As time passed by, the bench group came one by one. Pretty glad to see them.
Had a bit of a blast during the usual Monday gathering. Shit, I forgotten what you call those Monday gatherings! xD
We then went into the school hall to find out which class we got into. That's the moment we get to know how good fate is. Before that, teachers spoke on the microphone (mainly 1 teacher doing the talking) to tell grandmother stories. Actually, I do not find it that boring because I know I can easily be one of the main character in the stories, just different life. The teacher tried their/her best to make those of us who could not get into the class we want feel better, and that we are not to give up right there and then. We're not allowed to cry. =/ I remember wanting to spill some tears at that moment while being in the school hall. Luckily the tears were obedient enough to go back. The teacher said these things so that we won't feel like losers for being in the "last class".
After quite a long lecture, finally we got to know where we stand.
After knowing that one of my friends who got 6A's went into the last pure science class, I was certain that I stand no chance to be in it anymore. To be honest, I've been thinking about how tough life would be by being in pure science. Just by thinking about it, like last night, I realized that I do not have the brains or courage to do that. I am not tough enough to handle these hardships. I will die standing just by being in pure science.
Still, I occasionally listened whether my name was called out as the rest of the pure science class were given to the rest of the smarty pants. No such luck. I started losing hope because my second choice would be the sub-science with ICT. Sadly, that was the first class given out. They only opened one sub-science ICT class. I was bound to be doomed. They said that we can write letters to beg a place in whichever class we want.
More time passed as the rest of the classes were given out. Finally, I heard my name called. I am to be in a sub-science class meant for accounts. It would've been my third choice though I detest accounts, especially if it's not in the language of my preference. >=/ *pouts* (I seem to keep pouting lately, not just online, lol)
I am in the same class as my friend from the bench group whom I have just mentioned earlier. She was in the same class as my pianist friend (violinist friend's sister). xD You know what? I already know she's not someone I can rely on for comfort or anything. None of us should expect much from her. She is a person who cares mainly for herself. Only after that will she care for the rest. Of course she will care for her family first if compared to friends. Most of us would've been like that, right? People kept saying that family comes first. She will not wait for you when recess comes and she will not really say bye to you, let alone wait for you when school ends. I suppose this will definitely teach me to become even more independent. After all, that was my goal ever since God Knows when, was it not?
Especially last year or something, I decided that I should try living alone when I can manage financially. Then again, when I started helping out my mother with the house work during the holidays, I had a feeling that I should help my parents out even when I already have a stable job with stable income. Even if I went off to live alone, my mom would be left alone to do all the housework. Less work to do because 1 person gone, right? Not really because laundry can really multiply. My dad might still be working so he cannot help mom out. Seriously, who in hell would love doing house work if she'd done a lot to the extent of wanting to faint already? Some will feel relaxed for a moment but then they got so used to work that they tend to keep thinking of what to do because for their whole life, they had been too busy to do what they exactly want. In the end, that's about as far as I can plan. I do not know what job would I be doing to feel secured... =[
The babysitting did not work out even though it was a yes. I felt guilty that mom could not do anything to earn money because of me. The baby's father pitied the baby because he would have to be in the car so that my mom could fetch me in the afternoon back from school. If mom got a transporter for me plus the amount of work she had to do to care for the baby, it's not really worth the money anymore. The more reason why I cannot only praise myself if I succeeded in working life. I have everyone to thank for.
Back to the topic, my class's form teacher said that our class is to be ICT. I could hardly believe any of it. My friend believed and seemed not surprised at all. I could only wonder if I learn ICT tomorrow in school.
When mom called the school after we got home, they said our class is not but the other is ICT instead. Thanks to the confused school clerk, I am even more unsure this time. This proves that ignorance ain't always a bliss. I hate not knowing what is going on in this situation. Because of that, I do not know what my resolution is. I only have one for my violin even if it's pretty impossible to achieve within one year. It's not like Grade 1 anymore... Gah, life's never a bed of roses! Dx
Back at home, after knowing what the school clerk said, I wasn't sure if I should study what I learned today during Chemistry or whether I should be opening the books to use for the rest of the school year. I know the first part of the sentence I said after the comma should not be said but it was what that really went through my mind.
I still did my first homework. Practised violin at 4:30PM. Ended it at about 5:30PM. 1 hour... 2 hours used to seem like a big deal last year when school was still on. Last year, it seemed like I could do a lot in 1 hour. This time, the songs are not the same anymore. xD I only remember that I can play about 10 minutes and above of more than 10 songs without looking at the sheet music. Oh well. It does not mean I do not make mistakes. Sometimes my mind really wanders like a wandering soul. Lol.
Today, music became my refuge because after doing the work that had to be done for school, I suddenly had a strong urge to cry my eyeballs out. It started out pretty bad (the practice) because my feelings were shaky. After awhile, it got stable but every time I thought of crying, the mistakes came. Not long, I started paying attention. So much attention that I did not even realize since when my mom came up the stairs. This has actually happened for many times. Lately, I focus too much on the sound I play (always the perfectionist towards things like this, lol) that I cannot tell what's happening around me anymore. It's as if I am in a world of only the violin, the sheet music and I. When I close my eyes and play, sometimes I can really be in my own world that I forgotten who's actually playing the violin. Hehe. BUT, I can make mistakes even with eyes closed. xD
Finally I can play one song better because it required relaxed feeling. I was not that relaxed but I sought music for comfort to the extent that the song was soothing, even WITH mistakes! xD
For the first time, I dreaded playing that one particular happy song. I made the most mistakes for that song today. Usually, I made minor mistakes because of my muddled memory. Playing the romantic song was OK only. Knowing it was romantic, I did not really wanna turn it into a bittersweet-romance type of song. It would make the song too sad. Dx Using the Windows Media Player was not too useful because I rushed to end it at 5:30PM to watch the anime. Otherwise, I would be able to drag it to 6PM or something. Of course mom's face would not seem happy either but it would like last year. Lol. No one in my family ever seems to show a happy face when the subject of my beloved is brought up. =x At least I still get praises and round of applause from my dad and my violin teacher. No one else knows how to appreciate the fact that a person played that way in less than a year. T.T It's not that great but it's better than when I was a beginner. xD Hehe~
My friend who got 6A's (not the one in the other school) asked how violin was and not knowing what sort of answer she expected, I just said it was "Okay". xD She asked what Grade then the thought struck me, "Oh yeah, the grade, people just love to compare by grade than by the way you can play. I forgotten that people are usually like that towards music." She said it was fast to actually get to Grade 5. xD Not sure if she was genuinely surprised but oh well~ I do not wanna hear the truth! La Di Dum Di La~ xD
It would be great to get along with most of the classmates this year. Sadly, the guy who got the books with me during the holidays wanted to change class. I saw him took his form back to change class. I do wonder though, does he remember me at all? o.0 I can recognize a few faces but if you ask me how many out of them do I actually know, I only know 2. Lol...
Alright, 1 more hour to sleep. Gonna read manga while I still can! I only bothered to activate my RC. xD
Take care and have fun everyone~!^^
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