Yes, my hormone level dropped but it can't be THAT drastic right? I know the reason why it's dropping and I can give you many reasons but I won't say anything about it. xD Haha.
I've been getting headaches. My moods are getting worse. I get so pissed easily and annoyed real fast. It's like my sense of humour flung out of me totally. Now I can only pretend to laugh and smile even though I really don't feel like it. I felt like being what everyone said "emo". I felt like isolating myself from the whole world and never having to come out. I wanted to lock myself up in a room with the only things I need. Surely you all do not need to know what I need..? xD
Anyways, I will not be onlining in case I start regretting something I do or say. It's the safest way to keep friends. The most you can do is explain your actions when they ask you. By then, all you can hope is that you can get the right words out with the right tone and with right facial expression.
Every little thing you do, say & faces you make will affect what others think of you. Even your friends... Really! Not unless they know & understand you so well as to not needing any explanation for everything you do.
Today's OK, I think. Let's backtrack now so that I can remember whether this is a good or bad day. Sorry but the saying "Feelings are to be chosen, do not let life's obstacles choose the feelings for you" and I are not the best of friends. I've tried but no matter how, I always let events choose how to feel for me. Dx
For those who prefer reading in point forms, today's your lucky day! Lolz.
-Woke up feeling like wanting to sleep more even though have slept a bit earlier last night
-Have been coming down from room later and later =/
-Some teachers could not enter class to teach because some of them got an award to take from today's event in school
-Moral teacher came T.T
-My friend (sits next to me - G) and I are starting to have a bit of a tiff these days. Which means, she and I are not stable so we will fight more seriously eventually (it's normal).
-The girl from another class, a.k.a, J did not attend school as far as I know but I guess she has an award to accept from poster colouring competition or something. Congratulations to her. =D
-I went back home in more of a rush. Scrap that, I actually meant coming out of school in more of a rush. I just do not want to keep mom waiting anymore and am tired of thinking up an excuse to let her know why I came out late.
-Seriously, all we did was just stand there for no reason. @.@
Back at home...
-Lunch & TV, Bath, Homework
-Revision
-Violin practice (4:??PM - 6PM) I am more satisfied =]
-Tomorrow, there's no violin lesson because it's labour day and also there are 5 weeks in May this year so it's not counted
-I have less pressure/stress in perfecting the songs fast
-I MIGHT be able to do better with more time to practise
-Just remembered to go get the notes for Titanic. =x
-I may purposely compose a Chinese song for my grandma since she loves Chinese songs, mainly old ones. I do not know any old ones unless you can count "Wan Ying" or "Olive Tree". OK, that's it. If I cannot play a song I compose, I will play 2 songs on that day. One for mom and one for her. On Father's Day, I do a song he likes which I gotta refer to previous post because I cannot remember if I've said what I wanted to perform for him. Lolz. I am getting older~
From evening...
-Maybe i should do more point forms from now on but it may not be good for essay writing if I keep getting used to this but well, whatever. Nothing's confirmed now because I am already breaking my promise of staying psychologist as job no matter how my mind changes. In fact, I broke it long since I started loving the violin.
-Violin brought me confidence in a way and made me get new friends and topic to talk about with people I am close and not close with. It makes me feel more secure because it is something that can become a job if possible.
-Dinner was OK
-Return home after dinner and dinner was just with mom as my dad had to work late
-I cannot play a song to welcome him back though. Haha. I am already running out of energy just by squeezing the creative juice out of me... Stupid Art project and a bit of BM essay writing knocked the breath out of me. So pathetic. I am just 15 but I act like I am an old woman. Heck, I probably complain like one but it does not mean I am matured enough to be like one. I know I am still innocent no matter how much I know.
-Moving on, I've decided for now to open a book to draw my Dog comics like I've drawn ever since I was 4. This book will not be so official and all. I know I have seasons for things I love to do. One minute, I love anime and manga. One minute, I love poetry and essay writing. One minute, I love singing and beauty. One minute, I hate everything in life. I only hope I do not give up music. Violin is something I promised mom and dad that I will not give up on. Wanna and gotta prove to them how I am not who I was in the past when I ever take up anything.
Bye, will be starting my comic now and you know what I always say though I've been getting lazy to say anything. Still, deep inside of me, I wanted to say, just that laziness took over and I agreed to let it take over. =P Bleh~
I talk lots of crap so farewell for now.
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