the bathroom for a moment and when I came back, I took off the specs and turned off the light. Then, what surprised me was what I saw from the air conditioner on the wall. There were no lights coming from it, so it meant that it was not working.

Hmm, that was weird. I knew I remembered switching it on... As I grumble, I switched on the lights again to check. Hey! The remote control shows that it is working but then the air-conditioner itself is not. I was very, very annoyed by then. I swore at it. I told mom that it was not working and everything else was a mess.

In the end, it really was not working anymore so I had to sleep in my parent's room temporarily. My gosh, I had to admit, I was in tears by then because I could not sleep in my own room and weep privately. T.T

I had to struggle to keep the tears silent in their room.

Thank God, I am better today. I forgotten something very important. It's very amusing how I keep FORGETTING this: I always get all stressed out and teary on every Monday and especially after holidays. LOL!

I wonder if I can remember this the next time.

Anyways, now let's move on to my favorite rooms in my house.

My favorite rooms are... My so-called music room, my room & my toilet.

See? So simple.

Now to elaborate like what my teachers always tell me to when writing essays. Lol.

For my so-called music room, I like it because obviously, I have my tiny keyboard there to play those songs. I can take my violin up to play in that room as well. Once I close the door, I can play as loud as I want, not giving a care in the world but only one thing to care about, the time. I cannot play the violin at a time when people are sleeping. I can only lower down the volume of tiny keyboard to play... xD I still love that room. I cry and laugh there to myself. I read books while lying on the floor and I can simply just daydream or space out there. =D

I love my own room. ^^ It's also a place where I can cry privately and laugh as much as I can in there. I sang there as well as the so-called music room I mentioned before. Before the so-called music room became "active", I always loved being alone in my room. I wrote my diary there in the past and day-dreamed there as well. I played my toys there when I was younger. I slept there when I was brave enough to sleep alone. I took my own profile pictures there for Friendster before I deactivated my account.

Surely you all will wonder why I love my own toilet. Lolz, I do not blame you for wondering either. I love the toilet because I cried there as well. I laugh and... sang there as well. =x Shh, lol! I sat there to escape my troubles in the past and sometimes do that too. I hid in there reading books as well. Lol. But one thing I do not really like in the bathroom is... the mirror. It often reminded me how I actually looked and made me unable to daydream being a beauty.

Here's something I can NEVER stop doing and that is dreaming and pretending.

I always pretended being a beauty, someone everyone is jealous of and wants to be. Someone everyone respects and likes. =D In school, after something bad happened, if I still have the courage and energy to, I imagined that happened because they liked the way I look so much but they just do not know how to show it.

Lol. I know, the cheek of it! Haha. Oh well, girls can dream too, you know! =P

Bye. Take care and also please do Have fun~!

Real Life ~ HORRIBLE Start Of School

Today's just not my day. Let's see, last night could not have enough sleep and then woke up in the middle of the night and by the time could get to snooze, the stupid alarm clock rang. I grumbled and got ready. I truly wanted to sleep on the sofa before going to school and in the car while on the way to school but... I could NOT. Because I know that I will have to wake up after that. =[

I could not sleep on the bench either because there are students around and I do NOT want to be caught off guard. T.T

Gosh, The assembly sucked like hell. I sat in front and, the main reason that's been making me in a bad mood from the start is thanks to hives. I couldn't sleep because I could not resist scratching and feel the skin contracting. In school, the hives spread everywhere. My forehead, my both arms, my legs. Gosh. I did not take the pill. I decided to only take it when it appears right at the visible part of the face. It's that time when I CANNOT calm down because I will start feeling guilty and look down on myself a lot.

I got teased in school by the idiots. Sadly, they are not THAT stupid. T.T Why, this world is getting ridiculously MORE unfair than it should be!

Finally I got home feeling relieved. Oh wait, after lunch and bath, the horror didn't end there. It STARTED as well. By the way, my form teacher had to go for a surgery and would not be returning until the end of next month. I wish I can have a rest like her but maybe an excuse to check for mental, emotional and physical problems. I SWEAR there is SOMETHING wrong. Definitely something wrong with my head.

I could not take the stress from the school homework. Even by 4:42PM, I should be practising the violin already. Unfortunately, my mom thought I meant that she should explain how the Survival Skills thingy work. I was standing up getting ready to go to the violin when my mom thumped the STUPID text book on the table. My mind was like, exhausted and going "WTF!". I sat back down holding back tears.

She half explain, half nagged and half scolded. Well, actually, she can do ALL at once. @.@

I even had to rush to eat dinner in case I am late for BM tuition. I only had a few minutes to read manga after the dinner.

In BM tuition, I was goddamn tired that I almost fell asleep. It was so tempting to sleep right away, you know? Just one simple shut of eye lids and let the thing end that way. In fact, not sure whether wanna wake up anymore.

Oh, which reminds me during school hours, my chest suddenly had a very bad pain and I grabbed it immediately. Thank God it didn't last so long. Just that one sudden pain and then I could let go. During BM tuition, I could not breathe because chest pain again. >.< This is insane.

When I got back home, I thought I could finally get the slur right on the violin when my mom led me to the table to correct some work. I felt guilty after doing them but just went ahead for violin practice.

I must say, my mood is so bad I could not get the 3 whole songs right. Not even after playing those sad songs to suit my mood and cheer myself up. I played it on piano and finally let the tears out. I didn't bother keeping it silent anymore. My violin also got wet from tears... I practised. I know it's not enough. The slur is VERY hard. I should be playing 1 song over and over until I get EVERY note and slur right. Then move on to next song but time forbid me to do so. I got to play the violin only at 9+PM. I have to sleep at 10:30PM. I need to sleep at 10PM today because I lacked of sleep.

Now's 10PM already. Gtg.

Bye. No bad comments to ruin mood please. My personalities change drastically when school is back.

Just let sleeping dogs lie. I have no where else to complain anymore.

Real Life ~ Hives, Hives, Hives

INFORMATION FROM WIKIPEDIA

Urticaria (from the Latin urtica, nettle (or hives) are a kind of skin rash notable for dark red, raised, itchy bumps. Hives are frequently caused by allergic reactions; however, there are many non-allergic causes. For example, most cases of hives lasting less than six weeks (acute urticaria) are the result of an allergic trigger. Chronic urticaria (hives lasting longer than six weeks) are rarely due to an allergy. The majority of patients with chronic hives have an unknown (idiopathic) cause. Perhaps as many as 30-40% of patients with chronic idiopathic urticaria will, in fact, have an autoimmune cause. Acute viral infection is another common cause of acute urticaria (viral exanthem). Less common causes of hives include friction, pressure, temperature extremes, exercise, and sunlight.

Wheals (raised areas surrounded by a red base) from urticaria can appear anywhere on the surface of the skin. Individual hives that are painful, last >24 hours, or leave a bruise as they heal are more likely to be a more serious condition called urticarial vasculitis. Hives caused by stroking the skin (often linear in appearance) are due to a benign condition called dermatographism.
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Anyways, I just take those important parts from the website to explain it clearer to those of you who do not know what it is.

Today, March 21st 2010, my hives are bad and it is getting worse every day. It is no longer what I hoped for: to get better. Just by having my skin brush something, it starts getting irritated and then my hives starts coming.

I do not have that much time today as I am terribly sad about tomorrow having school. I am so reluctant I can throw a tantrum, cry and stomp my feet like any kid.

I woke up with hives on my face and from last night, my hives were very horrible as well. I had to do something to calm down as I was racing against time (if this is the correct grammar) to watch finish the 2nd movie. Sadly, even by 2:20+AM, it is not finished yet and I know it will end very soon. I knew the ending already. I had to switch the TV off all thanks to mom nagging and not trusting me. I gone all huffy and stormed up, and of course, I got all breathless and anxious, I could not calm down. By this time, I know something is not right in my head. I am not being myself anymore. Even though half of myself is there, the wilder side is controlling me. I was so crazy. I looked in the mirror wanting to crash it with my head, so that I can die but only 50% of chance that would happen. I hated the way I look. My eyes were wild and big. The desperate look in my eyes as clear as day. My room was stuffy from the heat trapped inside. I did not turn on the air conditioner... After hearing my parent's room door closed, I rush back down to apply something on my face to cool myself down. After going back up, my eyes were still wild, big and desperate. What makes it better is, I hid all the ugly part of my face with the cream I applied earlier and my eyes started showing sins of exhaustion. I lay in bed having troubles calming down. After thinking of everything I hated, tears escaped my eye lids and even now, I wanna cry. I do not want to be in school, I do not want to learn things not relating what I am going for. I do not want to see anyone. I wanna hide my face. I actually feel more positive during holidays because in school, everyone make me feel the worst, the ugliest. In my house, I can actually think that I have chance of looking prettier. I am holding back tears now.

Bye.

Real Life ~ Saturday (March 20)10

Notice I put a 10 outside the bracket. xD It saves the energy of typing the 'year' and another '20' again.

OK, right, whatever. Anyways, moving on, I will make this much quicker because A)I wanna read manga while I still can before the stupid school starts again and B)You readers will get bored of reading something too long and detailed for something so normal.

Woke up, piano, violin, read book in room, bath (Gosh, I am starting to have problem remembering what happened), lunch, violin lesson.

From this 'violin lesson' part, I will make it more detailed. Lolz.

I was not sure whether I could enter the room yet so I went to have a peep. I saw a lil boy in it and suddenly, a voice scared me. "No, not yet." I turned to see my teacher talking to me. He was holding a book and when I took a closer look at it, I saw a picture of a guitar. I was really surprised when I saw him holding it and entering the room. I went to the "living room" to have a seat. What surprised me was that there were more sofas and the old digital piano bedside the TV finally had its 'shutters' slide opened. It broke my heart when I saw some of the keys sunk. I really wondered how old was the digital piano... I know I would wanna buy one for myself one day. >.< Hopefully it can last really long! And Hopefully I can afford one if I cannot get one. T.T That would make it like 10 years or more later... @.@

Anyways, the teacher was shocked when he saw how many pages he skipped. He could not believe his eyes so he asked me to play the song "Melody" and others as well. "Melody" is one of my favorites so I obviously played it better. In fact, thanks to all those practice, I played it faster. No more slow-mo. OK, fine, it's not as perfect as my teacher's violin playing but I will get there sooner or later! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

After awhile, I showed him my "Titanic" and "Jang Guem" on violin. xD He tried to accompany me for "Titanic" but it was er... not so well because I sucked at it but it was still better than when I first tested the song on the violin.

After that, he taught me a new violin technique: slur. xD It was frustrating but I tried very hard to keep my cool because I would definitely look really scary and stupid if I didn't show a much softer expression. It's best that I do not frighten everyone off at this age!

The worst part was when this other student came already. No, what's worse is that it is not only the stupid herself, the mother and the younger sister were standing at the door looking in. I almost had a heart attack to turn back finding those people hovering at the door. Gosh, it's like they are so desperate to enter! Their faces were so priceless! LOL. But what infuriated me was the attitude of their mother. She really wanted to interfere. It seemed like she badly wanted to barge in and make her daughter's lesson start. And to make it worse, the girl told him that her strings needed changing. He said to wait 2 more minutes. Even though I do not hear anything coming from their mother, I could somehow hear this grumble, a deep one like growling, loud and clear in their mother's mind.

Holy crap, I had to have my violin lesson time changed thanks to them just because THEY changed. From now on, my violin class starts at 12PM but at least it is still on a Saturday. Oh well...

I went back to practise more and then used the computer.

At about 6PM, we went out for a shop. We went to Bukit Tinggi, the place where one of my favorite music shop YAMAHA is at. Sadly, we never got to go pass the shop. Even if it meant I cannot get to play the piano, I just want to look at them. I know I will get depressed later just by looking at them but I still insist on looking at them. >.<

Alrighty, I am going to stop here. Bye.

Take care and have fun, as always~!

Real Life ~ Headaches & Ear-aches

Headaches are becoming my best friend you know? I get them every single day. Lolz. I took a quiz and it said that this year, I will be meeting many new friends. Yeah, they got it right. Damn right. The nailed it there.

In actual fact, I DID meet new people. So far about 2 of them. They are nice, thankfully. =3 Even though I feel left out most of the time... No worries, I feel left out in my group of friends as well. I was never the one who made them all laugh or smile. I was always listening. And so was my other friend. xD We both are always listening. I bet she talks more than me though. Only in the morning group I get to talk to the girl who is one year older. =D Even though she and I prefer speaking different languages, we still talk to one another but only in her preferred language. We mainly talked about violin and music, and also my old violin teacher. She has no idea he is no longer teaching me.

OK, moving on to ear aches, I have been getting them a lot recently. It turned out to be not because of iPod (I have not been using it so much as during school weeks) but from violin practice. Every time I made the wrong move on the violin, which sounded very bad and painful to the ears, I cringe. After putting away the violin and doing other things, my ears throb and ache like hell. I've been to Ben Chen's website before and saw that it is normal to have these ear aches after a long time of practising. I admit it is not like 3 to 4 hours of practice but my practice time is increasing as I play more and more songs. I have only perfected a few songs but I guess it is better than not practising! xD Look on the bright side, I no longer fear so much while tuning and also, I look forward to violin practice much more. ^^

I will stop here for tonight until I find something to complain about. xD

I pity you readers, you know. But instead of diary, I rather type. Tough luck, readers!

Take care and have fun, once again, everyone.

Real Life ~ Smokers, Chokers

Seriously, I hate it when people smoke. It's not like I hate the person smoking but I always wonder if the person plans to die of lung cancer. There are MANY other methods to die and they choose to die of lung cancer & emphysema?!

First of all, it smells extremely bad and I will get asthma. Do you smokers know that you affect the people around you? I really think smoking should be banned. Look what it led to in the end? People just couldn't stay with smoking only but they even got addicted to drugs! I'd much rather people get addicted to coffee than smoking. >.>

The people getting affected by smoking get the damage as bad as the smoker himself/herself. >=/

Please, stop smoking. I know most of you are addicted but there are other ways to die if you want to. Or like me, some of you can wait for 2012, which I do not think will happen unless more things happen. O.O

Lol, seriously, it's not like I am trying to avoid anything that year even though I have another "Big Exam" coming. I am not being selfish there to wait for it. I didn't say I WISH for it, keep that in mind. I am just WAITING for it to happen and I think to myself, so what if it IS happening? Maybe God decided to teach us a lesson and find that humans should no longer exist. Yes, humans are smart but we destroyed Earth. We help one another but we kill one another too. Even if some of us humans survived this 2012, war will start again. Fighting over land and properties. Gosh, I think dying is much better by then. I hate fights and it's nice to stay out of it. I'd rather fight with myself. xD Lol. Get jealous over myself. Hate myself and everything else. Getting involved with others... It will lead to more pain. If you are ready for them, ready mentally, emotionally and physically, go ahead and get involved with others. I do not want to get involved with more people. I just want to share what I have with them and what I wanna share with them are my music and thinking.

Sweat... I keep getting sidetracked. OK, ignore whatever you hated reading earlier and including every other posts on this blog. There are about a hundred and above of them in this blog.

Like what I said on Facebook, read at your own risk and if you do not like it, keep your trap shut and pretend you never read anything. xD Yes, I am showing you all my much more nasty side. And Online as well. LOL.

OK, back to the nicer side of myself, and the nicer side of myself wishes you all to have more fun and take good care of yourself. =P Bleh~

Real Life ~ My Favorite Music Shops

I have a few favorite music shops I would like to share with you all. =D

There's always my number 1 favorite music shop, YAMAHA in Bukit Tinggi, Malaysia. I think the shopping complex's name is AEON or something like that. The people there are super nice and they do not really bug you every time you play the piano. That is because it is normal for people to come in and show off a few skills/move. I, was defeated by another girl, older than me but still a teenager. I was certainly miffed. >.> I couldn't cool down until I sleep.

Number 2 favorite music shop on the list is the one in Mid Valley. It's not YAMAHA this time but I seem to have forgotten the name of the shop. Sorry, people. Still, that was the very place I bought my precious violin, Autumn. ^^ I still remember it clearly, it was on December 26th 2009. This year's December 26th would be my violin's birthday. I was hoping to have its birthday on December 25th but I had to go to my friend's house to celebrate Christmas. That Christmas was half good and bad. Good is because I got to see my friends. Bad is because I never got to hunt for my violin and that my hives were VERY VERY bad on that day and especially during the party. T.T I was itching all over and my face slowly swell up. No one noticed at all! I itched everywhere, desperate to get home, desperate to hide myself from the whole world. This is why I love being at home most of the time. I can be as stupid and ugly as I want without needing to bother about what everyone else thinks. So what if I wore like that and so what if I did things very slowly? So what if I scratch myself feeling like a dog infected with fleas? So what if I was in my so-called sound proof room crying my eyes out in frustration and pulling my hair out? So what if I started singing very horribly without caring about whether it is in tune or not? OK, Sorry. I went a bit overboard. I just get a bit sensitive on this subject. Anyways, I love that shop because it is filled with music. Some busy playing piano, some playing drums, some playing guitar. You can play without people coming to you. (By the way, I just recalled the shop's name : RHAPSODY)

Moving on to the next on the list of my favorite music shop, I love PIANO STATION in Summit, Subang Jaya, Selangor, Malaysia. Lol, so many ",". I hardly enter but today I did. I bought 2 violin strings (E & D) so I have more rights to play the piano there. xD Oh wait, there's another music shop I love more than this. But this shop is big. There's a smaller one downstairs and the BIGGEST music shop I've seen in my life that's selling mainly pianos. Grand pianos, baby grand pianos, upright and probably digital pianos as well. What I saw were mainly upright. My hands itched badly, desperately wanting to go and play all the songs I know in my life. My legs wanting to bring me to where I belong, right to the piano.

This should actually be my 3rd favorite on the list, the one above I just mentioned will be my 5th one. This 3rd one is the one in Ikano Power Centre/Center. There are TONS of musical instruments. Violin, Piano, Digital piano, Grand piano, Baby grand piano, secondhand upright piano, secondhand digital piano, guitars and including all those Chinese musical instruments! I love the white colour piano. If I've not mistaken it was an upright. Of course the price was not beautiful but it looked beautiful. Gorgeous, elegant. They also sell cello and double bass. =D Viola as well! ^^ You can play but people will come. Oh well...

There's the 4th on my list. It's the one in The Curve shopping complex! =D That one, you can choose any piano you want to play at without anyone bothering. It's like they do not know you exist until you talk to them! I love playing the digital piano at the most back of that place. The shop's name is YAMAHA. Man, I love that piano. I love it so much I wanna steal it. xD Of course I cannot afford it on my own with the cash in my hand now, obviously. All this dream things in my mind are always cast to the back of my mind. They are only things I can afford when I finally work and have enough money. When I think of my dream house, my dream furniture to be put into it, my precious and important soundproof music room & the piano, my heart aches. it aches so badly and that is why I spend my time in isolation. Isolated myself from everyone in my current so-called soundproof room, where I attack myself mentally. Physically would mean banging the table with my fists and yanking my hair out. Tears will spill out due to excessive frustration. Hives, as usual, were the only companion on me. I would stare at the mini keyboard that stayed by my side from the day I learned piano until now, my eyes would blur from the tears and I would start cursing myself. Curse myself and despise myself for everything. Shoot! I got sensitive again! I apologize! It's just that I just suffered like this not long ago. Sorry, people, I am not stable tonight and that is why I cannot talk to anyone at this moment. Including Facebook and Messenger.

Anyways, I've already mentioned the 5th favorite music shop. So, there it is, everyone, I am going to publish this post and move on to another topic.

Take care and Have fun, everyone~!^^

Real Life ~ Familiarity

I have been adding my old schoolmates on Facebook and so far, 2 out of 3 have accepted.

As far as I've known, 1 of the 2 of them do not remember me until I told them my real name. Lol. I thought he would have forgotten totally. After all, he seems happy, like the other friend too, in his new secondary school life.

If I really think carefully about whether I am enjoying my secondary school life, I know for sure that I've changed and that I experienced a whole bunch of stuff, whether I liked it or not and whether I asked for it or not.

I know from the way I talk to them, I act as if I've known them all my life but what's the use acting all shy and first time meeting again when we've all met before? Yes, I admit we've been apart for years but I wanna talk to them in a more normal way.

Mainly, the only things I loved about secondary school is our famous (or not) group of friends. I love them all and wanna be with them as much as I can. I also love it that I am recovering from my previous depression or heartbreak, either of them or both. And by recovering, I slowly build up mini goals to humongous goals. There's also the main goal that should be obtained from all those mini and gigantic goals. And that would be to get RESPECTED.

There, I said it. I notice I was not respected by many people, meaning my schoolmates, the ones in my class. Yes, I sound very nasty here and I will not make you all feel uncomfortable by turning this whole post into something ugly. So I will stop at there. I just want to be respected. That's all. xD

OK, I am aiming to be an all-rounder, like I have said before.

And this is the goals that I've made so far, both mini and gigantic goals:

-Aim for 4 to 5 A's for my Big Exam this year (2010)
-Get into Science Stream to learn Biology
-While waiting for SPM (another big exam in Malaysia) results, work part-time in a music shop
-Full-time Psychologist
-Part-time Author/Journalist
-Part-tine Musician

Laugh at the goals as much as you want. This is just what I planned so far.

I am not doing all this for money, I am doing this to be acknowledged by everyone and to show I have talent. At the end, I only hoped to be respected. I do admit I will also need money to survive. I am not going to be particular about love life as I think it will be in the way of my goals. xD Sorry, people, this is to avoid heartbreaks and heartbreaks will just get in the way of everything! I do not want to regret anymore. I want to finally be happy for real and stay that way longer than the usual happy-laugh after listening to a joke.

I hope not only be respected but to be seen as wise and matured. Just anything positive would be great. Lol. xD After all, I am STILL Human!

=P Anyways, Thanks for reading and bye for now.

Gotta finish up project and take care and have fun, readers!

Real Life ~ Music Frustration

I have not been feeling so frustrated ever since last month or so.

I played the piano and get frustrated. And what makes this frustration worse is that I just can't sing it right!

I feel frustrated that I cannot play many notes on the piano. I feel frustrated that I am a panicky person and my voice always breaks at the wrong time of the song.

I know I should be feeling grateful and happy but ever since I was promised an electone for Christmas, I just cannot stop thinking about it. I don't really want the electone but just a digital piano will be fine. I don't care as long as it has the full 88 keys!

Just that along with my precious Autumn (Violin) would be enough for my musical needs. xD I added "Musical" because I cannot promise you that's the last thing I ever want. EVERYONE will never stay satisfied for long... I know, if you're a person going to be a parent or wanting to be one, think twice because a child and even you, as an adult/Senior citizen or maybe a teenager will have endless lists of wants and needs. xD

It's true, you know. How many people can you find being absolutely happy with what he/she already has? People will keep on wishing for more and this is usually how they improve. take this for an example, let's say I am a smart student but I never get straight As. In order to improve, I would need to worker harder and get more reference books and stuff. That way, I can eventually become a straight A student!

Still, do not blame me but I am getting to be quite a frank person. I lack of common sense at the best of times and all I ever did to handle them was being frank, letting people know what's actually up. I am trying to be wiser and prudent but since I am still human, I am imperfect. I cannot do everything right.

I admit I always complain. I admit I love complaining. I admit I always want more and that makes me feel like a selfish cow. But does it make you readers feel better knowing I hate myself for being like that? It's like punishing myself without you all needing to punish me. Even so, people would not know I scold myself for being who I am and they made matters worse by yelling at me. Sigh, I cannot blame those people either because they cannot read my mind.

OK, sorry. Just pretend you never see anything if this pisses you all off but I still wanna thank you readers for reading my blog and also commenting! ^^

Take care and Have fun! Now this is what I want for you all. =P

Real Life ~ This Feeling

There's this feeling bugging me but this feeling is not all that bad either.

I had this feeling ever since my elementary school best friend phoned me. She told me to check someone's photos uploaded on Facebook and it was all those elementary school photos.

Oh my God, I saw each and every one of them and this feeling started. I missed them so much... I have not seen them ever since the day we graduated and went to secondary school. Even though I once hated most of them, now I notice how bad secondary school can be, I'd much rather be in elementary school. Even so, they will change and they can either be much worse than before, making me dislike them further or they became nicer. xD Either way, I am still determined to see them.

I have this strong urge to add them on Facebook but I just dare not as I cannot bear seeing how much they've matured and grown. Gosh, I sound like an old woman but it's the truth anyways. I dare not see how different our worlds are and I do not know where to start to talk to them about and I wonder whether I would be bothering them then.

I guess the best would be just watching them from a distance. Sadly, I can only see their still photo. xD It's not like I can watch a clip and see how much they've been through all these years we've all been apart. Their friends will be someone I do not know.

I really miss them all. It would be wonderful to be reunited for just one day again even though I know there will be a problem and I do not wish to tell you readers. Sorry.

Another feeling is whenever I listen to a song I used to try so hard singing to, now that I've changed and so did my singing, my heart will have this powerful feeling of wanting to explode and let out every feelings within it! I feel like screaming out and singing out what's inside. But... I know my voice cannot handle it. I was told about a singing competition. I so badly want to join but I know there's no song suitable for me anymore unless I sing those that I've written.

This is sort of why I went for musical instruments. Instead of singing and not being able to reach that note, I can just play it however I want it without so much as draw a breath.

I even started preferring instrumental songs, the lyrics would probably hurt my feelings. You see, I was heartbroken many times, everything happened contained both good and bad but I actually took it the wrong way and my singing stopped. I no longer have this feel of singing. I missed out on golden opportunities like other singing competitions and stuff that I actually badly wanted to join. The loner side of me just would not let me go. I went to the dark side until I suddenly realized music healed me. The violin did it. Then came the piano. I tried very hard singing to a song with my piano playing but I just feel frustrated in the end...

Call me crazy or emo or anything but this is it. I admit I was desperate for death and could take it anytime before but now I'm recovering and am STILL recovering. I look for goals and try to outdo myself. I still do say I can accept death anytime though. That's because a part of me is reluctant to let go. And you know what? I do not really dare to let go of all of the darker side of myself.

I guess you all can say I am scared of getting hurt again even though I eventually will. Yes, I admit I DID get hurt many times even though I'm avoiding but the wound is not as bad as it would have been.

Ignore me, people. I sometimes think I ought to see a therapist or something. I sometimes feel that I need to check my brain. I feel that I have mental problem. Just so long something's wrong with me. I know there is. There's hives already but I know there's more to it than that. Still, I will think less of it as much as I can.

I will think of only goals and music. If any of them fails me, I know I will be crushed forever. That would be final...

Sorry for grammar mistakes. xD Lazy to check and correct, you know how I am.

Movies ~ The Red Violin

This post will be my comment for the movie "The Red Violin".

I seriously loved the movie. The storyline is amazing and everything is clear for people to understand.

What made me not really like about in the movie are only those disturbing parts where X-rated things are done in it. Forgive my grammar mistakes though.

Seriously, it was pure torture having to watch the X-rated parts of the movie and not being able to skip those parts in case I missed out on something important.

I am afraid I will not give spoilers to you readers. Please watch it for yourself. =P

You may learn something from it (excluding X-rated parts!).

OK, I haven't much to say. I am going to turn this computer off now. This poor computer was switched off since afternoon and now is evening.

Thank you all for reading and bye for now.

Real Life ~ New Font Colour

Yes, readers, if you haven't noticed, I have changed the font colour. This is because I was recently being told that purple font(dark colour) is making readers have a hard time reading.

I apologize for not having noticed this! All this while I have no problems reading but I guess it is only because it's my own blog and I bother reading until the end. xD Lol. You'll never know, right?

So, people, anything else hard for you all to read or anything, please do let me know.

Do not hesitate. Just phrasing the request nice would do the trick. xD

Take care and Have fun, everyone~! Thanks to you all who made my blog worthwhile.

Real Life ~ Current Gang Of Friends

I love my current gang of friends. What's unique about our group is that we have various types of people in this gang and we rarely have much in common. I bet most of you are wondering how we can still stick together. Even I myself do not know the answer to this.

We have both guys and girls in this group. It's wonderful to not just befriend only girls but to mix around with everyone of all types.

There's the funny type, fragile and sensitive type, aggressive type, shy and quiet type, smart type, dark and morbid type and also weird type.

I can't really be 100% sure of how many people are there in our group but we have 2 different groups. The first would be the morning group where the usual members will be there unless the guys don't join in and second, we have the recess group where one of the older by 1 year friend won't be able to join us. It's only thanks to the way our school handled recess time tables.

Anyways, we have a few members who hardly joins us. For usual members, we have about 7 including myself. But during recess, the older will not be able to join us so that will make it 6. There are members who sometimes join us and sometimes don't. The total number of them is 2.

The more people, the merrier. This is the best time to use this phrase. xD

Every time we are together, I feel all warm inside. You know, this cozy feeling that makes you feel fit in and welcomed. Whether they talk to me or not, I just enjoy listening to their conversation and jokes.

It's time like this that makes me think: Sod popular groups. I have where I belong! Why should they make me feel ugly and stupid?

Next year, if everyone stays together, there will be another one joining us all in the morning session. =D And she has the same name as mine, just minus the surname and 3rd and 4th name though. xD Lol. Don't bother questioning me what did I mean about the 3rd and 4th name. We Asians also have long names, you know. =P

It will be great to have everyone together like this forever even though we will have to graduate sooner or later. Hopefully we don't fight too much or anything. That's all I ask regarding us group of friends. ^^ Let's stick together!

Real Life ~ Art Project

I just received an assignment from my Art teacher last week and I decided to do them today.

The project is about using cane to make into items like the baskets.

Thank goodness Google helps. I actually done about 80% of it already. Now's left for sketching out the way of making them and also to draw out how the whole thing would look like.

Guess I can't rely on just printing. If I've not mistaken, I think I might have to make my own...

Gosh, I really do not want to make it. xD I have no idea where to get the cane in the first place.

Answers To Biography Of Wilson Liew Yong Sheng

I forgotten to publish this post.

Wilson gave me the idea of writing his biography so that's what I done yesterday. xD

He gave me permission to post it on blog and I am very glad to hear him give good comments.

Hoped you readers enjoyed the biography!

Take care and Have fun~!^^

Biography ~ Wilson Liew Yong Sheng

Wilson Liew Yong Sheng, one of my best friends, is a cheerful person who thinks very differently. No worries, he thinks differently in a good way. He is special in his own way as well, just like everyone else.

Wilson is a joker. It is as if his job is to joke and make people laugh. I guess you can say that he is probably born to joke. It really beats me why but I suppose that the feeling he gets from making people laugh is great. Don't you think so? Being able to cheer a person up gives you a great feeling as well, right? It is the same as having done a good deed. All these give you a great feeling too.

Let's not get sidetracked here... Wilson has pale skin and dark hair. He is still a teenager so he will keep on growing taller. It really gave me a shock like how one day, he was shorter than me and the other day, he shot up and is about same height as me. Surely his family will watch him grow. His parents and sisters will most probably miss seeing him as a little kid. They will eventually have to see him as an adult. They will feel that they can no longer refer to him as "Little kid" or in Asian countries, "Ah boy".

Wilson has large eyes and his eyes are brown if you look at him close up. When the Sunlight shines on his face, his eyes will become almost transparent, just tinted brown. It will look as if you can see through his eyes and into his thoughts. Even though some people do not think that he is good-looking, I am very sure that there will have to be at least one who looks at him that way.

My best friend Wilson is an open-minded person. He listens to what you have to say and understands people very well. He often thinks before acting. This is coming from my point of view. He is polite. Some may think the opposite of what I think of him but that is maybe because they got on his bad side or that they caught him at a very wrong time.

Wilson's hobby include drawing besides making up jokes. He dreams of being a mangaka (Japanese comic artist/author) but sadly, his family does not support that idea that much. The reason for them to react this way is only for his own good. They do not think that being a mangaka will give him a stable income. After all, money do not grow on tress. Even so, Wilson is determined to not quit drawing as he has come a long way already. He draws various mangas with different titles. His manga contain mainly action (in Japan, you usually refer this as 'shounen') and history. For a start, he is pretty smart and creative. This gives him a good advantage to draw well and use his intelligence when it comes to creating plots for his manga. He may have trouble thinking of what to draw about sometimes but it never stops him dead in his tracks. He will strive and go on until the end. This is something to be admired by everyone and he can be a great role model for everyone.

Wilson has a YouTube account. His username is PotterSuccess. He has uploaded a few videos so far but please do check them out when you have the time. It's quite worth it. From his videos, you can see his animation. He calls them "Wilson Animation Production". Oh yeah, I almost forgotten to let you all know this. He is gay. Okay, sorry, I was joking. I meant to say that whenever he draws his manga, he does not write his full name but he put his name as 'Wilson Y.S Liew'. This is what he calls his pen-name. Not bad.

His ambition may be a mangaka but before that, he will become a pharmacist first. Anyone who knows a pharmacist by the name of Wilson Liew Yong Sheng in the future, please do prescribe drugs (I mean medicine in this case here) from him. He will kill you. Oops, I mean he will poison you. Oops-a-daisy, I meant he will help you. Ha ha.

There were times when he hurt my feelings badly and times when he hurt others' feelings too but we all always put it in the past and look forward instead. Wilson can be trusted and he is quite matured for a guy his age. Although he may seem childish at times, always joking non-stop to the extent that he annoyed the teachers, he is still matured. He is still brainy and nice.

I may not know him as a little kid but I am glad to have met him. I hope everyone likes him for who he is.

Sorry this biography is not as long as other biographies published in books but that is because I do not know him from the time he was born and that he is still a teenager. He still has room to improve and achieve goals and pursue dreams. Let us all support him whether we all know him personally or not.

Thank you for reading this biography and that is all.

Real Life ~ Obsessed Violinist

OK, I admit I am not that great at it yet but oh well, girls can dream too you know. =P

I am currently obsessed and in fact, am VERY obsessed with violins.

Seriously, you might not believe the things I do.

I keep drawing violins all over my books and papers.
I keep thinking of violins as well.
Even though my arms ache from practising the violin, I still ignore the pain and continue until the music I made is too horrendous. xD I have to think about the people living with me and around me, you know. Which brings to another wish of mine... And that is to have a soundproof room with a piano of 88 keys. xD All the equipments will be there and the room can be at least a s big as my bedroom. Even though my bedroom is quite small, what with everything in the room. If it were to be emptied and have all the musical stuff needed put into it, I think it will look gorgeous.

I am picturing a room with glass door framed with strong maple wood. To make the door perfect, the door knob can be in faded looking gold, or do you call them brass. No idea. Lol. I am pretty stupid, you know. The floor will have red carpet covering every inch of the room. Music stand right beside the piano. I am imagining an upright piano (acoustic) complete with a bench. =D A metronome for decoration to be put on the piano. Know why I refer the metronome as a decoration? It is because I never use it ever since I changed violin teacher. Besides, I still suck at counting notes. I am used to memorizing how long to hold notes. xD So it's never perfect. I prefer playing with emotion than stressing on counting beats. See? I will make a terrible drummer. *Blush* Actually, I will be fine with grand piano, upright piano, digital piano or electone. Just so long I have the 88 keys, I will be OK with it. Then I will have a computer and printer near the music stand or on the other side, which will be beside piano. Who knows when I will need to print sheet music or try playing by ear. ;) OK... Where was I? Oh yeah, my violin, Autumn, will be placed safely in the violin case right on the floor and in front of the music stand. There will be a side table beside the chair which will be in front of both violin and music stand. xD Gosh, I am going into details. Hmm, I'll change the computer position to be right beside piano after all. After the side table, I don't think there will be space at all to place the computer. I may trip on something and hurt the musical instruments and myself. xD The walls can also be like in cinemas, all soft and clothed. Or whatever it was. This is to make it soundproof. Around the walls, I will also have pictures of musicians, pianos and violins hung all over. This will be my dream room. I will wanna sleep in it too! =D I can sigh just dreaming about it. This room must have cost more than a house, I must say. There will be a comfy sofa for 3-4 people to sit on and 2 pillows at each end. The sofa can be in... I dunno.. Maybe black colour. Yes, black. Whatever. I do not want any windows though. xD I guess that's about it. Not unless I learn more than these 2 instruments as well then I will have more things to add into it. ^^

OK, sorry I got sidetracked. See? I am obsessed.

Crap, I forgotten what else to say. Lolz! I was busy thinking of the soundproof room until I forgotten about what other things to mention of. Sorry, people. I am a dreamer. ;P

I think I've spoken enough for now. I am going to post a biography of my best friend Wilson. I got his permission to post and I hope you loyal readers will enjoy it. =]

Real Life ~ Hives Getting Worse

I cannot believe how worse can my hives get in one day. I thought it was going to stop at being like that only, it was considered bad but now it is getting worse than before!

Soon, I will have everywhere including my face swell up. I already took pill and it is not working whatsoever so far.

I am itching all over that I can shiver. Weird, I can still type. At least...

I don't think I can sleep tonight. I am definitely going to have a problem with it.

Man, I don't get it... After the bad hives, tomorrow will be worse and it will include heart pain!

Dammit!

Real Life ~ Sunday (March 14)

I ran out of a title again but I'll go straight to the point.

Here's a shocking news. I exercised. Lol.I usually never. Either busy or lazy. Haha.

But then on the drive back on from dinner, I told mom and dad that it's a good weather and time to go around cycling.

OK, so we got home to get the bike. It was all rusty after so many years of not riding.

I cycled like a maniac but not as energetic as when I first got the bike. xD

From the house to the basketball court that was usually occupied. Just that this time it is very empty and quiet. No one using it at all. So my parents told me to cycled around it. I felt retarded doing that though. Haha.

Took a few times stopping for a rest and then I overheard mom telling dad about one day I am going to grow up and that time flew so fast. She said that one minute the moment is there and the next thing, the moment will be gone and will never repeat anymore. Sounds sad... Any sane human would've wanted to cry or at least get teary.

So got home after the cycling and collapsed on the sofa for a minute. Went up to my room to change and decided to take another bath to wash the hair again. It did not help at all, seriously. >.< Tried to take a nap but knowing the Homework awaiting me downstairs made me have trouble resting. Besides, the girl's month thingy is not helping either. What makes everything worse is the headache. My head throbbed... My face gone pale instead of red throughout the whole cycling trip until now. Weird...

Then finally after a long time, went down to face homework and the end for now. xD Lol.

I thought this post would be very short but I guess it's not as what I thought.

OK, then. Bye for now. xD