Real Life ~ Headaches & Mood-Swings

Yes, my hormone level dropped but it can't be THAT drastic right? I know the reason why it's dropping and I can give you many reasons but I won't say anything about it. xD Haha.

I've been getting headaches. My moods are getting worse. I get so pissed easily and annoyed real fast. It's like my sense of humour flung out of me totally. Now I can only pretend to laugh and smile even though I really don't feel like it. I felt like being what everyone said "emo". I felt like isolating myself from the whole world and never having to come out. I wanted to lock myself up in a room with the only things I need. Surely you all do not need to know what I need..? xD

Anyways, I will not be onlining in case I start regretting something I do or say. It's the safest way to keep friends. The most you can do is explain your actions when they ask you. By then, all you can hope is that you can get the right words out with the right tone and with right facial expression.

Every little thing you do, say & faces you make will affect what others think of you. Even your friends... Really! Not unless they know & understand you so well as to not needing any explanation for everything you do.

Today's OK, I think. Let's backtrack now so that I can remember whether this is a good or bad day. Sorry but the saying "Feelings are to be chosen, do not let life's obstacles choose the feelings for you" and I are not the best of friends. I've tried but no matter how, I always let events choose how to feel for me. Dx

For those who prefer reading in point forms, today's your lucky day! Lolz.

-Woke up feeling like wanting to sleep more even though have slept a bit earlier last night
-Have been coming down from room later and later =/
-Some teachers could not enter class to teach because some of them got an award to take from today's event in school
-Moral teacher came T.T
-My friend (sits next to me - G) and I are starting to have a bit of a tiff these days. Which means, she and I are not stable so we will fight more seriously eventually (it's normal).
-The girl from another class, a.k.a, J did not attend school as far as I know but I guess she has an award to accept from poster colouring competition or something. Congratulations to her. =D
-I went back home in more of a rush. Scrap that, I actually meant coming out of school in more of a rush. I just do not want to keep mom waiting anymore and am tired of thinking up an excuse to let her know why I came out late.
-Seriously, all we did was just stand there for no reason. @.@

Back at home...
-Lunch & TV, Bath, Homework
-Revision
-Violin practice (4:??PM - 6PM) I am more satisfied =]
-Tomorrow, there's no violin lesson because it's labour day and also there are 5 weeks in May this year so it's not counted
-I have less pressure/stress in perfecting the songs fast
-I MIGHT be able to do better with more time to practise
-Just remembered to go get the notes for Titanic. =x
-I may purposely compose a Chinese song for my grandma since she loves Chinese songs, mainly old ones. I do not know any old ones unless you can count "Wan Ying" or "Olive Tree". OK, that's it. If I cannot play a song I compose, I will play 2 songs on that day. One for mom and one for her. On Father's Day, I do a song he likes which I gotta refer to previous post because I cannot remember if I've said what I wanted to perform for him. Lolz. I am getting older~

From evening...
-Maybe i should do more point forms from now on but it may not be good for essay writing if I keep getting used to this but well, whatever. Nothing's confirmed now because I am already breaking my promise of staying psychologist as job no matter how my mind changes. In fact, I broke it long since I started loving the violin.
-Violin brought me confidence in a way and made me get new friends and topic to talk about with people I am close and not close with. It makes me feel more secure because it is something that can become a job if possible.
-Dinner was OK
-Return home after dinner and dinner was just with mom as my dad had to work late
-I cannot play a song to welcome him back though. Haha. I am already running out of energy just by squeezing the creative juice out of me... Stupid Art project and a bit of BM essay writing knocked the breath out of me. So pathetic. I am just 15 but I act like I am an old woman. Heck, I probably complain like one but it does not mean I am matured enough to be like one. I know I am still innocent no matter how much I know.
-Moving on, I've decided for now to open a book to draw my Dog comics like I've drawn ever since I was 4. This book will not be so official and all. I know I have seasons for things I love to do. One minute, I love anime and manga. One minute, I love poetry and essay writing. One minute, I love singing and beauty. One minute, I hate everything in life. I only hope I do not give up music. Violin is something I promised mom and dad that I will not give up on. Wanna and gotta prove to them how I am not who I was in the past when I ever take up anything.

Bye, will be starting my comic now and you know what I always say though I've been getting lazy to say anything. Still, deep inside of me, I wanted to say, just that laziness took over and I agreed to let it take over. =P Bleh~

I talk lots of crap so farewell for now.

Real Life ~ A Moment Of Sigh Of Relief

Today's not so bad I think...

I am getting used to writing in point forms but I have no idea how many of you readers prefer that.

Anyways, went to school but before that, I woke up feeling ugly. So that means, I went to school feeling ugly as well. I felt self-conscious the whole day as well. =S

I kept wanting to wear a mask or make people get this illusion that every time they see me, they see a perfect skin complexion. xD Lolz. Don't every girl just dream of that? I cannot think up any reason why a girl would not want to look beautiful. xD

Moving on, I really am getting closer and closer to my friend from the other class. As long as my friend who sits next to me in class keeps becoming moody and quiet, I am gonna just end up being closer to the one I mentioned in the first sentence of this paragraph. I will give her a nickname but it will have nothing to do with real life.

The friend from other class: J
The other friend who's also same class as J: K
The friend who is K's sister: Q
The friend who sits beside me in class: G

I apologize... I know this will be very confusing to you but it will help the confusion a little bit. I admit that revealing names are much more convenient but I do not have the rights to.

OK, so I was saying that J and I are getting closer. I am starting to find that she is less rude. She is more approachable recently but I wouldn't take it for granted. =s K and G are becoming more and more moody recently. Well, I just know both are very busy with projects but mainly K is. G just became more studious today. Maybe it's what our PE teacher told us that pumped up her energy. I guess I got energetic in a way after listening to the PE teacher but I know that I will sooner or later forget about it or lose the sudden burst of energy. All these energy never last long. I usually end up being the usual calm and composed self on the outside while the inside remains frantic and noisy. Lolz.

I was pissed off a whole lot last night from thinking about my despicable History teacher. I was chatting with my friend online and somehow I let it rip, just not the whole thing because I know I will regret it one day. I decided to sign out and go to sleep. I sang with anger but not enough, still, good enough to let it out.

Haha, I did not do in point form.

Everything else went OK, I guess.

I am just happy that J doesn't think I look hideous. She and I have something in common, we both feel that we're ugly every second of the day. xD

I did a bit of revision at home and I am pretty satisfied with violin practice. I dunno if I've said this but I've confirmed myself that I will perform "My Heart Will GO On - Celine Dion - Titanic" on Mother's day, which is on 2nd Sunday of May. My mom wants to bring grandma out for dinner but does not know a good place. I wanna perform for grandma too. I wanna perform the song for both mom and grandma. I will still plan a song for Father's Day but I dunno what song would suit him. I only know he liked "Jang Guem" which I've played horribly on his birthday. I can do much better now but to repeat song is pretty boring... xD

Will keep on searching for another title. Maybe "Princess Mononoke". =S Pretty hard from the last time. I will still try. After all, the Titanic song is meant to be hard too. xD If I'm doing by ear, it's meant to be harder than that Princess Mononoke... Oh well, whatever.

Science tuition was OK and in our science class in school, my 2 friends broke 2 boiling tubes. =S They did not get scolded badly though. Phew~ Just gotta pay back as far as I know.

OK, I am tired. Bye and take care and have fun. =P

Real Life ~ Burnt

I will put what happen today in point forms.

-I hate my History teacher for being a total B*tch and I do not feel like explaining now but I know one day I will
-I got back my scores from the classmate who borrowed it to photostat
-I was mostly tired and sleepy in school
-One of my friend is somehow not normal to me and has been hanging around with a B*tchy looking person known as her friend
-I accidentally scratched my face in school and it was just so happen a hives-scar so it started swelling and before you know it, anxiety attack came
-I did not take pills
-I calmed down at home
-All these sentence were started with the word "I" and sorry for being self-indulgent?
-Lunch, Bath, Homework, violin practice
-The food was burnt when mom came back. Well, it was actually soup and it's a first time for me to see anything burnt.
-That explains what that smell was while violin practice but the smell has not been long as mom just came back by then.
-I was blamed again and guilty sets in
-I hated the violin practice for being interrupted again thanks to something so stupid like burnt food and guilt
-Ate dinner and mom finally started talking to me
-Violin practice after dinner to satisfy myself
-This is where I leave now as mom still expects me to do more work even though it's a pretty dumb time to do anything now.
-Seems like she wants me to read the book from the school
-I HATE SCHOOL more with this happening but I am still looking forward to after the big exam as the big break after 3 years of this same shit and then to see if I get into Science stream.

Bye and you know what I usually say at the end, for those frequent reader(s) if there's even any?!

Real Life ~ Continuation Of Today

OK, I did my Survival Skills Class's folio and I have to find examples on essay in BM for certain topics.

Right, I am pissed off slightly now because I am trying to get my mom's attention to ask her something but she won't get it. @.@ She kept walking past like nothing's happened. I guess she just wanna rest and watch TV.

Whatever then...

My violin cut from old violin practice is still itchy even though it's fading. I can feel my hands swelling because I had a hard time opening a lid of medicine box earlier. Both hands red but it's nothing big deal after 5 months and now's the 6th month. I really will have an anniversary for this hives if it reached 1 year. xD Lolz.

Look, something to celebrate even though for something I've loathed for quite awhile.

My hives this afternoon were pretty bad but luckily they decreased before I really go insane and start running around the house and banging into things again and again. @.@

Oh, look at the time... It's 9:45PM. I am going to watch a bit of anime. xD

Bye.

Real Life ~ Audition Results

These are what my friend told me about yesterday's audition:
-My friend who sits beside me in class sang too loud, in fact, drowned out the music
-She herself, my friend from other class who's a singer with my friend sang softly but I'm sure that my friend who's same class as me drowned out her singing as well
-They played the karaoke version real fast and cut off my friend's (classmate's) talking and I dunno what was she talking about before that
-The violinist friend had problem chasing up =S
-The discipline teacher, who's heartless and B*tchy was the judge. She was not nice at all.
-The friend who's supposed to be temporary pianist did not turn up
-They go home at 4PM but registered at 1.30PM.

I knew it. I have a very strong feeling that we aren't gonna make it but what the heck, I still wanna wait for the results for fun. xD

I think it does not really matter whether we make it or not because I do not want to keep feeling guilty or make my friends be behind studies.

Next year should be the right time. By then, I DEFINITELY gotta be on the violin. xD Muahahahahaha! Somehow... =S

Oh well, I know I will perform sooner or later. Worse comes to worst, I just perform for my family only. xD

I've figured out the more accurate notes for "My Heart Will Go On-Celine Dion-Titanic". I will play that for Mother's Day, maybe? Oh! Maybe sing. xD Heck with it. I will need to get the full song first before I talk of performing for her. xD

Mother's Day is in May but I have no idea which date. =S

Then I will maybe do 2 songs and put Father's day with it too since I dunno the actual date. Dx

I hope I can get the scores "River Flows In You-Yiruma" from my classmate tomorrow. She forgotten to photostat during recess so I give her until tomorrow. I do not know whether I will ever really get it back but I do not wanna show my uncool side by worrying and fussing a lot. I prefer showing the cool and calmer side. That way, it's easier for people to approach me. This will also prevent people from talking bad or thinking badly of me.

It's maybe not such a nice thing for you all to read but it's the truth. xD

Bye. I have to do my homework. Even though it's night time and thanks to exams coming near. Once it is all over and mainly including the big exam, I will go all out and if I succeeded in entering Science Stream, I will definitely go the path of Psychology. I cannot afford to change my mind. Not unless I fail and entered Art Stream. This will be when I choose Music. I do not have anything else I like besides writing. All are not stable office jobs with monthly pay.

The most stable is psychology. =S

Alrighty, bye bye.

You know what I wanna say you all~!^^

Real Life ~ Total Guilt

I'll go straight to the point. Or maybe, in point forms.

-Today's audition day for the Teacher's Day Performance
-My friend brought her violin
-We had to practise from our recess until 2 periods after recess
-The violinist friend did not come down until her recess
-The room was taken
-We could play but the other dude's piano playing is extremely NOISY
-We had hard time practising as our singer couldn't join us
-She had to be in class and it turned out that the teacher won't let her out until things are done
-By the time she entered. we hardly have any time left
-We did not do the practice well
-We could not teach the temporary pianist how to play my part for the audition because she did not turn up

Gotta go. Later.

Real Life ~ Beanie

xD I actually named the red bean "Beanie" when my Science teacher gave us all a red bean. My friend sliced it into half so it's 'dead'. My other friend pitied me so she gave me another. I named it Beanie again. xD

I sacrificed Beanie to try germinating it and today, mom told me that it's rotten. =X

Too bad, I had to throw both green and red bean out. Both stank like crap and I really hated washing the container and throwing the cotton out. =S Bleh. xD

I redo the whole experiment again. I just kept the one that germinated.

I put in 3 more new green beans into the one I used earlier. The oil is darker in colour but never mind.

I practised violin for more than 1 hour. About 1 hour and 15 minutes. I still have a bit of trouble with the new pages but it's like last time when I first skipped so many pages. =D

I am lazy to type so bye.

Real Life ~ Last Night's Shopping

I forgotten to tell you all I saw Charmaine Sheh at the mall yesterday. She's a celebrity (actress) from Hong Kong dramas. I used to be a big fan of hers. Well, not big fan because I always change idols. xD From now on, I just stick to Avril Lavigne and maybe Ikimono Gakari.

She was advertising for a skin product. Now I know why there were so many people in the mall that day.

They were all dying to see her.

They all made it as if she was inhuman and was somewhat magnificent.

Mom got pissed because people kept pushing her handbag, knocking her handbag, kicking her handbag and also standing right in front of her when knowing she's there. =x

She got so pissed she said, "At the end of the day, she is still just another human. She will still grow old and die. Why don't we ask her to play the violin, can she play?"

How funny, just on Friday night, she already complained about me playing the violin too much and now she's complaining about her being just a human and that she can't play the violin.

I cannot say she can't play it though. You'll never know because she might have played it before or something.

Still, mom was mad so it's a normal human reaction. She just grabbed the first talent she can find in her mind. Of course the violin was in her mind even though she never liked them in the first place. After all, she helped paid for the violin book not long ago before arriving at the mall. xD I don't think she has even forgotten scolding me about the violin obsession either.

Which reminds me, I still owe her 5 dollars for the clock she helped buy for me. I know the clock is not reliable but it's for the "music room" so that I do not need to get into more trouble. Which also means, with this clock, I have less excuse to give if I really lost the time. @.@

Bye and take care and have fun. xD

P.S: I just gave her the 5 dollars and she said she don't need them. xD Haha.

Real Life ~ Becoming...

This is becoming like a diary. Lolz. Well, it IS a diary.

I've stopped writing in books because they have limited pages and when it finishes, you must buy more and wonder where to keep them. On the blog, it's public and you can't reveal names but it's better than nothing. Also, you cannot be TOO honest because I think it's very hard to find a human who is so nice to not say anything if they found you saying something too wrong. >.>

Anyways, this morning, I woke up at 8AM. I guess it's not a surprise since I slept a wee bit earlier than on Saturdays when I didn't have a fight with anyone in my family. I got sleepy earlier too because I stayed up in my room reading. I read the book that's related to school and one that is not related to school. Fair enough. I've read quite a lot of pages from the school book. <.< I hope she's happy. Lolz.

Moving on, I tried sleeping more and at about 9+AM, I got sick of waiting to sleep and read my own book instead. Not the school one. xD Once the alarm clock rang at 10AM, I got out of bed and did my usual morning routine like any normal person.

I went down and people were already awake. So I took my breakfast and took the violin up guiltily.

I practised with the door open. At least the vacuum was on and it should drown out the violin. I played with door open and sat on floor playing today because I need to see the time. I cannot afford to make another mistake that can easily be avoided. I do not need to hear more babbling from mom. Just one day of it is bad enough to do me damage.

I played with feelings. More true feelings this time. I make happy songs more sad. I make usually played fast songs become the correct beat. xD I played sad songs with what I am really feeling so it's better. The sadder I am, the slower I play. It suits the current songs I'm playing. But I still play fast at certain songs. Can't escape that. After all, the guilt is on and off. I just only thought of things that could.would happen, things that never happened, past mistakes. Everything flashing from one to another but also back and forth. It's funny how I could play.

My dad still talked to me. He was like, "Concert over?" when he came up to vacuum. I've practised about almost an hour so it's OK. I found that today's my day. Because my violin and I are in sync. We matched well today and my feelings helped me do better. =D

See? Sadness is not all that bad. @.@

I think I am a sadist. =. Did I just made it sound like I love being sad?

Moving on, everything with mom was still awkward and it's times like this that I hate. Well, anyone would've hated it too. =[

Went for violin class. This time mom went up with me and told the boss to change the room. It was still the same as last week's. The ridiculously warm room. After all, mom gave a very true excuse - hives. My hives worsened once again. Not a shocker anymore. Just when I thought I was becoming normal. Sigh.

Class went well and the room we changed to was the one I've always wanted to be in. The biggest room too! =D

I got a chance to play a bit on it too after class. Too bad he asked the next student to enter. =P She was waiting in another room beside the one I originally went to.

My teacher complained that he's been sweating from morning until when I came for lesson.

I knew it. That room's always warm.

Today's lesson is just like that dreamy day when he asked me to skip many pages.

Today, he skipped until the end of the book. Yay! xD But I am scared I cannot play them. I bought the 2nd volume of the violin book today for 22 dollars. The price increases! =o

My teacher congratulated me for improving. He said that what I'm doing now is more than a beginner's exercise.

Hmm, I hope that compliment stays forever. xD

It would be cool if I am some sort of late discovered prodigy. *Daydreams*

I'll skip lunch and bath to homework time. Mom, once again became slightly moody. =/ I just sighed out loud from thinking about that. She taught me how to do the Geography and taught me chapter 3 of History.

I did not get to do my BM tuition and Science tuition homework. T.T

I am having problem with Science homework. I hate it...

Bye. xD

You know what I always say.

Real Life ~ Agitated

Yes, I am agitated. Thanks to mom. It's all about homework and she's scolding just because I'd done the method wrongly.

I still don't see how mine can be wrong. I think it was OK. And the funny thing was, no matter how I followed my method. The answer is correct! xD LOL. Maybe I did find a way and it CAN be correct. @.@

Anyways, I never liked numbers. =P

She threatened lots of crap. Said I can't perform for the Teacher's Day thing and bla bla bla. All those shit. She also said she will terminate violin if I don't get good marks. Bla bla bla. In goes the words and sooner or later, out goes the words. All I was waiting for was the teaching of correct method for Maths. I was like, "Damn, your mouth open so wide when you talk crap and also, when are you gonna get straight to the point and tell me how to screw this thing?"

OK, fine, that was mean but I was mad, so was she, what can we do? We're both still humans.

If she terminated violin and I failed everything in my life and also really can't perform in the end, I think committing suicide is the only choice left.

I'm obviously still mad at her. I knew she was gonna say those words sooner or later. She does not even know what I've been thinking or feeling. She does not know how much I lack of violin practice too just to show I am not really an addict.

Even so, I know I may not understand her feelings truly either. After all, I feel that it's somewhat disgusting to observe my own parent's feelings, reactions and thinking for psychology.

I still wanna believe that everything will fall into place the right way. I do not want to lose sight of hope and dreams. I'm a dreamer so dreams are what I can only rely on. With my powerful will to so things I love, I can make the dream come true only if I can get what is required. And it's usually my mom and money-budget in the way.

She said she knew I would be like this when I get my violin. OK, that was something I'd obviously do but then look, she should be glad I did not waste their money again like last time when I was forced to learn piano. I stayed loving it from at least December until now, April.

This has gotta be the longest and strongest dream/hobby I ever had. I cannot afford to give up on violin. Not now, especially. Even though I still screech, I don't think it's worth giving up anymore. I know she will somehow regret if she really terminated. She'd be wasting the violin fees all these time.

This sucks. It truly does. You see, I read books. Books = educational. Guess what? I STILL get scolded for reading them and all that same shit again. This is why exam days, before, during and after are the most stressful times. Even when I draw or sing or play piano or play violin or anything, even when it's educational and innocent and good, I still get scolded for doing them with passion.

I mean, what the eff, man?

Yeah, I was wrong for not paying much attention to studies but have been slowly trying my best to change schedule lately. I knew I was too obsessed with violin. But hey, at least this time I'm not demonic like when I was piano-crazed. After all, I already love my violin for what it is and the fact that it's mine. Just mine only. I do not need to share with others and wonder when's my turn or whether I am monstrous. I do what I like with it. I took care of its cleanliness. I wiped off the rosin powder. I tuned it every time before playing. I made sure the bow doesn't go bald. I made sure the violin book's in good condition. I made sure I practise.

My cousin brother's not practising enough, as it seems to his parents. It was his choice to learn but he was forced to practise. He did not take care of the piano well enough but he still likes playing it. Just at his own speed. He sometimes get bored with it and all but it's normal to be like that after playing too long or something.

Why can't mom and dad be glad I do not need scolding to practise? Why can't they be happy I don't mistreat it? Why don't they just... URGH!

Fine, I was and AM still lazy. That's me anyways. I still wonder why we must bother doing all this shit when we end up dead one day. I wonder why humans have to be smart to be considered useful. I do not see why can't they be like the old times when they all did stuff for one another and meant what they said sincerely. I mean, THEY were happy at that time too, right? I think I'm born into the wrong century.

Well, for a start, one thing a book said was true: We never asked to be born.

That's it. You can blame all you like and judge how you want but this one is right.

You cannot deny it.

Great, another lecture coming. Just hoping this world can be a happy land with no worries and such. Even though dark and light is a balance, I still want everyone to be happy and worry-free.

This is why I support 2012 happening. Humans extinct, less problems. Animals just live how they are in the first place.

I'm gonna go read books in my room. And I'm telling you, gonna read SCHOOL book AND my book. There! Both educational and one thing is related to school! Screw everything!

Bye. Hope things can turn out good in the end.

Still gonna stay calm and happy on the outside as much as possible.

My English teacher taught us about 'Jekyll & Hyde'. In real life, indeed we are both good and bad, just which one are we leaning more to the side of.

Gotta admit, I am both good and bad. I can sometimes be more on the bad side, sometimes more on the good side. My teacher said that some people pretend to be good but on the inside, we are bad.

To be truthful, I just want to show my good side to people on the outside. In the inside, I want to be human and just let the wrath out. So this is where creativity and art come in. Music and writing. I wrote poems, stories, blogs, songs. Made up instrumental songs. Now playing violin because it expresses the feelings more easily, just that I am still beginner, even after 4 months, I am not good enough to say I can express exactly how I feel on violin. I still rely on piano now. xD

There's this blog too. I warned you, read at your own risk, if you cannot take what I say, stay away, don't comment either.

For those supporting me all this while, thank you. I do not know how to thank you all.

OK, this is really good bye.

Take care and have fun~!^^

Real Life ~ Germination Surprise!

My Science class experiment is about germination of seed and we're testing out on green seeds.

I put cooled boiled water and oil with the seeds already rubbed in oil before that and then guess what? After one day, it GERMINATED! No kidding! I was kidding mom but then when I went to look for fun, it really gave me a shock how it actually REALLY germinated!

What the heck?! I am not sure about the real reason behind the germination but there's always guesses. xD

I am currently p[laying Club Penguin for fun. I missed playing it. xD After all, it's been months! About a year, if I've not mistaken. I wanna check it out. Lolz.

It's so cute. I will be playing the games.

Practised violin for almost one hour but I think it's less than one hour. xD

There's a practice at my violinist friend's house but by the time they told me that, it was last minute and I dared not call mom.

Hey, I'm busy playing Club Penguin now so bye. xD

Real Life ~ Immediate Answer

Today would have seemed fine but it did not mean that the ending would be good. T.T

Went to school as usual. My dad drove the other way to school and it made me wonder a lot. Questions after questions popped up in my head, causing my head to buzz like bees.

By the time I reached school, all that mattered was practice for the Teacher's Day Performance and also the permission to use the room. I worried about missing classes too. Even though my friends and I have always dreamed of missing school and class, we never really mean it when the chance come by. I feel guilty just by thinking of seriously skipping anything important like Maths class. Geography class is a no-no to skip as well. Moral is OK to skip. After all, we were given the permission already to practise tomorrow. =S

I will leave the answer to the permission of using the room for later. Muahahahaha.

My friend did not bring her violin. We did not get to practice at all in the end. We got the small chance to for piano with singing but then we did not get to ask anyone for permission to.

I passed up my Geography project and a few days ago, I've also handed in my History project. I dare not let anyone see my project before handing in unless I know that they've done and have no intention of doing more because I do not want them copying. It's not right either but I do understand their desperation at the same time so I think it will help by not bragging about having done the projects and also by handing in quietly without anyone knowing. My friend knows and seen my Geo project. She'd already handed in yesterday.

How sad, both projects got rejected today. Geography is all because my table for the pie chart did not show workings on how I got the percentage. Damn! I just needed to add the workings and then I am done already. >.> For History, it is stupider. I have to comb-bind it and the teacher is so desperate for my file. Why she wants my file so badly is beyond me. It's a cheap thing, why can't she buy it? Even my friend thought the same thing. Oh well, to get her off my back, I decided to give her the file but the older one that's sort of spoiled already. Hey, at least you can still fasten things there. Jeez.

For our Science experiment thingy, I rushed to prepare 4 dollars this morning to buy 4 bottles of mineral water to cut and use. It would waste water but if teacher leaves us no choice but to do so, then that's what I can only do. =[

Thankfully, when that happened, one of the group member and I went around finding bottles. Just when we thought we were going to waste things, we had a better idea thanks to the female dogs. We got the transparent plastic cups. I paid 50 cemts for 4 of them.

We used them for experiment. What made Science class horrible was the unlimited mosquitoes. My hives already started coming back and worsening... Thanks to the mosquitoes making me itch more, my hives worsen as expected and then came the anxiety attack.

My anxiety attack had not reached the worst yet but I could tell it's going to get worse every second. I desperately need to run out of that place and get water to down the pill. Since the glue was needed, I asked permission and shot off to class to get pills and the glue.

The group member I went with earlier saw my blotch of hives and made a disgusted look. xD Haha. It itched like crap, gotta admit that.

One of our band member finally burned the disc and handed it to me and my friend took it. She wanted to hold another practice at her house. Just without any piano but with the violinist there to practice, it should be better.

My friend would have wanted to come over to my house but the she, as usual, has no one to fetch her. That's a problem and I think they've forgotten that there's school this Saturday. I just remembered. I've been having problems differentiating dreams from real life. I was not sure whether this Saturday's school was real or not and same goes for whether there's a revision test thingy for Science tuition today. @.@

It must have been my living nightmare because they were both real except the test thingy isn't a test. Just a homework. Thank goodness. I just had no time to study them...? Hmm, does not sound right. xD

The Saturday's school time will clash with my violin lesson! =[ Mom won't let me miss school. >=[

I so don't wanna see anyone any more than those 5 dreadful school days. T.T

Hey... Wait a minute, this is no longer the truth. This is an excuse, because I have learned to get along more with my classmates already. It's all thanks to me adding them on Facebook and maybe uploading my real pic with the violin. Whether I looked stupid or not, the violin caught their attention, well, I know it worked on a few people.

I've always wondered what people would think if I uploaded my real pic holding the violin. As usual, I still got laughed at by my friends. T.T

But I will try changing those sort of pics every week. Just that I do not have that many photos to put every week. @.@ All are about the same. Haha.

I only got the practise the violin for less than 1 hour. I was busy doing the Geo revision that mom made me do.

Just a bit satisfied already with the practice... That counts right? I think I've played enough times for today.

I cannot practice now, which is 9:15PM. I feel that I have not done enough work for school and exam. I started realizing how important they are. Only IF I failed to get into Science stream, I will only go for Music.

Even though my heart belongs to music now, deep inside, I know that the job is more riskier than being a psychologist.

I can still try both jobs if possible though. @.@

OK, enough suspense. The immediate answer for the permission was a big NO. N-O. No.

Got it? My friends both went to ask. I was busy handling my job as the Geo person keeping books to give to teacher. I believe I've told you all about being AJK Geo. xD

I collected only a few. @.@ That's stupid.

OK, bye. I am sorry I cannot say more. My conscience just makes me entirely GUILTY.

It's a symptom of depression but I am only just under stress and am being pressured.

No worries, other people suffer more than this. As long as I think that way, things should be better. Hopefully...

Bye. Take care and have fun~!^^ xD

Real Life ~ Strict Practice

Yay, we finally got the chance to practise in school for the Teacher's Day thing. =D

My friend brought her violin, the expensive one, to school.

She went to let one of the discipline teachers keep. The discipline teacher who would not let us play in the room did not turn up at all today.

We were meant to ask her for permission but then she didn't come. Yesterday, we did not ask because the friend who was supposed to bring her violin did not come to meet us to get the permission. =o I have no idea why must it be her coming along with us to ask for the permission too but I think I have a good guess why, it's because the discipline teacher will not entertain us if it is just us. If that friend came along with us, it would be better. The more people the better, The harder for her to accept the disappointed. That's a conclusion...? Lolz.

Anyways, during recess, we walked around the whole teacher's room and also discipline teacher's room.

We went around searching teachers for various reasons. One for handing in Geo project as my friend is done with hers. And for asking permission to practise during that time. We tried to find a discipline teacher for permission to play in the room but then we had no one to ask in the end. =/

During the 2 period of art lessons, we went into the room.

There were people in there already but they're afternoon sessions anyways. They don't look like they got any permission either but our reason for being in there are both the same anyways.

I played the song on piano while she played hers on violin. The only problem left is the violin. She is still new to this song. My friend made her keep on playing and telling her to start where and try where. My friend looked like she wanted to cry while playing the violin.

I really pitied her a lot. I told her to rest and my friend finally agreed. Jeez.

We practised and practised.

The afternoon sessions were nasty. They snobbed us, asking whether we had permission to play the piano and bla bla bla. Just because that small fart is a probate prefect, doesn't mean she has the right to snub us that way. Just telling me to play softer is acceptable but to say that? Hmph. >.>

I know this sounds really mean but well, you know what? I'm just being honest and it's true that she really is not nice either. She has this bitchy face too. Makes me want to stuff a pillow at her face. That would be a better sight. <.<

Another friend of ours who also belonged to our little band came in too and we practiced altogether.

I got a chance to play her violin but I wasn't used to having no markings for the notes so it sounded off. At least she taught me how to play the starting few notes for Naruto Shippuuden-Blue Bird by Ikimono Gakari. xD

I tried it out at home and it sounded cool. xD Lolz.

Even though the practice for the violinist friend was horrible, I found it fun even though it meant that I could not simply play at any speed or play whatever I wanted. The friend who came in late and I had a good laugh. We created a VERY STUPID dance move! xD LOL. We laughed until she coughed like hell while I half-snorted. xD

So happy we did not get into trouble. After all, we had permission to enter. =D

Just hoping the next few days of practice will go smoothly and then it should be OK.

She just gotta get her violin 1 part right while I do my violin 3 part on piano right. The other 2 just sing. =D

We also need to get the karaoke version out on disc. Hmm...

We need Thursday, Friday and probably Monday, which is the audition day for practice.

Which reminds me, I need to let them know the true part of where we're starting violin 1, which also starts with singing.

Sometimes I play wrong notes because after playing too many times of same thing, my hand goes crazy. The other reason is also because their singing made me confused a bit there. xD

Gotta correct that part too and then we're almost ready to go.

I could not practise my violin at home as and when I like because mom was in a very bad mood. I only got to practise when mom pitied me and gave me permission.

I practised but it sounded somewhat louder and screechier today so it was a bit hard for me to practise for a long time.

Probably about 1 hour+ of practice today. It's most probably because I did not use my iPod today so my hearing is better. Or was it because I'm used to listening to my violinist friend's violin?

Even so, I still prefer playing my own violin because it gave me the sense of ownership...? xD Not sure if this sentence is correct or not.

We need to have 4 cut-into-half mineral bottles of same size for our science experiment. It is important as it is related to our big exam but what the heck, I do not have 4 bottles of same size to cut into half!

Tomorrow, the area around where I stay is gonna have the electricity cut off from 10AM to 5PM. That's long!

Mom said she might bring me to McDonald's to do my homework. Urgh...

Looks like will be practising violin at night again. Which is bad because it's hot up there. I can't play downstairs with the air-con on because mom is watching her TV. Damn! I can't play in front of the fan upstairs at the hallway either because the surround sound is so good that it's definitely gonna drown mom's TV and if not, at least distract her. I can't play in my own room because of the stupid Feng Shui thing. It's a wonder why I don't give in and play in my own room saying, "Heck with what mom advised me!" The only option left is that so-called music room.

It's damn warm and the door has to be closed to make sure it doesn't get too noisy.

Even standing under the fan won't work. After all, I am used to walking while playing the violin. Beats me why but that's a habit. xD I like to sway a bit while playing. You can say it's a bit like dancing though, just not the real dancing. xD Haha.

Parent's room is definitely a no-no too. So what's left? Back to the so-called music room again.

It must have been fate... Lolz.

It dragged my violin and I there so that it serves the room purpose. @.@

xD Lol. So anyways, there's Science tuition tomorrow... =S Will be practising later and the temperature of the room is gonna... INCREASE. T.T

No pain no gain? Dx The cut is still visible. There's PE class tomorrow. Not gonna wear PE clothes. Left arm still pain, don't feel like moving it.

Bye, people. You know what I usually say. xD Lolz.

And do not blame me for talking all about me. #.# After all, this is my life~! =P

Real Life ~ YES!

YESSSSSS!!! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! Practised 2 hours of violin! Finally! I barely stopped. I only took a few breaths in between as a rest! HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!

Finally got it 2 hours! Started at 4:31PM and ended it at 6:31PM right before dinner.

But the best dish is taken by the time I got to the table. Lolz.

Today's dinner is porridge and... I HATE PORRIDGE. It's wet and slimy but the older I get, the more I get used to eating it. I still hate it but it's not like I hate it so much I felt like throwing a tantrum anymore. That was last time.

Here's a question for you readers and just answer if you bother to anyways: You prefer noodles or rice?

Here's my answer. =P Yes, you know how I love telling you all about myself. Lolz. Sorry I am self-centered...? Anyways, I prefer noodles. But if I got the chance to eat western food, I've much prefer it. xD

I like steak~ So what if Chinese are not supposed to eat beef? Even Indians cannot eat beef. =o We have something in common! Cool, right? Lolz.

I like the steak to be 'well done'. Not 'rare' or 'medium'. I do not want to eat raw meat and I hate seeing too much blood in the meat. Seeing blood makes me sick.

I cannot imagine how I am going to ever cook for anyone, let alone a family in the future. I hated the fish smell and I hated touching all these raw meat.

From the start, I am more to the vegetarian side but knowing I will not be able to be a vegetarian until decades later, I decided to slowly like certain types of meet.

I am OK with chicken, beef and fish. But not all types. I only like beef in steak or patty form. For chicken, I'd much rather them in K.F.C form and patty form. For fish, I only eat certain types of fish. Yes, picky. Yes, fussy. Ungrateful, maybe. But that's who I currently am anyways. I may change and accept every food thrown at my face in the future when I have to earn my own money to afford everything.

Urgh, my left arm is still in pain. From vaccination and violin practice.

To be honest, I knew something wasn't right ever since I woke up this morning to go to school.

I felt all warm and weak. I felt sickly and tired.

Looks like my body could not accept yesterday's injection after all.

I had high fever but never take temperature. Just know it's damn hot. xD

I still got the cold from yesterday's BM tuition.

By the time I reached school, I felt like dying.

Thank God, I had my friends to make me forget all these except the pain in the left arm. They sometimes forgot that my left arm is hurt and ended up beating it to a pulp. T.T

I felt like crying when they hit it accidentally. xD

My friend's fine in school except that she caught a cold from another friend of ours from tuition yesterday.

The cut from old violin practice is still visible but I know it can't possibly stay a scar. xD

I know which part of the violin cut me. It was the metal part at the tail piece of the violin. T.T

It always hurt me but it's not always injuring me depending on what clothes I wear while playing.

Our violinist for the performance came to school today and said we gotta practise for 1 hour from our recess. I told her I cannot miss Maths class and so did my friend. Now we gotta get permission. =/

I have a feeling things are not gonna be any easier form here. Shit, man. xD

OK bye for now. I feel a bit sick.

Real Life ~ Man-Made Sick Day

Haha, the title is stupid but I hope that after the explanation, you get it.

I did not catch the cold or anything. I did not get sleepy because I was sick, I think. Today, our school gave us a surprise during the morning assembly. They told us that the vaccination team is here and ready to inject us. We filled in our forms for the vaccination months ago and finally, we can get over with this already. Gosh, I was hoping to get it done with ever since I received the vaccination form.

People were all protesting and some sort of screamed.

The worse part is after recess when it was our class's turn to have our vaccination taken. Most of our classmates screamed. Now THAT scream is definitely loud and clear. The horror is more obvious than during assembly.

Funny, I thought my friend and I would be one of the first to have our vaccination taken but it seems like they go by alphabetical order but boys first, just like our name list. Don't ask me why boys first, I have no idea either. xD

I saw guys making fun of one another, laughing at one another, screaming while watching, making lots of noise. I am the first girl to be vaccinated. xD After all, my name starts with a "C". Yeah, yeah, those of you who do not know me in real life now can slowly guess my real name. =P

When the boys were being vaccinated, the girls behind me, known as the female dogs but I forgave them, snooped around and cut my line to watch them all. I know this is mean of me but I find that asking people whether it is painful or not is kind of a waste of time. Everybody's endurance is different. Some would find it really agonizing, some would find it like nothing.

My friend and I weren't scared of being vaccinated at all. When I was in primary school, I used to be so scared that my heart would jump with fear and anxiety. I would always try to be the last one to be vaccinated. I used to keep asking everyone whether it hurt or not. xD

Now, in high school (secondary school), this is our first vaccination in high school, my friend and I are finally not scared. =D

So, please clap hands for us. Lolz.

I was actually excited! @.@ I was impatient. I wanted to be the first one to be vaccinated. I wanted to have the courage to see them inject me.

Sadly, I just sat staring into space thinking of things. I looked a bit at the nurses but not when they injected me. I closed my eyes for awhile but remembered what I promised myself if I ever get vaccinated.

To be honest, I felt a bit scared right before being injected but not scared enough to jump out of seat. Was part excited and part scared so my heart still jumped wildly in my chest.

I felt the needle being injected into me. I felt it being pulled out. xD Painful. But not as painful as other things. I know other people are suffering more than this. This pain is actually nothing compared to when I knocked my left knee at the staircase, it is also nothing compared to when I suffered hives or asthma, it is also nothing compared to when I first held the violin without using hands to support. It is nothing compared to having emotional problems, let alone mental disorders.

This pain is also nothing compared to losing someone close to you.

Even so, that vaccination IS still painful but not a big deal.

My friend only worried about getting fever. She said that you can get fever if your body cannot accept the drug from vaccination.

My friend cares A LOT about herself. I can tell she is the type who loves herself first before loving anyone else. She's the type that would agree with the saying, "If you cannot love me or who I am, then I do not love you." You know, she actually freaked out when a mosquito bit her. She sworn she could have seen black and white stripes - Aedes mosquito. She got scared when people near her are sick. She got scared too when I helped her take the fork and spoon. She seriously questioned me a lot of stuff about one stupid good deed I done for her. =.= To be frank, I was a bit pissed off. I do not feel appreciated at all even if she thank me in a not sincere way. She might as well not say a word and keep her trap shut. she worries about every little thing. She worries that she will be bitten by mosquito and after catching a mosquito land on her then escaping, she keeps on scratching that spot wondering if she got bitten. Of course it will be red, of course it will become a bit bumpy since she scratched herself for NO REASON. My gosh. But what right do I have to say?

I wore a pink camisole with a pink jacket to BM tuition. I felt a bit embarrassed. I usually wear skimpy clothes... xD Guess I caught a cold. Sigh, I will never get to look better. My health won't set me free. T.T

See? The cold is man-made. I did not catch it from anyone.

Lolz.

I slept in the afternoon. I slept until dinner time. I did the main homework already anyways. I did not get to practise the violin at all. =/

I practised for about 1 hour+ after the BM tuition though.

My left arm is still sore from vaccination but after sleeping and having rolled about with my left arm, it's less pain. xD Haha.

Still do not want people colliding into me though. Dx

Oh yeah, my friend just LOVES punching and hitting my left arm. When she sat on my right last year, she punched my right arm. When she sat on my left this year, my left arm becomes her victim. It's pretty annoying. >=/

Even after vaccination, I expected her to punch my left arm and true enough, she did that more than once. Luckily it did not hurt. xD

We registered for audition on 26th of April, Monday.

We went to see this 16-year-old guy in his class. He did not care whether we gave him the full details or not. How he ever got the responsibility is beyond me.

I am still playing violin 3 part but they cannot make up their mind whether on violin or piano. I already am happy with it on piano. I do not want to perform on violin this year. I can see that I still have bad moments like today, since the vaccination made me feel insecure while practising. Next year, I hope that 2 more important skills have already been learned and they are : vibrato & double-stopping.

Performing solo or duet would be nice. Do not want any singing involved. Gosh, less people involved equals to less people fighting and being half-hearted.

I heard that our violin 1 part violinist is also being in and out like her sister. Her younger sister, who's same age is as us, is not in anymore.

Last Saturday was the practice. Only my friend turned up. The other 2 did not. They could not, according to what the older one said. So what my friend and the other one only did was plan who sing which part and sang for 3 or 4 times.

I told my mom about the practice on Saturday that night after returning from shopping centre. She did not seem mad at all.

Even today, she wanted to know what happen during the practice. She suggested something but too bad it didn't work. She did not shout at me for talking about the audition day and time. She knows that once this decision of performing is made, it is serious. She knows that if the older one playing violin 1 part is not in, this whole band of ours will be gone. Honestly, just piano, 2 singers and a background karaoke version is not thrilling enough. How many people out there can play pian? Almost all!

Violin? Less than piano and in our country, I can say it is still not that common but slowly becoming common.

Even my History teacher is interested in watching a violin performance.

OK, got to go. xD

Bye and you know what I usually say~!^^

Real Life ~ Violin Injury

Just a mini injury from violin practice that is becoming more and more visible now. If you see a cut at my collarbone, that's from violin practice. xD

Mom saw it and started making sure I use the handkerchief during practice.

I only use it today for the evening practice because my collarbone part hurt like hell.

Luckily no tendinitis, my left arm is OK now. xD

OK, bye.

So to you violinists out there, take care of yourself like you all should already know anyways~! xD

Real Life ~ Boring Sunday

Again, this is another boring Sunday. xD

Practised violin in the morning and again, it's not 2 hours but thank God the practice in the evening made up for it. Adding both hours together, it exceeded 2 hours. Not sure if it can be counted as 3 hours+ but I know that I will need to rosin the bow by tomorrow. I realized that applying rosin for the bow before playing is better than wondering if it needs to be applied rosin on.

Not satisfied with both violin practices but just glad that at least one or 2 songs seem better than before. Like I said, it usually takes me 2 weeks to perfect the songs. Maybe he really has got a point when he let me play the same songs. Even when I tried playing 2 more new pages, I get tired already. If I straight away played those songs, maybe it won't be so tiring but I will master 1 new page in case he's still serious about letting me play a new page.

I uploaded another new photo on Facebook but not sure whether to like it or not. It somehow made me think that it's better than the previous pic where I forced the smile. The new pic showed me looking more serious with my new specs. I was not smiling and it's more natural. That time was when I really played out something instead of posing still for dad to get the pic.

No one except my friends, a few ex-close friends & little cousin brother talked to me on Facebook (new account). The others are like as if they never existed. But it's pretty fun to "stalk" them and see what they have to say and what they did. After all, their lives are meant to be much more interesting because they have more friends or you could say "friends" so they are bound to do many stuff and go to many places.

Actually, to avoid fights and the whole package along with it, it's best to stay low and keep quiet. When I comment on a status or anything, it's pretty scary because you will just never know when the other person will somehow feel offended and start being mad at you. This has already happened for a few times. And now I have a very good reason why I do not like Facebook.

But even if it made my friends and I fight over something so trivial like Facebook, that social site is still a nice way to get closer to my friends and family. It helped me understood more of who they really are.

And by looking at updates and notifications of my classmate made me feel less of hating them. It made me feel like joining in to laugh with them but knowing a very possible regrettable result, I decided to stay quiet.

I dare not talk to them online. Dx But at least they somehow seem nicer in school now.

Did lots of homework today. Finished up BM tuition and Science tuition's homework. It probably seems like nothing to you but just that BM tuition's homework already took up lots of time. Oh well, whatever. It's already done anyways.

Dinner is just OK and I am going to end this post now.

Gotta go watch that anime. xD

Bye and you know what I always say to you readers at the end~!^^

Real Life ~ A Better After-Start

Still have no idea which part of the song "Viva La Vida" I am playing. But I started loving the violin 3 part on piano. xD I cannot stop playing it on Olive. Lolz.

OK, I still do read manga and stuff besides Facebook. I admit it, sometimes I feel too lazy or tired to play the violin. Especially on a Saturday night after shopping.

Have practised almost 2 hours again. Argh! Can NEVER make it really 2 hours on the dot.

Well, I cannot say I focus on the related songs only. Just hope that next week's room is not there anymore. T.T

My neck really was injured from the violin practice. o.0 Well, not only neck but also collarbone part.

Not only hives appeared but now it's an itchy scratch. xD

It does not matter but what troubled me the whole day is the phrase the violin teacher said to me, "You didn't practise much did you?" and also "What? Cannot concentrate?" and "There's no improvement today."

Grrr, damn disappointed in myself. I haven't got a chance to say this in previous post. And what I was suppose to say was about what I would say to myself from what happened this morning's violin lesson.

Here I go and as a warning, you can skip the next part:

DAMN YOU, WHY ARE YOU SO UNPREDICTABLY USELESS?! WHY CAN'T YOU DO MORE? WHY CAN'T YOU CONCENTRATE?! WHY CAN'T YOU COUNT?! YOU STUPID GOOD-FOR-NOTHING! YOU THINK YOU'VE TORTURED YOURSELF ENOUGH BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAT OTHER PEOPLE PRACTISE 3-4 HOURS ENOUGH TO GET AN EAR ACHE. AND YOU, THERE, JUST PLAYING BARELY 2 HOURS AND ALREADY COMPLAIN PAIN IN LEFT ARM AND NECK. SO WHAT IF YOUR LEFT ARM GOT HURT AND STAYED HURT FOR DAYS? THAT CAN HEAL BUT YOUR SKILLS ARE GONNA ROT!

OK, it's over, you can look now. xD

Haha, I would have said more this morning but you're all lucky I did not remember to write it out.

If not, it's like a spam already.

Anyways, I'm less annoyed now.

And I just realized something. My friend has been very troubled lately and I hate myself for not noticing it sooner. I hate myself for not being able to help more. =/

Useless psychologist I am. =/

Right, back to the main topic of this post.

I took my bath and everything. Did my homework. Did my Geography project. Practised violin beside mom until she finally left the spot saying I'm noisy like hell. xD Haha.

Went to a bookstore that sells books at crazy-cheap prices.

Got 4 books for myself whereas dad got himself 3 books.

Here are the titles of mine and dad's books:

1. Chasing Harry Winston - Lauren Weisberger
2. The Devil Wears Prada - Lauren Weisberger
3. Just Another Kid - Torey Hayden
4. The Hour I First Believed - Wally Lamb
5. Northern Lights (The Golden Compass) - ? (3 in a box set)

The 5th book mentioned is dad's.

The 4th book is like the thickest book I've ever read!

3rd and 4th book are both tragic stories.

1st and 2nd are normal stories you read but with different contents. Some love inside perhaps and also normal girl-wants-this-and-that stuff.

K, bye. Gonna manga. Can't resist.

You know what I always say to you at the ending most of the time~!^^

Real Life ~ Rough Start

Last night, the electricity tripped. =/ So I ended up sleeping using the fan after the electricity came back. It's not that bad though.

I woke up before 10AM... So I decided to go get ready for violin practice at 9:45AM after the usual daily routine. xD

Gulped down the same breakfast I've been having everyday- A cup of hot Milo. Well, not really hot but medium-hot. Whatever.

I went back up to try out "Viva La Vida" on piano. I did not want to straight away start out with violin yet. I do not want it to be taken away from me by my parents.

I know they think I'm too obsessed with the violin. Mom told me to not abandon studies yesterday. She did not say it in a threatening tone or anything but it made me feel guilty. I also can't not practise at all or else the violin lesson will be slow and not worth it.

It did not work out well. My practice is just OK but something made me sensed that things are not going to be smooth today.

Right enough, I went there at 12PM and he's not there and different classroom to have the lesson today as well.

The room is hot and there are no curtains, just windows to let you look outside. The air-con is working fine but blowing the wrong direction. That classroom is meant for piano lessons so I tried out the piano. It sounded TOTALLY out. How can they possibly have piano lessons there?!

Not even "Fur Elise" worked. Ugh. The sound was so disgusting I immediately went to Autumn for comfort. >.< Lolz. I tuned it as usual and played it. It's not very smooth. Today's just not my day I guess. Will torture myself with practice when I do have the time to. I should not read much manga. It's either studies or violin/piano. When I have my break from studies, I must practise violin. When I use the computer, it's only for Facebook and blog. Nothing else. Yes, I am strict when I do anything myself. I make sure everything is perfect. See? I can be pretty scary when I become a teacher. >.< Yikes.

But it's only for own good anyways. I guess that when they said even a slight injury will affect the performance, they are DAMN RIGHT. =[

I accidentally peeled my left index finger skin and the blood was about to come out too. And yet I practised violin after dinner. Mom was like, "What? Again? Not enough?"

I felt guilty throughout the practice. I could not play with feelings because I felt useless. Still, I perfected the song-AT THE WRONG SPEED. I am still bad at counting...

So this is what happened in class today. I practised other songs.

I was sitting on the floor playing the violin when he suddenly enter. xD He was like "o.0 Wow, so comfortable sitting on the floor playing violin."

He had to keep tuning his and my violin. The temperature of the room is high despite the air-con being there.

I guess I had problem concentrating. T.T

He did not give me any new pages to practise. he said no improvement today. =/

So the sense of something wrong is really accurate. It really went terrifically horrible but still, it's better than the last time I played really roughly when I was sick even though I remember him giving me a new page back then.

He said, "OK, OK you can try this new page." I said, "I've already tried that." He was like, "Wow."

But nothing else said after that.

I think I am not good at focusing on both performance and violin lesson's songs.

There are many distractions this week. Mom's birthday performance and also the school Teacher's Day performance. There will be another performance for mom in May because of Mother's Day.

And in May, we will be having our mid-term exams... And it's not something the school set at all. It's something the state I live in will set. T.T

Oh well... Things will eventually end up right. I know I will improve someday. But that someday has GOTTA be from today until the next class so that he won't get pissed with teaching me.

I gotta start getting serious with counting notes. I can't keep playing at whichever speed I want to.

I have to learn how to duet with people so that if I ever join an orchestra, I won't be the odd one out in a bad way.

Alrighty, will ganbatte!

Bye for now, readers. Take care and remember to have fun too~!^^ Let's all work hard to get what we fight for to stay alive.

Real Life ~ Exhausing Evening

Man, today is sure an exhausting day. I wrote a few part of the lyrics on the score and photostatted 3 of the same full "Viva La Vida" scores. @.@

I doubt they are going to pay back for helping them photostatting it. Oh well, just a dollar and 20 cents anyways.

Gotta return one of my friend a 20 cent and another of my friend a 20 cent. It's because one of them lent me 20 cent to photostat and the other helped me photostat the score for "Ode To Joy" on piano for me to play on violin.

Anyways, I was looking forward to violin practice a lot today, hoping I can improve further. Sadly, not so unexpectedly at the same time, I got tired by the time I had the chance to practise the violin. @.@

I did my homework from about 3PM to 5PM. =S Sleepy... And in school, I already had a bit of headache. Thanks to well, almost everything. xD Haha.

So I still practised the violin at 5PM and ended the practice at about 6:45PM. So it's almost 2 hours of practice I guess.

Lolz. At first, I had not much strength to hold the violin or lift the bow. I put the violin back into its case for a moment and played the piano to warm up the hands & make it fast. It did not really help but the more I play, the more awake I get. Just not the dramatic kind of hyper-awake. xD Haha.

I am not sure whether I want to practise more tonight. I am pretty satisfied already with today's practice.

Besides, if I were to practise, I want to try out upstairs again. This is to see if the violin bow needs rosin even though I have already rosin it yesterday. Today, it sounded somewhat screechy and when mom said about it being screechy, she meant the violin & bow's problem. If she meant that then, it's either it was not my day to play the violin or that the bow needed rosin but I did not rosin it. >.< OK, I admit I am still pretty noobish even after 4 months of playing the violin. My mom calculated and said that it's about 2 full months I actually have lessons. January and March. Those 2 months. For February, my old violin teacher never turn up for the whole month except for the first week of the month. He did not turn up from the 2nd week of February until the first week of March. =/ It was then that Saturday that mom suddenly got me a new teacher and started class after registering. I was shocked at the speed of his teaching(new violin teacher). Fast, understandable, fun and more worth the 30 minutes. He flew from bowing exercises to fingering exercises then to actual songs. He helped shorten the violin bridge so that I can reach the notes easily. He let me play the keyboard while he shortened the bridge and he bothered tuning the violin for me. I hope it can stay this way forever. He can play piano, guitar and violin. @.@ I hope that I do not need to change violin teachers anymore. Hopefully he stays nice and dedicated. >.< Gotta stop hoping and dreaming. I gotta be good myself so I do not bore the teacher to death every time he sees me. #.#

Alrigthy, Gonna do what I want about the practice. If I have no heart to play, the song will not be nice, the whole song will be screechy and sound like it's forceful and the notes will be all over the place. Even if it went well, it's not real. It's not real playing. I still want to believe that playing with feelings beats it all.

When I can finally perfect my violin playing, I want to correct my facial expression while playing and how I present everything.

This will help the next time I perform on stage or something. Even if it meant that it is for my family and friends only, facial expressions help show what you're feeling. I gotta say, not everyone can tell what you exactly feel by looking at you playing with no emotion. If I sulked throughout the whole performance, people are going to rather look at something else. Their attention will most probably be diverted. They are no longer having their 100% attention on you. They either do not want to hear anymore or they do not want to see you anymore but still want to hear the song.

Bye, readers. Surely you all are bored of reading this post anyways. xD

Take care and have fun then~! =P

Real Life ~ On & Off

That performance is suddenly on and suddenly off; suddenly exciting and suddenly boring/depressing.

xD

Fickle minded, we are. I know I am the main problem now because I am the one who can't stay back after school for practice and the one who can't go to friends' house for practice.

They cannot come to my house either because it is further from them. =[

I really do not know what to do. I really have no idea how to pull this through.

But... I know that it will somehow end up right in the end. I can sense that. Surely it's either no performance or there is, but I know it will be OK in the end, whether it worked out or not.

By then, I only hope that I did not hurt anyone's feelings.

I am also a problem to them because my counting sucks when it comes to notes. This is not something I can use a stopwatch or calculator to solve. >.<

I am also a problem to them because I have no courage to ask my mom about it ever since she commented on my violin playing. Not only that, I also can't bring my violin to school AND, I cannot attend the audition because it is on the 26th of April AFTER SCHOOL. ARGH! This is all my fault + idea yet I am the one who can't do most of the stuff. This is stupid.

I wish I am a prodigy... T.T So smart and talented that no one can prove me wrong. So smart and talented that I am allowed to do whatever I want. Yes, selfish. Yes, impossible.

Up until now, I do not really know my true talent and whether the talent is useful.

All I do now is to try to find out about it. I know my piano and violin playing can be OK but not as amazing as everyone else because I did not put much effort in piano in the past and I started violin late.

I cannot always understand people well and to be honest, I lack of common sense. Dx

But for lacking that, there has gotta be something I have that is extra good right...? Lolz.

Anyways, gonna go for violin practice since today barely made 1 hour.

Tomorrow gonna practise more because after tomorrow is Saturday. xD

Real Life ~ Coming True

This performance is getting more and more real but it could become just another shattered dream in one day.

Got the scores for all 3 violins to play and there's even separate for all 3 violinists' scores each. xD

I've seen the scores and if I were to EVER play the violin, violin 1 is the one I can manage most. Others have double-stopping and I have yet to learn it. Oh well, I've just copied the lyrics. Now I need to try out the scores on violin, stick them together so none will be lost, memorize the lyrics.

Well, thing is, to be honest, I am not really a fan of that song but the instrumental is nice.

I have a feeling I may not be able to play violin unless it is a few parts.

I can't sing and play at the same time. Been there, done that. xD Lolz.

Bye, people, I am going to try out the scores now in "music room" and sing. I cannot sing low notes so I can only sing an octave higher. =S

I played "Song From A Secret Garden" for mom since today's her Birthday. She smiled and clapped her hands. xD She said, "So complicated to play!" when she saw the score. I had no time to memorize the whole song so I played looking at the score.

I hope I can perform better next time. There's also Mother's Day and Father's Day to come. Muahahahahahaha! I am saving money to buy that piano & violin book. I will not need to buy gifts. I hate to say this but I am not buying my friends any gifts for their birthday. =P

Kk, bye. Take care and have fun too~!^^

Real Life ~ Chaotic Performance?

Readers, I appreciate you all for reading my blog all these time. =D

Here's another post about the upcoming chaotic event my friends and I are going through. xD

Remember I told you my friends and I decided to perform "Viva La Vida" (Yeah, I checked out the real title) on Teacher's Day?

Our audition to see if we've been accepted is on the 20th of April. Teacher's Day is somewhere around May, I guess. xD We gotta rush... Today's already 13th of April and tomorrow is my mom's birthday. =D

Oh, lolz, I should not really be smiling or laughing but then I suppose I have learned to pretend everything's fine and to numb the bad feelings.

To be honest, it's either we perform or not. I will try to get the scores for "Viva La Vida". =/ Yikes...

One of my friends finally give in and said that she is OK with playing the violin seeing as there are 3 violins needed.

Gotta let them see the scores first before they start giving in to too many things.

They decided to go to one of our friend's house for rehearsal but then I doubt my mom will let me go for it.

After all, it's the big exam year and everything... Gosh, me and my big mouth. >.< What have I got everyone into AGAIN? I pity my friends... O.olll They've been sweet to me even though we had fights. I obviously can't stay back after school either. Bringing my violin to school is worse. One of my friends went, "Augh! What the hell is this, man?! Aren't you allowed to DO ANYTHING at all?!" Sigh... Thing is, I would not dare to dream of asking her... Dx This is crazy... And this is why solo and doing things alone can be easier. If I am performing solo, it's not that I want all the attention. I mainly just want to perform to show people what I am made of and that I've always wanted to have fun on stage since all the performances always inspire me and make me feel like going up to perform. If I were to perform alone, I trouble myself, I take all the blame myself. I cry by myself and I get mad at myself. Nobody's feelings are hurt. It's better that way. Our friendship would have maintained. =S We've decided our name on "Black Valentine". After all, we all like the colour black. xD Haha. Anyways, I practised my violin late today. I do not think it's really long at all though. xD Oh well. At least the songs are OK. I practised late because I was busy doing my homework earlier. I did it until about 5PM and then practise at 5PM. Somewhere around there. Ended practice somewhere near 7PM. It's not 2 hours. Just happy enough that it exceeded 1 hour and what's more important is the improvements made during the practice. I think it got better...? xD At least my mom did not give me faces showing that she hated what I am doing. So glad she smiled instead. xD Haha. Sometimes when I read manga, watch anime or read a storybook not relating to school, my mom gives me this face. It's like she's telling me to do something more worth the time. I know I could have and probably should have but then that's me. I can be pretty lazy when it comes to something I am not passionate about. >.<

It's not like I'm giving excuses now but then it's the truth. Aren't just about everybody more passionate with the things they love to do?

Right, let's move on to something else. Oh yeah, I woke up late today but thank God I set the alarm clock earlier than necessary. xD And thank goodness my mom woke me up. xD

She also checked whether dad's awake to fetch me to school. xD Looks like dad and I were late today. @.@

Better go now.

Bye and take care and also do not forget to have fun~!^^ =D

Real Life ~ Mini Catch Up

OK, so yesterday's post is left hanging and even though I had the chance to edit it, I did not bother at all. xD

Let's see... I uploaded a real photo of me on Facebook with the violin, I practised the violin yesterday until I hurt my neck and collarbone. Seriously, there were reddish marks after practising. It hurt! T.T Now I really listen to my violin teacher. I used a handkerchief to cover the chin rest and tail piece part while playing. It's really weird and it gets in the way but it did help. Well, yesterday mainly just violin. Lolz. It's like as if every weekends are VIOLIN DAY. =D Especially Saturday. xD

If you really sit down and think, Saturday's like the time mostly spent with violin. I wake up playing, go for violin lessons, come back home to practise and then if possible practise at night too.

Oh yeah, I applied rosin on the violin again. Now I know why suddenly everything sounded so SCREECHY. >.< My ears hurt like crap every time a mistake is made! I found out about needing to apply after asking my mom about how I played the new song. She said the pitch is too high. Weird... So I thought it must have been the rosin problem and my mom thought so too.

After applying, I tested it out by playing a VERY kiddish song - TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE STAR. Lolz! It sounded MUCH, MUCH better. =D Haha. My mom was like, "Hah! That's much better!"

Ears no longer feel like they want to be closed or blocked. Lolz.

You know what? I pity those who could hear my horrible violin playing every time I take my violin out to practise. xD But you know what? If they are patient enough to wait until I perfect the song, they should feel relieved. Sweat...

Hmm, they might have memorized the whole song by the time I perfected it already though. Lolz. Now I have trouble memorizing the new 5 songs. I can roughly remember about 3 of them. For the new songs on the 1st new page, I can so far only remember a bit of the first part.

Alrigthy, moving on to what happen today... Erm, I cannot remember...

I'll tell you readers what I know now then. xD Haha. Sorry, short term memory loss getting pretty serious but I know it won't get too bad since I still DO use my brain, I think. xD Haha!

Brought the new lotion to replace the old cream for hives. Did not work so well. It leaked out and every time I open it, it's all oily from the cream. Even if you managed to close it tightly, the cream oozed out and your hands will get all the cream. Ugh, it's so oily but it smelt nice. Lolz.

Saw a dead rat. Last week was a dead frog. One of my friends gave me a good answer-Dissection.

Our school uses rats and frogs so they must be the ones escaping. So sad, they were squashed in the end even though they experienced a bit of freedom.

I could not take a close look at the dead rat. My friend told me about it. I only saw it from afar. By the time I got near where it was, it was missing. O.o

Lol, someone removed it. xD Anyways, for Survival Skills class, we did wood work and... I TOTALLY ROCK AT IT-NOT! I ruined a lot of stuff and can only do better when using a normal saw. When I used the machine, I freaked out a whole lot. xD First of all, I wished it wasn't so loud and secondly, I wished it wasn't so heavy and easy to get out of control. I'm only lucky I did not hurt anyone or myself. Dx

Mom got food poisoned. =/ It's pretty worrying having to see her around the house. She's either lying around the sofas. Switching from one sofa to another and sighing and stretching. The back of her hand is always covering her forehead. She slept for quite a long time and when she work up, things did not get any better for her. =S

I also could not avoid violin practice to let her have peace and quiet though. T.T

At least by then, she went out to buy dinner. I almost wanted to go walk out to the restaurant to buy the dinner for her but then that restaurant is FAR and needs a car to get there. She went to see the doctor anyways.

I practised about from from 4+PM to 5:71PM. xD Yes, odd number but it's what I saw on the digital clock downstairs.

Wanted to stop at 6PM to make it near 2 hours of practice but then left arm getting exhausted from the practice and am already pretty satisfied with today's improvements.

After all, I have BM tuition after that. I gotta take dinner first if not I would have to end up rushing.

Well, guess what? I did not have to rush but it's better than rushing like a psycho woman anyways. Haha.

Imagine a crazy middle-aged woman with MESSY wiry hair running about the whole house. Not that I am middle-aged (yet) but just picture anyways. And imagine that woman running around mumbling, "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!"

OK, fine, not so funny but whatever.

My friend and I today are crazy mainly thanks to the news of Teacher's Day Performance Audition. xD

We decided on the song "Vida La Vida" or was it "Viva La Vida"? xD Either one of them...

Things got a bit depressing and what mom saying about me not very good with violin yet made me more swayed and not myself. That's sort of what made violin practice a bit distracting. =(

OK, fine, my violin playing get screechy at times but once it is perfected, you gotta admit it can be recognized as a song.

Sigh... 2 more days. Tomorrow & The day after tomorrow to mom's birthday.

I only have those 2 days to perfect "Song From A Secret Garden". I decided not to make it that big a deal now since they can hear my practice. Just that, my mom does not know what I'm performing for her. xD

I told her it's a surprise though from my practices, she can easily tell which song is to be performed for her. xD

Which reminds me, gonna get the scores for "Vida/Viva La Vida". Lyrics too.

OK, was busy getting scores. BAD IDEA! Cannot perform now! They have 3 violin parts! NO piano at all. =S

Can only sing with friends. Crap. I dunno how to put this in sentence to them. The most I can say is next year coz there will be no big exam, next year.

Bye. Gonna find easier Kiss the rain scores.

Real Life ~ "Photoshoot"

Finally, I got my dad to help take the pic of me playing violin.

I mostly looked retarded in the photos. T.T

The best one is ones with me smiling and holding the violin without specs. And I like the one where my back is faced while playing the violin. =P

Alright, just finished editing the photos. Grr, wanna blur the face. xD Lolz. If Autumn and I were to enter the beauty pageant competition, Autumn wins hands-down. xD Haha.

I feel so proud of Autumn. @.@

So what if people labeled it as "Cheap Violin"? Autumn is... gorgeous... LOL.

OK, ignore what I just said.

Real Life ~ Violin Craze

Yes, I am obsessed with violin. And this time, I'm more obsessed with it than piano. What's great about it is that I love my own violin and do not need to go out of my way to play other people's violin. xD

I actually dreamed of my violin last night. I dreamed my classmate saw me bringing my violin to school. I took it out and started hugging it. xD Wanna know something? I love my violin so much I actually always hugged it whenever I take it out to play. I just don't really hug it tightly or how I really wanted to because the strings and bridge are in the way. xD The happy part in the dream is, I hugged it tightly and nothing got in the way. >.< Sweat... Anyways, I got up before the alarm clock rang, which should be at about 10AM. I unset the alarm clock and changed it back to 6AM for school days. Forgotten about breakfast as soon as I got down and turned on the fans. I took Autumn up into the "music room" and started playing. By then, I heard someone coming out of my parent's room. I'm guessing it must have been my mom. At first, I did not want to wake anyone up so I played softly. Hmm, soft violin does not suit cheerful and childish songs so I ended up playing it at the usual volume : LOUD. My violin is loud. Can't deny that. It is made that way. Even my violin teacher said that it is loud. He said he wanted to buy it if I ever wanted to sell it away. =< It makes me sad thinking of having to sell it now though. I love Autumn so much I do not wanna let it go... I'm currently very attached to it. xD Haha. This phrase "attached to the instrument" is something I got from the movie "The Red Violin". But it IS true, I am attached to Autumn. I do not want to separate from it. =P Especially not now. I'm so crazy I actually apologized out loud to the violin if I ever accidentally knock it with the bow. I wipe the rosin powder off the violin with my own hands. It used to make me have bad hives after that but now it is like nothing since I hardly apply rosin already, which means less rosin powder. I sometimes called out to Autumn before opening the violin bag. xD I love staring at Autumn when my left arm gets tired and numb after playing. I love strumming the strings over and over and playing songs with the strumming. I think you can call it pizzicato(a violin technique). Anyways, continuing from before, I practised the violin this morning from 10+am to 11:30AM. I played at various places at the top floor of my house. I played mainly in the "music room" though. I played near the window standing, near the bathroom door standing, near the window sitting, near the door standing, near the keyboard (Olive) standing, under the fan standing, near the unused cupboard standing. It's like I travel around the whole world with my violin. In fact, what makes me even more obsessed with it is that I keep wanting to bring Autumn with me everywhere I go, except toilet. xD Not only the "music room", I played at the hallway outside of the "music room". I played standing, I played sitting, I played standing in front of the fan standing and played in front of the fan sitting too. xD After that, I went into my parent's room to play in front of the mirror to see whether the violin holding position is OK. I am not used to seeing myself play the violin that I keep looking at it. xD Just not up close though. Don't wanna see what I don't wanna see: my face. My mom made me take breakfast even though I drank a bit of water and took the vitamins as breakfast already. By then, it's still 11:30AM after I took down the violin and the book for lesson. By 11:45AM, I have to go for violin lesson. I rushed and made instant mushroom soup. I tried drinking it faster but it's hard since there's no such thing as ICED Mushroom Soup. It might have make me sick after that anyways, better not take the risk and not like I have the time to put ice into it either. xD My mom said since I always entered the class late because the violin teacher is busy, she will pump petrol first. I waited and by the time we reached the place, it was already 12:01PM. I heard violin playing. I thought he was teaching so as I was about to go wait, the counter lady told me to enter. When I entered, you know what he said? "Wow, so clever." LOL! What an insult. xD He's saying I was clever enough to enter! Haha. He gave me about 2 new pages to learn. I just counted and there are about 5 new songs to learn. They are now hard to me but will be easy for me one day. Usually takes me 2 weeks to perfect the songs. I just practised not long ago and well, it was late and I just got back home from "big" dinner, so I was pretty exhausted. The practice did not go so well but it went fine for "Song From A Secret Garden". My violin teacher insulted me saying, "I don't think youc an learn up that song alone." He started trying to see how I play it with his usual piano accompaniment. He was shocked when I got the first bar perfect. He got even more shocked when I played further on. Our so-called duet did not go smoothly though because his version and my version of the song are different. Lolz. I follow the score and changed a bit while his is erm... from memory...? Anyways, he helped tuned my violin as always. He said I suck at counting but is good at memorizing notes. He thought I could not read notes. xD As in, how many counts are certain notes. >.< Thing is, I usually can't and don't count while playing the song. I find my own counting very distracting while playing since all I wanna hear is the violin, not "1,2,3,4". xD He was like, "Why so fast?" Haha. Beats me, I have no diea why I always play faster than it should be. In fact, I spent hours trying to perfect the wrong beat. Now that I know how slow that certain part of the songs are, I could play them fine but then not used to it, so it sometimes sounded screechy. >.< Yikes.

Went back home. Lunch. Piano. Bath. Homework. Geography project. Piano. Go out for "big" dinner. Well, my mom wanted to cut her hair so we went somewhere else first for her haircut.

I am a bit too lazy to type out what happened in detail. And I am going to close my eyes and nod off anytime now. My eyes are red from exhaustion already... xD Haha...

But one thing, I went to "Tropicana Golf Club" all the way in Petaling Jaya(PJ), Selangor, Malaysia for the "big" dinner. I wanted to bring my violin out to play at a certain place there to test out the surround sound in case I ever wanted to perform for anyone there. I could not get to bring it. =[ Oh well, I looked around and found that the place is a bit too... open. xD I don't think it will be as perfect as when I am at home playing at the hallway.

I just found this out today.

Playing in the "music room" alone with doors and windows closed is only good for private performing or just practice. The surround sound is sometimes OK but not as good as when playing at the hallway. Just noticed today.

I played Autumn at the hallway with every doors of the rooms opened with a few windows opened. The acoustic violin sound can be heard VERY clearly. LOUD and CLEAR. I loved the sound so much I played all songs without difficulty. My ears sort of rang after I went down (11:30AM).

I figured out some notes for the song "Kiss The Rain-Yiruma" on my own. I want to play it on violin.

I planned to copy down the notes today but seeing as my family and I returned home from dinner so late, I now have no energy or time left to do so.

Time would be latest until 2AM but to keep a better skin complexion and better health, I have no choice but to sleep by 1:30AM latest now.

In fact, I made a rule for weekends: go up to room by 12AM and read book until 1:30AM if reading book is what I felt like doing.

12:33AM now... Bye. I won't read because I've already read and I don't think words will make sense to me anymore by the time I hit the pillows. Yikes, have not switched on air-con, gonna suffocate. xD

Take care and have fun~!^^

Real Life ~ Music Talk (School)

Ouchies, my fingers are burning and aching a lot. This is from violin practice. xD

I am happy I played until my left wrist had problem moving besides just "burning" my fingers. Lolz, don't call me sadistic or masochistic yet. There's more, I feel happy being like that because it makes me feel like I've worked real hard. Too bad not 2 hours though. =/

No worries, will practise more tonight and more in the morning tomorrow before heading for violin lesson. I just hope he doesn't say I am too rough like that day. =S

For English (UK), the word "practise" is not wrong. =S It really confuses me when this blog is under English (US).

Anyways, still cannot enter room and I started to feel that it's not much of a big deal to enter anymore. Well, this feeling is temporary anyways, as long as I stay fickle-minded. Lolz. So, what I mean is, I started feeling like the last time I haven't been in there before - worried and guilty.

Yesterday, I forgotten to say that it's a pity how that classmate of mine who is a guy that agreed with the B'tards that piano are for gays could play so well but does not dare to show it. =/

It warmed my heart when I heard him play.

My friend wanted to play the piano today even though she knows very well that she is going to be chased out. She rushed me to enter but I dared not to. >.

I purposely slow down and kept asking her, "Are you sure?" and the next thing you know, my classmate went in again today even though he got chased out yesterday. xD

I guess it IS true that those pianos are addictive to play. @.@ Lolz.

Before any of us (my friend and I) got to hear him play, our last year's form teacher entered the room with a cane (she is always carrying one, no worries, she is not going to kill him). After awhile, they got out as we got near the room.

So sad to see him get chased out...

Aww, does he have no piano at home too? T.T

Such a pity, since he could play well. Not a VERY tough song but you know what? He could if he did. I think he took lessons.

But if his case is same as mine, I know I will not be alone. Just that, he's with the B'tards and it's pretty impossible to befriend him and get him to join with our group of friends.

From my other guy friends, they told me that that classmate of ours is not a nice guy. They said he is a know-it-all. 2 things I know about him, he COULD be nice if he tried to be and also, he is addicted to soccer. I hate soccer, no offense. I hate them on TV, not on the field. Even though I like badminton, I still find badminton on TV boring. xD Fair enough here too, see? Sweat...

Anyways, he seemed to be himself and having fun when he played the piano. So glad to see him enjoy himself somehow. xD

Moving on, I still love looking at the room during lessons once in awhile. I just wanna see what happens there and all. For fun now though, because I know very well now that we cannot enter anymore unless we got this crazy, great and safe chance.

I know that chance will come by some day for once.

Just wondering when will that chance fly by.

Even if that chance did not come for me, I want it to come for my friends and including classmate.

My friend thought that once he entered, she could not enter anymore.

Now I can only fake that I want to enter though I would not really mind if it's safe to enter.

I hope you're not eating while reading the next sentence coming right at you now because it's gonna be pretty gruesome of your imagination is too vivid.

"I saw a dead frog, almost crushed flat on the ground but no blood as far as I know."

We were about to have our usual morning assembly and as my friends and I get to our line up, they pointed out the dead frog to me. LOL, I would not have seen it. I just noticed this blackish thing on the ground but never bothered looking. I sorta freaked out but it's not the BIG freak out type. Just a pretty loud "Eww, I don't wanna see it" and a walk away from it. There, done. Haha.

OK, I gotta continue dinner. Bye for now.

Take care and have fun~!^^

P.S: I am gonna write about piano stories from my dreams. I really dreamed them lolz.

Real Life ~ Another Tough Move On

Here I go again, it's really hard to get over piano.

Emotions are once again scattered and to be picked up. =S

So now that the room's being guarded tightly today, I guess the discipline teacher's answer is obvious. Lolz.

Good anyways, it's not like I wanna see her face anymore. My friend agreed. She did not even have the energy to go up and see her.

I think I will go see her for the last time to apologize for complicating this whole shit thing. But I would wanna perform for school, still! =D

I would have wanted to sing as a performance in the past but now, just musical instrument would be wonderful. Now I can only look forward to playing violin and piano on stage or something. xD Maybe for Teacher's Day. =P

I would want to perfect the song "Song From A Secret Garden" by then. Haha.

That song is sad but it expresses the overall life.

Really, if you think about it, life is made of ups and downs, like any old phrase "Life's like a roller coaster". That song may have been mainly sad but there are higher notes that somehow gave me this feeling that things are getting better.

The whole songs rocks. If solo piano VS violin, violin definitely wins for me. But for them both instruments to be played together, they both are much better than one. =P

I hope I can find a pianist to accompany if it's possible. The person has gotta have enough practice and rehearsal together though. =/

I hope that by then, the big exam won't be such a big deal. Not sure of the Teacher's Day date so this explains why I hoped that though I doubted it. xD Lolz.

Anyways, bye bye, now healing once again.

Let's heal together, people, those of you who are broken deep inside and outside. =3

Gambateh~!

Take care and have fun~!^^