Ooh, someone's been naughty this year after Christmas! Just kidding. But someone lied to me. That IS naughty. Lol. Maybe it's not her intention to be one anyways. She probably forgotten what she said.
By now, after a horrible day (morning until now, which is currently afternoon), my tears have dried but I would say more will come. After crying from time to time today, my eyes have sorta hurts when I try to close them to rest for a moment. Blinking is still fine though (thank goodness, lol),
One would have thought that a certain someone (not me) is over with the results I got for the big exam. Guess what? She's still not done. I think she's becoming a whole lot more vengeful. I have a bad feeling there's some sort of revolution going on now or something. She's gonna completely change now. =[ I dare not say it's for the worse but maybe for her, the change is for the best.
Horoscopes gave me a shock again. It's true... in a bad way. At least it gave me a warning or heads-up before I actually suffer too much from it. Because I thought it was meant for another day (my mind got the horoscopes all jumbled up), I ended up suffering from it. Damn. Lol.
My hands are cold now. No idea why. It's not like the afternoon's freezing out there. This morning, it was like ice. Darn the icy weather in the morning, I gotta practise downstairs. Only now, I remembered the thought of practising in the so-called music room. Lol. Why did I have to practise downstairs? Not only I had hard time hearing what I was playing but I also suffered what the horoscopes warned me. I was told I did badly for the big exam and that it was Autumn's fault.
I just HAD to hear that before my practice. Of course my mind went autopilot when I practised the ABRSM exam pieces. The songs I played today did not sound nice. I made retarded mistakes but at some point, they were OK. Just OK, nothing big. I started thinking about the stupid big exam. Why... =(
It's not something to be surprised about though, how she blamed Autumn for it. I knew this was coming but at least the blaming came late. Actually, I am not sure I want it coming this late or earlier. xD
Yeah, I did badly. I screwed my own chance to get into the stream my old-self wanted to enter so badly for psychology. I effed up the chance for my old-self who did not liked violin at that time, who only had psychology to depend on to survive in the future. Hmm, give me a round of applause, I ruined my own life. Even so, it's not right to blame Autumn or music. It's not right to blame me either. It was the things that happened to me that made me end up seeking music for refuge. That depression... My old-self, who only had psychology to go for in future, who was like an empty shell with no soul inside but could still laugh at times, was deeply depressed. Wanted death. Now I still want death. Ending it all and not feeling anything else is what I suppose death should be like if you cut out the afterlife shit.
There was this promise to myself that I broke: always be numb and to be heartless.
Too bad, I ended up trying to be nice to everyone that they all took advantage of me. In the end, I was used and now some threw me away because I am not needed now.
Funny, I've been betrayed so many times yet I still want to be nice to those who'd treated me badly. I do have trust issues. Lol. Fate, isn't it? Must be nature of mine, that's why I kept being bullied.
There was a quote saying that to fear death is normal but to fear life would mean the person is 3 parts dead already. Why 3 parts? I don't get it. But it's saying that we should not fear life, right? Well, whatever because I feared life from the beginning. Every failure and betrayal made me fear life more and more. I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.
I was told to treat the others how they treated me. I do not get how they ended up making me being the one who was in the wrong. o.0 I only treated others how I wanted to be treated because one quote taught me to be that way. Sadly, not everyone's heard of it and some just became very unfair. You can say I have been waiting for a miracle to happen one fine day. Yeah, I wait for the day like, who knows, Oprah Winfrey or Dr. Phil can come save me from going insane like I am now. Just someone who had the power to change the world but be understanding at the same time. That way, I can stop envying the lucky ones on TV who got to have that chance to go the right path when watching Oprah's show.
Sorry, it's really hard to continue talking. The tears just keeps coming to blur my vision. It has been quite a tear-filled day, you know?
Anyways, I am not the type who could use a shoulder rest. It's so funny because It hurts my already injured chin and I never use the chin rest since I out my chin on the end tail. If I used the shoulder rest and the cloth at the same time, it's quite impossible because I cannot balance it that way. So... It's either I use no shoulder rest or I try putting sponge behind instead. @.@
You see, my arms have been aching quite badly yet I still cannot perfect 3 songs out of the 7. Awhile ago when I was at the first few paragraphs, my left arm throbbed in pain again. xD
Urgh, the tears made my face too warm. Dx
At least the waterworks stopped for a moment. Yay~
Hey, there's one pretty nice manga I've been reading. It's "Minami-ke". ^^
It's not like any other shoujo or shounen manga. It gives you a feeling that it's like a slice of life. It can be pretty boring or too weird for you at first but after awhile, it's pretty nice. Funny, more like. I could not stop 'liking' the pages. xD They're too retarded!
No new anime to mention. xP
Gotta watch the anime on TV now~
Take care and have fun~!^^
Hearing what you said about your "friend", I wonder if you can consider her a real friend. If I were you, I would distance from that person in the future.
ReplyDeleteI would guess either you are too sensitive and unable to tell if she meant it as a joke or not.
If you had told her not to mention your sore points and yet she still did that, better look for another "real friend".
Perhaps in the new school year, she will ended in another class and you don't need to frown upon seeing her.
Whatever you do, trust yourself. If you say this round is not good enough for you, promise yourself to do better.
It is kind of unfair in life this a days but that doesn't mean you should stop doing good things and start the bad. the more good you did, the more support you will get. when problem comes, automatically, the brave ones that was helped by you will help you.
ReplyDelete