Real Life ~ Disappointed & Frustrated

I am frustrated and disappointed in myself. I tried to be in sync with the Youtube video of Titanic but then it got weird. I was too fast at first. Then I pressed wrong note. Then I couldn't aim the high notes because they were too damn far and hard for me to guess where to press. Argh. I also messed up other songs and in the end, I ended the practice that went on for more than 1 hour in a huff.

Maybe I was too tired and agitated before that. I was pissed because homework was like hell. By the time I practise, I could hardly hold the violin. I could have almost dropped it more than once. My both arms were really tired... T.T

I still played because I know that once I start now, I have no time at night thanks to exams. I was only lucky that I did not go for the 2nd practice at night because mom expected me to do more work! I really did more work. I opened a doodle book for school. xD I felt like doodling sometimes... I just did not have the proper place to doodle. Haha.

I know I should not have been pissed with the practice but satisfied that I've improved a whole lot from the day when I first started drawing the bow on the strings. Should be proud that managed to keep the love for violin burning all these months. Still wishing that the love for violin stays even after death, even if it meant that my life might end real quick.

Maybe the excuse for being this way can be due to hormones. No matter what happened in our lives during the teen years, we usually end up saying it's the hormones.

One thing I was disappointed about was that I could not perform for grandma. =[

She will be busy on Saturday. Mom will be having lunch with her tomorrow and treating her too. They always just GOTTA have lunch during my school time. T.T

I can't even get to see grandma, let alone bring violin to perform.

Don't mention piano either. I know that my cousin side will be bored of piano because they hear my little cousin brother play everyday along with the scolding but a first time for them regarding violin. Sadly, my side of family is numb to both now. T.T Piano was long boring to them and as long as I am not the one playing, they watch. It hurts... And for violin, not even dad bothers taking videos of me playing even though I've learned how to play numerous songs. I wonder when will everyone finally be thrilled with every improvement made without making too much fuss?

We're humans still and I am getting heated up now. My violin cut is still visible and hives are still appearing every day. I gotta do something about it. =/

Bye. Take care and have fun. xD