Real Life ~ Conclusion & Satisfaction

I am satisfied already. Being able to play piano almost for the whole week, and it is 88 keys too! I am happy enough already.

I may have not been able to complete a song with both left and right hands but I am happy enough already. I just realized how obsessed I was. I also noticed I've become a monster I've despised all my life. I've somewhat become a hypocrite. And I hate myself for it.

I will stop being too obsessed. I feel too ashamed to explain what hit me and made me realize everything regarding music. I WILL still hope for 88 keys piano. I WILL still hope to perform on YouTube. I will keep on dreaming and hoping because no matter what happens to me, I end up doing so. I am a dreamer anyways. Nothing could change that.

I realized that some dreams are granted at the wrong time, long after it had been the value equivalent to the value of rubbish.

I apologize, readers for making you all read all my complains and everything. I've seen how desperate I've become and how ridiculously obsessed I've become as well.

I might still enter the prefect's room because now my friend is also obsessed with not the piano but the song she desperately so wanna play. I will not play. I will just watch. This is meant to be a punishment even though it is going to affect my feelings and thoughts later same as how it did even when I got to play the piano.

Conclusions... Well, I also realized something from the past. When I said how much I hated the piano, it was purely an excuse. I did not hate the piano, I hated the TEACHER & COUNTS & MUSICAL NOTES. I had only wanted to play what I desired. I played because I wanted to and loved to. I played however I liked.

When the guy came to buy my piano, I dared not watch because it broke my heart and made me feel very guilty to see it being taken away. It broke my heart because it also reminded me of how I would never see that piano anymore after having spent years with it and that I can never play it anymore. At the same time, I felt relieved and freed, all light and had this feeling of easy breathing because I no longer had to see those dreadful teachers. All these years I have been hiding from the truth that took me these years from the day I started piano and quit piano and also the day I learn to love it again to find out the conclusion.

The conclusion is a simple sentence anyone would have easily said but it took me all these years to say it and actually mean it, mean it from the core of the heart, mean it so much it brought tears to my eyes that have both shed every year for various reasons.

I LOVE PIANO

Yes, I've finally said it. I love my piano. I want to sleep while playing a beautiful song. I want to also sleep while writing a song. I want to sleep while thinking up new chords for the piano. I want to sleep while flipping the page of the music book. I want to simply smell that woody smell coming from my old acoustic upright piano. I want to feel every 88 keys, black and white, ebony and ivory. I want to be surrounded by that true piano sound. The sound I used to play for years without truly appreciating it. I miss my piano. I do not care how teachers complained it was always out of tune when it seemed perfectly fine with me.

I truly loved it but I did not know. And when I did once say I love the piano, I never knew how much I love it. I never knew how much the heart cried out for it, aching to control my hands to press every key on it.

At the same time, I also love my violin. I want to hug it and sleep hugging it like a bolster. =D Lolz. I want to try out every violin technique on it. I want to quickly improve so that I can truly express my feelings every time I play it just like how I can do that with piano now.

Now I hope I can finally move on and stop being the monster.

Like I said, the wish for piano and everything else remains as it is. If I fail to get them all by the time I start work, I will save up to get them like how I planned to buy my violin. Just that it was fulfilled already. I feel so grateful already even though I have not been showing it lately. Even so, I WILL play that violin. Muahahahaha. xD

Once again, I sincerely apologize for being such a monster.

Hopefully more cheerful posts are published but no promises here about stopping my complaints. ;)

Take care and have fun. Bye~!^^