I'm feeling VERY depressed right now. Well, it's good for my violin since grief and sorrow can make me play better but not to the extent where I cannot see because of tears...
I cried. Thankfully it took a small bar of KitKat to cheer me up. I guess chocolates DO help. I cannot quite remember how and why but it has something to do with Science I guess.
Ready for the rant? Alright.
I am very disappointed in myself. VERY, VERY disappointed. I should never have brought my emotions along to do any objective test papers. I did the English Paper 1, which is meant to be FREAKING easy for those countries like Canada, America and England. Guess what? I got ONLY 34/40. DAMN! I am obviously not the highest. In fact, after doing the paper and my friend who stupidly insist on comparing our answers and questioning every difference really killed me.
I hated myself for not being a nice friend there. I hate myself for not paying enough attention. I hate myself for lacking common sense! I really hate myself for EVERYTHING. I no longer know what is right or wrong anymore. I dare not say whatever I write here have perfect grammar. I have totally lost all my confidence. ALL of them. I feel that I do NOT deserve any of them. I feel that I have no rights to give my own opinion anymore.
See? This is why English results reflect my day. This is what English results can do to me in about 1 second, let alone a day. If English is not good, what am I to be good at now?! What language can I excel in without losing so much as an inch of confidence? Am I supposed to create my own language, where NO ONE can even understand a shit about it?
Maybe I can heal by tomorrow as long as my friends shut up about exams. Sadly, they are not going to and especially one of them. I can only rely on English paper 2. In fact, I ALWAYS rely on English paper 2! I hate it! I lack of common sense, it's a HANDICAP! It doesn't make me artistic because I still lose a whole lot to others. It doesn't make me VERY good at something else! I only can do well (sometimes, I am not sure if I do well all the time anymore) in English Paper 2 because I get to let out all those emotions hiding inside of me, all the opinions and phrases I have been dying to use.
The fact that I lost to 2 of my classmates (friends) just makes me want to die. I kept saying I give up but you know what, if I did well in the next exam, which is sadly on Monday after our exam JUST ended yesterday (Wednesday) and did not do any exams until the actual big exam, I may get BAD results. This is crazy. I believe in certain curses and you know what, there's 2 of them that really work and it sucks.
I do not feel like saying those curses. Well, got no more energy to say more so I am going to off the computer after I just switched it on about 28 minutes ago.
Whatever.
Bye. You know I still want you all to take care and have fun~!
34/40 is certainly good for me. Would you feel the same when you get the above marks for your Chinese or Bahasa Malaysia ?
ReplyDeleteAiming high is certainly good but be prepared for the hard fall if unsuccessful. What is more important in any mistake, analyze and willing to learn from it.
Ask yourself if your confidence is that easily shattered or just pure frustration ? Maybe when you are feeling down, think of the spirit of Dae Jang Geum. Question her persistence, confidence, calmness and willingness to know the truth.
Common sense is everywhere and can be found in school textbooks, newspapers, magazines, internet, etc. It is just a matter if you have the interest or not.
Ask yourself again if story books and violin will provide enough common sense ? If the answer is No, sit down and plan what to do next. Knowing other basic things will certainly help you in the future.
Haha, I never thought you'd still be reading my blog. It would be miracle to get that result for Chinese and BM. xD
ReplyDeleteWell, the current story book is matured (like the current books) and it taught me many things I never dreamt of knowing about.
Violin can teach a bit of science but it's mainly about training fingers and memory. xD
Hmm, guess reading books and doing more English is the only way.
Still surprised you comment. xD