Real Life ~ All In One

OK, this post is all in one about today and yesterday. I forgotten to say about quite a few things yesterday. Sorry~ =P

Yesterday, I broke the violin practice record, OK, I do not remember whether I've said this already or not but whatever anyways. I Got to play about 2 hours and same for today. =D

I doubt I can do the same tomorrow though because there's Science tuition.

Today's Open Day... =S

I was actually less worried and all but this morning, I suddenly felt nauseous and sick. I felt like puking and staying locked up in my own room or toilet. I did not feel like going to school. I felt so damn sick...

Even when I reached school, I still felt the same: Sick. =S

It stayed that way throughout the whole day but at least it got better after the bath.

OK, let's get to yet again, another climax on this blog of my life. Well, my life PLUS my family and friends' life. =D (Just coming from my point of view =P)

Since I felt so poorly and all, it suited the expression I need to put on when seeing the discipline teacher for permission to play.

It still did not go so well.

I had no confidence and I was alone when I went up to ask her.

I told her how we (my friend and I) had no piano at home and that we loved the piano, we just wanted to play the piano.

She asked me questions like what grade I stopped at. I also told her how we do not really have the money to buy the piano. Well, in my case, I just can't seem to get my hands on one no matter how desperate I am or even how I feel that I can die(I mean it) just to get one. I once felt so desperate I felt like letting go of violin just to have the 88 keys digital piano. xD That was when my violin teacher was still the old one who continually kept being absent and ONE MONTH, if I may remind you! The violin was VERY out of tune, the E string was still dangling about (it was still broken). It was very discouraging to keep having to play on A String only, wondering when the stupid violin teacher will finally turn up or when that A string will eventually snap too. My violin practice hours were so short, like I just took it out a few minutes ago and then put it back after a several or more bowing. I even skipped few days of practice during that one month. I HATED IT! I Hated the TEACHER. I hated having to be so left out when many other violinists are improving much faster than me already! It was so goddamn boring, I worried over and over if I were not meant to be playing the violin, staying stuck with piano for life.

I was so insecure, so confused, so lost, so depressed, so tired... But hey, at least I did not choose to die right? I lived on and finally a new violin teacher came along and entered my life. I entered his life as well. He inspired me once again and reminded me of why I wanted to play the violin, reminded me of what I promised myself and my parents if I were to play the violin. It also reminded me of how much effort and tears it took me to finally get to learn it. I started wanting to punch myself for saying I'd quit violin in order to get the piano. (See? Desperate and am still, just NOT quitting violin)

Oh lolz, how did this become just about violin...?

Sorry, sidetracked.

So in the end, she said she will consider it.

During recess, my friend and I got bored of always sitting at the bench like idiots. We took the courage to go all the way up to ask the discipline teacher for a permission to at least play it today. =S

She admitted that fact that it was not her piano and that it belonged to choir. We answered her question about us having quit choir already. She was like, "Why did you quit?" Actually, it is not the right time to be explaining why but thank God no one bothered explaining. xD

She said she will ask the choir leader (my friend doubt that the discipline teacher will ask because she is always busy) for permission. After hearing what my friend told me, I started thinking how right she could be... =< Giving that as an excuse was a politer way to get rid of us for that moment. She did this hand gesture to shoo us off and told us to stay away from the piano. My friend was hoping to play the piano after school. A short play would be fine. An afternoon session probate prefect was guarding the room... Sweat. But I knew that they would have to go for assembly once THEIR school starts. True enough, like I told my friend, the prefect left. We looked at one another and looked at that opportunity (probably our last one too ={) and looked back at one another. We sighed and my friend said, "Oh, never mind, I won't play for today..." It wasn't the right time to me because the prefect probably guarded because there has been theft cases in our school. Things have been going missing. Afternoon sessions' prefects like putting their bags in that room. Sometimes a lot, sometimes not. I do not want any of us both to getting accused of stealing when we really rather steal the piano. Lolz. We fantasized about various rules and conditions if we got the permission to enter. xD I admit, we were selfish there but we're still humans. >.> I know you readers have your selfish side too. Do not deny. It's just whether you all say it out loud or not. We made more and more ridiculous rules that we ended up laughing. Haha, to be honest, mix of laughter and sinister laughter. xD

So anyways, I am not sure of how we are gonna handle tomorrow. It was VERY unfair for us though. Whatever we do, we get caught and blamed for. Thanks to those female dogs in our class. I KNOW who told on us. I KNEW it. But I do not know what we ever did to them to make them treat us like that. I have a few answers but we under nerd and lame category never get to have a say in this case. Always those popular female dogs and B'tards winning. Hmph!

I think we are too nice though. When those Idiots DO get into trouble, we worry for them and feel bad for them when we should not. Because they DO NOT deserve it. Really, we may not be the nicest but we are still too nice to them. >=[

The difference between a female dog/B'tards' blog and a nerdy, lame person's blog is that we nerdy people's blog are mainly words and stuff. All about wishing and hoping. THEIR blogs are all about photos and mentioning names freely, saying who they hate and shit, their blogs are all bout how wonderful their lives are and how small their worries are compared to us. Their troubles and problems are the size of a microorganism compared to us.

Grr, screw them. Whatever. They can go fly kite for all we know.

Oh, what I was actually saying was, it was unfair because I saw people entering without permission, what with their worried faces for getting caught before entering. They played during the whole recess. =[

It was like a mock, a torture. My 2 friends wanted to let the discipline teacher know but something told me how childish that seemed to be. It's like, we got caught for something and now we purposely find faults in other people, to show that we're not the only ones wrong.

Indeed, it was TRULY unfair that I could cry along with my friend but luckily, we never said anything when we stood outside of the discipline teacher's room. The teacher was talking to another teacher but I know she saw us standing outside discussing.

I was worried that they'd really tell but part of the curious side of me wondered what would the teacher's reaction be.

I know this case is making both my friends and I and also the discipline teacher feeling uneasy. I know she does not want to see our pathetic faces anymore. I know she does not want to have anything to do with us. I know she started wishing she was never told about us playing the piano by that female dog. I know she wanted to say let them be but part of her told her she can't do that because she gotta show her stern side, especially in front of a probate prefect.

I know so many of these feelings that the teacher is going through... yet I know even when now I said I will let that piano go, I will regret so much more in school, always yearning to enter to feel those keys, hear those real acoustic piano sound... I know I cannot take the courage to tell her to let this case be and to stop worrying about it. I cannot do so also because my friend is involved as well. I cannot say for myself. It is for both of us. I cannot make her the one looking desperate and selfish.

I gotta go through this with her even though our friendship may not last until the end of our breath.

I held back tears so many times today because of that piano. I held back so many tempting slaps for those female dogs. I held back my tongue from yelling at them. I held back so many things along with my friend.

Now I can hardly use psychology to win this case. This time, I am going to let myself and my friend down again, thanks to those female dogs.

It is JUST a piano! How bad is it that we just enter and play like any other piano freak?!

WHAT have my friend and I ever do to them to make them always do this to us?

Does this really please them so much, huh?!