Thursday, November 24, 2011

Real Life ~ Mundane Accomplishments

-Killed the cat that keeps coming to my house to do 'big business'.
Check.
-Choose the next target before noon.
Check.
-Stalk the target on Facebook.
Check.
-Make prank calls to annoy the target.
Check.
-Sharpen my blade and-

*Throws the checklist across the room*

Oh okay, I was obviously kidding - except the fact that I wanna strangle that lil' cat!

Here's my actual checklist....

-Wash one of the violin cloths once and for all and kill that friggin' cat.
Check. It's the cloth I used while playing the violin, not the one used for wiping the violin. You wouldn't believe how hard it was to wash the cloth. I know it will sound disgusting to you but I had a hard time removing some blood stains. Ah, before you back away from the computer in horror, those were tiny little blood stains that no one would be able to see. After all, my left side of the neck/jaw isn't seriously injured. Oh yeah, one mroe disgusting fact - I have not washed it properly since my last performance or in January/February. You see now why was it so hard to get it completely clean? Another disgusting thing to say - I missed the violin smell... Well, I'd say it's the violin but of course I sweat too, right? ;) Trust me, it smells better than my sweaty plain T-shirts even though it should contain more sweat. =x

-Cut my hair short.
Check. Not in a salon, definitely, because I'm not allowed to at this age. *Shrugs* If you're wondering whether I am going to grieve for the hair that had been cut away like most girls, this time I am not going to. =D My head felt heavy and although my hair wasn't as long as what you're probably imagining now, my hair really kept getting on my nerves. Frizzy, as in extremely FRIZZY (because it is natural and never been styles or dyed before) and just irritating. I do not get how can girls with long hair still look pretty and elegant when they have their hair down. I know most of them (or all of them) have their hair styled (so it's meant to be much neater) but really, how do they do that?! I feel like an idiot with my hair down. It is as if I'm destined to be the awkward girl. @.@

That is all I have to say about the mundane accomplishments.

Moving on to a better accomplishment~

-Find out more about college and universities.
Semi-check. xD I still do not know A LOT about them but looking at all the courses so far, I've come to know what are they about and which one suits me more. Of course I love music a lot but really, I am not cut out for this path as much as I fantasize. Now I am just trying (not my best because my best equals to how I was like last year when I first started violin) to get the bowing and spiccato right, which reminds me of today's fairly good practice. I do not want to have high hopes or anything but I think I've made my spiccato more stable. I just have to make sure I have consistent & accurate position and movement while bowing. All thanks to my violin teacher!^^

Really, I only have that one and only 'better accomplishment'...

After having finished a shoujo manga "Shuukatsu!! - Kimi ni Naitei " by Yoshino Aki, I feel as if I'll eventually become the main female character, Asaoka Yuuri. She sort of reminds me of Megumi Noda (Nodame) from Nodame Cantabile. I feel like I will end up like both of them. xD Not saying that I will somehow come across a bishounen who initially comes off as a snob but then turns out to be a nice guy though. =P What I meant was I will somehow end up having a job that's relating to kids... You see, I am beginning to think that it ain't so... boring to be a kindergarten teacher. I also think of editing children's books if I am not good enough to handle adults' or teenagers' books. *Sighs worriedly*

Lately, I am starting to have problem controlling my tongue and emotions... I'm sure I've said this before in previous posts and for some time I didn't mention after that. Truth is, I've been like this since then but it wasn't that serious. Now, just by talking to people, I feel as if I must argue with them. By default, (well, my "default", that is!) I choose to isolate myself until my minds clears up or comes to a reasonable conclusion. Yes, that also means my mind is in a crazy mess, like all over the place. I'm deeply confused.

What's frustrating me the most is that I used to know what I wanted and what I needed. It was not exactly what most (but not all) teenagers know because they're too fickle-minded to decide. At the age of 14, after a lot of thinking and depression, ideas suddenly came to mind. I wanted to be a psychologist. I wanted to learn to play the violin. I wanted to live single for life as a personal challenge. I wanted to live alone with my very own dog (because I used to always want one!).

Now, *smiles ruefully* I am not all that sure of what I want to work as in the future. I admit I CANNOT be a psychologist because it does not suit my feeble personality (let's hope the term "feeble personality" can be used and holds a meaning). Fortunately, I just read up on some courses and I definitely feel way better and less confused. I now know Journalism/Media Journalism and English Language & Literature are DIFFERENT things. (>.<)

I've always hated to be fickle-minded... Hated to have people believe that all teenagers are like that... After having written a story for months, I suddenly just lost the mood (I've had a month of exams so it's not surprising to lose the mood) and could not truly retrieve it back. Just ever so lazy to continue because that would mean I have to read back all over again. I was pretty close to the end too...

I thought of writing the story in a proper way but this morning after continuing it, some questions got to me.

"Is that even interesting? You spent almost one whole goddamn page on introduction!"
"Just read the book you're reading now and then tell me which part of you think you can publish that one day with that kind of standard?"
"You're not getting anywhere close! You might have to redo..."

So, you know what now? I'll just have to ignore those questions and screw 'em all by writing what I like. As for poems, I suppose I write more of them than a completed story. Truth be told, I've not written ANY completed stories that I would want to publish. As for school work and exams, of course they have an ending but with the time limit or word limit, I have no choice but to be quick. xD

After that, whenever I try to make the story longer, like what I've attempted for 2 or 3 times, I fail to accomplish that. It's kinda of funny when  I admit this myself. xD

Gonna go read manga now~ I've written this long enough... From 10PM until 11:32PM...

Have fun and take care, everyone~!^^

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