First off, I wanna tell you all that I DON'T care how old that song is because it's nice and secondly, I am unfaithful to my violin, Autumn. Sorry, Autumn. It's not too late to make up, right? It's not like I got myself another violin either. xD
I am being a hypocrite now. This is because I love my violin with every beat of my heart (except the times when I get too pissed off for not being able to cooperate well with her and yes, Autumn is a HER) and yet I still say that other violins look better than mine and that I wished mine looked like them. =x
Today, my school had a few performances before classes start. What's the occasion, I hear you ask. It's top celebrate our country's INDEPENDENCE DAY! YAY- NOT! I still HAVE to do homework, probably tons just because it's a holiday. And who do I thank this for? Mom, of course. She was the reason I scored well/average in the exams but hell, I still HATE homework. I remember having a phobia of her calling me down when I am in the middle of my break time or sleeping. I even have a phobia of going back home! I dreaded those times when I had to sit down and start the horrific nightmare that never seem to know how to end. @.@
It took me years to finally get rid of both phobias but since this is the first time being in morning session in high school, my phobias slightly return. Thankfully, they're not as scary as before anymore. Phew~! I am still worried though. @.@
Back to topic, one of the performance which wasn't the best but stayed in my mind the whole day was the one where a girl played the violin as a background music. I do not mean to be nasty or arrogant but THE violin is queen of instruments. Ask any professional musician, they'll say that. Violin has the voice of a soperano, it's a singing voice. VIOLINS should be the one playing MELODY, not supporting some lame singer who couldn't sing in tune! At least the beat-boxer was MUCH better. I wanted to hear a much more amazing violin playing even though I was green with envy and jealousy! Her violin was beautiful (See? I am unfaithful) and also, she got to bring her violin to school! I miss my violin so much in school sometimes that I swear my heart clench tightly, waiting for the violin practice. Dramatic, much? Well, I hate to say this but for you readers who think that whatever I said earlier was too dramatic, suck it up because I ain't taking those words back. Hah!
Yeah, I am much nastier and sarcastic today. Don't blame me just yet (not that I have any excuse that I feel like sharing with you). This is just the day that I felt like showing the sour/bitter side of mine. Not that I dunno why but it's what happened today in school that sort of bugged me.
Hmm, I'll skip to violin practice part. xD
So I played the violin OK-ish. Not TOO proud, not TOO frustrated. The thing is, I cannot help but think back of what happened in school, as in the performance. While playing songs and thinking about that (totally not paying attention to the song since got them right already), I feel like a loser. No, more of jerk but it's meant for guys, mainly. Anyways, I felt bad for Autumn, I love her a lot but I just keep thinking of other beautiful violins.
I hate myself a lot for thinking like that. I know I have no right to think about new violins yet. I still need the markings to make sure I don't play the wrong part of the fingerboard. Yes, I admit I am being hasty. But no, I am not challenging anyone and I no longer want to surpass my violinist friend.
About my violinist friend, she has borderline personality disorder. She needs behavior therapy. I did not tell her that. Remember I made a deal with her about her teaching me violin while I teach her English? Yeah, well, I am secretly giving her my own way of behavior therapy to make sure she stays sane throughout her life, or at least as long as she's with me.
Fine, I am no psychologist (yet) and I have no qualification (yet) but I have my own strategy. It's a risk if I told you I am experimenting (putting it in a crude way) or simply put, TRYING to use my way of therapy on her. After all, it still ties with her life. If something goes wrong, her life might end. And well, by then, I can be blamed too.
Still, I am determined to give her one-on-one counseling sessions (if you can out it that way). I need to be with her alone in a quiet place with less distractions. We mainly need time. I am obviously not charging her. Lol. She doesn't even know what I am exactly doing. She thought I am only there to listen to all her problems and give an advice. No, I am going to try this the professional way as best as I can. I am going to make sure she heals and stop thinking about suicide or giving up.
There's teaching her English if possible and also the counseling sessions.
I've got a dilemma here though (if you can call this a dilemma since it's my first time using this word)... My other friend, who is same class as me, wants to talk to me but doesn't UNDERSTAND how serious this one-on-one session is. No one is to interrupt us or start saying hurtful things with or without any intention, which is what one-on-one sessions mean. xD
There's the violinist friend's sister. Sadly, according to my friend, all that sister ever talks about is KOREAN BANDS. Sorry but I don't fancy them and do not plan to, EVER! My friend wants to talk to me even though I find myself a relatively much MORE boring person.
My friend started saying she felt left out even though she and I will see one another in class after that and in fact, see one another once the bell rings. @.@
She started wondering out loud why couldn't the violinist friend open up to HER instead. My answer, which was violinist friend's answer, is because I play violin too and am into music (obsessed, thank you very much!). It's true that it is much easier to talk to someone whom you can relate to.
Do you think you will feel comfortable talking about your problems to someone who has no idea what it feels like? Sometimes, the listener will lose his/her patience and start cutting in between the talker's sentence. Not only that but also give remarks that will possibly hurt the talker's feelings slightly (or majorly for that matter) instead of an effective advice.
Sheesh, I just don't half gab, do I? Sorry, people. *Grins* Yeah, I'm no pro in this but I do know what it feels like and I do not want to go through these shit to prove to you how much I understand. =P
So anyways, that's what I am facing now. Don't worry, I am still studying, thanks to my mom again. Urgh. Lol.
Bye. Thanks for reading. Take care and have fun as always. =P
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