How do I stop being damn angry and frustrated with myself?
Lately, (well, it has been like this from time to time but this is getting much too frequent that this problem is bugging me a whole lot) I have been making myself do more productive things just to feel better. I force myself to write and all everyday... I just keep on doing things even though I am already dead tired or really not in the mood for anymore of them.
Because of that, I suddenly just feel like dropping every goddamn work I have right now and sit back relaxing. What's bugging me more is that now exams are coming and it's just the worst time to feel like this! I am terribly disappointed in myself. Even for those subjects I don't hate, I just cannot bring myself to really absorb anything from reading and writing. I just ran out of mood!
Every time I put down the book or pencil, my mind starts racing and I'll get very agitated. I just keep on thinking of how I will not be useful at all, how I'm slacking and not doing anything productive. Truth is, I've been tired even though I get enough sleep. I don't get WHY do I have to be so sleepy for! I am so desperate now. T..T
Am I developing some new kind of disorder? Isn't Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) bad enough already? I hate it a lot too when my parents do not understand that I literally torture myself just because I feel that I am slacking. I admit I have been obsessed with reading my own books that are not related to school but how else do I get the chance to still enjoy this messed up life?
Even now, I am feeling totally frustrated. Every day seems like a waste to me because I feel that I could have done more things. The more this problem bugs me, the more tired I get and the more I want to give up living.
Whatever it is, I know none of you can really give me an answer but take care and have fun as always! =3
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