Friday, December 16, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Real Life~ A Fear So Strong
It took me approximately 16 years to realize this fear or more like, think clearly what I'm really scared of all along.
Of course, like many others, we are afraid of all sorts of things. Many of us share the same fear whether they are common or not.
Today, I have to attend my tuition and it will be the last for this month.
Last week, my friend didn't come but instead, a different friend whom I thought was really my friend (she ended up using me or maybe I thought too much?) sat next to me.
We talked a lot but what we talked about consists of me mainly 'translating' the word for her long essay. She kept on looking at my essay to get an idea on how to write. I'm not trying to be a snob or anything. If the teacher gave me a boring title, I'd definitely be in her shoes - just that I wouldn't want to ask anyone but treat it like an exam instead.
So anyways, it is really different being with the 'another friend' and my new friend whom I seem to be able to talk a lot to.
Well, I suppose I cannot really say she's a new friend anymore since we've known each other for months already. It just amazes me how possible it was for me to find someone whom I can really relate to and not suddenly stop talking another week.
Some people are like that. Ever since I've met her, I didn't get the chance to read a book or write stuff in my "Tuition Journal" anymore. It's not a bad thing but I sure wasn't used to it at the start.
The truth is, I worry that one day, she and I will have nothing to talk about anymore and that she'll think I'm so boring that she'll eventually leave me.
So today, when we didn't really get the chance to talk much, this fear started spreading through me... I worry that she'll finally think of how WEIRD I really am.... Like as if I have 2 different personalities...
Here's my fear: Meeting a great friend whom I will eventually lose.
You can say I am afraid of losing people whom I love(not necessarily romantically!), care about and are close to me. Dx
Anyone else have this fear? =S
Take care and have fun anyways~!^^
Of course, like many others, we are afraid of all sorts of things. Many of us share the same fear whether they are common or not.
Today, I have to attend my tuition and it will be the last for this month.
Last week, my friend didn't come but instead, a different friend whom I thought was really my friend (she ended up using me or maybe I thought too much?) sat next to me.
We talked a lot but what we talked about consists of me mainly 'translating' the word for her long essay. She kept on looking at my essay to get an idea on how to write. I'm not trying to be a snob or anything. If the teacher gave me a boring title, I'd definitely be in her shoes - just that I wouldn't want to ask anyone but treat it like an exam instead.
So anyways, it is really different being with the 'another friend' and my new friend whom I seem to be able to talk a lot to.
Well, I suppose I cannot really say she's a new friend anymore since we've known each other for months already. It just amazes me how possible it was for me to find someone whom I can really relate to and not suddenly stop talking another week.
Some people are like that. Ever since I've met her, I didn't get the chance to read a book or write stuff in my "Tuition Journal" anymore. It's not a bad thing but I sure wasn't used to it at the start.
The truth is, I worry that one day, she and I will have nothing to talk about anymore and that she'll think I'm so boring that she'll eventually leave me.
So today, when we didn't really get the chance to talk much, this fear started spreading through me... I worry that she'll finally think of how WEIRD I really am.... Like as if I have 2 different personalities...
Here's my fear: Meeting a great friend whom I will eventually lose.
You can say I am afraid of losing people whom I love(not necessarily romantically!), care about and are close to me. Dx
Anyone else have this fear? =S
Take care and have fun anyways~!^^
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Real Life ~ Tear-stained Violinist
Once upon a time, there lived an air-headed girl who wanted nothing but to play the violin. She started loving the violin at the age of 14. She began violin lessons at the age of 15 because her partly strict parents finally allowed her to tread on the unexpectedly thorny, tearful yet overwhelmingly joyful and inspiring path of music.
At the start, she only wanted to play the violin for fun. She never had big dreams of joining the orchestra.
After months of playing the violin, her not-a-secret-anymore dream of playing in an orchestra popped up in her simple mind. She really wanted to be serious in music even if it meant that she will have to take exams and learn theory.
Sadly, she did not come from a wealthy family. She came from an average and partly strict family. Even so, she still felt like a caged bird. She wanted a bit more freedom.
Time after time, she got upset because she could not attend her violin lessons without listening to complaints coming from one of her parents.
Her frail heart could not take it easily the day one of her parents told her she cannot upgrade her violin because "she was not serious and that playing the violin was only a hobby".
On the same day, she cried while playing her violin. 3 tear drops were seen on her violin after one song. She cried loudly but did not care about it because her beloved violin sung loudly. She admitted that she didn't play well while crying but she recalled not being able to play properly at all the last time she cried while playing the violin.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Right, I'll spill the beans.
That air-headed girl was referring to me.
That was what happened to me today.
Yes, I cried during my violin practice. The first note of 'Adoration' by Felix Borowski was the moment I couldn't hold on to my tears any longer.
I wiped my violin after playing that song though...(Well, of course I have to)
I'm fine now anyways. =)
Take care and have fun, everyone~!^^
At the start, she only wanted to play the violin for fun. She never had big dreams of joining the orchestra.
After months of playing the violin, her not-a-secret-anymore dream of playing in an orchestra popped up in her simple mind. She really wanted to be serious in music even if it meant that she will have to take exams and learn theory.
Sadly, she did not come from a wealthy family. She came from an average and partly strict family. Even so, she still felt like a caged bird. She wanted a bit more freedom.
Time after time, she got upset because she could not attend her violin lessons without listening to complaints coming from one of her parents.
Her frail heart could not take it easily the day one of her parents told her she cannot upgrade her violin because "she was not serious and that playing the violin was only a hobby".
On the same day, she cried while playing her violin. 3 tear drops were seen on her violin after one song. She cried loudly but did not care about it because her beloved violin sung loudly. She admitted that she didn't play well while crying but she recalled not being able to play properly at all the last time she cried while playing the violin.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Right, I'll spill the beans.
That air-headed girl was referring to me.
That was what happened to me today.
Yes, I cried during my violin practice. The first note of 'Adoration' by Felix Borowski was the moment I couldn't hold on to my tears any longer.
I wiped my violin after playing that song though...(Well, of course I have to)
I'm fine now anyways. =)
Take care and have fun, everyone~!^^
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Dreams~ Overseas
This is just what I dreamt of last night and I hope you know that I am not writing this to offend or badmouth anything and anyone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm finally studying in UK! I am really happy and excited. People around me are cautious though... That is because it seems like some sort of riot has been going on recently...
My mom and I were walking around in a city, exploring the wonderful country. Despite our enthusiasm, we had to be careful because of the reason mentioned earlier.
At first, I didn't feel scared or worried at all but as we walked, fear started spreading through my body, causing my nerves to be tense. The fear made me shudder at times. The slightest noise might have made me jump.
We were approaching a park but I sensed that something wasn't right. We had to walk along this extremely narrow railings to get to the park. The grass was really green and healthy. The Sun was out too but surprisingly, it didn't make us all sweat or complain about the heat. The next bit here really caught us unaware...We saw a lion. That's right, a lion. A FREAKING lion! Not caged, not tied up - entirely free, and if both of us are stupid enough, we'd walk closer towards the park and get gobbled up before we know it.
We froze for a moment. After a few seconds, I turned back and pushed mom to quickly move. She argued with me that I could have just went out from the front as I was already near the end of where the railings stopped for people to enter the park. I was like, "Are you CRAZY?! The lion will definitely see us!"
We argued more as we ran for our lives. We tried to run to the other end of the park in order to get to where we were heading. I wasn't sure where mom wanted us to go next. As we run, we ran past a suspicious looking man. He might have been a homeless man but he sure gave us a sort of look...
Finally, we reached the other end of the park. The park was huge and luckily, there was a fence diving the wide park. All because of the fence, I wasn't so scared anymore and this reckless side of me brought my legs closer to the fence. Mom was shouting at me to call me back.
I knew I wasn't supposed to be doing that but I felt like being wild... I approached the fence knowing that the lion could have easily damaged the fence and kill every one of us in this side of the park. There were some people sitting on the grass reading while listening to their cell phone or iPod. Many young guys around my age were playing. Several kids ran around playing tag as their mothers watched them.
The lion was still too far even when I've gotten pretty close to the fence and as if a switch inside of me flicked, I suddenly 'woke up', realizing what a stupid thing I was doing. I turned back and went to where my mom was calling me from.
Mom started scolding non-stop. Instead of listening to her, I watched the boys playing. Some faces were familiar and suddenly, sadness washed over me. There wasn't any good reason for the sudden feelings of sorrow.
Again, the next thing I did was not what I could explain. I suddenly told mom loud enough for the boys to hear about what I thought about myself. "I feel that I'm really ugly. I feel useless all the time and that I always let people down no matter how hard I tried." As I was spilling my thoughts, I recalled a paper I'd written in the past (In real life, this happened in an old dream).
A familiar boy was right behind us and started saying something nasty to me. What he said was about me too... I did not defend myself. Mom and I just walked off without saying a word to him, nor to one another. It was as if nothing happened but I was sure that our minds were occupied with anything other than what I just said...
We returned to our dorm. This dorm is the size of a house and it looked every bit like mine right now.
The moment we entered, the living room was there. Dad was watching the TV, his back was facing us.
He heard us enter and greeted us.
Mom decided to go out again to get us dinner.
Dad and I watched the TV. It was kind of boring as nothing interesting was on.
I started to look through my messenger bag and that was when dad came to me with a piece of paper.
What startled me was the fact that the paper he just put in front of my face was the one I'd written in the past! I truly didn't remember bringing it with me. I thought I had lost it!
It was really embarrassing... Most of my innermost thoughts were written there. I've never told anyone about it either!
After what seemed like eternity, mom finally came back with dinner. She was laughing as she opened the door. In came 2 beautiful ladies after mom. Mom explained to us that they're our dorm mates.
The dorm mates were friendly. I didn't get to know their names. I was really shy but I greeted them anyways.
Mom was really excited. She talked endlessly about the varieties of food available.
Guess what she got me... A bowl of spaghetti in watery bolognese sauce. I said "watery" because I could see water with a bit of the sauce. Mom stirred the soup and what she said next frightened me more...
"Doesn't it look delicious? I knew you like soup and spaghetti so I got this specially for you! Go on, eat it up!"
She actually said it with a SMILE! She really meant it when I stared at her with my jaws dropped.
She then gave me a weird look as she tilted her head.
"Why? What's wrong?"
"Uh, n-nothing!" I started eating...
The scene changed into a posh and crowded shopping complex.
Dad, mom and I were in an incredibly huge food court. People were everywhere and it was pretty noisy.
We were looking at how a chef made some sort of dish. It was really hard to see what the chef was doing because so many people were in front and we were all right at the back.
Not interested, I looked around me and spotted the 2 dorm mates not far from us. They were also checking out the places in UK.
They waved at me and even my parents turned back to wave back at them.
The scene abruptly changed into an extremely cold, windy and gloomy place. Leaves were blowing about. The street was empty. We walked past a bus stop.
That was where we separated. My family and I decided to go to a zoo. The 2 dorm mates left to go somewhere else.
At the zoo, the weather suddenly became really hot. We all were sweating and the bright Sun made us have trouble keeping our eyes opened.
We saw wild animals free to roam about but they all stayed in a huge group as if they were really caged up.
I was really wondering how come none ever attacked us. No one else besides my family and I were at the zoo.
We saw weird animals... I think they extinct already...
After that, we went into a souvenir shop and...
The best, unexpected bit just appeared~
We came across a large section selling anime merchandise! I wouldn't be surprised if the store owner told me they sell ALL titles.
Knowing that I would stay there for hours and that the total amount of things I wanted to buy would be countless, I moved ahead.
We met up with the 2 dorm mates again. They were fascinated so they stayed on to look at the posters being sold there. They told me that it was their first time seeing these things. They didn't know what 'anime' and 'manga' were.
My parents were surprised that I didn't stay on to look at all the stuff. Mom questioned me but knowing that they'd turn back after hearing my reasons, I kept quiet. I didn't want to trouble anyone.
They walked behind me, still surprised.
Every step I took increased the feeling of regret deep within me...
That's right, I love being in a place filled with anime and manga related stuff even though I cannot afford all.
Just as we turned into another section, there goes my last hope!
A small section for key chains of all sorts of anime.
Naruto, Bleach, Death Note and everything!
A packet of various key chains got my attention. It was a nice Naruto key chain but there were others from other animes too!
I saw Death Note, Bleach, Kimi ni Todoke and many others.
Then, I thought of who would like which key chain as a present~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm finally studying in UK! I am really happy and excited. People around me are cautious though... That is because it seems like some sort of riot has been going on recently...
My mom and I were walking around in a city, exploring the wonderful country. Despite our enthusiasm, we had to be careful because of the reason mentioned earlier.
At first, I didn't feel scared or worried at all but as we walked, fear started spreading through my body, causing my nerves to be tense. The fear made me shudder at times. The slightest noise might have made me jump.
We were approaching a park but I sensed that something wasn't right. We had to walk along this extremely narrow railings to get to the park. The grass was really green and healthy. The Sun was out too but surprisingly, it didn't make us all sweat or complain about the heat. The next bit here really caught us unaware...We saw a lion. That's right, a lion. A FREAKING lion! Not caged, not tied up - entirely free, and if both of us are stupid enough, we'd walk closer towards the park and get gobbled up before we know it.
We froze for a moment. After a few seconds, I turned back and pushed mom to quickly move. She argued with me that I could have just went out from the front as I was already near the end of where the railings stopped for people to enter the park. I was like, "Are you CRAZY?! The lion will definitely see us!"
We argued more as we ran for our lives. We tried to run to the other end of the park in order to get to where we were heading. I wasn't sure where mom wanted us to go next. As we run, we ran past a suspicious looking man. He might have been a homeless man but he sure gave us a sort of look...
Finally, we reached the other end of the park. The park was huge and luckily, there was a fence diving the wide park. All because of the fence, I wasn't so scared anymore and this reckless side of me brought my legs closer to the fence. Mom was shouting at me to call me back.
I knew I wasn't supposed to be doing that but I felt like being wild... I approached the fence knowing that the lion could have easily damaged the fence and kill every one of us in this side of the park. There were some people sitting on the grass reading while listening to their cell phone or iPod. Many young guys around my age were playing. Several kids ran around playing tag as their mothers watched them.
The lion was still too far even when I've gotten pretty close to the fence and as if a switch inside of me flicked, I suddenly 'woke up', realizing what a stupid thing I was doing. I turned back and went to where my mom was calling me from.
Mom started scolding non-stop. Instead of listening to her, I watched the boys playing. Some faces were familiar and suddenly, sadness washed over me. There wasn't any good reason for the sudden feelings of sorrow.
Again, the next thing I did was not what I could explain. I suddenly told mom loud enough for the boys to hear about what I thought about myself. "I feel that I'm really ugly. I feel useless all the time and that I always let people down no matter how hard I tried." As I was spilling my thoughts, I recalled a paper I'd written in the past (In real life, this happened in an old dream).
A familiar boy was right behind us and started saying something nasty to me. What he said was about me too... I did not defend myself. Mom and I just walked off without saying a word to him, nor to one another. It was as if nothing happened but I was sure that our minds were occupied with anything other than what I just said...
We returned to our dorm. This dorm is the size of a house and it looked every bit like mine right now.
The moment we entered, the living room was there. Dad was watching the TV, his back was facing us.
He heard us enter and greeted us.
Mom decided to go out again to get us dinner.
Dad and I watched the TV. It was kind of boring as nothing interesting was on.
I started to look through my messenger bag and that was when dad came to me with a piece of paper.
What startled me was the fact that the paper he just put in front of my face was the one I'd written in the past! I truly didn't remember bringing it with me. I thought I had lost it!
It was really embarrassing... Most of my innermost thoughts were written there. I've never told anyone about it either!
After what seemed like eternity, mom finally came back with dinner. She was laughing as she opened the door. In came 2 beautiful ladies after mom. Mom explained to us that they're our dorm mates.
The dorm mates were friendly. I didn't get to know their names. I was really shy but I greeted them anyways.
Mom was really excited. She talked endlessly about the varieties of food available.
Guess what she got me... A bowl of spaghetti in watery bolognese sauce. I said "watery" because I could see water with a bit of the sauce. Mom stirred the soup and what she said next frightened me more...
"Doesn't it look delicious? I knew you like soup and spaghetti so I got this specially for you! Go on, eat it up!"
She actually said it with a SMILE! She really meant it when I stared at her with my jaws dropped.
She then gave me a weird look as she tilted her head.
"Why? What's wrong?"
"Uh, n-nothing!" I started eating...
The scene changed into a posh and crowded shopping complex.
Dad, mom and I were in an incredibly huge food court. People were everywhere and it was pretty noisy.
We were looking at how a chef made some sort of dish. It was really hard to see what the chef was doing because so many people were in front and we were all right at the back.
Not interested, I looked around me and spotted the 2 dorm mates not far from us. They were also checking out the places in UK.
They waved at me and even my parents turned back to wave back at them.
The scene abruptly changed into an extremely cold, windy and gloomy place. Leaves were blowing about. The street was empty. We walked past a bus stop.
That was where we separated. My family and I decided to go to a zoo. The 2 dorm mates left to go somewhere else.
At the zoo, the weather suddenly became really hot. We all were sweating and the bright Sun made us have trouble keeping our eyes opened.
We saw wild animals free to roam about but they all stayed in a huge group as if they were really caged up.
I was really wondering how come none ever attacked us. No one else besides my family and I were at the zoo.
We saw weird animals... I think they extinct already...
After that, we went into a souvenir shop and...
The best, unexpected bit just appeared~
We came across a large section selling anime merchandise! I wouldn't be surprised if the store owner told me they sell ALL titles.
Knowing that I would stay there for hours and that the total amount of things I wanted to buy would be countless, I moved ahead.
We met up with the 2 dorm mates again. They were fascinated so they stayed on to look at the posters being sold there. They told me that it was their first time seeing these things. They didn't know what 'anime' and 'manga' were.
My parents were surprised that I didn't stay on to look at all the stuff. Mom questioned me but knowing that they'd turn back after hearing my reasons, I kept quiet. I didn't want to trouble anyone.
They walked behind me, still surprised.
Every step I took increased the feeling of regret deep within me...
That's right, I love being in a place filled with anime and manga related stuff even though I cannot afford all.
Just as we turned into another section, there goes my last hope!
A small section for key chains of all sorts of anime.
Naruto, Bleach, Death Note and everything!
A packet of various key chains got my attention. It was a nice Naruto key chain but there were others from other animes too!
I saw Death Note, Bleach, Kimi ni Todoke and many others.
Then, I thought of who would like which key chain as a present~
-THE END-
Take care and have fun, everyone~!^^
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Real Life ~ What I've Decided
In one of the recent posts, if any of you remember, I said about being absolutely confused and depressed.
True, I AM still like that but after days and possibly weeks of thinking, I've come to a few conclusions and resolutions. Maybe no one will agree with all of them. Maybe some of you think I find unnecessary things to ponder about. Maybe some of you think I have got nothing better to do.
Whatever it is, I am still going on with mentioning them~ Because I'm annoying like that. ;)
1. I'll try to go to UK to further my studies after studying in the local college.
2. I'll choose courses like English Language, English Literature (sometimes they are joined together) and also Creative Writing/Professional Writing (so far it's been known as Creative Writing and it seemed pretty interesting).
3. If possible, join a music society or club while studying in college/universities.
4. I'm not suitable to be married to anyone so... perhaps going back to square one is still the best. That means I will try to live a single life. (I call it "square one" because I've made up my mind about that almost 2 years ago when I was extremely lost and confused.) Lonely? Nope, Just buy those 7 cats and a talking parrot... JUST KIDDING! I'll find ways to love my own company and occupy myself like what I'm doing now.
Regarding the 4th one, it's not urgent or anything now but I like fantasizing about the unknown future when I'm not worrying about it (though it the fantasizing LEADS to worrying).
Since I'm so dependent and all, I must learn to show people I can live alone. I'm taking this now as an informal personal challenge. This also means that I do not have to be too serious about this challenge and that if I really come across someone who is able to take all my nonsense, maybe I'll change my mind.
Still, it's unfair for the person because I always bring trouble.
I have more to say about my negative traits but I'm just going to leave it there. (>.<)
As for my ambition, it will definitely have something to do with the courses I've already mentioned. After all, as many have already said, English is widely used in various fields and jobs.
Fine, my English isn't good enough but that doesn't mean I didn't try~ It is my one and only hope left...
Not sure if I've ever said this before but I would love to continue playing the violin and perform more in public~
Come to think of it, I would want a house with a special room meant for violin and piano practice~ If possible, a sound-proof room so no one will be disturbed at all sorts of hours.
It's not cheap but seriously, sometimes (possibly most of the time), I feel like taking my violin out to play for fun. Because of having to be considerate and to think about the family members and neighbours, I got no choice but to wait for the moment I wake up - which lately, I am either too lazy or stiff to go and take everything out. =x
Even so, I took out my violin to play for "awhile" in the morning today... Around 8AM+... =x
Not such a great time but you know what? My neighbours make MORE noise and sometimes they are the ones waking me up. xD
Just a bit of "pay back time" would be fair, right? ;P
There was one time in the starting of this year where I had to shorten my violin practice. =/ Came home late from cousin's house. My lil cousin bro still wanted to talk to me so he phoned me and wouldn't hang up even when I've taken the violin out already. After he finally hung up, I could only play for a short time. Can't recall how short but it definitely ain't 1 hour and 30 minutes. *pouts*
Right, done blabbering~
Take care and have fun, people~!
True, I AM still like that but after days and possibly weeks of thinking, I've come to a few conclusions and resolutions. Maybe no one will agree with all of them. Maybe some of you think I find unnecessary things to ponder about. Maybe some of you think I have got nothing better to do.
Whatever it is, I am still going on with mentioning them~ Because I'm annoying like that. ;)
1. I'll try to go to UK to further my studies after studying in the local college.
2. I'll choose courses like English Language, English Literature (sometimes they are joined together) and also Creative Writing/Professional Writing (so far it's been known as Creative Writing and it seemed pretty interesting).
3. If possible, join a music society or club while studying in college/universities.
4. I'm not suitable to be married to anyone so... perhaps going back to square one is still the best. That means I will try to live a single life. (I call it "square one" because I've made up my mind about that almost 2 years ago when I was extremely lost and confused.) Lonely? Nope, Just buy those 7 cats and a talking parrot... JUST KIDDING! I'll find ways to love my own company and occupy myself like what I'm doing now.
Regarding the 4th one, it's not urgent or anything now but I like fantasizing about the unknown future when I'm not worrying about it (though it the fantasizing LEADS to worrying).
Since I'm so dependent and all, I must learn to show people I can live alone. I'm taking this now as an informal personal challenge. This also means that I do not have to be too serious about this challenge and that if I really come across someone who is able to take all my nonsense, maybe I'll change my mind.
Still, it's unfair for the person because I always bring trouble.
I have more to say about my negative traits but I'm just going to leave it there. (>.<)
As for my ambition, it will definitely have something to do with the courses I've already mentioned. After all, as many have already said, English is widely used in various fields and jobs.
Fine, my English isn't good enough but that doesn't mean I didn't try~ It is my one and only hope left...
Not sure if I've ever said this before but I would love to continue playing the violin and perform more in public~
Come to think of it, I would want a house with a special room meant for violin and piano practice~ If possible, a sound-proof room so no one will be disturbed at all sorts of hours.
It's not cheap but seriously, sometimes (possibly most of the time), I feel like taking my violin out to play for fun. Because of having to be considerate and to think about the family members and neighbours, I got no choice but to wait for the moment I wake up - which lately, I am either too lazy or stiff to go and take everything out. =x
Even so, I took out my violin to play for "awhile" in the morning today... Around 8AM+... =x
Not such a great time but you know what? My neighbours make MORE noise and sometimes they are the ones waking me up. xD
Just a bit of "pay back time" would be fair, right? ;P
There was one time in the starting of this year where I had to shorten my violin practice. =/ Came home late from cousin's house. My lil cousin bro still wanted to talk to me so he phoned me and wouldn't hang up even when I've taken the violin out already. After he finally hung up, I could only play for a short time. Can't recall how short but it definitely ain't 1 hour and 30 minutes. *pouts*
Right, done blabbering~
Take care and have fun, people~!
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Real Life ~ Sweet Dreams...
Woke up sick.
What's new?
*looks around searching for something different*
Well, I found one.
Yesterday, I was reading this manga called "Conductor". Although I was not able to see as many musical instruments as I wanted, I could not help reading on. Psst, probably entranced by the beauty of a violinist in the manga. ;) Oh yeah, in case you're thinking that I'm some common, perverted guy, I am NOT a guy at all! xD
Fine, THAT was not new but the latest news comes later! xD Saving the best for last. ;P
After reading until almost the latest chapter of the manga "Conductor", I started fantasizing. I pictured myself as one of the violinists in an orchestra. It doesn't have to be the first chair.
In the manga, a group of friends from the orchestra got along fine - except one scene which caught me off guard. To tell the truth, I stopped fantasizing about being in an orchestra months ago because I have to be realistic and know that not everyone gets along.
Too bad, reality isn't in my fantasy right now. xD
I just like playing the violin and making music with people. Well, I know that I cannot get to choose which piece and that I will not be able to sync well all the time but that doesn't stop me from dreaming...
All in all, it was a sweet dream/fantasy to me... =3
Right, back to the 'latest news'! ^^
In case you're really curious, here's a hint: Violin.
No, I didn't get a new violi-
Right, sorry, gotta stop being so long-winded. Hehe~
Was going out on a usual shopping trip with my parents.
We went to a shopping complex that reopened just not long ago. It had to close down for about 2 months due to some serious reasons.
Although I didn't find that place interesting at first, I came to love it in the end even though it doesn't really have anything that attracts my attention. The atmosphere there was what made me happy there. =)
Of course the atmosphere's pretty much gone now but maybe it'll come back.
On the top floor, we saw a music shop. What caught my attention was obviously none other than the VIOLIN~ They sold cellos too. 2 only though.
We went into the shop to have a look. The colours of the violins were mainly dark but I LOVE dark-coloured violins anyways!^^
A salesman (also the owner of the shop) came to ask if I would like to try playing.
His English was not very good but I liked that he didn't sound like a know-it-all like the rest of the salesmen in music shops! *Laughs*
The fact that he didn't know much about violins was proven the moment I held the violin. The strings were really loose (obviously not tuned) and the bow he gave me was tiny (meant for smaller violins). That was the only bow available for demo at that time (but I am sure he wouldn't mind taking them out if I asked).
Oh, another thing: either no rosin or not enough rosin was applied.
They took quite awhile to hand me a tuner (*blush* Yes, yes, I know I suck at tuning!). I had a hard time tuning because it was my first time tuning without the 3 fine tuners for the G,D and A string.
I roughly tuned them and then started to try out. Gah, E string was the hardest to tune! Kept staying at D#!
Of course I chose to play "Adoration" by Felix Borowski. xD I couldn't play properly because 1) It's not really in tune but good enough to recognize the notes. and 2) Not enough rosin or no rosin, remember? (I haven't asked for a cake of it to apply yet at that time)
Finally, when asked how was it, I told them the bow's short but that's not really the problem and that the rosin was the main problem. How I managed to draw out those notes were beyond my explanation. xD Must've been a miracle. *Looks up and search for the holy light*
When I was playing, some from outside watched me playing. Some went into the shop and a girl stood watching me. I wish I could explain to them that I do not normally play that...badly. xD
A different person (probably the wife of the salesman) passed me a cake of rosin. I applied 6 times. I wanted to do more rounds (like what you're supposed to do for a new, unused bow) but it's not like I would be able to play any better coz of the tuning problem. =x
It sounded better and it was easier to play... Only 2 problems left... I suck at using short bows (Here are 2 excuse I came up with: I didn't start violin from when I was a lil' kid and I'm just not good enough) and it was not in tune (as I've already repeated over and over...).
They talked about having music lessons there too so they showed my mom and I around.
I couldn't resist it and sat on the piano bench playing. I played softly. I was definitely NOT used to playing a proper piano. =x Haven't played the piano ever since Autumn (my violin) moved in with me.
The moment I wake up, I play the violin when I felt like it.
The moment I had to take a bath, I now play the violin more than stealing a few minutes reading a book.
The moment I come back from shopping, I sometimes take out the violin to play (like what I did today).
I always stared at Olive (my MINI keyboard), wanting to play but I know I can never go any further... The limited range of keys is one of the problems and... I haven't seen a piano sheet music for a long time (Well, fine, I saw it last week but it was used to play the violin).
The people there thought I was good at the violin. They thought I was talented and that I belonged in the path of music.
That was what I desired back then but now, it's just a fantasy. *smiles ruefully*
They found it amazing that I could play piano too but little did they know I am actually not good at it...
They knew about me learning piano ever since I was a kid. They also knew that I started violin last year and am Grade 7 (actually already completed Grade 7). They knew my age.
Just like that, without having seen me actually playing both instruments, they thought I was talented.
*scratches head* I know not to be big-headed and start believing them totally but since I do not receive compliments like these every day, I'd love to feel happy hearing them. ^^
So that was my 'latest news'. Pathetic, maybe. =x
Take care and have fun, everyone~!^^
I hope I have happy news to tell instead of the usual depressing topics... Unless depressing topics are more interesting to you? ;P
Psst, I can see through you...
What's new?
*looks around searching for something different*
Well, I found one.
Yesterday, I was reading this manga called "Conductor". Although I was not able to see as many musical instruments as I wanted, I could not help reading on. Psst, probably entranced by the beauty of a violinist in the manga. ;) Oh yeah, in case you're thinking that I'm some common, perverted guy, I am NOT a guy at all! xD
Fine, THAT was not new but the latest news comes later! xD Saving the best for last. ;P
After reading until almost the latest chapter of the manga "Conductor", I started fantasizing. I pictured myself as one of the violinists in an orchestra. It doesn't have to be the first chair.
In the manga, a group of friends from the orchestra got along fine - except one scene which caught me off guard. To tell the truth, I stopped fantasizing about being in an orchestra months ago because I have to be realistic and know that not everyone gets along.
Too bad, reality isn't in my fantasy right now. xD
I just like playing the violin and making music with people. Well, I know that I cannot get to choose which piece and that I will not be able to sync well all the time but that doesn't stop me from dreaming...
All in all, it was a sweet dream/fantasy to me... =3
Right, back to the 'latest news'! ^^
In case you're really curious, here's a hint: Violin.
No, I didn't get a new violi-
Right, sorry, gotta stop being so long-winded. Hehe~
Was going out on a usual shopping trip with my parents.
We went to a shopping complex that reopened just not long ago. It had to close down for about 2 months due to some serious reasons.
Although I didn't find that place interesting at first, I came to love it in the end even though it doesn't really have anything that attracts my attention. The atmosphere there was what made me happy there. =)
Of course the atmosphere's pretty much gone now but maybe it'll come back.
On the top floor, we saw a music shop. What caught my attention was obviously none other than the VIOLIN~ They sold cellos too. 2 only though.
We went into the shop to have a look. The colours of the violins were mainly dark but I LOVE dark-coloured violins anyways!^^
A salesman (also the owner of the shop) came to ask if I would like to try playing.
His English was not very good but I liked that he didn't sound like a know-it-all like the rest of the salesmen in music shops! *Laughs*
The fact that he didn't know much about violins was proven the moment I held the violin. The strings were really loose (obviously not tuned) and the bow he gave me was tiny (meant for smaller violins). That was the only bow available for demo at that time (but I am sure he wouldn't mind taking them out if I asked).
Oh, another thing: either no rosin or not enough rosin was applied.
They took quite awhile to hand me a tuner (*blush* Yes, yes, I know I suck at tuning!). I had a hard time tuning because it was my first time tuning without the 3 fine tuners for the G,D and A string.
I roughly tuned them and then started to try out. Gah, E string was the hardest to tune! Kept staying at D#!
Of course I chose to play "Adoration" by Felix Borowski. xD I couldn't play properly because 1) It's not really in tune but good enough to recognize the notes. and 2) Not enough rosin or no rosin, remember? (I haven't asked for a cake of it to apply yet at that time)
Finally, when asked how was it, I told them the bow's short but that's not really the problem and that the rosin was the main problem. How I managed to draw out those notes were beyond my explanation. xD Must've been a miracle. *Looks up and search for the holy light*
When I was playing, some from outside watched me playing. Some went into the shop and a girl stood watching me. I wish I could explain to them that I do not normally play that...badly. xD
A different person (probably the wife of the salesman) passed me a cake of rosin. I applied 6 times. I wanted to do more rounds (like what you're supposed to do for a new, unused bow) but it's not like I would be able to play any better coz of the tuning problem. =x
It sounded better and it was easier to play... Only 2 problems left... I suck at using short bows (Here are 2 excuse I came up with: I didn't start violin from when I was a lil' kid and I'm just not good enough) and it was not in tune (as I've already repeated over and over...).
They talked about having music lessons there too so they showed my mom and I around.
I couldn't resist it and sat on the piano bench playing. I played softly. I was definitely NOT used to playing a proper piano. =x Haven't played the piano ever since Autumn (my violin) moved in with me.
The moment I wake up, I play the violin when I felt like it.
The moment I had to take a bath, I now play the violin more than stealing a few minutes reading a book.
The moment I come back from shopping, I sometimes take out the violin to play (like what I did today).
I always stared at Olive (my MINI keyboard), wanting to play but I know I can never go any further... The limited range of keys is one of the problems and... I haven't seen a piano sheet music for a long time (Well, fine, I saw it last week but it was used to play the violin).
The people there thought I was good at the violin. They thought I was talented and that I belonged in the path of music.
That was what I desired back then but now, it's just a fantasy. *smiles ruefully*
They found it amazing that I could play piano too but little did they know I am actually not good at it...
They knew about me learning piano ever since I was a kid. They also knew that I started violin last year and am Grade 7 (actually already completed Grade 7). They knew my age.
Just like that, without having seen me actually playing both instruments, they thought I was talented.
*scratches head* I know not to be big-headed and start believing them totally but since I do not receive compliments like these every day, I'd love to feel happy hearing them. ^^
So that was my 'latest news'. Pathetic, maybe. =x
Take care and have fun, everyone~!^^
I hope I have happy news to tell instead of the usual depressing topics... Unless depressing topics are more interesting to you? ;P
Psst, I can see through you...
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Real Life ~ Mundane Accomplishments
-Killed the cat that keeps coming to my house to do 'big business'.
Check.
-Choose the next target before noon.
Check.
-Stalk the target on Facebook.
Check.
-Make prank calls to annoy the target.
Check.
-Sharpen my blade and-
*Throws the checklist across the room*
Oh okay, I was obviously kidding - except the fact that I wanna strangle that lil' cat!
Here's my actual checklist....
-Wash one of the violin cloths once and for alland kill that friggin' cat.
Check. It's the cloth I used while playing the violin, not the one used for wiping the violin. You wouldn't believe how hard it was to wash the cloth. I know it will sound disgusting to you but I had a hard time removing some blood stains. Ah, before you back away from the computer in horror, those were tiny little blood stains that no one would be able to see. After all, my left side of the neck/jaw isn't seriously injured. Oh yeah, one mroe disgusting fact - I have not washed it properly since my last performance or in January/February. You see now why was it so hard to get it completely clean? Another disgusting thing to say - I missed the violin smell... Well, I'd say it's the violin but of course I sweat too, right? ;) Trust me, it smells better than my sweaty plain T-shirts even though it should contain more sweat. =x
-Cut my hair short.
Check. Not in a salon, definitely, because I'm not allowed to at this age. *Shrugs* If you're wondering whether I am going to grieve for the hair that had been cut away like most girls, this time I am not going to. =D My head felt heavy and although my hair wasn't as long as what you're probably imagining now, my hair really kept getting on my nerves. Frizzy, as in extremely FRIZZY (because it is natural and never been styles or dyed before) and just irritating. I do not get how can girls with long hair still look pretty and elegant when they have their hair down. I know most of them (or all of them) have their hair styled (so it's meant to be much neater) but really, how do they do that?! I feel like an idiot with my hair down. It is as if I'm destined to be the awkward girl. @.@
That is all I have to say about the mundane accomplishments.
Moving on to a better accomplishment~
-Find out more about college and universities.
Semi-check. xD I still do not know A LOT about them but looking at all the courses so far, I've come to know what are they about and which one suits me more. Of course I love music a lot but really, I am not cut out for this path as much as I fantasize. Now I am just trying (not my best because my best equals to how I was like last year when I first started violin) to get the bowing and spiccato right, which reminds me of today's fairly good practice. I do not want to have high hopes or anything but I think I've made my spiccato more stable. I just have to make sure I have consistent & accurate position and movement while bowing. All thanks to my violin teacher!^^
Really, I only have that one and only 'better accomplishment'...
After having finished a shoujo manga "Shuukatsu!! - Kimi ni Naitei " by Yoshino Aki, I feel as if I'll eventually become the main female character, Asaoka Yuuri. She sort of reminds me of Megumi Noda (Nodame) from Nodame Cantabile. I feel like I will end up like both of them. xD Not saying that I will somehow come across a bishounen who initially comes off as a snob but then turns out to be a nice guy though. =P What I meant was I will somehow end up having a job that's relating to kids... You see, I am beginning to think that it ain't so... boring to be a kindergarten teacher. I also think of editing children's books if I am not good enough to handle adults' or teenagers' books. *Sighs worriedly*
Lately, I am starting to have problem controlling my tongue and emotions... I'm sure I've said this before in previous posts and for some time I didn't mention after that. Truth is, I've been like this since then but it wasn't that serious. Now, just by talking to people, I feel as if I must argue with them. By default, (well, my "default", that is!) I choose to isolate myself until my minds clears up or comes to a reasonable conclusion. Yes, that also means my mind is in a crazy mess, like all over the place. I'm deeply confused.
What's frustrating me the most is that I used to know what I wanted and what I needed. It was not exactly what most (but not all) teenagers know because they're too fickle-minded to decide. At the age of 14, after a lot of thinking and depression, ideas suddenly came to mind. I wanted to be a psychologist. I wanted to learn to play the violin. I wanted to live single for life as a personal challenge. I wanted to live alone with my very own dog (because I used to always want one!).
Now, *smiles ruefully* I am not all that sure of what I want to work as in the future. I admit I CANNOT be a psychologist because it does not suit my feeble personality (let's hope the term "feeble personality" can be used and holds a meaning). Fortunately, I just read up on some courses and I definitely feel way better and less confused. I now know Journalism/Media Journalism and English Language & Literature are DIFFERENT things. (>.<)
I've always hated to be fickle-minded... Hated to have people believe that all teenagers are like that... After having written a story for months, I suddenly just lost the mood (I've had a month of exams so it's not surprising to lose the mood) and could not truly retrieve it back. Just ever so lazy to continue because that would mean I have to read back all over again. I was pretty close to the end too...
I thought of writing the story in a proper way but this morning after continuing it, some questions got to me.
"Is that even interesting? You spent almost one whole goddamn page on introduction!"
"Just read the book you're reading now and then tell me which part of you think you can publish that one day with that kind of standard?"
"You're not getting anywhere close! You might have to redo..."
So, you know what now? I'll just have to ignore those questions and screw 'em all by writing what I like. As for poems, I suppose I write more of them than a completed story. Truth be told, I've not written ANY completed stories that I would want to publish. As for school work and exams, of course they have an ending but with the time limit or word limit, I have no choice but to be quick. xD
After that, whenever I try to make the story longer, like what I've attempted for 2 or 3 times, I fail to accomplish that. It's kinda of funny when I admit this myself. xD
Gonna go read manga now~ I've written this long enough... From 10PM until 11:32PM...
Have fun and take care, everyone~!^^
Check.
-Choose the next target before noon.
Check.
-Stalk the target on Facebook.
Check.
-Make prank calls to annoy the target.
Check.
-Sharpen my blade and-
*Throws the checklist across the room*
Oh okay, I was obviously kidding - except the fact that I wanna strangle that lil' cat!
Here's my actual checklist....
-Wash one of the violin cloths once and for all
Check. It's the cloth I used while playing the violin, not the one used for wiping the violin. You wouldn't believe how hard it was to wash the cloth. I know it will sound disgusting to you but I had a hard time removing some blood stains. Ah, before you back away from the computer in horror, those were tiny little blood stains that no one would be able to see. After all, my left side of the neck/jaw isn't seriously injured. Oh yeah, one mroe disgusting fact - I have not washed it properly since my last performance or in January/February. You see now why was it so hard to get it completely clean? Another disgusting thing to say - I missed the violin smell... Well, I'd say it's the violin but of course I sweat too, right? ;) Trust me, it smells better than my sweaty plain T-shirts even though it should contain more sweat. =x
-Cut my hair short.
Check. Not in a salon, definitely, because I'm not allowed to at this age. *Shrugs* If you're wondering whether I am going to grieve for the hair that had been cut away like most girls, this time I am not going to. =D My head felt heavy and although my hair wasn't as long as what you're probably imagining now, my hair really kept getting on my nerves. Frizzy, as in extremely FRIZZY (because it is natural and never been styles or dyed before) and just irritating. I do not get how can girls with long hair still look pretty and elegant when they have their hair down. I know most of them (or all of them) have their hair styled (so it's meant to be much neater) but really, how do they do that?! I feel like an idiot with my hair down. It is as if I'm destined to be the awkward girl. @.@
That is all I have to say about the mundane accomplishments.
Moving on to a better accomplishment~
-Find out more about college and universities.
Semi-check. xD I still do not know A LOT about them but looking at all the courses so far, I've come to know what are they about and which one suits me more. Of course I love music a lot but really, I am not cut out for this path as much as I fantasize. Now I am just trying (not my best because my best equals to how I was like last year when I first started violin) to get the bowing and spiccato right, which reminds me of today's fairly good practice. I do not want to have high hopes or anything but I think I've made my spiccato more stable. I just have to make sure I have consistent & accurate position and movement while bowing. All thanks to my violin teacher!^^
Really, I only have that one and only 'better accomplishment'...
After having finished a shoujo manga "Shuukatsu!! - Kimi ni Naitei " by Yoshino Aki, I feel as if I'll eventually become the main female character, Asaoka Yuuri. She sort of reminds me of Megumi Noda (Nodame) from Nodame Cantabile. I feel like I will end up like both of them. xD Not saying that I will somehow come across a bishounen who initially comes off as a snob but then turns out to be a nice guy though. =P What I meant was I will somehow end up having a job that's relating to kids... You see, I am beginning to think that it ain't so... boring to be a kindergarten teacher. I also think of editing children's books if I am not good enough to handle adults' or teenagers' books. *Sighs worriedly*
Lately, I am starting to have problem controlling my tongue and emotions... I'm sure I've said this before in previous posts and for some time I didn't mention after that. Truth is, I've been like this since then but it wasn't that serious. Now, just by talking to people, I feel as if I must argue with them. By default, (well, my "default", that is!) I choose to isolate myself until my minds clears up or comes to a reasonable conclusion. Yes, that also means my mind is in a crazy mess, like all over the place. I'm deeply confused.
What's frustrating me the most is that I used to know what I wanted and what I needed. It was not exactly what most (but not all) teenagers know because they're too fickle-minded to decide. At the age of 14, after a lot of thinking and depression, ideas suddenly came to mind. I wanted to be a psychologist. I wanted to learn to play the violin. I wanted to live single for life as a personal challenge. I wanted to live alone with my very own dog (because I used to always want one!).
Now, *smiles ruefully* I am not all that sure of what I want to work as in the future. I admit I CANNOT be a psychologist because it does not suit my feeble personality (let's hope the term "feeble personality" can be used and holds a meaning). Fortunately, I just read up on some courses and I definitely feel way better and less confused. I now know Journalism/Media Journalism and English Language & Literature are DIFFERENT things. (>.<)
I've always hated to be fickle-minded... Hated to have people believe that all teenagers are like that... After having written a story for months, I suddenly just lost the mood (I've had a month of exams so it's not surprising to lose the mood) and could not truly retrieve it back. Just ever so lazy to continue because that would mean I have to read back all over again. I was pretty close to the end too...
I thought of writing the story in a proper way but this morning after continuing it, some questions got to me.
"Is that even interesting? You spent almost one whole goddamn page on introduction!"
"Just read the book you're reading now and then tell me which part of you think you can publish that one day with that kind of standard?"
"You're not getting anywhere close! You might have to redo..."
So, you know what now? I'll just have to ignore those questions and screw 'em all by writing what I like. As for poems, I suppose I write more of them than a completed story. Truth be told, I've not written ANY completed stories that I would want to publish. As for school work and exams, of course they have an ending but with the time limit or word limit, I have no choice but to be quick. xD
After that, whenever I try to make the story longer, like what I've attempted for 2 or 3 times, I fail to accomplish that. It's kinda of funny when I admit this myself. xD
Gonna go read manga now~ I've written this long enough... From 10PM until 11:32PM...
Have fun and take care, everyone~!^^
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Dreams ~ Just Like Real Life In A Way
These were my latest dreams~ ;P
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is like any normal school day but today, something made me think that today is a different day.
Having finally fulfilled one of my dreams (or more like, secret desires), I brought my violin along today. Whether I will be playing or not, I do not know and neither do I care.
You see, all I ever wanted was to have Autumn by my side to cuddle and to make me feel confident even though I know I will never be good enough.
As expected, people stared and some plucked up the courage to ask me.
It was not really the attention that I wanted but more like the feeling of knowing that my beloved violin is with me.
I did not let go of my violin throughout the whole time in class. Recess finally came and my friends from other class came to find me. They asked me why I brought Autumn to school and as I was telling them, I opened the violin case.
The "violin" before me gave the shock of my life. My actual violin is gone! What's left in my bag is this hideous-looking thing made up of weird stuff just so it would look like a violin. I couldn't believe what's happening... Before I know it, I found my legs carrying me to the teacher's room to ask for help. I was desperate. Desperate to recover my precious violin. Desperate to get my beloved healer back. Autumn always made me feel better even though the reason for my frustration, anger and sorrow may sometimes be her. Autumn is my one and only violin... I cannot let her leave my side. Not now, not ever!
The discipline teacher was handling my case as the other teachers were eavesdropping.
Suddenly, my 2 friends came after me saying something. I rushed back to class, thinking I could reunite with Autumn again but instead, they led me to one of my classmate's drawer. They pointed at the opened wrapper with a creamy cookie inside. In my mind, I was like, what the hell...?
Since I'm already in class, I decided not to go back to the teachers.
I spent the whole time searching everybody's drawer and started to wish I didn't give in to my stupid dream.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another boring school day. In the morning, I reached the school when it's still quite dark. I settled down on a bench where my friends and I usually meet up with one another in the morning. A quiet, timid girl who's in the group of friends and I waited for the others to arrive. She asked me if I wanted to go to the toilet (as in asking me to accompany her in a way). I said no and after some time, I came to realize I needed to go myself but didn't say anything to her.
Not long after, another girl (a.k.a, the friend who used to be my classmate last year) came. She's usually late for school but today, she surprised us. She also asked if I wanted to go to the toilet. Having just said no not long ago, I decided to just wait until class starts.
After I've thought of that, my pretty friend and her group of friends came to ask whether I wanted to go to the toilet. This time, I agreed because there's so many of us.
It was like a journey. Pretty fun too even though I was tagging along behind with them with the timid girl.
Oh, by "journey", I meant it because my school has lots of toilets and even at places we hardly go to. We were trying to find a toilet that's open and available. We soon realized that many other girls were desperate to get to the toilet too.
Every time we run into a closed toilet, we say, "Nope, it's closed." and then followed by mumblings of disapproval, complaining about the school and the stupidity of the people in charge.
We eventually came across an available toilet. The toilet itself was weird. You see, the entrance itself leads to a cubicle and from that cubicle, there's another door to get to where the usual sinks and other cubicles are.
The timid girl and I were the last to come out of the toilet. Many girls were in the toilet and they did not hesitate to cut lines.
By the time she and I got out, we were searching for our group of friends. They disappeared...
I found them all the way downstairs sitting at a table. They occupied 2 tables: One for them to hang out and the other for them to put our cosplay costumes. (*Shrugs* Hey, don't ask me. I do not know how weird could this dream get.)
I pointed at where they were to show the timid girl so that she would stop worrying.
As she and I were getting closer to them, I asked the timid girl why did they bring all the things down.
By the time we reached their table, my pretty friend and her group of friends had to leave for some reason. Even the timid girl followed them.
I was left with my ex-classmate. There was nothing but this awkward silence. She broke the silence first by standing up and yelling at me.
"Why can't you be grateful that we got everybody's stuff down? Huh? Why are you always like this?! I can never understand you! You're never -"
"Woah, hold up! I didn't say I ain't grateful! I was grateful for the trouble you all took to bringing our stuff down and-"
"Then why can't you just shut up and be grateful without saying anything?"
My thought flashed back to the time I was questioning the timid girl. Desperation got a hold of me as I wished hard to clear this misunderstanding. Nothing worked out no matter how I tried to convince her I was grateful and touched by the trouble they took to getting both the timid girl's and my stuff down.
-----------------------------------------------------------
That was what I dreamt~
For the first dream, it's true I often thought of bringing my violin along to cuddle but that dream increased my worries of losing it. I do worry that these kind of things happen when I bring my violin out anywhere... I'm thinking I should lock the violin case if I ever bring it out anywhere except for attending violin lessons.
As for the second dream, there ain't any quiet and timid girl in my group of friends. Well, there's one but she didn't look anything like the one in my dream. xD
Not everything about the school was true but damn, they DO lock the toilets!
I'd say the adventure/journey is fun too even if it meant tagging along behind the crowd - because that's normal for me in real life already. xD
I actually dreamt of cosplaying as Hei from Darker Than Black. @.@ It must have been the night before when I looked at a cosplayers of Hei online. xD
Lastly, I was like, Bloody hell! the moment I woke up from that little misunderstanding. It was pretty much like that in real life but... to dream about something similar to that? My goodness, these situations will keep on haunting me! xD
Oh yeah, I am often misunderstood like that... These dreams just seem to show real things that happen but just not in that way. Awesome, right? =P
Take care and have fun, people~!^^
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is like any normal school day but today, something made me think that today is a different day.
Having finally fulfilled one of my dreams (or more like, secret desires), I brought my violin along today. Whether I will be playing or not, I do not know and neither do I care.
You see, all I ever wanted was to have Autumn by my side to cuddle and to make me feel confident even though I know I will never be good enough.
As expected, people stared and some plucked up the courage to ask me.
It was not really the attention that I wanted but more like the feeling of knowing that my beloved violin is with me.
I did not let go of my violin throughout the whole time in class. Recess finally came and my friends from other class came to find me. They asked me why I brought Autumn to school and as I was telling them, I opened the violin case.
The "violin" before me gave the shock of my life. My actual violin is gone! What's left in my bag is this hideous-looking thing made up of weird stuff just so it would look like a violin. I couldn't believe what's happening... Before I know it, I found my legs carrying me to the teacher's room to ask for help. I was desperate. Desperate to recover my precious violin. Desperate to get my beloved healer back. Autumn always made me feel better even though the reason for my frustration, anger and sorrow may sometimes be her. Autumn is my one and only violin... I cannot let her leave my side. Not now, not ever!
The discipline teacher was handling my case as the other teachers were eavesdropping.
Suddenly, my 2 friends came after me saying something. I rushed back to class, thinking I could reunite with Autumn again but instead, they led me to one of my classmate's drawer. They pointed at the opened wrapper with a creamy cookie inside. In my mind, I was like, what the hell...?
Since I'm already in class, I decided not to go back to the teachers.
I spent the whole time searching everybody's drawer and started to wish I didn't give in to my stupid dream.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another boring school day. In the morning, I reached the school when it's still quite dark. I settled down on a bench where my friends and I usually meet up with one another in the morning. A quiet, timid girl who's in the group of friends and I waited for the others to arrive. She asked me if I wanted to go to the toilet (as in asking me to accompany her in a way). I said no and after some time, I came to realize I needed to go myself but didn't say anything to her.
Not long after, another girl (a.k.a, the friend who used to be my classmate last year) came. She's usually late for school but today, she surprised us. She also asked if I wanted to go to the toilet. Having just said no not long ago, I decided to just wait until class starts.
After I've thought of that, my pretty friend and her group of friends came to ask whether I wanted to go to the toilet. This time, I agreed because there's so many of us.
It was like a journey. Pretty fun too even though I was tagging along behind with them with the timid girl.
Oh, by "journey", I meant it because my school has lots of toilets and even at places we hardly go to. We were trying to find a toilet that's open and available. We soon realized that many other girls were desperate to get to the toilet too.
Every time we run into a closed toilet, we say, "Nope, it's closed." and then followed by mumblings of disapproval, complaining about the school and the stupidity of the people in charge.
We eventually came across an available toilet. The toilet itself was weird. You see, the entrance itself leads to a cubicle and from that cubicle, there's another door to get to where the usual sinks and other cubicles are.
The timid girl and I were the last to come out of the toilet. Many girls were in the toilet and they did not hesitate to cut lines.
By the time she and I got out, we were searching for our group of friends. They disappeared...
I found them all the way downstairs sitting at a table. They occupied 2 tables: One for them to hang out and the other for them to put our cosplay costumes. (*Shrugs* Hey, don't ask me. I do not know how weird could this dream get.)
I pointed at where they were to show the timid girl so that she would stop worrying.
As she and I were getting closer to them, I asked the timid girl why did they bring all the things down.
By the time we reached their table, my pretty friend and her group of friends had to leave for some reason. Even the timid girl followed them.
I was left with my ex-classmate. There was nothing but this awkward silence. She broke the silence first by standing up and yelling at me.
"Why can't you be grateful that we got everybody's stuff down? Huh? Why are you always like this?! I can never understand you! You're never -"
"Woah, hold up! I didn't say I ain't grateful! I was grateful for the trouble you all took to bringing our stuff down and-"
"Then why can't you just shut up and be grateful without saying anything?"
My thought flashed back to the time I was questioning the timid girl. Desperation got a hold of me as I wished hard to clear this misunderstanding. Nothing worked out no matter how I tried to convince her I was grateful and touched by the trouble they took to getting both the timid girl's and my stuff down.
-----------------------------------------------------------
That was what I dreamt~
For the first dream, it's true I often thought of bringing my violin along to cuddle but that dream increased my worries of losing it. I do worry that these kind of things happen when I bring my violin out anywhere... I'm thinking I should lock the violin case if I ever bring it out anywhere except for attending violin lessons.
As for the second dream, there ain't any quiet and timid girl in my group of friends. Well, there's one but she didn't look anything like the one in my dream. xD
Not everything about the school was true but damn, they DO lock the toilets!
I'd say the adventure/journey is fun too even if it meant tagging along behind the crowd - because that's normal for me in real life already. xD
I actually dreamt of cosplaying as Hei from Darker Than Black. @.@ It must have been the night before when I looked at a cosplayers of Hei online. xD
Lastly, I was like, Bloody hell! the moment I woke up from that little misunderstanding. It was pretty much like that in real life but... to dream about something similar to that? My goodness, these situations will keep on haunting me! xD
Oh yeah, I am often misunderstood like that... These dreams just seem to show real things that happen but just not in that way. Awesome, right? =P
Take care and have fun, people~!^^
Monday, November 7, 2011
Real Life ~ My Girlish, Empty Talk
Like most imperfect posts, I want to start this post with something that's irrelevant to 'girlish, empty talk'.
Ao no Exorcist, I love you!^^ You rock and I love the OSTs, OP & ED as well! :D
Right, back to topic. *Puts on rectangular black-rimmed spectacles with a no-joke face* (Psst, did I just act like Yukio Okumura?) *Fangirl giggle*
Some questions have been making me question my gender... Just kidding! I am straight (as far as I know... =o) but I was just wondering as usual. xD
Alright, before you all start shooting me or wanting to kill me in my sleep, I admit I have my own clothes and bags that I never use. Not saying I keep buying them though (this is the truth - true story ;D) Firstly, as much as I hate to admit, I have a strict family who watches whatever I buy and do (and say).
As for clothes, there are about 2 tops and a pair of long pants that I sorta regret having. This is all thanks to my stupidity early this year. I was trying hard again to be a normal girl. Of course, my mother nagged but in the end, I got away with those 2 tops.
Now, if I ever wear them (which I do not want to ever again), I'll feel so goddamn ugly and exposed. Just to clarify a few things, they are not the usual whorish or slutty clothes. They're considered goddamn decent compared to what you may have thought it to be but I guess I just wasn't used to having more of my shoulders exposed.
About bags, *laughs weakly* I have quite a few but they weren't mine in the first place and they cannot even store all the stuff I bring along. Even if they could store all the stuff I usually bring when I go out, they would not guarantee the safety of my stuff. xD
Being quite a perfectionist here, I make sure my book(s) - Yes, I bring a book or two with me to read whether I get to read much or not - do not have torn pages, folded pages, dog ears or 'wrinkles'. (Alas, "Where Rainbows End" by Cecelia Ahern was not in a really good condition because my mom flung it across the room to a dark, dirty and dusty spot when she got mad at me for not studying properly for exams back when I was 14. The book's now slightly blackish but still readable.)
A few months back, my old sling bag just couldn't support me anymore. I just have more things to bring along for "emergencies" to satisfy my endless "what ifs" and some of the new books were big, heavy and freaking thick.
Thus, the search for a more suitable bag started. I was looking for a black sling bag that's not too big, not too small and rectangular. It did not have to necessarily have many compartments. Simplicity is much appreciated just so long the books can fit in. I also wanted it to be made of fabric (Leather smells and cheap imitation ones just tear real easily). The sling bag better last for years too! =/
My family helped me search for that 'miracle and magical' sling bag that might not even exist or live up to my expectations. Finally, I stumbled across my "new fated partner" that's capable of keeping me company long enough. It took me weeks to consider but it was literally love at first sight the moment my eyes stopped to gaze at that bag.
I happily transferred the things into the new bag after happily purchasing it. In case you're curious, it's a messenger bag. ;P Hope ya don't face palm after knowing my preference. Hehe~ The new bag could even hold my fraying, fading, old, stained and worn out bag. If you also wondered what was it that I bring with me all the time, they're definitely my book(s), spectacle box, nail clipper, a wallet (hate to disappoint you but I do not bring much with me), comb and a cell phone (That is if I even remember to bring it along. xD). Yes, *waves a hand while hiding a smile* not the girlish person who brings make-up.
Have no idea since when but I became so paranoid that I have to ALWAYS grab my bag and make sure the zip didn't magically move an inch. =/ This is not normal, is it? =S
Ao no Exorcist, I love you!^^ You rock and I love the OSTs, OP & ED as well! :D
Right, back to topic. *Puts on rectangular black-rimmed spectacles with a no-joke face* (Psst, did I just act like Yukio Okumura?) *Fangirl giggle*
Some questions have been making me question my gender... Just kidding! I am straight (as far as I know... =o) but I was just wondering as usual. xD
1. Is it necessary to change the hairstyle once in awhile?
or
1. Is it boring to keep the same hairstyle all the time?
To me, I do not think it is boring to keep the same hairstyle all the time but (Yes, almost every sentence has a 'but'. =x) my pretty friend told me months ago that it's really boring to look the same for a long time. We got to this topic because she was talking about her friend who cut short her hair and ever since then, never keeps it long anymore. So my pretty friend asked, "Don't you just think that it is so boring to look like that all the time?" I have seen her friend and I thought she looked cute, cheerful and pretty. Seen her quite a few times and her look never bores me to death. Does this mean that I am the one with a problem? @.@
Come on, realistically, not everyone of us can afford a change of hairstyle. *Raises hand* I cannot say I am poor and neither can I say I am rich. In short, I come from outer space an average family. I do not want to have to keep throwing money at all these hairstyle maintenance... I could have used it all on violin-related matters, books, school-related matters and uh, not to mention EMERGENCIES? After all, most of the hairstyles won't last forever and I feel bad having to disturb my parents to get me to the hair salon (and pay for the haircut).
One more thing, "hair salon" is a foreign word to me in a way because I don't think I have ever been to one in my entire life (as in, never been there with the reason that has anything to do with my own hair). Please do not take this personally - even I myself desire a nice hairstyle that stops my hair from being so frizzy and stubborn!
2. Why do girls have so many shoes, clothes, bags (and the list goes on) and still buy more?Oho, what a shame! I myself am a girl and yet I am the one questioning other girls out there. No offence though. This is just me being curious. ;)
Alright, before you all start shooting me or wanting to kill me in my sleep, I admit I have my own clothes and bags that I never use. Not saying I keep buying them though (this is the truth - true story ;D) Firstly, as much as I hate to admit, I have a strict family who watches whatever I buy and do (and say).
As for clothes, there are about 2 tops and a pair of long pants that I sorta regret having. This is all thanks to my stupidity early this year. I was trying hard again to be a normal girl. Of course, my mother nagged but in the end, I got away with those 2 tops.
Now, if I ever wear them (which I do not want to ever again), I'll feel so goddamn ugly and exposed. Just to clarify a few things, they are not the usual whorish or slutty clothes. They're considered goddamn decent compared to what you may have thought it to be but I guess I just wasn't used to having more of my shoulders exposed.
About bags, *laughs weakly* I have quite a few but they weren't mine in the first place and they cannot even store all the stuff I bring along. Even if they could store all the stuff I usually bring when I go out, they would not guarantee the safety of my stuff. xD
Being quite a perfectionist here, I make sure my book(s) - Yes, I bring a book or two with me to read whether I get to read much or not - do not have torn pages, folded pages, dog ears or 'wrinkles'. (Alas, "Where Rainbows End" by Cecelia Ahern was not in a really good condition because my mom flung it across the room to a dark, dirty and dusty spot when she got mad at me for not studying properly for exams back when I was 14. The book's now slightly blackish but still readable.)
A few months back, my old sling bag just couldn't support me anymore. I just have more things to bring along for "emergencies" to satisfy my endless "what ifs" and some of the new books were big, heavy and freaking thick.
Thus, the search for a more suitable bag started. I was looking for a black sling bag that's not too big, not too small and rectangular. It did not have to necessarily have many compartments. Simplicity is much appreciated just so long the books can fit in. I also wanted it to be made of fabric (Leather smells and cheap imitation ones just tear real easily). The sling bag better last for years too! =/
My family helped me search for that 'miracle and magical' sling bag that might not even exist or live up to my expectations. Finally, I stumbled across my "new fated partner" that's capable of keeping me company long enough. It took me weeks to consider but it was literally love at first sight the moment my eyes stopped to gaze at that bag.
I happily transferred the things into the new bag after happily purchasing it. In case you're curious, it's a messenger bag. ;P Hope ya don't face palm after knowing my preference. Hehe~ The new bag could even hold my fraying, fading, old, stained and worn out bag. If you also wondered what was it that I bring with me all the time, they're definitely my book(s), spectacle box, nail clipper, a wallet (hate to disappoint you but I do not bring much with me), comb and a cell phone (That is if I even remember to bring it along. xD). Yes, *waves a hand while hiding a smile* not the girlish person who brings make-up.
Have no idea since when but I became so paranoid that I have to ALWAYS grab my bag and make sure the zip didn't magically move an inch. =/ This is not normal, is it? =S
3. Why is it wrong to hate socializing?
Since I am not your typical girlish person, it is not weird for me to hate going out with people. I just hate attending parties and hanging out with people. Is this a disadvantage of not being allowed to attend parties and joining outings?
Not exaggerating but I have my heart in my mouth every single time I ask for permission to simply go to a friend's house or hang out with my friends. Back in elementary school, I was somewhat frequently invited to birthday parties and outings at shopping centres. Most of the time, I was not allowed to attend any of them. I stayed at home playing by myself most of the time. Luckily, I wasn't really bitter about it but sometimes I can't help wishing I was given more freedom. Friends eventually got the message and stopped inviting me.
Now, in secondary school, I am a teenage girl who hates socializing almost more than anything else in the world. That's not how AvPD came about though. AvPD started many years back. *smiles ruefully* I still get invited to some events but hardly, which is good in its own way. Because of that, I do not experience getting excited about shopping for a new outfit to attend an evening or night event. Here are 2 advantages I can think of about not being able to attend these events: I save time and money to do something else I feel more productive accomplishing.
Hmm, did I just stray far from the actual topic? xD Sorry, people~ So really, why is it wrong to be an anti-social? Why is it wrong to hate mixing with strangers? Why is it wrong to not want to make friends? Why is it wrong to want to be quiet and just blend in with the crowd? Why is it wrong to keep a low profile?
I truly feel the most comfortable when I am alone or with my family. Friends, close friends, best friends, I love most of you all but I just feel so hideous and stupid that I do not want to be with you all. I feel that I am not worthy of being with any of you all. So, thank you all for staying with me, whether you know how I really feel deep inside or not. I like to do my own stuff looking like a complete goof in my own house. xD Well, who doesn't?
It's really bothersome to have to be the civilized, polite and cheerful person with no problems out there. I often forget to greet my friends' family. I usually just fake a smile (like most times) and nod to acknowledge their presence. I gave up calling out "auntie" or "uncle" after reading so many books stating that some people just hate being called that because they would feel old.
Besides, I may be able to speak loud but with the lack of confidence, I feel that I would screw things up by being too loud or having a shaky and unstable voice. This is not a joke or excuse... The last time I was forced to read a passage aloud, I stuttered and messed up words to the extent that I felt like giving up. I thought I was actually dyslexic! *gives a look of horror* As expected, the students all laughed but my dear friend gave me a look that said, "What's up?".
To hide my humiliation, all I could do was laugh at myself even though I hate being laughed at. Hate being ridiculed. I also absolutely hate it when people laugh at me whenever I am angry or being serious. Really makes me feel like giving that person a slap. Hmph! If not a slap, I'd pinch both cheeks of that person and make 'em swell until he/she can smile no more. Maybe I'll even add a bruised eye to complete a simple HUMOROUS look that cartoon characters make after getting beaten up. (>.>)
As usual, I could only tolerate and pretend I'm cool with everything. Why is it that people can get away with an argument (may it be a short or long one; slight or bad one) and whenever I do decide to explode, they stop talking to me forever? This ALWAYS happens! What irks me more is when my other friends or family members side with them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gonna end the questions here. As you can see, I only had 3 questions that I could remember. xD
Lately, I do not feel like talking to anyone online. Problem? xD or more like Does that make me an anti-social?
Whatever it is, take care and have fun, everyone! ^^ For your information (whether you give a damn or not) I am not bitter or angry after the last few sentences. =P
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Real Life ~ Life's Lil Joys
As usual, I fantasize.
Every time I go for my violin lesson, I pretend I am performing. (In a way, I AM performing because people actually listen from the outside and I cannot afford to play badly either as my teacher is the one who decides whether I have the ability to get to the next grade.)
Now that Autumn shares the same room as me (Yes, she's my new roommate!), I often play for a bit after I just woke up, before a bath or when I just entered my room to do something else. With the full-length mirror in the room, I can get to see whether my hand is doing fine while bowing. I also check the vibrato and shifting. As much as I hate looking in the mirror, I think it's OK as long as I do not see my stupid, hideous face. xD
There's also the usual fantasizing while reading manga or watching an anime. As you all already know, I am the type to read/watch shoujo. Being the hopeless romantic here, I enjoy pretending that I am the girl character. Of course bad things happen to the characters in the story too but most of the time, the bishounen/guy character says the best lines (OK, so maybe some are cheesy but they aren't really that old.).
Lately, the iPod playlists are a big deal. I used to have LOTS of playlists but I realized that I do not play most of them even when I want to listen to some of the songs. Now, I have about 4 or 5 playlists. Of course, having so many songs, there's one playlist that lasts a day (24 hours)! There's also another one that lasts 18 hours. Oh well, that's gonna take quite awhile for me to finish a playlist... xD
There are generally 2 types of playlists for me:
-Anger Management
-Stress Management
I actually named a playlist "Anger Management"! It makes me smile whenever I see it. That playlist consists of rock, pop and soul music (Because they all have something in common).
Stress Management-type of playlists consists of instrumental and classical music. ^^
What I've Been Trying To Do:
1. Come up with a good short story
2. Write more poems
3. Finish that story I was supposed to do with my friend (which reminds me, he hasn't given me back the first book)
Of course all these shall be done AFTER the dreadfully time-consuming exams~ (coz they love to get in my way and they always do)
Alright, suddenly ran out of things to say so bye-bye~
Take care and have fun, you know I say that most of the time. ;P
Every time I go for my violin lesson, I pretend I am performing. (In a way, I AM performing because people actually listen from the outside and I cannot afford to play badly either as my teacher is the one who decides whether I have the ability to get to the next grade.)
Now that Autumn shares the same room as me (Yes, she's my new roommate!), I often play for a bit after I just woke up, before a bath or when I just entered my room to do something else. With the full-length mirror in the room, I can get to see whether my hand is doing fine while bowing. I also check the vibrato and shifting. As much as I hate looking in the mirror, I think it's OK as long as I do not see my stupid, hideous face. xD
There's also the usual fantasizing while reading manga or watching an anime. As you all already know, I am the type to read/watch shoujo. Being the hopeless romantic here, I enjoy pretending that I am the girl character. Of course bad things happen to the characters in the story too but most of the time, the bishounen/guy character says the best lines (OK, so maybe some are cheesy but they aren't really that old.).
Lately, the iPod playlists are a big deal. I used to have LOTS of playlists but I realized that I do not play most of them even when I want to listen to some of the songs. Now, I have about 4 or 5 playlists. Of course, having so many songs, there's one playlist that lasts a day (24 hours)! There's also another one that lasts 18 hours. Oh well, that's gonna take quite awhile for me to finish a playlist... xD
There are generally 2 types of playlists for me:
-Anger Management
-Stress Management
I actually named a playlist "Anger Management"! It makes me smile whenever I see it. That playlist consists of rock, pop and soul music (Because they all have something in common).
Stress Management-type of playlists consists of instrumental and classical music. ^^
What I've Been Trying To Do:
1. Come up with a good short story
2. Write more poems
3. Finish that story I was supposed to do with my friend (which reminds me, he hasn't given me back the first book)
Of course all these shall be done AFTER the dreadfully time-consuming exams~ (coz they love to get in my way and they always do)
Alright, suddenly ran out of things to say so bye-bye~
Take care and have fun, you know I say that most of the time. ;P
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Real Life ~ My Heart Pierced
I've never felt this hurt for some time.
It all started with a misunderstanding. My mom, who doesn't pay attention to my violin playing (really, she doesn't even know what grade am I and she doesn't even listen to me whenever I practise), told me in the car that there was one classical song I used to play that was nice.
She doesn't know the title of the song so the moment I practised, I played ALMOST every song ('Almost' because there are just SO MANY songs to go through), hoping she will say, "That's the one!".
I was satisfied even though my new A string just loves to screech for no apparent reason. =/ It was like receiving a blessing from God when my mom said she liked one song.
When I asked her after my violin practice, can you guess what she told me?
She had this amused smile on her face and told me that she was referring to the song I played on the computer whenever I surf the net.
I know this may not mean anything to any of you but it HURTS ME A LOT!
It's like I am THAT bad and insignificant to be heard. I admit that I am not good enough and that it will never be but it doesn't mean I won't try even when I question myself sometimes. =(
Take care and have fun, people! xD
It all started with a misunderstanding. My mom, who doesn't pay attention to my violin playing (really, she doesn't even know what grade am I and she doesn't even listen to me whenever I practise), told me in the car that there was one classical song I used to play that was nice.
She doesn't know the title of the song so the moment I practised, I played ALMOST every song ('Almost' because there are just SO MANY songs to go through), hoping she will say, "That's the one!".
I was satisfied even though my new A string just loves to screech for no apparent reason. =/ It was like receiving a blessing from God when my mom said she liked one song.
When I asked her after my violin practice, can you guess what she told me?
She had this amused smile on her face and told me that she was referring to the song I played on the computer whenever I surf the net.
I know this may not mean anything to any of you but it HURTS ME A LOT!
It's like I am THAT bad and insignificant to be heard. I admit that I am not good enough and that it will never be but it doesn't mean I won't try even when I question myself sometimes. =(
Take care and have fun, people! xD
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Real Life ~ Violin, Violin, Violin
Let's see... I would LOVE to start this post by saying...
Okay, let's cut to the chase. In the last 'Real Life' post, I talked about my violin's A string unraveling. You know what my teacher told me when he saw it?
He said, "Oh, this? You can immediately throw it away."
"WHAT?! But the string is so expensive!" (About 40 dollars or more for that one goddamn string... I'm on budget, you see...)
My teacher then said, "What? Are you crazy? You plan to hurt your fingers? Shifting will be difficult and painful!"
I could only look down and get the new A string out. The new A string is about 3 dollars and 80 cents.
My teacher said to make that temporary... =(
Such a waste, right? You might be surprised to know that he told me that the cheap string matched my violin after all. So now I only have 2 'expensive' strings with 2 cheap strings. What he said can also be taken as an insult because all along, he had been calling my violin "the beginner one" or "the lousy one". He keeps telling me to go upgrade... (Which is what I will be talking about later on! xD)
My teacher taught me how to replace the string this time and well, it ain't bad for my first time!^^ After all, he's there to correct me. =D
The rest of the lesson was not bad even though I had to sorta get used to the new string (which occasionally goes out of tune). He told me once that I have to wait 2 weeks to have the tuning stable.
Fast-forwarding until the moment I reach a music shop in a shopping complex...
My mom surprisingly allowed me to go in and check out the violins there.
I happily tried out 3 violins. Starting with the 1,599 dollars, then 799 dollars and another 1,599 dollars.
The weirdest thing is that the cheaper one will somehow sound louder. My ears literally rung after playing. @.@ Can't say it hurt at all though. :D
Mom thought that the first violin I tested out sounded muffled. It could also be due to my crappy playing. I just didn't play with any 'emotions'. It just didn't feel so right when it ain't Autumn... xD
To be frank, even though my teacher let me play his violin during lessons (not throughout the whole lesson), I still do not have the confidence to judge a violin that's worth buying. (>.<)
My teacher also told me before that it's all depending on our preference in the end, which is what books said as well.
*Shrugs* I gotta admit that I am scared of getting scammed again when it comes to buying musical instruments...
I truly wish that I am wise when it comes to picking out the best music-related stuff! *Sighs*
I also wished that I could play better so that I didn't have to feel so...so... plain!
Maybe La Cora D'oro Primo Passo got something right:
Just love that line because in my case, I play Autumn the best among the rest of the violins. Well, of course there's the chance of me playing better once I get used to other violins. Didn't I say I want to treat all violins as an individual? This will be one of the disadvantages of being like that and... I am still going to keep my word on that! ;P
My mom liked the 800 dollar violin but she wants to think a bit more. She still thinks 10,000 dollar violin is just outrageous. Sigh, till now, she just doesn't understand how serious I am but you know what? I worry that I will suddenly change and become one who doesn't play the violin anymore. Mom wants to save the money for college anyways (which is a good reason for not upgrading).
Can't even imagine how long I will have to take to get 10,000 dollars to get a violin like my teachers and that is NOT including the good bow because my teacher's bow costs 2000 dollars... *Faints* Been thinking of getting a part-time job (some day... somewhere.... somehow...) to get that violin...
Of course I also worry about not having the time in the future... I had this dream of performing at parties for my colleagues (If there's ever any), friends and family. Again, the fear and shivering will start the moment I go out to perform. In fact, I'll start shivering when I wait to have my name called out. This is why I rather perform at any time I want and also to perform quite a few songs so that I can get used to the crowd and atmosphere.
To be able to play like how I did in the store while testing is considered a big achievement already... Last year, I could not play a song and did not even know how to hold a violin nor a bow. A few months back when I tested out in another store, I couldn't play well even though I was about Grade 5 or 6. Back then, I was not used to the 'expensive' strings because I could only play steel strings at that time. xD
Now, I come back to haunt the stores to see I can do any better. Well, not the same as when I usually play but I can definitely tell the difference. =x I kinda know what to look for in a violin...
Oops, sorry, people, I am talking mindlessly! Didn't upgrade but it was a good chance to test out other violins besides my teachers'. xD
Take care and have fun, everyone!^^
I LOVE VIOLIN!
I LOVE VIOLIN!
I LOVE VIOLIN!Read that and multiply it by infinite! (Is that even possible?)
Okay, let's cut to the chase. In the last 'Real Life' post, I talked about my violin's A string unraveling. You know what my teacher told me when he saw it?
He said, "Oh, this? You can immediately throw it away."
"WHAT?! But the string is so expensive!" (About 40 dollars or more for that one goddamn string... I'm on budget, you see...)
My teacher then said, "What? Are you crazy? You plan to hurt your fingers? Shifting will be difficult and painful!"
I could only look down and get the new A string out. The new A string is about 3 dollars and 80 cents.
My teacher said to make that temporary... =(
Such a waste, right? You might be surprised to know that he told me that the cheap string matched my violin after all. So now I only have 2 'expensive' strings with 2 cheap strings. What he said can also be taken as an insult because all along, he had been calling my violin "the beginner one" or "the lousy one". He keeps telling me to go upgrade... (Which is what I will be talking about later on! xD)
My teacher taught me how to replace the string this time and well, it ain't bad for my first time!^^ After all, he's there to correct me. =D
The rest of the lesson was not bad even though I had to sorta get used to the new string (which occasionally goes out of tune). He told me once that I have to wait 2 weeks to have the tuning stable.
Fast-forwarding until the moment I reach a music shop in a shopping complex...
My mom surprisingly allowed me to go in and check out the violins there.
I happily tried out 3 violins. Starting with the 1,599 dollars, then 799 dollars and another 1,599 dollars.
The weirdest thing is that the cheaper one will somehow sound louder. My ears literally rung after playing. @.@ Can't say it hurt at all though. :D
Mom thought that the first violin I tested out sounded muffled. It could also be due to my crappy playing. I just didn't play with any 'emotions'. It just didn't feel so right when it ain't Autumn... xD
To be frank, even though my teacher let me play his violin during lessons (not throughout the whole lesson), I still do not have the confidence to judge a violin that's worth buying. (>.<)
My teacher also told me before that it's all depending on our preference in the end, which is what books said as well.
*Shrugs* I gotta admit that I am scared of getting scammed again when it comes to buying musical instruments...
I truly wish that I am wise when it comes to picking out the best music-related stuff! *Sighs*
I also wished that I could play better so that I didn't have to feel so...so... plain!
Maybe La Cora D'oro Primo Passo got something right:
No one can beat the connection/bond(corda) between the instrument and its owner.
Just love that line because in my case, I play Autumn the best among the rest of the violins. Well, of course there's the chance of me playing better once I get used to other violins. Didn't I say I want to treat all violins as an individual? This will be one of the disadvantages of being like that and... I am still going to keep my word on that! ;P
My mom liked the 800 dollar violin but she wants to think a bit more. She still thinks 10,000 dollar violin is just outrageous. Sigh, till now, she just doesn't understand how serious I am but you know what? I worry that I will suddenly change and become one who doesn't play the violin anymore. Mom wants to save the money for college anyways (which is a good reason for not upgrading).
Can't even imagine how long I will have to take to get 10,000 dollars to get a violin like my teachers and that is NOT including the good bow because my teacher's bow costs 2000 dollars... *Faints* Been thinking of getting a part-time job (some day... somewhere.... somehow...) to get that violin...
Of course I also worry about not having the time in the future... I had this dream of performing at parties for my colleagues (If there's ever any), friends and family. Again, the fear and shivering will start the moment I go out to perform. In fact, I'll start shivering when I wait to have my name called out. This is why I rather perform at any time I want and also to perform quite a few songs so that I can get used to the crowd and atmosphere.
To be able to play like how I did in the store while testing is considered a big achievement already... Last year, I could not play a song and did not even know how to hold a violin nor a bow. A few months back when I tested out in another store, I couldn't play well even though I was about Grade 5 or 6. Back then, I was not used to the 'expensive' strings because I could only play steel strings at that time. xD
Now, I come back to haunt the stores to see I can do any better. Well, not the same as when I usually play but I can definitely tell the difference. =x I kinda know what to look for in a violin...
Oops, sorry, people, I am talking mindlessly! Didn't upgrade but it was a good chance to test out other violins besides my teachers'. xD
Take care and have fun, everyone!^^
Friday, October 21, 2011
Requested Essay: My Life-Changing Friend
Before you read it, I want to thank my true life-changing friend. This story is pretty much true except certain parts. =P Hope I do not somehow offend anyone though... (>.<)
School will never be the same now that my best friend has gone. I never thought that a friend could mean so much to me. He gradually changed my life ever since we met one another. We rarely spoke to one another back in the year 2008 when we were classmates.
Arthur was my classmate back then and nothing more. However, I made friends and somehow got to know more about him. He gave me an impression he was a person who only knew how to joke about without taking anything seriously. He was always laughing and smiling. He often said things that made the teachers mad.
I used to always write poems back then. I wrote about everything that happened to me. I wrote about my friends as well. Those poems would be uploaded onto a website meant for us poets to share our works. Back in 2008, I made a huge mistake and ended up heartbroken. My other friend, Tulip, who is a girl, was part of the cause for my heartache that did not heal until months later.
Tulip told Kenneth, the heart-breaker and Arthur, my life-changing friend about me posting poems online. Kenneth, being who he really was, did not really apologize for what he did to me. Surprisingly, Arthur comforted me and told Kenneth off for being so mean.
Kenneth turned out to be my only true friend after all even though he and I were not that close. He amazed me because he just did not seem to be the type of person who would care about others so much. Him having defended me made me realize that he was not only a classmate.
In 2009, I started having problems with friends. Sadly, I do not recall doing anything that chased them away. Once again, I started writing poems about them leaving me. They read the poems online and eventually no longer talked to me. Arthur misunderstood me and told me hateful things. That was one of the hardest thing to overcome in my whole life. I cried day after day until he apologized.
All the while I had been crying and even after his apology, I kept on thinking back, trying to change who I was back then. I realized that no one liked me being sensitive, emotional and morbid. To be honest, I tried to commit suicide ever since the heartbreak.
Arthur's words may have struck a nerve and truly hurt my feelings but what he said was most probably true. I was being selfish and I never thought of asking my old friends the reason for abruptly avoiding me.
It was only in the year 2009 when Arthur and I became close friends. We would always have something to talk about. We even talked online. We were practically inseparable. We comforted one another, helped one another and watched each other's back.
We helped each other with our studies. This year, 2011, I found out that I have a personality disorder known as Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD). People did not know so they continued being unconsciously harsh to me. He still stayed by my side even after knowing about the disorder.
One day, he had to leave to study overseas and may not be coming back. He became so incredibly busy over there that he no longer got in touch with me. He also stopped staying in touch with our other friends. I have always thought of how life would be like without him. Well, I admit now that I did not mean it when I thought about that.
As much as I want him back here physically by my side, he will most likely never come back. I was depressed for the first few weeks of his absence but when I finally had the courage to think of what he brought to my life, I decided to thank fate for bringing us together back in the year 2008.
I want to thank him for defending me when I could not fight back. He was there to nag when I gave up studying after failing a test. He patiently listened to my complaints and sob stories. He was there to make me smile ear to ear and laugh the loudest. He is the best friend anyone would ask for.
Thinking back now, he changed my view of life and changed me. I am now a much more cheerful person. I understand people better and have made more true friends. All these were precious gifts from him to me. I hope he has a better life overseas and wherever he goes because he deserves it all. Thank you, my life-changing friend.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My own comment: Okay, so this essay could have been better. Less history-like and more..."impact" for the readers. Who knows, I just might rewrite in the future - just with a different theme and title. ;P
Continuous Writing: Write a story which begins with the following: School will never be the same now that my best friend has gone.
School will never be the same now that my best friend has gone. I never thought that a friend could mean so much to me. He gradually changed my life ever since we met one another. We rarely spoke to one another back in the year 2008 when we were classmates.
Arthur was my classmate back then and nothing more. However, I made friends and somehow got to know more about him. He gave me an impression he was a person who only knew how to joke about without taking anything seriously. He was always laughing and smiling. He often said things that made the teachers mad.
I used to always write poems back then. I wrote about everything that happened to me. I wrote about my friends as well. Those poems would be uploaded onto a website meant for us poets to share our works. Back in 2008, I made a huge mistake and ended up heartbroken. My other friend, Tulip, who is a girl, was part of the cause for my heartache that did not heal until months later.
Tulip told Kenneth, the heart-breaker and Arthur, my life-changing friend about me posting poems online. Kenneth, being who he really was, did not really apologize for what he did to me. Surprisingly, Arthur comforted me and told Kenneth off for being so mean.
Kenneth turned out to be my only true friend after all even though he and I were not that close. He amazed me because he just did not seem to be the type of person who would care about others so much. Him having defended me made me realize that he was not only a classmate.
In 2009, I started having problems with friends. Sadly, I do not recall doing anything that chased them away. Once again, I started writing poems about them leaving me. They read the poems online and eventually no longer talked to me. Arthur misunderstood me and told me hateful things. That was one of the hardest thing to overcome in my whole life. I cried day after day until he apologized.
All the while I had been crying and even after his apology, I kept on thinking back, trying to change who I was back then. I realized that no one liked me being sensitive, emotional and morbid. To be honest, I tried to commit suicide ever since the heartbreak.
Arthur's words may have struck a nerve and truly hurt my feelings but what he said was most probably true. I was being selfish and I never thought of asking my old friends the reason for abruptly avoiding me.
It was only in the year 2009 when Arthur and I became close friends. We would always have something to talk about. We even talked online. We were practically inseparable. We comforted one another, helped one another and watched each other's back.
We helped each other with our studies. This year, 2011, I found out that I have a personality disorder known as Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD). People did not know so they continued being unconsciously harsh to me. He still stayed by my side even after knowing about the disorder.
One day, he had to leave to study overseas and may not be coming back. He became so incredibly busy over there that he no longer got in touch with me. He also stopped staying in touch with our other friends. I have always thought of how life would be like without him. Well, I admit now that I did not mean it when I thought about that.
As much as I want him back here physically by my side, he will most likely never come back. I was depressed for the first few weeks of his absence but when I finally had the courage to think of what he brought to my life, I decided to thank fate for bringing us together back in the year 2008.
I want to thank him for defending me when I could not fight back. He was there to nag when I gave up studying after failing a test. He patiently listened to my complaints and sob stories. He was there to make me smile ear to ear and laugh the loudest. He is the best friend anyone would ask for.
Thinking back now, he changed my view of life and changed me. I am now a much more cheerful person. I understand people better and have made more true friends. All these were precious gifts from him to me. I hope he has a better life overseas and wherever he goes because he deserves it all. Thank you, my life-changing friend.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My own comment: Okay, so this essay could have been better. Less history-like and more..."impact" for the readers. Who knows, I just might rewrite in the future - just with a different theme and title. ;P
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Real Life ~ Friend or Foe
Who knew I'd actually be needing to ask myself this one day? (Well, apart from other times when I questioned myself but this time, the question is somehow haunting me and making me wonder a lot)
Friend or Foe? (Reminds me of a song of TATU's!)
When exam comes, this is by far one of the best times for me to know the true colours of people. You see, my pretty friend, whom surprised me by being extremely nice and pretty at the same time (after all, usually pretty girls like her aren't nice on the inside), is very desperate when exams start.
I can easily see it on her face. Those burning eyes, practically shouting, asking for answers! (Reminds me of the poem "He Had Such Quiet Eyes" by Bibsy Soenharjo) Here's a confession (Another confession! xD), she asked me for answers during exam. She isn't the only one too. =/ And, nothing to be shocked about, I was dumb enough to give the answers even though I wasn't sure they're even correct at all. I admit I NEVER liked giving answers.
Even when we had to write an essay ( English & BM), she asked. This time, she did not get to ask because I successfully pretended to be asleep (and end up feeling kinda sleepy in the end. Lol.) and our class teacher made us all sit differently. To my relief, I am away from her. Sadly, there is still one who asked like, for every paper except essays. xD
Today, I finally have the courage to say, "No!" to that girl. Fortunately, she did not try to wake me up or get my attention for answers. *wipes sweat*
As I was saying, this pretty friend does not seem to know that I, like many others during this time of the year, am busy studying the whole day. It is OK to call and ask me if it's in the day or latest by evening but it is NOT OK to call me at night and so close to my bedtime. I was freaking out and so close to breaking down when she suddenly called, making me have no choice but to answer. (Yes, I ain't a nice person.)
It was History and I suck at that subject and absolutely am NOT prepared for it whatsoever. I had tips to give her but I had so little time left that even I myself was desperate (but not desperate enough to ask for answers during exam).
Thanks to that, I could not sleep well and for the whole time of the next day, which was the day of History exam, I felt guilty and bad. I kept scolding myself for being such a mean and useless friend. Also, for being an unreliable friend.
I understand that History is not a very easy subject for everyone of us and she agrees with me on that too. Or course she would want tips. =(
This really effed-up moment came the moment she approached me (like most times before exam starts) to study with me (but usually end up sharing book with me, which is slowing me down). She herself had tips. Her tips were even more detailed than mine. Things started having more "What-the-eff moments" when she was curiously watching my reaction when she showed me the tips.
Knowing that she asked for tips the night before as if she did not know anything, she still had the nerve to show me those tips! She asked me this, "Now that you know what's coming out, you... don't even want to rush to study those topics immediately?" Can you believe it? So, in the end, I didn't feel so bad after all. I felt stupid for feeling so bad instead. -.-
Sure, I still feel bad and all... I've been thinking that maybe my best friend was right after all when he said that she was just using me.
Sigh, I am tired of convincing myself that she isn't a person whom I thought her to be. Like from the book "Who's That Girl?" by Alexandra Potter, I've been like the main character, convincing myself that the person was perfect. The only difference between the main character and I is that she was referring to her boyfriend (who proposed to her). On the other hand, I was referring to me pretty friend.
Again, like in the book "Be Careful What You Wish For" by Alexandra Potter, she made a point when the main character in the book asked, "Why is it that the good-looking guy gets all the girls and not the nice friend of his?" Something like that. Sorry, cannot remember well. =( Whatever it is, just change the question to: "Why is it that the pretty friend gets all the attention and popularity and not the friend of hers?"
It's ALWAYS like that to me! It's always: "Me, the other friend of hers.", "Me, the quiet friend of hers.", or "Oh, me, who hangs out with the pretty one."
I am beginning to think that I will forever remain like that.
For the English exam, I loved the question that asked whether beauty was necessary to lead a successful life. Of course we're all meant to answer, "No" but back in many people's mind (in fact, you do not even have to go way back), I know that people these days judge by the way others look. So now, I have come to the conclusion that if you can accurately judge people by the way they look, then by all means do so even though most of us would love a chance to change any negative impression we give.
Another thing, before I forget, I have once again filtered my friend list on facebook and you know what? I realized that I never needed those people.
Just not long ago, this friend of mine said he wanted to have a drum set to beat out all his emotions. I remember he said that he wanted to play cello and after he finally got it, he never spoke of it anymore. It was as if he quit learning! So I decided to be sociable once and for all and asked him, "What about cello?" I was worried that it might have been a sensitive subject to him but what the heck, maybe I was thinkin' too much.
Guess what did he do? He REMOVED that comment of mine.
For some time, I felt bad and told myself, "Way to go, girl. Now you've gone and made his feelings worse!"
When I went to his page, he mentioned something about a broken heart. I wondered if he purposely said that to get his ex-girlfriend to see his status.
When I told one of my family members about this case, she told me that he only wanted to talk to people who are in his group. He belongs to the naughty and popular group - the kind of group that I despised the most.
In the end, I deleted him from my friend list along with MANY people like him. I kept only maple and friends who actually know how to RESPOND from time to time. Oh yeah, and some friends from elementary school. xD
Know what's sad and pathetic? When the rest of the world are adding people and making more friends, I am removing people and making less friends.
*Gives a sad smile* Well, AvPD is stuck with me, eh? I just cannot 100% be who I am and do what I truly intended to without making a big misunderstanding. A total klutz who just so happen tripped so many times today. *pouts*
Exam times can even make you realize which friend comes to you only when he/she/they want answers.
I felt that my pretty friend purposely shared books with me even when she had her own notes to read (and a big reference book too at that) just so that I will not do well in the exam.
You see, people are often mistaken, thinking that I am a smart person when in truth, I am just your ordinary (or not so ordinary) dumbo. She probably saw me as a threat and tried to get her marks better than mine.
Silly girl... She doesn't need to go to that extent to do that!
I am NOTHING compared to the rest of the world! Making me any more worse won't even make a difference.
Oh well, that's life for now but I am glad to know there's still 2 BEST FRIENDS whom I can trust and a lovable yet pitiful violin by my side.
Pitiful because my teacher kept saying that Autumn isn't good enough and that it's really about time to upgrade the violin.
Today, this weird thing happened to me:
I was practising my violin when I realized the thinner outer wire of the A string started unraveling! That string wasn't very cheap and now I worry it will affect the playing. Cannot even imagine the extra pain I will feel whenever I shift positions now with that prickly wire unraveling. =( Gotta ask my teacher for advice. I really do not know what to do and I do not want to change the string either. It's just too expensive to change and it's the only good A string I have. T.T
Oh well, that's it for today. Take care and have fun, people! ^^
Friend or Foe? (Reminds me of a song of TATU's!)
When exam comes, this is by far one of the best times for me to know the true colours of people. You see, my pretty friend, whom surprised me by being extremely nice and pretty at the same time (after all, usually pretty girls like her aren't nice on the inside), is very desperate when exams start.
I can easily see it on her face. Those burning eyes, practically shouting, asking for answers! (Reminds me of the poem "He Had Such Quiet Eyes" by Bibsy Soenharjo) Here's a confession (Another confession! xD), she asked me for answers during exam. She isn't the only one too. =/ And, nothing to be shocked about, I was dumb enough to give the answers even though I wasn't sure they're even correct at all. I admit I NEVER liked giving answers.
Even when we had to write an essay ( English & BM), she asked. This time, she did not get to ask because I successfully pretended to be asleep (and end up feeling kinda sleepy in the end. Lol.) and our class teacher made us all sit differently. To my relief, I am away from her. Sadly, there is still one who asked like, for every paper except essays. xD
Today, I finally have the courage to say, "No!" to that girl. Fortunately, she did not try to wake me up or get my attention for answers. *wipes sweat*
As I was saying, this pretty friend does not seem to know that I, like many others during this time of the year, am busy studying the whole day. It is OK to call and ask me if it's in the day or latest by evening but it is NOT OK to call me at night and so close to my bedtime. I was freaking out and so close to breaking down when she suddenly called, making me have no choice but to answer. (Yes, I ain't a nice person.)
It was History and I suck at that subject and absolutely am NOT prepared for it whatsoever. I had tips to give her but I had so little time left that even I myself was desperate (but not desperate enough to ask for answers during exam).
Thanks to that, I could not sleep well and for the whole time of the next day, which was the day of History exam, I felt guilty and bad. I kept scolding myself for being such a mean and useless friend. Also, for being an unreliable friend.
I understand that History is not a very easy subject for everyone of us and she agrees with me on that too. Or course she would want tips. =(
This really effed-up moment came the moment she approached me (like most times before exam starts) to study with me (but usually end up sharing book with me, which is slowing me down). She herself had tips. Her tips were even more detailed than mine. Things started having more "What-the-eff moments" when she was curiously watching my reaction when she showed me the tips.
Knowing that she asked for tips the night before as if she did not know anything, she still had the nerve to show me those tips! She asked me this, "Now that you know what's coming out, you... don't even want to rush to study those topics immediately?" Can you believe it? So, in the end, I didn't feel so bad after all. I felt stupid for feeling so bad instead. -.-
Sure, I still feel bad and all... I've been thinking that maybe my best friend was right after all when he said that she was just using me.
Sigh, I am tired of convincing myself that she isn't a person whom I thought her to be. Like from the book "Who's That Girl?" by Alexandra Potter, I've been like the main character, convincing myself that the person was perfect. The only difference between the main character and I is that she was referring to her boyfriend (who proposed to her). On the other hand, I was referring to me pretty friend.
Again, like in the book "Be Careful What You Wish For" by Alexandra Potter, she made a point when the main character in the book asked, "Why is it that the good-looking guy gets all the girls and not the nice friend of his?" Something like that. Sorry, cannot remember well. =( Whatever it is, just change the question to: "Why is it that the pretty friend gets all the attention and popularity and not the friend of hers?"
It's ALWAYS like that to me! It's always: "Me, the other friend of hers.", "Me, the quiet friend of hers.", or "Oh, me, who hangs out with the pretty one."
I am beginning to think that I will forever remain like that.
For the English exam, I loved the question that asked whether beauty was necessary to lead a successful life. Of course we're all meant to answer, "No" but back in many people's mind (in fact, you do not even have to go way back), I know that people these days judge by the way others look. So now, I have come to the conclusion that if you can accurately judge people by the way they look, then by all means do so even though most of us would love a chance to change any negative impression we give.
Another thing, before I forget, I have once again filtered my friend list on facebook and you know what? I realized that I never needed those people.
Just not long ago, this friend of mine said he wanted to have a drum set to beat out all his emotions. I remember he said that he wanted to play cello and after he finally got it, he never spoke of it anymore. It was as if he quit learning! So I decided to be sociable once and for all and asked him, "What about cello?" I was worried that it might have been a sensitive subject to him but what the heck, maybe I was thinkin' too much.
Guess what did he do? He REMOVED that comment of mine.
For some time, I felt bad and told myself, "Way to go, girl. Now you've gone and made his feelings worse!"
When I went to his page, he mentioned something about a broken heart. I wondered if he purposely said that to get his ex-girlfriend to see his status.
When I told one of my family members about this case, she told me that he only wanted to talk to people who are in his group. He belongs to the naughty and popular group - the kind of group that I despised the most.
In the end, I deleted him from my friend list along with MANY people like him. I kept only maple and friends who actually know how to RESPOND from time to time. Oh yeah, and some friends from elementary school. xD
Know what's sad and pathetic? When the rest of the world are adding people and making more friends, I am removing people and making less friends.
*Gives a sad smile* Well, AvPD is stuck with me, eh? I just cannot 100% be who I am and do what I truly intended to without making a big misunderstanding. A total klutz who just so happen tripped so many times today. *pouts*
Exam times can even make you realize which friend comes to you only when he/she/they want answers.
I felt that my pretty friend purposely shared books with me even when she had her own notes to read (and a big reference book too at that) just so that I will not do well in the exam.
You see, people are often mistaken, thinking that I am a smart person when in truth, I am just your ordinary (or not so ordinary) dumbo. She probably saw me as a threat and tried to get her marks better than mine.
Silly girl... She doesn't need to go to that extent to do that!
I am NOTHING compared to the rest of the world! Making me any more worse won't even make a difference.
Oh well, that's life for now but I am glad to know there's still 2 BEST FRIENDS whom I can trust and a lovable yet pitiful violin by my side.
Pitiful because my teacher kept saying that Autumn isn't good enough and that it's really about time to upgrade the violin.
Today, this weird thing happened to me:
I was practising my violin when I realized the thinner outer wire of the A string started unraveling! That string wasn't very cheap and now I worry it will affect the playing. Cannot even imagine the extra pain I will feel whenever I shift positions now with that prickly wire unraveling. =( Gotta ask my teacher for advice. I really do not know what to do and I do not want to change the string either. It's just too expensive to change and it's the only good A string I have. T.T
Oh well, that's it for today. Take care and have fun, people! ^^
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Real Life ~ Unforgettable Animes & Mangas
There is one thing I also want to admit:
Alright, I am going to warn any of you readers first that I am mainly into shoujo/shojo anime and mangas. *folds arms* There you go, say whatever you want because I cannot help being attracted to romantic plots than gory or those filled with action. After all, I am still a girl despite some tomboyish traits. (>.>)
I remember Tokyo Mew Mew. It was one of the first animes I have ever watched. Know what's funny? I actually felt shy whenever it comes to lovey-dovey or romantic scenes. For example, hugging, kissing, hand-holding, blushing, confessing. Anything like that. Obviously doing the 'ahem' is also included in those lil romantic scenes. *rolls eyes*
So what got me interested in the anime? Actually, I do not really have any idea. OK, fine, the romance is not all that bad. The bishounens (Oh my gosh, the bishounens!) are as usual, looking bishy. I love how almost all characters have their own 'partners' (nudge, nudge) to be with. If I have not mistaken, I think there is still a love triangle in this anime. *shrugs* It's been years since I last watched. I have tried watching it all over again but I cannot tolerate all the buffering and loading. Plus, the DVD stores just don't sell that anime. =(
Next, Alice Academy / Gakuen Alice is a sweet anime I've watched right after Tokyo Mew Mew. Like most fans, I immediately love the coupling of Natsume Hyuuga with Mikan Sakura!^^
This anime is different from the manga. Sad that the anime ended and that there doesn't seem to be any second season, I turned towards the manga. I read the manga from where I last stopped. I was so stupid in the past that I did not realize the manga will update eventually. So, having told you that, I stopped reading. Years after, I went back to watching animes and reading mangas. I realized that mangas will be updated so I decided to read right form the start for this title. =D
Next up, Chibi Vampire / Karin is not to be left out in my list of favorite and unforgettable animes/mangas!
I LOVE the coupling of Usui Kenta and Maaka Karin! To tell the truth, they are my ideal couple. Er, to be exact, I just think couples should be like them. They are both thoughtful and considerate. Even though Usui may not be good for Karin's health (as said in the manga), Usui still went against what her family told him to do because he just loves her. I know that may not be very thoughtful or considerate of him but you know what? Even I will want to go ahead and be with the one I love. ;) After all, I am a hopeless romantic (sad to say...). I say that they are thoughtful and considerate because Usui offers Karin his neck to bite whenever she cannot endure it anymore. In return, Karin thinks about Usui's happiness and prepares lunch boxes for him. They are like one of the sweetest couple ever!
Parfait Tic, one of the most frustrating mangas ever is definitely in my list!
I still cannot get over the frustration even though I have already forgotten a lot. I cannot remember the names and all but I plan to read that manga all over again after I finish Chibi Vampire (again). This manga made me kick up a fuss whenever I see events after events go by in the volumes. One word to describe the main character (who's a girl) : Indecisive!
Talking about indecisive, Shinshi Doumei Cross is also another frustrating and unpredictable manga.
I just love the drawing. Sweet love and heart-wrenching twists of plot. Enough said. Well, close enough. The ending sorta surprised me but I guess I would have trouble choosing between the 2 guys too. ;P
Vampire Knight~ Yes, I know this anime and manga is in many people's list.
It was so unpredictable (Yeah, there were a few twists that got me there!) left me depressed for the characters for a long time, to the extent that I no longer read the manga. I am just waiting for the 3rd season if there are any at all... =( Maybe I should read the manga after all! (>.<) By the way, I still support Zero and Yuuki! *pouts*
How can I ever forget D.Gray Man?
I watched this as an anime and am still waiting for the 3rd season! ;P This one is definitely shounen but with a bit of shoujo in it. You know what kept me watching? The bishounen. YES, THE BISHIES! And, in case you do not know, I am a crazy person after bishies. ;) For a start, Allen Walker, Yuu/Yu Kanda, Lavi and so on (because I cannot remember names that well). Even Lenalee (I hope I got her name right!) is lookin' pretty. =)
Beauty Pop is a manga that I cannot forget~ Well, I only forgotten the names of characters and title. Took me awhile to get the title down! =o
Nice bit of romance and it got me interested in hairstyling. xD
OK, I cannot hold it in anymore. I am going to just mention Darker Than Black and its second season, Ryuusei no Gemini. I have been trying not to think about it just yet but there we go! xD
I am absolutely obsessed with it now and I am dying to watch the 3rd season! (Plus a billion more exclamation marks!) As you can see, this bishy-crazed freak there is truly, madly, totally, MADLY (Oops, I already mentioned it but oh well! ;D) in LOVE with Hei!
I have a condition when it comes to liking a bishy character: Love only the good people.
So Hei usually comes off as a cruel person who has lost his emotions but he showed good traits too and I guess I have liked him way before I even watched the anime! =x
Naruto is an anime I will always love...
I know many people hate Naruto himself but I liked him a lot. I like him being with Hinata...
Fairy Tail, another awesome anime~
I like almost all characters and even though I haven't been watching this anime (including Naruto), I cannot really pair up any of the characters... Lucy with Loki? Or Lucy with Gray? Or Lucy with Natsu? Erza with... er... I forgotten his name (Oh no!)... Whatever~
Damn, I am slowly forgetting the animes/mangas I loved!
Ouran High School Host Club! Wonderfully funny and the anime has a sweet ending. I did not read it as a manga though.
Yankee-kun to Megane-chan, Oresama Teacher, Otomen, Nononono, Elfen Lied, Akuma to Love Song (The Devil and her Love Song), Faster Than a Kiss, Kuroshitsuji (The Black Butler), Barajou no Kiss, Arakawa Under The Bridge and many more are my favorites!
Kaichou wa Maid Sama! will be another of my favorite too. =) Love that Usui Takumi. xD Misaki is a girl whom I want to be!
I know I left out a lot of titles (mainly because I have forgotten them... ).
Till then, one day I will publish another post like this! ^^
Take care and have fun! =D
No one really checks out anything I recommend and yet I still continue recommending!So, naturally, that means no one is really going to read this post BUT my stubborn and peculiar nature made me continue publishing this post. Ain't that just so funny?
Alright, I am going to warn any of you readers first that I am mainly into shoujo/shojo anime and mangas. *folds arms* There you go, say whatever you want because I cannot help being attracted to romantic plots than gory or those filled with action. After all, I am still a girl despite some tomboyish traits. (>.>)
I remember Tokyo Mew Mew. It was one of the first animes I have ever watched. Know what's funny? I actually felt shy whenever it comes to lovey-dovey or romantic scenes. For example, hugging, kissing, hand-holding, blushing, confessing. Anything like that. Obviously doing the 'ahem' is also included in those lil romantic scenes. *rolls eyes*
So what got me interested in the anime? Actually, I do not really have any idea. OK, fine, the romance is not all that bad. The bishounens (Oh my gosh, the bishounens!) are as usual, looking bishy. I love how almost all characters have their own 'partners' (nudge, nudge) to be with. If I have not mistaken, I think there is still a love triangle in this anime. *shrugs* It's been years since I last watched. I have tried watching it all over again but I cannot tolerate all the buffering and loading. Plus, the DVD stores just don't sell that anime. =(
Next, Alice Academy / Gakuen Alice is a sweet anime I've watched right after Tokyo Mew Mew. Like most fans, I immediately love the coupling of Natsume Hyuuga with Mikan Sakura!^^
This anime is different from the manga. Sad that the anime ended and that there doesn't seem to be any second season, I turned towards the manga. I read the manga from where I last stopped. I was so stupid in the past that I did not realize the manga will update eventually. So, having told you that, I stopped reading. Years after, I went back to watching animes and reading mangas. I realized that mangas will be updated so I decided to read right form the start for this title. =D
Next up, Chibi Vampire / Karin is not to be left out in my list of favorite and unforgettable animes/mangas!
I LOVE the coupling of Usui Kenta and Maaka Karin! To tell the truth, they are my ideal couple. Er, to be exact, I just think couples should be like them. They are both thoughtful and considerate. Even though Usui may not be good for Karin's health (as said in the manga), Usui still went against what her family told him to do because he just loves her. I know that may not be very thoughtful or considerate of him but you know what? Even I will want to go ahead and be with the one I love. ;) After all, I am a hopeless romantic (sad to say...). I say that they are thoughtful and considerate because Usui offers Karin his neck to bite whenever she cannot endure it anymore. In return, Karin thinks about Usui's happiness and prepares lunch boxes for him. They are like one of the sweetest couple ever!
Parfait Tic, one of the most frustrating mangas ever is definitely in my list!
I still cannot get over the frustration even though I have already forgotten a lot. I cannot remember the names and all but I plan to read that manga all over again after I finish Chibi Vampire (again). This manga made me kick up a fuss whenever I see events after events go by in the volumes. One word to describe the main character (who's a girl) : Indecisive!
Talking about indecisive, Shinshi Doumei Cross is also another frustrating and unpredictable manga.
I just love the drawing. Sweet love and heart-wrenching twists of plot. Enough said. Well, close enough. The ending sorta surprised me but I guess I would have trouble choosing between the 2 guys too. ;P
Vampire Knight~ Yes, I know this anime and manga is in many people's list.
It was so unpredictable (Yeah, there were a few twists that got me there!) left me depressed for the characters for a long time, to the extent that I no longer read the manga. I am just waiting for the 3rd season if there are any at all... =( Maybe I should read the manga after all! (>.<) By the way, I still support Zero and Yuuki! *pouts*
How can I ever forget D.Gray Man?
I watched this as an anime and am still waiting for the 3rd season! ;P This one is definitely shounen but with a bit of shoujo in it. You know what kept me watching? The bishounen. YES, THE BISHIES! And, in case you do not know, I am a crazy person after bishies. ;) For a start, Allen Walker, Yuu/Yu Kanda, Lavi and so on (because I cannot remember names that well). Even Lenalee (I hope I got her name right!) is lookin' pretty. =)
Beauty Pop is a manga that I cannot forget~ Well, I only forgotten the names of characters and title. Took me awhile to get the title down! =o
Nice bit of romance and it got me interested in hairstyling. xD
OK, I cannot hold it in anymore. I am going to just mention Darker Than Black and its second season, Ryuusei no Gemini. I have been trying not to think about it just yet but there we go! xD
I am absolutely obsessed with it now and I am dying to watch the 3rd season! (Plus a billion more exclamation marks!) As you can see, this bishy-crazed freak there is truly, madly, totally, MADLY (Oops, I already mentioned it but oh well! ;D) in LOVE with Hei!
I have a condition when it comes to liking a bishy character: Love only the good people.
So Hei usually comes off as a cruel person who has lost his emotions but he showed good traits too and I guess I have liked him way before I even watched the anime! =x
Naruto is an anime I will always love...
I know many people hate Naruto himself but I liked him a lot. I like him being with Hinata...
Fairy Tail, another awesome anime~
I like almost all characters and even though I haven't been watching this anime (including Naruto), I cannot really pair up any of the characters... Lucy with Loki? Or Lucy with Gray? Or Lucy with Natsu? Erza with... er... I forgotten his name (Oh no!)... Whatever~
Damn, I am slowly forgetting the animes/mangas I loved!
Ouran High School Host Club! Wonderfully funny and the anime has a sweet ending. I did not read it as a manga though.
Yankee-kun to Megane-chan, Oresama Teacher, Otomen, Nononono, Elfen Lied, Akuma to Love Song (The Devil and her Love Song), Faster Than a Kiss, Kuroshitsuji (The Black Butler), Barajou no Kiss, Arakawa Under The Bridge and many more are my favorites!
Kaichou wa Maid Sama! will be another of my favorite too. =) Love that Usui Takumi. xD Misaki is a girl whom I want to be!
I know I left out a lot of titles (mainly because I have forgotten them... ).
Till then, one day I will publish another post like this! ^^
Take care and have fun! =D
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Real Life ~ Love This Morning
Let's see, I woke up and continued reading my book without trying to fall asleep again because it was already 10AM or so.
Then, I felt MUCH better but immediately realized the crazy things I've said, which revealed the incredibly messed up mind I have. @.@
Gomenasai, readers.
Last night, fortunately, I did not cry myself to sleep because a good book successfully distracted me even though I could still remember those problems.
So, if it makes any of you feel better, I want you all to know that guilt has been stabbing me since last night right up until this moment itself.
Whatever it is, that book was "Who's That Girl?" by Alexandra Potter. I forgotten to mention that Alexandra Potter is also another amazing writer!^^ I wanted to buy another book written by her but the price has not gone down. =/
"Who's That Girl?" reminds me of the song sang by Hilary Duff. =D
I have not listened to that song for a long time so now that I am listening to it, I can kinda relate to it. =P
Gonna go watch the second season of Darker Than Black: Ryuusei no Gemini again~
Yesterday I finished the first season so now that I will be watching the first episode of Season 2, it means I won't be able to really see Hei. Oh well, I can always remember how he looks like because his looks stay in my mind whether my eyes are closed or not. xD
Yes, besides the psychotic girl, I am the crazy fan of certain bishounen and Hei is my current favorite!
Hehe~
Take care and have fun anyways. Think of PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING OVER RAINBOWS~!
Then, I felt MUCH better but immediately realized the crazy things I've said, which revealed the incredibly messed up mind I have. @.@
Gomenasai, readers.
Last night, fortunately, I did not cry myself to sleep because a good book successfully distracted me even though I could still remember those problems.
So, if it makes any of you feel better, I want you all to know that guilt has been stabbing me since last night right up until this moment itself.
Whatever it is, that book was "Who's That Girl?" by Alexandra Potter. I forgotten to mention that Alexandra Potter is also another amazing writer!^^ I wanted to buy another book written by her but the price has not gone down. =/
"Who's That Girl?" reminds me of the song sang by Hilary Duff. =D
I have not listened to that song for a long time so now that I am listening to it, I can kinda relate to it. =P
Gonna go watch the second season of Darker Than Black: Ryuusei no Gemini again~
Yesterday I finished the first season so now that I will be watching the first episode of Season 2, it means I won't be able to really see Hei. Oh well, I can always remember how he looks like because his looks stay in my mind whether my eyes are closed or not. xD
Yes, besides the psychotic girl, I am the crazy fan of certain bishounen and Hei is my current favorite!
Hehe~
Take care and have fun anyways. Think of PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING OVER RAINBOWS~!
Real Life ~ Another Confession Box
Is it even normal for me to be mad or annoyed so easily? I mean, I know I suck at hiding feelings and all but I still managed to hide them and control them...
Just one slight word said wrong, I start getting angry.
Why? (I asked myself so many times already!)
If you think this is because I am a teenager, then maybe you're partly wrong because if you look at me as a human, regardless of the age - Oh dang it, I don't even know where is this going.
Like the old times when I suddenly become like this, I isolate myself and you know what? I am going to repeat the same thing. At times, or at MOST times, I heal myself.
Who healed me when I was often depressed back when I was 13 and 14? Myself and some other hobbies. Maybe friends helped too but having AvPD has made me have problem trusting people. I also dare not trust people because... who knows, they might just suddenly leave your life when you needed them most.
Who healed me when people made me mad? Myself and again, hobbies. Sometimes a friend would help but...
Who healed me when THAT friend or a friend whom I am very close to was the one who hurt me? Myself, time and hobbies. Isolation usually helped too because I tend to be insensitive the most at that kind of time.
Simon Cowell said he preferred to be alone when he gets really down or depressed.
I am quite a lot like him too - minus the fame and fortune. xD
Did growing up being an only child make me tackle things alone when I know that I cannot disturb or ask my parents for help?
After all, I made mistakes myself and learned the hard way alone most of the time... I played by myself because I know that it tires and annoys my parents to join in. That's one thing good about me being a teenager now because to them, they can talk about more things related to their age and so on, including problems.
Not saying my parents do not care about me or anything but that was how I dealt with things, especially as I get older and somewhat stupider... Of course my parents helped too. In fact, I think they've done enough to help even though I ask for help time and time again. I don't think I deserve the help and I do not know if I can even do anything back in return in the future.
Yeah, yeah, I am a negative person but I am being realistic too. =/
So... I am going to isolate myself even though I am used to chatting with my closest friends! *winces*
Now that I am like this again and that chatting honestly did not help, I will have no choice but to deal with this alone again. So sorry, to the readers, who are also one of my closest friends.
Truth finally told:
There's nothing anyone can really do because this is another battle with myself. I agree with you if you think I am absolutely lunatic and that I need professional help! Funny thing is, they say crazy people do not even know they are crazy!
I admit violin is not the way of calming myself because I care too much about perfection but I do not want to give it up and regret like how I regret quitting piano. I admit I have thought of quitting violin before because of the expensive fees and some other problems. There, I said it!
I also admit that my closest friends hurt and offend me too but again, isolation helps. (Thank goodness for the one week of holiday so that I can use that time to revise and compose myself again! *wipes sweat*)
So close to crying...
Let this be another night to cry myself to sleep then!
I am mentally messed up! I am not a nice person and I do not deserve anything good even though I would still like to be treated well.
So readers, I thank you for reading up till here and I apologize for saying disturbing things!
Heck, I am sleeping now. xD (Gonna be reading book before sleeping though. =x)
Take care and have fun! *Gives a wry smile*
Just one slight word said wrong, I start getting angry.
Why? (I asked myself so many times already!)
If you think this is because I am a teenager, then maybe you're partly wrong because if you look at me as a human, regardless of the age - Oh dang it, I don't even know where is this going.
Like the old times when I suddenly become like this, I isolate myself and you know what? I am going to repeat the same thing. At times, or at MOST times, I heal myself.
Who healed me when I was often depressed back when I was 13 and 14? Myself and some other hobbies. Maybe friends helped too but having AvPD has made me have problem trusting people. I also dare not trust people because... who knows, they might just suddenly leave your life when you needed them most.
Who healed me when people made me mad? Myself and again, hobbies. Sometimes a friend would help but...
Who healed me when THAT friend or a friend whom I am very close to was the one who hurt me? Myself, time and hobbies. Isolation usually helped too because I tend to be insensitive the most at that kind of time.
Simon Cowell said he preferred to be alone when he gets really down or depressed.
I am quite a lot like him too - minus the fame and fortune. xD
Did growing up being an only child make me tackle things alone when I know that I cannot disturb or ask my parents for help?
After all, I made mistakes myself and learned the hard way alone most of the time... I played by myself because I know that it tires and annoys my parents to join in. That's one thing good about me being a teenager now because to them, they can talk about more things related to their age and so on, including problems.
Not saying my parents do not care about me or anything but that was how I dealt with things, especially as I get older and somewhat stupider... Of course my parents helped too. In fact, I think they've done enough to help even though I ask for help time and time again. I don't think I deserve the help and I do not know if I can even do anything back in return in the future.
Yeah, yeah, I am a negative person but I am being realistic too. =/
So... I am going to isolate myself even though I am used to chatting with my closest friends! *winces*
Now that I am like this again and that chatting honestly did not help, I will have no choice but to deal with this alone again. So sorry, to the readers, who are also one of my closest friends.
Truth finally told:
I isolate myself when things get really bad.
There's nothing anyone can really do because this is another battle with myself. I agree with you if you think I am absolutely lunatic and that I need professional help! Funny thing is, they say crazy people do not even know they are crazy!
I admit violin is not the way of calming myself because I care too much about perfection but I do not want to give it up and regret like how I regret quitting piano. I admit I have thought of quitting violin before because of the expensive fees and some other problems. There, I said it!
I also admit that my closest friends hurt and offend me too but again, isolation helps. (Thank goodness for the one week of holiday so that I can use that time to revise and compose myself again! *wipes sweat*)
So close to crying...
Let this be another night to cry myself to sleep then!
I am mentally messed up! I am not a nice person and I do not deserve anything good even though I would still like to be treated well.
So readers, I thank you for reading up till here and I apologize for saying disturbing things!
Heck, I am sleeping now. xD (Gonna be reading book before sleeping though. =x)
Take care and have fun! *Gives a wry smile*
Real Life ~ Lovable Authors
Lately, I bought about 3 books from a book fair.
They are:
1. Kissed By An Angel - Elizabeth Chandler
2. Dark Secrets 1 - Elizabeth Chandler
3. Musicophilia - Oliver Sacks
I started by reading "Kissed By An Angel", thinking it was an ordinary love story - just with angels this time.
Whoa, I got it all wrong about it being ONLY a love story because this book got me paranoid and insecure! I could not stop reading too because I wanted to get over my paranoia real quick and find out the truth.
This amazing book with an amazing plot is a romance-mystery. =D
I usually do not read mystery but this will be my favorite one. This book got me suspecting every character as the murderer except the main character and her mom. xD
As for the 2nd book I read, which is "Dark Secrets 1", again, both stories in the book made me think that all the characters were the murderers except the main character.
Instead of making me paranoid (I am naturally paranoid though), the 2 stories in the book made me worry for the main character's safety.
In short, Elizabeth Chandler, pseudonym for Mary Claire Helldorfer, is a very talented, humorous and imaginative writer. =) I truly respect her and when I read the biography of hers from "Dark Secrets 1".
She shall be one of my idols~ I dream to be a writer like her and... I am desperate to read more of her books! Sadly, I cannot find any in book shops. =(
Maybe I will find more of her works in the future. =D
Another one of my favorite author is Cecelia Ahern. I think I have read almost ALL of her books and including "The Book of Tomorrow", which is the latest book I read that's written by her.
Cecelia Ahern is a humorous writer who's also imaginative. Talented as well, she has written a lot of different types of stories. I never thought that such stories could even exist until I read hers. She really amazes me time and time again! ^^
"Where Rainbows End" by Cecelia Ahern is my all-time favorite but I think "The Book of Tomorrow" is even with it now! "The Gift" by the same author is also a very touching and beautiful story. I hope I got the title right though. (>.<)
The first author who got me reading books after books is and will always be Jacqueline Wilson!
Funny, imaginative, creative and somewhat understanding, she made me start turning to books instead of lazing around wondering what to do and what little games to play alone (seeing as I am the only child).
The first book I read (written by Jacqueline Wilson) was "Double Act". The touching story got me wanting more and more. I kept borrowing more of books written by Jacqueline Wilson. I eventually bought books too. Now, I have a box filled with Jacqueline Wilson's books!
I still love "Love Lesson" and "Kiss". As for "Kiss", I will re-read because I keep wanting things to turn out differently. You see, I love books like that, books that frustrates me.
Same for "Where Rainbows End", it was frustrating even though I am glad the ending turned out well. Because it was so frustrating, I keep on reading it to hope that it will change by itself, knowing that is impossible and even if it did magically change, I will go back to hoping nothing changed. ;P
Jean Ure, another favorite authors back when I was crazy about Jacqueline Wilson. As for this author, I didn't read as many books as the ones written by Jacqueline Wilson but some stories got me worried for the characters. I swear the stories made me learn a lesson.
Speaking of learning lessons, "The Book of Tomorrow" taught me a lot as well. Hmm, I am not going to say what I learnt from the book because:
1. I do not want to be a boring old righteous person who acts innocent.
and
2. No one is going to read this post or this part anyways.
Basically, I admit that no one really cares about this blog and no one enjoys reading everything.
Even so, you will find me continuing posts for now because I am stubborn enough to keep on ranting and talking crap. =P
They are:
1. Kissed By An Angel - Elizabeth Chandler
2. Dark Secrets 1 - Elizabeth Chandler
3. Musicophilia - Oliver Sacks
I started by reading "Kissed By An Angel", thinking it was an ordinary love story - just with angels this time.
Whoa, I got it all wrong about it being ONLY a love story because this book got me paranoid and insecure! I could not stop reading too because I wanted to get over my paranoia real quick and find out the truth.
This amazing book with an amazing plot is a romance-mystery. =D
I usually do not read mystery but this will be my favorite one. This book got me suspecting every character as the murderer except the main character and her mom. xD
As for the 2nd book I read, which is "Dark Secrets 1", again, both stories in the book made me think that all the characters were the murderers except the main character.
Instead of making me paranoid (I am naturally paranoid though), the 2 stories in the book made me worry for the main character's safety.
In short, Elizabeth Chandler, pseudonym for Mary Claire Helldorfer, is a very talented, humorous and imaginative writer. =) I truly respect her and when I read the biography of hers from "Dark Secrets 1".
She shall be one of my idols~ I dream to be a writer like her and... I am desperate to read more of her books! Sadly, I cannot find any in book shops. =(
Maybe I will find more of her works in the future. =D
Another one of my favorite author is Cecelia Ahern. I think I have read almost ALL of her books and including "The Book of Tomorrow", which is the latest book I read that's written by her.
Cecelia Ahern is a humorous writer who's also imaginative. Talented as well, she has written a lot of different types of stories. I never thought that such stories could even exist until I read hers. She really amazes me time and time again! ^^
"Where Rainbows End" by Cecelia Ahern is my all-time favorite but I think "The Book of Tomorrow" is even with it now! "The Gift" by the same author is also a very touching and beautiful story. I hope I got the title right though. (>.<)
The first author who got me reading books after books is and will always be Jacqueline Wilson!
Funny, imaginative, creative and somewhat understanding, she made me start turning to books instead of lazing around wondering what to do and what little games to play alone (seeing as I am the only child).
The first book I read (written by Jacqueline Wilson) was "Double Act". The touching story got me wanting more and more. I kept borrowing more of books written by Jacqueline Wilson. I eventually bought books too. Now, I have a box filled with Jacqueline Wilson's books!
I still love "Love Lesson" and "Kiss". As for "Kiss", I will re-read because I keep wanting things to turn out differently. You see, I love books like that, books that frustrates me.
Same for "Where Rainbows End", it was frustrating even though I am glad the ending turned out well. Because it was so frustrating, I keep on reading it to hope that it will change by itself, knowing that is impossible and even if it did magically change, I will go back to hoping nothing changed. ;P
Jean Ure, another favorite authors back when I was crazy about Jacqueline Wilson. As for this author, I didn't read as many books as the ones written by Jacqueline Wilson but some stories got me worried for the characters. I swear the stories made me learn a lesson.
Speaking of learning lessons, "The Book of Tomorrow" taught me a lot as well. Hmm, I am not going to say what I learnt from the book because:
1. I do not want to be a boring old righteous person who acts innocent.
and
2. No one is going to read this post or this part anyways.
Basically, I admit that no one really cares about this blog and no one enjoys reading everything.
Even so, you will find me continuing posts for now because I am stubborn enough to keep on ranting and talking crap. =P
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Real Life ~ What's This?
Here's a short post on a question that I cannot seem to answer...
Lately, (well, it has been like this from time to time but this is getting much too frequent that this problem is bugging me a whole lot) I have been making myself do more productive things just to feel better. I force myself to write and all everyday... I just keep on doing things even though I am already dead tired or really not in the mood for anymore of them.
Because of that, I suddenly just feel like dropping every goddamn work I have right now and sit back relaxing. What's bugging me more is that now exams are coming and it's just the worst time to feel like this! I am terribly disappointed in myself. Even for those subjects I don't hate, I just cannot bring myself to really absorb anything from reading and writing. I just ran out of mood!
Every time I put down the book or pencil, my mind starts racing and I'll get very agitated. I just keep on thinking of how I will not be useful at all, how I'm slacking and not doing anything productive. Truth is, I've been tired even though I get enough sleep. I don't get WHY do I have to be so sleepy for! I am so desperate now. T..T
Am I developing some new kind of disorder? Isn't Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) bad enough already? I hate it a lot too when my parents do not understand that I literally torture myself just because I feel that I am slacking. I admit I have been obsessed with reading my own books that are not related to school but how else do I get the chance to still enjoy this messed up life?
Even now, I am feeling totally frustrated. Every day seems like a waste to me because I feel that I could have done more things. The more this problem bugs me, the more tired I get and the more I want to give up living.
Whatever it is, I know none of you can really give me an answer but take care and have fun as always! =3
How do I stop being damn angry and frustrated with myself?
Lately, (well, it has been like this from time to time but this is getting much too frequent that this problem is bugging me a whole lot) I have been making myself do more productive things just to feel better. I force myself to write and all everyday... I just keep on doing things even though I am already dead tired or really not in the mood for anymore of them.
Because of that, I suddenly just feel like dropping every goddamn work I have right now and sit back relaxing. What's bugging me more is that now exams are coming and it's just the worst time to feel like this! I am terribly disappointed in myself. Even for those subjects I don't hate, I just cannot bring myself to really absorb anything from reading and writing. I just ran out of mood!
Every time I put down the book or pencil, my mind starts racing and I'll get very agitated. I just keep on thinking of how I will not be useful at all, how I'm slacking and not doing anything productive. Truth is, I've been tired even though I get enough sleep. I don't get WHY do I have to be so sleepy for! I am so desperate now. T..T
Am I developing some new kind of disorder? Isn't Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) bad enough already? I hate it a lot too when my parents do not understand that I literally torture myself just because I feel that I am slacking. I admit I have been obsessed with reading my own books that are not related to school but how else do I get the chance to still enjoy this messed up life?
Even now, I am feeling totally frustrated. Every day seems like a waste to me because I feel that I could have done more things. The more this problem bugs me, the more tired I get and the more I want to give up living.
Whatever it is, I know none of you can really give me an answer but take care and have fun as always! =3
Friday, September 30, 2011
Real Life ~ Rant-a-thon
Hey there, people! I am supposed to be copying notes now but you know what? Exam is near but I think I will not be able to gain anything if I write anything more for now. My hand is absolutely aching! (Psst, typing is pretty tiring to my already-aching hand but it's much faster than writing when the sentences are forming real quick in my messy mind.)
Let's see... I have been gathering topics after topics to rant on for days and possibly weeks. I imagined things to say and titles to give to this post.
Starting with what happened today (while I can still remember), I will not give details or anything so that the person will not kill me (>.<)
Recap: That girl is not an entirely nice person. She's really bossy and she usually just wants everything to go her way. She rarely accepts other people's way of doing things. She doesn't always watch what she says and LOVES to interrupt when people are talking.
Don't hate me for saying all of that because apparently, quite a few agree with me.
Right, back to topic. My friend was teaching me and my other friend but then, as expected, this girl suddenly budge in and do all the asking and talking. I was like, fine, go do whatever you want because I am fine with studying myself too. I don't need you to ruin my life any longer. My friend who was learning with me also gave up and eventually left my class. Before she left, she told me she had things to ask but because of you-know-who, she stopped waiting for a chance and walked off.
This girl made me think that it would be the end of the world when she and I are apart. She made me think that I will not be able to get anything done without her. Who knew... She was the one holding me back all along... And I was even told that, just that I kept denying at that time. This is why I TRY real hard not to think that i cannot live without certain people.
Hyper-Realistically, most of us humans need others to be able to live a somewhat perfect life. Not saying that anything's perfect but just good enough or just plain good. Even rich people need connections and help from others to make things work out. We, whether we are a 'somebody' or a 'nobody', we still need people to help out. (Okay, maybe I usually turn down my closest friends' help and some other people's along the way but that's because I think I relied too much on people.)
Woah, I gave myself a surprise by writing this much just on ONE thing. There are more but sadly, I did not write it all down and cannot remember more. So... goodbye people.
JUST JOKING!
Second thing to rant on - mydearest classmate this year.
Most of my friends including the girl I mentioned back in the first rant have agreed with one another that this classmate of mine ain't no nice kitty to play with.
I hate to have to say this but even my other classmates find it a big problem to get along with her. =x
This classmate of mine here loves to sleep in class. She can be hot and cold. She is a hypocrite and she does not really care about your feelings all the time. Naturally, she just says what comes to mind. Funnily enough, she can still think of how you're feeling at times. She doesn't always pay attention in class because it's either sleeping or just drawing. (Oh my gosh, she will MURDER me when she sees this!) This classmate does not care much of her own health. She just drinks and eats whatever she pleases.
Oh yes, the guilt is kicking in real fast. I feel like a complete b!tch. =( Oh well, I deserved it anyways.
Continuing, this classmate sits beside me so she EXPECTS me to actually wake her up when I am busy paying attention to what the teacher is saying and what work we're supposed to be doing. What crosses the line is when she makes me her goddamn stupid alarm clock.
"Wake me up 10 minutes later."
"Give me 5 more minutes."
"Wake me up at (insert time here)."
It is absolutely useless waking her up because she continues sleeping.
After the teacher is done with the explaining or after the bell rings (or after she got scolded by the teacher), she wakes up with usually bloodshot eyes accusing me of not waking her up.
That was what ticks me off the most. I feel like punching or slapping her without a thought. THAT ought to wake her up! Hmph! *turns back pouting and fuming*
Many times I try to let her know not to keep on saying things like that and expecting me to be wonder woman doing everything for people all the time. Sadly, my weaker side just never lets me defend myself.
Wow, way to go, I really SUCK at defending. Not only defending myself but others as well. And when I DO try my best to defend, it always end up awkward or just taken as pathetic. *facepalm*
Hmm... Now I am really cracking my brain wondering what is the other thing I want to rant on.
Dang it. This time, I am sorry but I really forgotten. @.@
It is not goodbye yet though because I haven't started on what I've been doing lately. xD
Amazingly chatty today, right? (How did this happen, I wonder?)
Violin News: I finally learned left pizzicato plus bowing at the same time. Well, not exactly same time but both put together in a way. xD In the music score, there will be a "+" sign to show left pizzicato above the music notes. There are some notes without the "+" above them so it means normal bowing (most never mention the bowing direction). Gah, one of the ABRSM Grade 7 songs have that skill in it. I cannot remember the full title for the song but I remember part of the title that says "Sarasate". *shrugs*
Before I forget (Ooh, I am aging no matter how young I seem to look), I have been trying to write an incredibly good poem with the theme of love. Yes, I said that word. I actually did not plan to let any of you know the theme of the poem but oh well, must have slipped my... fingers? o.0
I have been thinking about it for months, writing over and over (all different), thinking hard of ways to change my usual boring style of writing poems. Today I finally got to make some of the poems rhyme but it just isn't long enough or good enough. I just cannot seem to feel the 'oopmh" or what people like to call "impact" from reading the poems I've tried writing.
You see, I cannot capture the actual feelings. Not sure if they can EVEN be captured but just to let you know, I won't write anything of what I haven't been through for poems. I'll save those other sort of works for the future to write. Hopefully, by then, my imagination widens.
Another topic I want to touch on before I publish this post - Teenagers I never knew existed in my country.
You've seen shopaholics (often females) shop for clothes, accessories and shoes for hours. You've seen crazy girls after brands of all sorts. In fact, those brands are so out of this world that they are not even known to me! The price must have cost a billion bodies! You've seen females crazy for the latest stuffs.
Well, whatcha waitin' for? They're in my world too! I am not just talking about the common female dogs you usually meet in my school and life but I am talking about from those common female dogs to my very own cousin(s). Brands, Parties, Showing off.... EVERYTHING! Nothing left out.
What made me realize once and for all was that I have finally come to know girls who spend hundreds over ONE dress. And, what's more shocking is that her/their mother/mothers actually bother CONSIDERING!
Not long ago, as usual, I do not know the things going on at my school but there was a party held by the Christian Fellowship or something. This girl is a cheerleader and she is graduating this year. You know about cheerleaders (sociable, popular, extremely vain, attention-seeker) ... She bought a dress that cost a hundred plus just for that one night of party. I think she bought high heels too. 2 high heels, if I have not mistaken.
That was not the end, it seems. These dresses usually need dry-cleaning. NOW, there is this prom night thingy held for the students graduating. I didn't know there's prom night held every year for those students until my pretty friend told me. This girl obviously wants to stand out and look the best.prettiest and bla bla bla so now, she goes for a great big evening gown hunt.
She went shops after shops and could find none with hundred dollars as the cheapest piece of clothing. Finally, after a VERY long time of hunting, she came upon a dress she and her sister love that cost.... *drum rolls* a whopping 400 + dollars!
Her mother considered whether to buy it for her or not. If I've not mistaken, I think her mom agrees to let her have it. *faints* With 400 dollars, you could have bought so much more... Well, who am I to say? I buy anime DVDs and books while she buys girl stuff. *shrugs*
Her mother went to the shop for wedding gowns and most probably for the flower girls and so on too. Her mom was thinking of renting one instead of always buying more dresses. Just so you know, the daughter said she wants a dress no one has seen before when her mom told her to wear the one she wore for the Christian Fellowship party (or whatever it is...)
Come on, I never knew such princess-like girls existed so close to me. Well, not THAT close but wow, I cannot get over the fact that girls in my country can be like that. Even my mom was shocked to know about it.
The mother decided not to rent the dress because the package including hair, makeup and dress cost about 320 dollars. Thing is, you cannot keep the dress!
I know I've seen many of my acquaintances wearing expensive-looking dresses but never has it ever crossed my mind that those dresses could really be what they seem to be! They all have their hair done nicely and even my pretty friend says that it is absolutely boring to not change the hairstyle. She straightened her hair months ago.
My goodness, then I must have been one hell of a boring piece of crap! I have never straightened my hair nor curled it. I never dyed my hair before and the only ways of changing hairstyle is to cut it differently but NEVER anything that stands out or look nice as other girls. You see, those hairstyles never last forever because my stubborn hair loves to go their own way.
Funny, right? I am thinking of staying far away from makeup too in the future. I just hate to turn into those type of people who rely on makeup to look good. I am also thinking of not straightening my hair because I will have to maintain it. =/ Maintaining it costs MORE money and with those money, I could have upgraded my violin once and for all (Not saying I am ready to leave Autumn anytime soon but I know upgrading is necessary now).
Of course no guys will want to get close to me because of my lack of beauty. I will just be a plain person living a plain and normal life.
It's amusing to think of how I used to think of wanting to be the prettiest girl. I used to want to be a princess as a kid. In fact, I was quite a normal person as a kid. So... WHERE did I go wrong and become this peculiar person? From WHICH part of my life did I become this anti-social who just loves to be alone yet long for certain accompany?
My pretty friend thinks she does not have enough friends even though she has billion times more friends than I do. She says she wants to change her name and be a happy, crazy and wild girl in college.
Well, go ahead, girl, because you're gonna be another fake.
I admit I tried to be a fake this year but I cannot stand faking so many smiles. I cannot hide my feelings so easily anymore.
It's much more comfortable being in my own skin anyways. Being a fake is like being a hypocrite in a way and I hate hypocrites though I'd say I can be one in a blink of an eye.
Okay, people. Thank you for having reached this far. Hope you have not snored throughout this whole ranting session. More to come for those who actually don't mind or have the patience of a God to continue reading in the future.
No hard feelings, I hope! Sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors - this lazy bum here just doesn't re-read before publishing. xD
Take care and have fun as always! ^^
This time, I am ending with a happy tone despite the post that seems to be moody and angry.
Truth is, I am not that angry as I write this post but just letting you know what sort of people are there out in this crazy world (of school).
Let's see... I have been gathering topics after topics to rant on for days and possibly weeks. I imagined things to say and titles to give to this post.
Starting with what happened today (while I can still remember), I will not give details or anything so that the person will not kill me (>.<)
Recap: That girl is not an entirely nice person. She's really bossy and she usually just wants everything to go her way. She rarely accepts other people's way of doing things. She doesn't always watch what she says and LOVES to interrupt when people are talking.
Don't hate me for saying all of that because apparently, quite a few agree with me.
Right, back to topic. My friend was teaching me and my other friend but then, as expected, this girl suddenly budge in and do all the asking and talking. I was like, fine, go do whatever you want because I am fine with studying myself too. I don't need you to ruin my life any longer. My friend who was learning with me also gave up and eventually left my class. Before she left, she told me she had things to ask but because of you-know-who, she stopped waiting for a chance and walked off.
This girl made me think that it would be the end of the world when she and I are apart. She made me think that I will not be able to get anything done without her. Who knew... She was the one holding me back all along... And I was even told that, just that I kept denying at that time. This is why I TRY real hard not to think that i cannot live without certain people.
Woah, I gave myself a surprise by writing this much just on ONE thing. There are more but sadly, I did not write it all down and cannot remember more. So... goodbye people.
JUST JOKING!
Second thing to rant on - my
Most of my friends including the girl I mentioned back in the first rant have agreed with one another that this classmate of mine ain't no nice kitty to play with.
I hate to have to say this but even my other classmates find it a big problem to get along with her. =x
This classmate of mine here loves to sleep in class. She can be hot and cold. She is a hypocrite and she does not really care about your feelings all the time. Naturally, she just says what comes to mind. Funnily enough, she can still think of how you're feeling at times. She doesn't always pay attention in class because it's either sleeping or just drawing. (Oh my gosh, she will MURDER me when she sees this!) This classmate does not care much of her own health. She just drinks and eats whatever she pleases.
Oh yes, the guilt is kicking in real fast. I feel like a complete b!tch. =( Oh well, I deserved it anyways.
Continuing, this classmate sits beside me so she EXPECTS me to actually wake her up when I am busy paying attention to what the teacher is saying and what work we're supposed to be doing. What crosses the line is when she makes me her goddamn stupid alarm clock.
"Wake me up 10 minutes later."
"Give me 5 more minutes."
"Wake me up at (insert time here)."
It is absolutely useless waking her up because she continues sleeping.
After the teacher is done with the explaining or after the bell rings (or after she got scolded by the teacher), she wakes up with usually bloodshot eyes accusing me of not waking her up.
That was what ticks me off the most. I feel like punching or slapping her without a thought. THAT ought to wake her up! Hmph! *turns back pouting and fuming*
Many times I try to let her know not to keep on saying things like that and expecting me to be wonder woman doing everything for people all the time. Sadly, my weaker side just never lets me defend myself.
Wow, way to go, I really SUCK at defending. Not only defending myself but others as well. And when I DO try my best to defend, it always end up awkward or just taken as pathetic. *facepalm*
Hmm... Now I am really cracking my brain wondering what is the other thing I want to rant on.
Dang it. This time, I am sorry but I really forgotten. @.@
It is not goodbye yet though because I haven't started on what I've been doing lately. xD
Amazingly chatty today, right? (How did this happen, I wonder?)
Violin News: I finally learned left pizzicato plus bowing at the same time. Well, not exactly same time but both put together in a way. xD In the music score, there will be a "+" sign to show left pizzicato above the music notes. There are some notes without the "+" above them so it means normal bowing (most never mention the bowing direction). Gah, one of the ABRSM Grade 7 songs have that skill in it. I cannot remember the full title for the song but I remember part of the title that says "Sarasate". *shrugs*
Before I forget (Ooh, I am aging no matter how young I seem to look), I have been trying to write an incredibly good poem with the theme of love. Yes, I said that word. I actually did not plan to let any of you know the theme of the poem but oh well, must have slipped my... fingers? o.0
I have been thinking about it for months, writing over and over (all different), thinking hard of ways to change my usual boring style of writing poems. Today I finally got to make some of the poems rhyme but it just isn't long enough or good enough. I just cannot seem to feel the 'oopmh" or what people like to call "impact" from reading the poems I've tried writing.
You see, I cannot capture the actual feelings. Not sure if they can EVEN be captured but just to let you know, I won't write anything of what I haven't been through for poems. I'll save those other sort of works for the future to write. Hopefully, by then, my imagination widens.
Another topic I want to touch on before I publish this post - Teenagers I never knew existed in my country.
You've seen shopaholics (often females) shop for clothes, accessories and shoes for hours. You've seen crazy girls after brands of all sorts. In fact, those brands are so out of this world that they are not even known to me! The price must have cost a billion bodies! You've seen females crazy for the latest stuffs.
Well, whatcha waitin' for? They're in my world too! I am not just talking about the common female dogs you usually meet in my school and life but I am talking about from those common female dogs to my very own cousin(s). Brands, Parties, Showing off.... EVERYTHING! Nothing left out.
What made me realize once and for all was that I have finally come to know girls who spend hundreds over ONE dress. And, what's more shocking is that her/their mother/mothers actually bother CONSIDERING!
Not long ago, as usual, I do not know the things going on at my school but there was a party held by the Christian Fellowship or something. This girl is a cheerleader and she is graduating this year. You know about cheerleaders (sociable, popular, extremely vain, attention-seeker) ... She bought a dress that cost a hundred plus just for that one night of party. I think she bought high heels too. 2 high heels, if I have not mistaken.
That was not the end, it seems. These dresses usually need dry-cleaning. NOW, there is this prom night thingy held for the students graduating. I didn't know there's prom night held every year for those students until my pretty friend told me. This girl obviously wants to stand out and look the best.prettiest and bla bla bla so now, she goes for a great big evening gown hunt.
She went shops after shops and could find none with hundred dollars as the cheapest piece of clothing. Finally, after a VERY long time of hunting, she came upon a dress she and her sister love that cost.... *drum rolls* a whopping 400 + dollars!
Her mother considered whether to buy it for her or not. If I've not mistaken, I think her mom agrees to let her have it. *faints* With 400 dollars, you could have bought so much more... Well, who am I to say? I buy anime DVDs and books while she buys girl stuff. *shrugs*
Her mother went to the shop for wedding gowns and most probably for the flower girls and so on too. Her mom was thinking of renting one instead of always buying more dresses. Just so you know, the daughter said she wants a dress no one has seen before when her mom told her to wear the one she wore for the Christian Fellowship party (or whatever it is...)
Come on, I never knew such princess-like girls existed so close to me. Well, not THAT close but wow, I cannot get over the fact that girls in my country can be like that. Even my mom was shocked to know about it.
The mother decided not to rent the dress because the package including hair, makeup and dress cost about 320 dollars. Thing is, you cannot keep the dress!
I know I've seen many of my acquaintances wearing expensive-looking dresses but never has it ever crossed my mind that those dresses could really be what they seem to be! They all have their hair done nicely and even my pretty friend says that it is absolutely boring to not change the hairstyle. She straightened her hair months ago.
My goodness, then I must have been one hell of a boring piece of crap! I have never straightened my hair nor curled it. I never dyed my hair before and the only ways of changing hairstyle is to cut it differently but NEVER anything that stands out or look nice as other girls. You see, those hairstyles never last forever because my stubborn hair loves to go their own way.
Funny, right? I am thinking of staying far away from makeup too in the future. I just hate to turn into those type of people who rely on makeup to look good. I am also thinking of not straightening my hair because I will have to maintain it. =/ Maintaining it costs MORE money and with those money, I could have upgraded my violin once and for all (Not saying I am ready to leave Autumn anytime soon but I know upgrading is necessary now).
Of course no guys will want to get close to me because of my lack of beauty. I will just be a plain person living a plain and normal life.
It's amusing to think of how I used to think of wanting to be the prettiest girl. I used to want to be a princess as a kid. In fact, I was quite a normal person as a kid. So... WHERE did I go wrong and become this peculiar person? From WHICH part of my life did I become this anti-social who just loves to be alone yet long for certain accompany?
My pretty friend thinks she does not have enough friends even though she has billion times more friends than I do. She says she wants to change her name and be a happy, crazy and wild girl in college.
Well, go ahead, girl, because you're gonna be another fake.
I admit I tried to be a fake this year but I cannot stand faking so many smiles. I cannot hide my feelings so easily anymore.
It's much more comfortable being in my own skin anyways. Being a fake is like being a hypocrite in a way and I hate hypocrites though I'd say I can be one in a blink of an eye.
Okay, people. Thank you for having reached this far. Hope you have not snored throughout this whole ranting session. More to come for those who actually don't mind or have the patience of a God to continue reading in the future.
No hard feelings, I hope! Sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors - this lazy bum here just doesn't re-read before publishing. xD
Take care and have fun as always! ^^
This time, I am ending with a happy tone despite the post that seems to be moody and angry.
Truth is, I am not that angry as I write this post but just letting you know what sort of people are there out in this crazy world (of school).
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