Real Life ~ Give & Take

Horoscopes did tell me that I will be having more of "give" than "take" today. I sometimes wonder if it meant that people are giving me a lot more shit or does it mean I give people a whole lot more shit. Then again, did it mean people give me the long end of the stick or I give others the long end of the stick, leaving the short end for myself?

Gotta postpone the violin practice today because... today, is THE DAY I get to... go for the best makeover that I've always dreamed of EVER! YAY! hand out the champagne, everyone! Kids get alcohol too! We're gonna die of hangover. =D

-NOT!-

Lol. Nah, my reason was to get the text books for next year. My mom planned to leave later than the time we were supposed to be there. I was pretty worried for my friend as he wanted to be there at 9AM. I hoped that he got his books and survived the time in there though I am sure he's not much of an anti-social there. He's not really the one with these problems of getting on with people.

Instead, I felt sick again in the car. Anxiety attack got the best of me there in the car on the way to school. I was afraid of facing people there. I was terrified of seeing my classmates. To be frank, I was even afraid of seeing my own friends. That is, if they saw the message about getting the text books. Hmm, I probably would not mind staying in my shell for a long time. xD Oh well~

Parking was a bit of a problem because this was the time for the rest of the upper forms to have their big exams. =S My heart raced faster than lightning for them, as well as for myself. xD Haha. As I entered the school grounds, I saw no one at the promised place to get books. Hmph... I do know that we should be getting books from there. =/ Again, I sighed and could have broke a sweat when I saw mom's face. Uh-oh, things better end nicely or else my head will be teared off when I DON'T exactly deserve it. Grr...

I raced up that one flight of stairs (yes, those teachers get such special treatment as to just be able to walk one flight of stairs up to where they should be though I suppose they move much more than us students since we've been imprisoned in our own classrooms.) to where the office and teachers' room are.

I ran past the office, thinking the people there would not know much. Then, right into the entrance separating the room for afternoon session and morning session teachers. Of course I headed the morning session's. It's not like there's anyone around for the afternoon session's. xD

Spotted the first teacher and asked her of the teacher's (the one who promised me books and bright future) whereabouts. She said that the teacher should be in the place where I was promised to get books. Well... in my mind, I certainly remembered seeing the place locked up. =S

Thanks to that teacher anyways.

Met a few familiar faces (teachers)and even one school worker recognized me, though we've never introduced one another before. She asked why I was in school and of course I told her. Seeing her over and over again in school as I ran around finding people was comforting for me. She was the first one who gave a warm smile. In fact, like the only who gave me a nice smile for the day (the day's still young...?). As you know, I ran down to look at the place where books were mean to be given out. As I thought, all were locked. Knowing the last one was locked, I still clung tightly onto hope and went there. Guess what?! It was actually opened. Phew~

Actually, I lied. So scrap those last positive words. xD Haha. It was closed. Windows all shut and not even welcoming me anymore like it did when we students are forced to enter that place for the torturous lessons. Sigh. Not welcoming at the right moment? C'mon, man, make my day! I have absolutely no more hope left.

I was nagged at to get to the office first instead of the teachers' room. Ignoring those words that did not help at all, I ran past mom without a glance back at her. Oh, I am sure I would not wanna see her face at that moment anyway. Once again, she never fails to make me feel guilty for something. Eff! Actually, I REALLY wanna write those 4 letter words! T.T Do I really deserve those? Partly, I know but not EVERYHTING dumped on me! Boo hoo, I almost felt tears as I read back this paragraph. *pouts*

Moving on, I flew back up the stairs to the office. It took a LONG time. Long enough for me to notice something that at the back of my mind, I wanted to know. Well, there's my answer, though another question popped up after knowing it. Lol. Curiosity kills the cat! ;)

No one knew where she is and they had to serve my morning session head discipline teacher first. She was the lioness who banned us from playing the piano in the prefects' room, remember? Well, not a pretty memory. And this song now being played is making me feel bitter deep inside. Yikes. This song is "La Cumparista". xD Lol, yes, I am obsessed with that song again. I think I found another way of feeling that song. Got on to that later if I can remember (Though now I have no idea how now. xD)

After what seemed like a light-year, (Sorry, but this part is getting pretty tough for me to write. I am being quite emotional today, I think...?) the office dude got the teacher's phone number and called her. It seemed like she had an emergency and had to go to a place. That place, is the area I stay. Well, hell because just laugh at the irony. I came all the way from there and here to see her when she gets from here to there. Hah! I can freaking laugh my arse off, thank you very much. All this while, I kept it in. Of course I kept it in! What's the use of going semi-hysterical?

All that while, I also mentally apologized my friend for telling him to go to school to get books at a time she probably wouldn't be there because of that emergency. Too many things gone through my head at once. I also worry for my teacher because I was wondering if any of her family or closed ones was in a hospital or sick. Anything could happen.

It seems like I was meant to see the dentist and do scaling (I hope it's spelled this way) today after getting the books though this unexpected event crept up now.

Having to endure an earful in the car, I was driven to the place where the dentist should be. We had to go back at 11.30AM for she will have been back by then.

Mom could not pay for the parking ticket since the parking meter nearby would not work. You know, I do not exactly know WHY in hell would she be so angry for. There was another parking meter on the other side of the road. Only a bit of walking required but maybe it was wrong to get ticket from there if it's not in the same row of where your car is parked? Which was why mom refused so strongly to walk there? No, I don't think so. Mom was still fuming, her anger sipping through her and threatening to possess me if not another passerby. Yikes~

Okay, I was rude and disloyal, wasn't I? I said things that should not be said about my own mom. Sorry then. (I do not sound sorry because I am pretty upset writing these parts.) Honestly speaking, I think I do not care (Usually) who that person is. The problem with me now is that I'm being more and more frank. I say what's in my mind even if it seemed like I am betraying a closed one.

Anyways, she was worried that time is up and time to go for the text books when I was waiting or doing the scaling halfway. She asked if I should/wanted to. I gave a firm and louder than necessary "No."

Really, I do not need to have 2 anxiety attacks in one day. Can always split them up or never have them anymore right? I doubt the latter. Lol. Mom was a little bit surprised, her eyebrows slightly raised. Good. Sock it in, already!

Back in the car, mom droned on and on about what to do. Blamed people. She said she was not feeling well today and yet she drove all the way here to find this thing ending up like that. Well, "big news", because I just so happen felt effing sick as well. Let's celebrate our second FUNNY irony! *fakes bitter laughter*

Oh well, an adult feeling sick is probably more depressing than a child feeling sick. Is that it?

Oh well, an adult driving AND feeling sick, along with many other hidden worries is probably more depressing than a child having their own difficulties with life even when under the shelter of parents, sitting in a car worrying their puny little heads off. Is that it?

I understand it's hard for mom and dad and heck, EVERYONE. But, when do I get to be the one who is seen worth being depressed? Do I have to wait until things seem even MORE obviously painful for everyone to see?

Dammit! Emotional again. Thought too much. Hehe~

Driven to grandma's house. Was glad that mom can have someone she can actually trust her problems with, and that is, her mom. That house probably made her calm down. In fact, her mom's face probably calmed her down a million times more.

My lil cousin bro came down with noisy "machines". I was asked to shake one machine. It was something like an electronic pet. Ever heard of "Tamaguchi"? Well, something like that, anyways. After shaking it, I know from then on, I can do this the whole day without feeling too sore because of my beloved violin. =D After almost one year of violin, I did not increase the strength in the hands at all (instead, weaker) but what it did was make me immune to more pain than others can usually take. Thus, making me an easier person to take advantage of and also a weirder person who does not know when should a normal person feel tired. Yes, that's me. The weirdo. The stamina for my hands became better. Yay...? Hell, I take it as a big "Yay" with a capital "Y"! =P

Oops, how did that topic turn to violin? (Because I was thinking of it...?) [Oh yeah... I always am.]

Crap, now I even talk to myself online! Amazing! xD

Moving on, he totally removed all my current worries. Bless him. He even bothered thinking up things to talk about. Good at it too, though I always end up being sarcastic and teasing him, making him go, "Heeeeey!" Haha. Can actually laugh just remembering it.

I thought I would be returning school with only mom but it looks like I was wrong. Grandma came along. The more the merrier. Lol. Oh yeah, before I left the school gate earlier, I bumped into my girl classmate. She and I haven't been on good terms but I am long over the issue already anyway~ She asked why I was there but before I could ask her back, she stalked off. Maybe being nice to one another ever since the last time made her not used to it, so that was why she went off faster. Or maybe she couldn't stand seeing me? If it were to be that, she didn't seem to be showing any sign of it. Thank goodness. xP

Grandma asked my lil cousin bro whether he wanted to come along with us. I loudly willed him to go with us in my mind. I really need his innocence and strength now. Upon hearing the destination, he said he did not like it because the school atmosphere sucks. Granted, even a kid his age knows of it. What has he been through?

Better than no one else, grandma's company was better than silence and nagging directed at me. ^o^

I did the talking and seeing people myself. Finally, when I thought hope was all gone and that I would have to come again tomorrow, mom said she saw that teacher arriving. I tiredly let out an exhausted sigh and once again ran back down. I followed that teacher along with another familiar guy. Woah, he is taller than me and looks 2 or one year younger than me. =S He did not have a "back off" aura, at least. Still approachable.

The teacher and him went into the office. The teacher really took her time yakking away. Dx Blasted, I saw one of my guy classmates. Uh-oh, please do not cross my path or see me in this shitty state now, all sweaty and ugly from last Friday's mishaps. Darn, he caught me and finally recognized me. He remembered my name and said hi. I think I said hi back though I mainly just wanted to bury my head in the sand right that moment. Dx Ugh.

He was changing school, it seems. =[ Along with another guy with him. Maybe his brother. That's sad, I never even got to have a chance to know him sell enough.

He didn't seem so evil at all.

Guys in my class are nicer when their friends are not around to challenge the guy into looking cool and making a scene, breaking a weak person's heart and hurting feelings that might take a long time mending. No, I am serious. This CAN happen. Because it happened to me. I will be your proof. =P

The other guy was my age! Unbelievable. I cannot believe how short I am compared to him! I suppose I can no longer compete heights with guys my age anymore. *smiles sadly* I will miss those moments.

He was nice to me and I was nice back. Good. The teacher was nice too. Thank God. =D

Ended well. The teacher even gave me the upper form's novel to read though we would not be using that novel anymore. The system changed again. =/ Oh well, it's now nothing but a story book that should not be threatening my future anymore. Hopefully the new ones are easier or equal. @.@

Had lunch with grandma and mom at our usual coffee shop. Trust me, that coffee shop is not as posh as it would sound like in America or anything. Think random food stalls that sells mainly Chinese food, dirty floors (usually), squeezy paths for you to walk and also last but not least, cheap (meant to be but the prices are increasing) coffee. The coffee's taste may be tastier than any ol' Starbucks. Don't ask me. People tell me this. I do not drink those coffee enough to let you know. ;P

Went back home after dropping grandma back at her house. Uh, actually cousin's house. xD

Shoot, I was supposed to be mapling after this "not-so-long" blog but I was wrong. I will read manga instead! =D

Had a long practice after a late bath (it felt long enough since my both arms hurt like crap).

Alrighty, I will rest your eyes by ending this post now and continuing on another post! ^^ Kidding. This will be my last post from now on. Also kidding but I do not see the future so you might never know. Read these posts like there's no tomorrow. Kidding again. Maybe to make up for those pessimistic times? Whatever!

Take care and have fun is all I ask of you now~!^^