Real Life ~ Headaches & Mood-Swings

Yes, my hormone level dropped but it can't be THAT drastic right? I know the reason why it's dropping and I can give you many reasons but I won't say anything about it. xD Haha.

I've been getting headaches. My moods are getting worse. I get so pissed easily and annoyed real fast. It's like my sense of humour flung out of me totally. Now I can only pretend to laugh and smile even though I really don't feel like it. I felt like being what everyone said "emo". I felt like isolating myself from the whole world and never having to come out. I wanted to lock myself up in a room with the only things I need. Surely you all do not need to know what I need..? xD

Anyways, I will not be onlining in case I start regretting something I do or say. It's the safest way to keep friends. The most you can do is explain your actions when they ask you. By then, all you can hope is that you can get the right words out with the right tone and with right facial expression.

Every little thing you do, say & faces you make will affect what others think of you. Even your friends... Really! Not unless they know & understand you so well as to not needing any explanation for everything you do.

Today's OK, I think. Let's backtrack now so that I can remember whether this is a good or bad day. Sorry but the saying "Feelings are to be chosen, do not let life's obstacles choose the feelings for you" and I are not the best of friends. I've tried but no matter how, I always let events choose how to feel for me. Dx

For those who prefer reading in point forms, today's your lucky day! Lolz.

-Woke up feeling like wanting to sleep more even though have slept a bit earlier last night
-Have been coming down from room later and later =/
-Some teachers could not enter class to teach because some of them got an award to take from today's event in school
-Moral teacher came T.T
-My friend (sits next to me - G) and I are starting to have a bit of a tiff these days. Which means, she and I are not stable so we will fight more seriously eventually (it's normal).
-The girl from another class, a.k.a, J did not attend school as far as I know but I guess she has an award to accept from poster colouring competition or something. Congratulations to her. =D
-I went back home in more of a rush. Scrap that, I actually meant coming out of school in more of a rush. I just do not want to keep mom waiting anymore and am tired of thinking up an excuse to let her know why I came out late.
-Seriously, all we did was just stand there for no reason. @.@

Back at home...
-Lunch & TV, Bath, Homework
-Revision
-Violin practice (4:??PM - 6PM) I am more satisfied =]
-Tomorrow, there's no violin lesson because it's labour day and also there are 5 weeks in May this year so it's not counted
-I have less pressure/stress in perfecting the songs fast
-I MIGHT be able to do better with more time to practise
-Just remembered to go get the notes for Titanic. =x
-I may purposely compose a Chinese song for my grandma since she loves Chinese songs, mainly old ones. I do not know any old ones unless you can count "Wan Ying" or "Olive Tree". OK, that's it. If I cannot play a song I compose, I will play 2 songs on that day. One for mom and one for her. On Father's Day, I do a song he likes which I gotta refer to previous post because I cannot remember if I've said what I wanted to perform for him. Lolz. I am getting older~

From evening...
-Maybe i should do more point forms from now on but it may not be good for essay writing if I keep getting used to this but well, whatever. Nothing's confirmed now because I am already breaking my promise of staying psychologist as job no matter how my mind changes. In fact, I broke it long since I started loving the violin.
-Violin brought me confidence in a way and made me get new friends and topic to talk about with people I am close and not close with. It makes me feel more secure because it is something that can become a job if possible.
-Dinner was OK
-Return home after dinner and dinner was just with mom as my dad had to work late
-I cannot play a song to welcome him back though. Haha. I am already running out of energy just by squeezing the creative juice out of me... Stupid Art project and a bit of BM essay writing knocked the breath out of me. So pathetic. I am just 15 but I act like I am an old woman. Heck, I probably complain like one but it does not mean I am matured enough to be like one. I know I am still innocent no matter how much I know.
-Moving on, I've decided for now to open a book to draw my Dog comics like I've drawn ever since I was 4. This book will not be so official and all. I know I have seasons for things I love to do. One minute, I love anime and manga. One minute, I love poetry and essay writing. One minute, I love singing and beauty. One minute, I hate everything in life. I only hope I do not give up music. Violin is something I promised mom and dad that I will not give up on. Wanna and gotta prove to them how I am not who I was in the past when I ever take up anything.

Bye, will be starting my comic now and you know what I always say though I've been getting lazy to say anything. Still, deep inside of me, I wanted to say, just that laziness took over and I agreed to let it take over. =P Bleh~

I talk lots of crap so farewell for now.

Real Life ~ A Moment Of Sigh Of Relief

Today's not so bad I think...

I am getting used to writing in point forms but I have no idea how many of you readers prefer that.

Anyways, went to school but before that, I woke up feeling ugly. So that means, I went to school feeling ugly as well. I felt self-conscious the whole day as well. =S

I kept wanting to wear a mask or make people get this illusion that every time they see me, they see a perfect skin complexion. xD Lolz. Don't every girl just dream of that? I cannot think up any reason why a girl would not want to look beautiful. xD

Moving on, I really am getting closer and closer to my friend from the other class. As long as my friend who sits next to me in class keeps becoming moody and quiet, I am gonna just end up being closer to the one I mentioned in the first sentence of this paragraph. I will give her a nickname but it will have nothing to do with real life.

The friend from other class: J
The other friend who's also same class as J: K
The friend who is K's sister: Q
The friend who sits beside me in class: G

I apologize... I know this will be very confusing to you but it will help the confusion a little bit. I admit that revealing names are much more convenient but I do not have the rights to.

OK, so I was saying that J and I are getting closer. I am starting to find that she is less rude. She is more approachable recently but I wouldn't take it for granted. =s K and G are becoming more and more moody recently. Well, I just know both are very busy with projects but mainly K is. G just became more studious today. Maybe it's what our PE teacher told us that pumped up her energy. I guess I got energetic in a way after listening to the PE teacher but I know that I will sooner or later forget about it or lose the sudden burst of energy. All these energy never last long. I usually end up being the usual calm and composed self on the outside while the inside remains frantic and noisy. Lolz.

I was pissed off a whole lot last night from thinking about my despicable History teacher. I was chatting with my friend online and somehow I let it rip, just not the whole thing because I know I will regret it one day. I decided to sign out and go to sleep. I sang with anger but not enough, still, good enough to let it out.

Haha, I did not do in point form.

Everything else went OK, I guess.

I am just happy that J doesn't think I look hideous. She and I have something in common, we both feel that we're ugly every second of the day. xD

I did a bit of revision at home and I am pretty satisfied with violin practice. I dunno if I've said this but I've confirmed myself that I will perform "My Heart Will GO On - Celine Dion - Titanic" on Mother's day, which is on 2nd Sunday of May. My mom wants to bring grandma out for dinner but does not know a good place. I wanna perform for grandma too. I wanna perform the song for both mom and grandma. I will still plan a song for Father's Day but I dunno what song would suit him. I only know he liked "Jang Guem" which I've played horribly on his birthday. I can do much better now but to repeat song is pretty boring... xD

Will keep on searching for another title. Maybe "Princess Mononoke". =S Pretty hard from the last time. I will still try. After all, the Titanic song is meant to be hard too. xD If I'm doing by ear, it's meant to be harder than that Princess Mononoke... Oh well, whatever.

Science tuition was OK and in our science class in school, my 2 friends broke 2 boiling tubes. =S They did not get scolded badly though. Phew~ Just gotta pay back as far as I know.

OK, I am tired. Bye and take care and have fun. =P

Real Life ~ Burnt

I will put what happen today in point forms.

-I hate my History teacher for being a total B*tch and I do not feel like explaining now but I know one day I will
-I got back my scores from the classmate who borrowed it to photostat
-I was mostly tired and sleepy in school
-One of my friend is somehow not normal to me and has been hanging around with a B*tchy looking person known as her friend
-I accidentally scratched my face in school and it was just so happen a hives-scar so it started swelling and before you know it, anxiety attack came
-I did not take pills
-I calmed down at home
-All these sentence were started with the word "I" and sorry for being self-indulgent?
-Lunch, Bath, Homework, violin practice
-The food was burnt when mom came back. Well, it was actually soup and it's a first time for me to see anything burnt.
-That explains what that smell was while violin practice but the smell has not been long as mom just came back by then.
-I was blamed again and guilty sets in
-I hated the violin practice for being interrupted again thanks to something so stupid like burnt food and guilt
-Ate dinner and mom finally started talking to me
-Violin practice after dinner to satisfy myself
-This is where I leave now as mom still expects me to do more work even though it's a pretty dumb time to do anything now.
-Seems like she wants me to read the book from the school
-I HATE SCHOOL more with this happening but I am still looking forward to after the big exam as the big break after 3 years of this same shit and then to see if I get into Science stream.

Bye and you know what I usually say at the end, for those frequent reader(s) if there's even any?!

Real Life ~ Continuation Of Today

OK, I did my Survival Skills Class's folio and I have to find examples on essay in BM for certain topics.

Right, I am pissed off slightly now because I am trying to get my mom's attention to ask her something but she won't get it. @.@ She kept walking past like nothing's happened. I guess she just wanna rest and watch TV.

Whatever then...

My violin cut from old violin practice is still itchy even though it's fading. I can feel my hands swelling because I had a hard time opening a lid of medicine box earlier. Both hands red but it's nothing big deal after 5 months and now's the 6th month. I really will have an anniversary for this hives if it reached 1 year. xD Lolz.

Look, something to celebrate even though for something I've loathed for quite awhile.

My hives this afternoon were pretty bad but luckily they decreased before I really go insane and start running around the house and banging into things again and again. @.@

Oh, look at the time... It's 9:45PM. I am going to watch a bit of anime. xD

Bye.

Real Life ~ Audition Results

These are what my friend told me about yesterday's audition:
-My friend who sits beside me in class sang too loud, in fact, drowned out the music
-She herself, my friend from other class who's a singer with my friend sang softly but I'm sure that my friend who's same class as me drowned out her singing as well
-They played the karaoke version real fast and cut off my friend's (classmate's) talking and I dunno what was she talking about before that
-The violinist friend had problem chasing up =S
-The discipline teacher, who's heartless and B*tchy was the judge. She was not nice at all.
-The friend who's supposed to be temporary pianist did not turn up
-They go home at 4PM but registered at 1.30PM.

I knew it. I have a very strong feeling that we aren't gonna make it but what the heck, I still wanna wait for the results for fun. xD

I think it does not really matter whether we make it or not because I do not want to keep feeling guilty or make my friends be behind studies.

Next year should be the right time. By then, I DEFINITELY gotta be on the violin. xD Muahahahahaha! Somehow... =S

Oh well, I know I will perform sooner or later. Worse comes to worst, I just perform for my family only. xD

I've figured out the more accurate notes for "My Heart Will Go On-Celine Dion-Titanic". I will play that for Mother's Day, maybe? Oh! Maybe sing. xD Heck with it. I will need to get the full song first before I talk of performing for her. xD

Mother's Day is in May but I have no idea which date. =S

Then I will maybe do 2 songs and put Father's day with it too since I dunno the actual date. Dx

I hope I can get the scores "River Flows In You-Yiruma" from my classmate tomorrow. She forgotten to photostat during recess so I give her until tomorrow. I do not know whether I will ever really get it back but I do not wanna show my uncool side by worrying and fussing a lot. I prefer showing the cool and calmer side. That way, it's easier for people to approach me. This will also prevent people from talking bad or thinking badly of me.

It's maybe not such a nice thing for you all to read but it's the truth. xD

Bye. I have to do my homework. Even though it's night time and thanks to exams coming near. Once it is all over and mainly including the big exam, I will go all out and if I succeeded in entering Science Stream, I will definitely go the path of Psychology. I cannot afford to change my mind. Not unless I fail and entered Art Stream. This will be when I choose Music. I do not have anything else I like besides writing. All are not stable office jobs with monthly pay.

The most stable is psychology. =S

Alrighty, bye bye.

You know what I wanna say you all~!^^

Real Life ~ Total Guilt

I'll go straight to the point. Or maybe, in point forms.

-Today's audition day for the Teacher's Day Performance
-My friend brought her violin
-We had to practise from our recess until 2 periods after recess
-The violinist friend did not come down until her recess
-The room was taken
-We could play but the other dude's piano playing is extremely NOISY
-We had hard time practising as our singer couldn't join us
-She had to be in class and it turned out that the teacher won't let her out until things are done
-By the time she entered. we hardly have any time left
-We did not do the practice well
-We could not teach the temporary pianist how to play my part for the audition because she did not turn up

Gotta go. Later.

Real Life ~ Beanie

xD I actually named the red bean "Beanie" when my Science teacher gave us all a red bean. My friend sliced it into half so it's 'dead'. My other friend pitied me so she gave me another. I named it Beanie again. xD

I sacrificed Beanie to try germinating it and today, mom told me that it's rotten. =X

Too bad, I had to throw both green and red bean out. Both stank like crap and I really hated washing the container and throwing the cotton out. =S Bleh. xD

I redo the whole experiment again. I just kept the one that germinated.

I put in 3 more new green beans into the one I used earlier. The oil is darker in colour but never mind.

I practised violin for more than 1 hour. About 1 hour and 15 minutes. I still have a bit of trouble with the new pages but it's like last time when I first skipped so many pages. =D

I am lazy to type so bye.