Real Life ~ Mentally Not Stable

Well, I have no idea how to put the title in a correct way... xD Either "Mentally Not Stable" or "Not Mentally Stable"...? Don't tell me it is "Not Stable Mentally"...?

Alright, whatever. You get the point either way. xD

I am mentally not stable now... It's... Thanks to the diaries. I'm reading the second book already. It took me 2 days to finish what took me more than 1 month to finish the book. Lol. It's pretty ridiculous if you look at it that way.

All I wanna say for now is that after reading "Max Lovely" manga, I want a friend like Taki Sahara from the manga. xD It would be great if I were to be like the main character too. It's the BEST if I looked like her too! Haha.

To tell the truth, I've read that manga quite long ago (not THAT long). It's like since last week. I am now reading "Yankee-kun to Megane-chan". It's still ongoing so far but it's FREAKING funny! I cannot stop laughing whenever I read it. This type of manga actually makes me want to keep reading until the end. In fact, I DON"T WANT a the end. =x

Another voice says, " What ever happened to Naruto? Weren't you an addict?"

Hehe... I was and it just makes me VERY sad every time I think about it. I don't plan to read the manga so there's no point in mentioning it. I only watch the anime, which is harder than manga since anime needs loading and all. I cannot find the DVD for the episodes I last stopped at either. Y'know what? I started Naruto when most of the previous fans have stopped liking the anime/manga. Oh well, I want to believe that there will be people slowly loving the anime/manga EVERYDAY! *Stands on top of the world with head held up high*

Anyways, after reading the diaries (am still reading), I started having a problem being who I currently am. I worry that I will be who I was before. I don't know why and how but every time I read about the past written about myself, I start getting into the story and act it out in my mind. When I had to stop reading and go back to the present, the feelings stay inside me, not letting the old me go.

This is creepy! Is anyone like this too after reading their own diaries? I do know that I usually put feelings into writing (diaries or not) but I NEVER go back to being the characters after re-reading them again. Imagine what would happen if I read back the old posts about the time I was desperate to play the piano? Gosh, hell wouldn't match up to me if I got absorbed in the post by then!

Still, there are mistakes in EVERY entry. Lol. I keep spelling the same words wrong but thank goodness the mistakes do not influence my current language proficiency. Here's one thing I cannot lie to you guys though, only one word caught me, which was "actually". I read that word too many times that I had to check the electronic-dictionary to make sure I haven't been keeping the wrong spelling in the head.

The reason I began to read the diary was because I felt that my old writing was livelier. I wanted to find out how I got to have so many friends online and what things did I say to keep every conversation far from awkwardness. I was much more informal in the past. xD That's something I definitely cannot lie about. Now that I've read more matured books and all (and stop watching the TV), I cannot help being formal when it comes to writing. Talking is different since I still use Manglish (yes, this is the sin I've committed that I myself hate so much!). Ripley's believe it or not, I used Manglish in my first diary!

By the way, if anyone not from Malaysia reads this post, Manglish is a mix of Malay and English. Here are a few examples here you can never NOT hear in Malaysia: lah, nah, leh, mah, cheh.

Only one word from the examples isn't underlines by Spell Check: nah. In our country, 'nah' means "here, take it!" Other than that, the others have NO MEANING whatsoever! xD

Ugh, I am sorry to say this but... I HATE MANGLISH! It's what I believe that's making us unable to improve our English. >=[

Sad to say this but I still speak with a bit of Manglish, which is VERY frustrating. Hmph!

If you think about it, it's a waste of energy to add those Manglish in a sentence when writing or talking online. If people out there are already using so many short forms, why not just CROSS OUT THE MANGLISH? (speaks the caps-locked words through gritted teeth)

Hmm? I hear a question: What's your problem with Manglish?

Like I said, in my country, English is not everyone's strong point. English is being used around the world so that everyone can understand. I do not see why we need to keep on changing the languages used to make sure everybody understands. it's much TOO troublesome. I mean, there's more than a million out there using English already. To keep changing is such a drag. =[ (also, I have no other language to be proud of! Lol.)

Today's diary starts now. No more going back.

Woke up at 9:30AM. Practised violin as usual. Went for replacement in the afternoon. Went home for lunch. Bath and homework. Read. Dinner.

Lol. See? COMPLETELY summarized!

Tomorrow, I have a surprise for my parents! (Aww, I had gone and blown it!)

The surprise is to replace something I'm meant to do on Mooncake Festival.

Note To Self: NEVER EVER speak to anyone who knows how to speak Chinese the best!

Know why? I went for tuition in the afternoon. It's a replacement since the teacher had to suddenly cancel the last one. When I entered the tuition centre, I shyly asked the students whether I can enter the room already or not. They looked at me with a COMPLETELY BLANK look. It was then when I thought to myself, "Eff, why can't ANYONE just give a simple answer?!"

They hesitated and replied so softly my ears couldn't even catch it. I asked again, louder this time and the girl who sat nearer to the entrance went and sat nearer to her friends. "Do I look like I am gonna eat you?!" This sentence barked loudly in my head.

They answered softly again and this time, I stood and waited for my friend to come. Jeez, what the hell...

Soon, my friend came and we waited for the class to start.

Not long, the counter lady spoke aloud, "Whoever wants to go for the BM replacement now can enter! Wait out here if you want to."

You know, my mind was like, "... SWEAT!"

My friend looked at me with a question mark above her head. I shrugged and said, "I have no idea."

xD At least the lesson went well.

The girls sat behind me in class. They spoke only in Chinese and they spoke to chatted with the counter lady in Chinese earlier too. So this was how I got to have this "note to self".

So sad I had to learn this the harder way. Ugh.

This is also due to the power of my spectacles. Those people certainly do not go to my school. They do not know what I'm being called in school so they tend to think I am what I look like. The new spectacles made me look fiercer (angrier/scarier) and since I hardly smile, people not from my school think I am someone not to talk to. Maybe I tend to give out a kind of aura that shoos people away, just like one of my elementary school best friend. That elementary school best friend is still right by my side. ^^ Well, not literally but she can support me online. I'll do the same for her! >=] I want to repay her by hurting whoever that hurt her! I owe her a lot and she means a lot to me like my current friends too.

Gotta jet. Have to read manga! xD Surely you can guess which one if you remembered what you read from this post.

Bye. Take care and have fun. ^^

Real Life ~ Old Diary

Curious about the title? xD

Hehe, I just read my old diary. It's the first diary I've ever really bothered writing and keeping it up. =x

Good news (or not? Lol.), I spotted MANY retarded mistakes I made. Some were probably because I didn't realize at the time of writing and the others were what I really once thought were correct! xD I spelled "spaghetti", "talk", "especially" and other words wrongly. I'm still at the beginning of the diary but I just cannot STOP reading it! xD You know, there's this one mistake I can never mend and that is, I keep on having mistakes that I unintentionally make. It's not that I am THAT stupid enough to make the mistake but like this blog, I made ridiculous mistakes that even the Spell Check couldn't correct because it is imperfect. Haha.

I cannot help but remember those days after reading a few of the entries. It took me 5 years to finally realize that I've been betrayed by my "best friends" in elementary school! Lol. I'm SO dense! xD

I was 10 years old when I first started all these daily diary-writing thing. My parents bought me the book when I asked them. I guess the beautiful cover attracted me. xD It's blue in colour and has 2 fairies on the cover. =x There were words on the book but you know what? Even at the age of 10, I could recognize the mistakes they made. Haha! See? I am not THAT stupid (being desperate here now. Lol).

Since I am not reading the diary now, I am using a comb as a bookmark. Well, if you're wondering why, it's all thanks to my laziness. =D I am just TOO GODDAMN lazy to get a bookmark from my drawer. Lol.

Now that I get to see and relive those days once more, I realize that my life then was much more stressful because of the homework my mom gave me. Not only that, I was a VERY naive person. I was betrayed and lied to without knowing it until now. I was bullied too. =/ This post will be about my elementary school life. =P Yes, it's a grandma story even though I am not even a grandma! Haha.

In the year 1986... *snores*

Kidding, I am not THAT old.

Once upon a time... *snores and drools*

Oh sorry, I drooled all over the keyboard. Just joking.

The first entry was about not going to school. It seems like I was sick at that time. I haven't done all my homework and I also wrote that it was too bad I couldn't see a certain guy (uh-hum) and my best friend. Fine, I admit that I had a crush on someone. Yes, shoot me for saying that. I even added him on facebook this year without knowing how much stupid things I'd done in the past. Just to let you all know, I have forgotten a lot of things that I've gone through because I was determined to look on the bright sides of elementary school life. After graduating elementary school, I was hoping for a good change. High school would start and I would make sure I find a VERY trusting friend. Guess what? I am STILL being labeled "nerd" and I cannot get along THAT well with all my classmates. >.> The only thing that I fulfilled and actually done better than expected was that I got to make a big group of friends. Just like back in elementary school, I had this group. I just didn't appreciate it enough I guess...

I was a loud and arrogant in a way. It's not like I snubbed those who got lower marks that me. I was just stuck up in a way. I dunno how to explain that "arrogant' part but it's not like it's very bad. I was always VERY honest and ended up regretting it without knowing what was the cause of it in the first place. Haha...

Even though I was like that (it can be seen as obnoxious), I had more friends and got along better with everyone. You can say that I was a ridiculously weird person. I still am now but surely it has gotten better right? RIGHT? =[

As a 10-year-old, I lived a very boring and plain life. All school and homework. I had like NOTHING else to talk about. It was funny how I could still laugh and be happy. xD Man, if I really relived that kind of life again, I will be bored to tears! Other than school and homework, I talked about tuition and the meals I took. There are some interesting parts where I missed out as I grow older.

However, there's this one thing that I can NEVER forget. It was one of the worst day of my life then. The crush I told you about, well... He found out my feelings for him and of course he didn't accept it and that was the day I now only realized that I've been betrayed. It was a set-up done by my "best friends". They probably planned it and I was dumb enough to accept it. So one of my "best friends" who actually likes the same guy too told him to come over at the wrong time.

I do not feel like telling you what exactly happened. Sorry. Up till now, that was one of the many things that make me cringe whenever I remember back. I actually lied about one part in the diary. Maybe it's because I lied that's what that made me remember about it. I just remembered another thing that I lied about in the diary.

I wasn't honest to myself, I guess. I was too ashamed to write down my stupidity too! =[

Hehe, when I read the diary, it reminded me of an anime. I was like the main character (Sana) from "Kodocha no Omocha" or known as "Kodocha". It's not like my life was as perfect as the anime. My character was like hers: naive and innocent.

Loud, naive and innocent. Yeah, that's it. I said how I felt to the guy who sat beside me and didn't bother telling him why when he asked. xD It was all written in a paper, all these conversations.

Yes, we passed notes around the class. We all done that, okay? I have stopped already. Besides, I don't trust anyone to do the passing of papers for free. Lol. I bet they wanna read.

Even when I know that my "best friend" wanted to confess to him by passing a book (they wrote their message on the cover of the book), she passed the book to me so that I pass it to him, who sat behind the guy who sat beside me. That "best friend" sat in front of the guy beside me. Sometimes she change and pass it to the guy beside me to pass it over to her crush (also my crush). I didn't read ANY of the conversations at all while passing. xD Damn, why was I so loyal to her?

Even when I found a note that talked bad about me in my other "best friend's" pencil case. I just pretended I saw nothing and put it back in. She was watching me cautiously all the time. She was like, "You're not angry?" My answer was no and a smile. Huh, I know I was pretty hurt inside but I just didn't show it. After all, at that moment, she and I just became friends again.

That diary isn't my only one. I didn't stop until the year I graduate from elementary school. I did a bit of diary-writing during the first year of high school. Life was rough as a start of high school so expressing my feelings was very much needed. As for now, I have this blog to do the expressing. For the second year of high school, I wrote poems but was dumb and naive again so... don't ask.

I have a total of 4 diaries to read. xD Sigh, that's gonna take forever. Oh well, since I have no books thin enough to fit my bag when I go shopping, I might as well take my diary. xD

Where was I? Sorry, I keep talking crap. =/ It's a bad habit, isn't it?

There were many painful memories if you asked me... Ha, I even dared to say that my elementary school life was pretty great! xD

I even thought of returning to that life. Dx

Here's something you guys should know, if you don't believe me every time I say that I understand you, I actually don't mean it. LOL, just kidding! Of COURSE I mean it. To be honest, I've been like ALL sorts of people. I have been a gothic person, an emotional person (still am), an emo (not THAT serious), an idiot (still am), a carefree person. I've even purposely put myself into troubles before just to see people's reaction. Which is why, every time I say I did an experiment before, it's true because I was the lab rat and the one making a conclusion. xD

Alright, I have run out of words. I know I would've said more but I just cannot remember what I wanted to say.

Take care and have fun~! ^^

Real Life ~ Violin Day

Today's my lucky violin day. =D

I actually forgotten about violin class yesterday. I was so caught up in my own world of music that I forgotten there's violin class the next day, which is today.

Woke up at 9:30AM. Heard no sound so waited for a moment. After peeking out the door, I noticed that the door to my parents' room is... CLOSED. xD I was like, "Oh, man. Fine, 10:30AM it is!" After walking towards the bed, I remembered about violin class. xD "Damn, I can't play at the usual spot! I can't wake up later either," was what I thought at that moment.

So I reluctantly brushed my teeth and got ready. Practised downstairs. I had no choice but to move everything down, the music stand and the books.

Last night, hives was REALLY bad. Bad as in, B-A-D. xD

It's probably thanks to the anime. All the buffering and whatnot. =/ I know I could have waited until the next day to watch but come on, I'm sick of having to wait for it to buffer and load. Sometimes, I even have to refresh page because it suddenly disconnected. I find Youtube better in a way because it's all broken down into parts. The bad thing about it is that you gotta hope that the next part is not taken down or anything. The reason I bothered staying up later to watch was because there's only ONE more episode left.

It was then when the debating in the mind starts.

"I can't sleep late."
"Even when it's just like latest at 1AM?"
"I've been VERY cautious of bedtime. I cannot let the skin condition get any worse!"
"What's the point? In the end, you lay there, eyes wide open and ears straining to catch any sound or music to interpret."
"Even so, by the time mom comes up and turn off all the lights, I may be still awake but the sleepiness would have come already."
"So what? It still took you like forever to knock out!"
"Yeah... But it's better than forcing myself to watch something that may not even end anywhere near 1AM, more like 1AM+. It's bad for the-"
"Shut up! Yeah, sleep is good for the skin but forcing yourself to sleep is bad enough. Just shut up and wait for the anime to load finish!"
"Oh yeah, forgotten... Oh wait, I've been staring at the screen for far too long. T.T"
"Don't gimme that whine, read manga!"
"Oh, alright."

After reading the manga...

"I've read it all but the anime is still NOT done. =["
"Read another one."
"I'm sick of forcing myself to read one when I keep wondering if it's done."
"Then go Youtube!"
"Youtube and manga made the loading slower."
"Argh, can't we just shut up already?"

After awhile, the quarrel repeats again and again.

It went on until I finally watched the episode finish. By then, I was already itching all over.

When I finally hit the pillows, hives already gotten worse than before. I started wondering if it was the "internal debating" that made me get it or that sleeping late makes me get it.

Usually it would be the stress that I add onto myself that made it worse but maybe sleeping late is the cause as well?

Finding the main cause and stopping it will definitely put and end to these hives once and for all (unless I did it again).

Oh well. Back to the topic.

Practice was OK. I cared less about tuning since it was still acceptable and that the bridge will be lowered. It'll be the last time hearing the sound it makes. Lowering it any further will probably change the sound.

I was pretty worried that something will go wrong that would make me have to rush down and get a bridge from the shop. I never carry any money around either... What if one the the strings snapped while removing the bridge? What if lowering it made the sound much worse?

The questions can go on and on but at least the practice resumed. The sound Autumn makes isn't as nice as when it was played upstairs. I guess I am used to hearing it being loud. It's not that it's not loud enough but after playing upstairs in the hallway for so long (not really), I'm used to hearing it much more clearly. Anyways, sorry I won't shut up about something when I start one. xD

Reached class a little bit later. Surprisingly, the student before me didn't take any longer time (which would delay my lesson time). By the time I reached there, it was just a few minutes more till the class starts. My teacher was playing his own violin and waiting already.

Reminded him to lower the bridge. He did it and let me play the keyboard while waiting. I wasn't as needy as when he first lowered the bridge in the first lesson I've ever had there. Besides, I am finally very well aware of my ability/capability. As long as I only have those number of keys to play at home, I will never be able to go beyond that. Thus, there's NOTHING for me to show. Surely a child can play it after practising for a few times for maybe months.

His keyboard didn't have the effect that drags the notes longer so I can't really play much. Thankfully, I could get Autumn back soon.

He tried out the new and improved shorten bridge. It sounded the same to me at first but after awhile, I notice it's... much louder (oh no!). He said that the fingerings have changed so I can't follow the markings anymore. I tried playing and well, it sounded nicer. o.0 Lol. The markings did change a bit but now, instead of playing above the markings, I have to play ON the markings. xD I have to reach further to get the notes right. Oh well, it will improve the finger extension...? I mean, it will improve the finger stretching. It's like a new exercise. xD

The sound is now much more cheerful in a way. It's not as low as before. Not to say that I am completely used to the sound now but it will take time.

Lunch. Homework. A bit of computer after the second "practice". It's not a practice. I initially planned to tune so that the tuning will be stabilized. Surely I wouldn't like to take too much time tuning. =/

I tested it out and showed mom. Mom couldn't tell any difference. She thought that everything was the same. The volume of the violin and the pitch of the violin... To her, everything's the same. xD

It is indeed easier to play the notes but I've been TOO used to having to press hard. Maybe my fingers will get better and become smoother now? xD Or is it too late to recover already? =x

Anyways, my whole of left arm has small bruises all over but it's nothing big. None of the bruises are serious enough to be bandaged. xP

The burnt mark from the Science Lab is still visible on the back of my left hand but it's getting lighter now. At the first glance, you may not be able to notice it. Yay, it's getting better, maybe. =] Or that I am getting darker? Nooooo! I don't wanna get any darker. Lol. Which is why I avoid the Sun. ^^

Hmm, playing violin for the 3rd time of the day already made the neck area hurt all over after dinner. Funny, I used to be able to do more but I guess the desperation has lessened. Even though it has lessened, my determination is no where near disappearing. I HOPE it doesn't disappear and HOPE it stays till my last breath. By then, I MUST have already reached Grade 8 and performed somewhere big. =P

If some of you wonder whether I am still into psychology, my answer will have to be yes. I know very well that I can never live any longer if I stayed in the world of music and fought head on. I can only remain one who plays violin for fun but is still serious. I know I cannot conduct the Orchestra or win any violin competition but I WILL join competitions one day. =] At least reach Grade 5 then join one...?

I'm still Grade 3. Just 2 more until Grade 5. xD

The guy (I suppose the boss) from the music store yesterday told me to do things slowly in order to reach the last grade.

Well, it's pretty hard to slow down but this speed should be good enough.

My teacher wondered if I only needed about 2 months to finish Grade 3. Well, my progress is always changing and the speed is always different. If today's not my violin day, I cannot do anything. Maybe I'm destined to be ruled by my luck and emotions. I've been feeling happy since yesterday. It's true, happiness and sorrow are both the only things that can make my violin respond the best. xD

Alright, I have nothing more to say about Autumn now, not unless you ask about something. xD

Haha, people, if you are not interested in violin AT ALL, please don't read this because you're gonna see the word "violin" so much that you will puke.

Oh well, a tad bit too late to say that now though but... TOO BAD! Hahahahahaha!

For those who stopped reading halfway through, damn, you're so smart. xD

Take care and have fun as usual. =P

Real Life ~ Got It

Yo, peeps! Kidding. I am still not cut out for these kind of talking. xD Yeah, yeah, go ahead, call me boring because that word's always echoing in my own mind so I'm agreeing with you guys. Lol.

So anyways, while I am waiting for the anime "Nodame Cantabile Finale" to load, I am going to tell you about today. =P

Man, I feel hungry even though I felt weird (in a good way) after dinner. I ate something too spicy and instead of heart burn, I call it gut burn! =D

I went to one of my favorite shopping complex. Hmm, I don't want to reveal the name. ;P

It's a place where I can go to 2 music shops in one day. There, guess all you like (but you will never get to know the answer! Lol.)

Here's another hint, it's within my country (that is, IF you know my country!).

Alright, I'm going to stop teasing before you all start hunting me down to get a revenge. Dx

Just let me know if you spotted any grammar or spelling mistakes. Don't hesitate. Thanks in advance~!

So it was a normal morning... Woke up numerous times in the middle of the night. Last, last night (Wednesday night), I woke up many times. I can only remember the one at 6AM. I was like, "What the hell? I'm preparing for school so early when it's still the holidays?" Gosh, maybe I missed school - NOT! Then last night, like I said, numerous times. I can only remember the one at 6:30AM. It was much more scarier though. The sky's still dark and all but what scared me the most was the thunder storm. Lightning and thunder, all the noise. I was positive that it would make the electricity trip. =/ Thank goodness (or not?), the air-conditioner's timer was already up so it was turned off by the time I noticed it was raining cats and dogs (meow and woof! =3). The reason for the numerous times of waking up is... for a trip to... WONDERLAND! YAY! No, it was the bathroom.

I still drink a lot of water... No worries, it cannot possibly be more than 4 litres! One thing worries me a lot though, I keep getting these headaches. Usually after homework or at night when I am using the computer. I was wondering if getting lots of headaches is a sign of going blind. Ever since I received the e-mail about water making a person blind, I've been going nuts. I even thought of going back to drinking from a cup. =[

Oh wait, where was I again? Haha. Sorry.

Right, woke up at 9:30AM. I was too lazy to check whether mom and dad were awake so I can play my violin. I slept a bit more but after hearing a noise coming from below, I know that someone's awake. It was then that I decided to open my door and check it out. OK... Their door's wide open. I groaned internally and went back to bed, switching the alarm clock back to waking me up at 9:30AM instead of 10:30AM.

Started practice at about the usual time despite the later time of waking up (difference in minutes).

The practice was smooth. Believe it or not, I am trying to perfect my country's National Anthem. (I hope I got the sentence right!)

After the big exam, I definitely gotta upload my violin playing of the National Anthem! =D Hopefully by then, I will have modified the song nicely but still recognizable. The modification is to show that I've improved over the months of violin playing. Yeah, I am still a noob to you guys but I am a dreamer, OK? ;P

The vibrato makes it much better though. =D Today dad listened and found that the scores seem to have made the actual anthem weird too. Well, it seemed like they added 2 unnecessary notes into it. =/ That's 4 if you counted the total. Oh, what am I saying? It's the "A" note and you gotta play it twice before the next phrase where you play it twice again. I gotta say, no matter if you did vibrato or not, it'll sound weird because it's entirely the same note and it would be monotone. You have to play the first one with one count then the next one 2nd count. The second phrase is the same. Oh well~

Those extra notes are the part where you are not supposed to sing at. It's probably a chance for the singers to breathe for a while. That's 3 counts of rest to the singers. =D Alright, I gotta shut up about the song. xD

Moving on (finally!), mopped the floor and took a bath. Mom told me that we will be going shopping after bath. Good, I thought I heard that we leave house at 4:30PM. o.0

Lunch before reaching the shopping complex.

Am eating now so will make it quick. Sorry to make the climax this fast.

The first music shop where i can play the piano is close. Darn! I didn't expect that. My jaw dropped.

The next was definitely open since it was so damn noisy. Thanks to the drums. xD

I checked out the price of mute. One was about 26 dollars and the other about 40 dollars. What.the.eff! Are mutes THAT expensive?! I expected 10 - 16 dollars!

The didn't sell any "Canon In D (Pachabel Canon)" so that's fine. They sold a full size bow for 99 dollars. Ack! *Gasp*

I only bought an E-string. xD The cheap one of course. RM4.80 for one. It's affordable (thank goodness!).

I played a bit on the piano. Yes, surprising isn't it? I wasn't even annoyed at all when I could hardly hear myself play though I COULD still hear myself. =] It's improvement though. The ears are finally sharper and accurate. ^^ The noise is even more noisier than the first time I've tried to compete with others' loud piano playing.

I couldn't remember the notes to play halfway through the starting even though I've played it at all speed at home. Guess I wasn't used to playing the full range piano. Lol. I tried the Anthem. Haven't fully memorized yet so it's pretty slow but better than the first time playing with score. xD After that, I played "Princess Mononoke". It's better since I've remembered all the chords and just need to know when to put them in. xD The piano is not in tune. I could catch the mistake at the left hand side of the notes. The sharps/flats with the white keys are not right. Yay! Thanks to the frustrating fight I always have with the violin tuner, it made me much more aware of what sound every instruments make. It's a problem too though, hear any piano or violin music, regardless of what type of song, the ears get all perked up, figuring out the notes. Damn. xD That's the disadvantage but can be put to good use. ^^ Either way, I am still N-O-O-B! Well, I am happy though. Lol.

Not eating now so I can do a more deliberate one. @.@ Good for the ones who don't mind reading a lot and so sorry for the ones disliking "heavy" reading (opposite of light reading).

Left the music store and went into the book store. =] It's the second favorite place to hang out after a good time in music store at that shopping complex.

Bought nothing. There's a mistake in the answer sheet for the higher grade English. =/ The answer is clearly C but the the stupid answer sheet said D. It can't possibly be that I've seen the wrong one... I've checked. There's no way that it's D (100% confident). Haha, it's like I'm not suffering from lack of confidence anymore! Even so, I am STILL suffering from that.

Hey, is it true that Albinos have a shorter life span? Well, what's the use of living so long for anyways if you do not have the money to enjoy life to the fullest? Right, lemme get this straight first, money is what you need to survive now that its existence just WON'T disappear and love (from family, friends and lover) is what you need to make you stronger, to live through the 'thick and thin'. Oh, so romantic. Yuck, sorry, I cannot stand gushy words. It's still true though. Proven right already! Muahahaha!

Where was I again? I was watching the anime so I've forgotten. The episode was too great that I cannot remember.

Alright, that's all I will say. I don't wanna reveal too much, you know? =P

Bye. Take care and have fun~!

Hope to write more interesting things soon. xD

Real Life ~ 2 in 1

This post will be about what happened in 2 days so... now you get what the title means anyway. =P

Let's start with yesterday, which was Saturday (4th September 2010).

Woke up at the usual 9:30AM. I practised the violin and went for the violin lesson again. I just envy the kids. They sat there waiting to go home or start class and while waiting, they made other friends and played with one another. I just sat there watching. I have no one except my mom to talk to. I can't talk much about anything except violin. She's obviously not into violin and she's never gonna get back into the world of music again.

You know, (to warn you first, I will be off topic for a moment) I feel so jealous and pissed whenever I see other performers playing violin or piano (especially piano) on TV. Not only TV but other places as well (as long as my parents can watch). My parents would be like, "Woah, so fast, how can he/she memorize the whole song?" ARGH! Who can't memorize the whole song after practising?! Why is it impossible? It's after thinking that that made me think this, "Why did I give up after 5 years of playing piano? Why was I slower when learning?" I mean, I see kids these days play piano so well even though they don't even WANT to learn in the first place! I guess that their reluctance wasn't as firm as mine. I am VERY sure I hate something so I will not like it or have anything to do with it. That's how it goes. True reluctance comes from internal tantrum throwing. Well, for me, in my case. I just scream inside my mind until I can't help but bang the wall with my fists on the outside. If I'd not stopped piano, I wouldn't be happy. That's definitely something true. If I'd not stopped piano, I'd most probably still liked the guitar. If I'd not stopped piano, I wouldn't have had the chance to play the violin, which now ended up becoming oxygen to me. Even so, I still wonder, how pro would I be if I hadn't stopped playing the piano at the age of 9 and continued until this very day, which would be 11 years of piano playing. Well, I WILL still count 11 years of playing even if I stopped at the age of 9! =P Haha. If only my parents and EVERYBODY can just turn back and look at me one day saying how cool I am. I just WANT respect! For crying out loud, during the days that I've been trying to join the popular and supposedly cool group, I only wanted to be respected, not seen as this spectacle kid. I HATE BEING NERDY! But if you asked me whether I rather be a whore or a nerd, I'd rather be nerd! xD

(I think I am done being off topic. Sorry~)

So anyways, the kids really had fun. They don't see me as anything even though I am WAY older than them. Hmph! Rude~

Whatever! My violin teacher gave me 3 pages to play just because of holidays. xD Even though it's the holidays, I can't make violin practices that long. Firstly, I would have to say bye bye to my both arms if I played too long. Secondly, I am gonna be scolded like hell at home. Thirdly, I would play myself bored. It's true I love the violin with all my heart but I cannot stand hearing my own violin playing for too long. My ears are gonna burst then bleed or vice versa (why did spell check underline the word "versa"? Is it wrong?). =P

Reminder, let me know if there's any spelling or grammar mistake! Thanks in advance!

Lunch and bath after violin class. Did homework. Not much of shopping after dinenr if you asked me.

Alright, from here on, it's gonna all be in the present, no more of yesterdays unless just remembered something to talk about. =P

5th September 2010.

Lol. Is this diary now or what? Oh wait, too late to say that, it has been my e-diary ever since I started talking about my life.

Anyways, woke up at the destined time (can it even BE a destined time?). Sigh, I just cannot stop thinking about Autumn. =] The practice mainly took place in a warm and stuffy room. >=/ Know why? My mom woke up late so I can't play in the hallway with direct fan until she wakes up. If I wasn't so considerate, I would definitely have played all I liked and scare her to death every morning I wake up at that time. Poor mom, she would not have peace at all. xD

The practice was OK though. The bridge of the violin will be lowered again next week. It had to be lowered because of the stubborn pegs. So naughty of them, they wanna make me tune the violin frequently. Oh well, if it were to be lowered down, it would mean that doing double-stopping will be easier but pizzicato will be tough. Sob. I only learned right hand pizzicato. I still can't wait to learn the left hand pizzicato!

I just observed vibrato and noticed that violinists' thumbs are right under the neck of the violin when they do that skill. There's arm vibrato and wrist vibrato. I am not all that sure of vibrato since ALL sounded the same. xD I tried and noticed that it made the 4th finger (lil pinky finger) do vibrato easily. It uses the 'meaty' part of your fingers. Truth to be told, my fingers are too numb to tell you whether it hurt or not. Here's one thing, I learned extension (finger sliding from a note to the next) and have been playing it last week. After playing, as expected, my index finger hurt from the sliding. T.T I may have said that my fingers are numb but it didn't mean that I cannot feel ANYTHING anymore! xD

Lol, no pain no gain. This is something I will dare to say and prove to you that I can do!

Let me brag more. =P Skip this paragraph if you can't stand it. xD
I had REALLY BAD chronic urticaria since last November, which was around the time when I started loving the violin. The day I finally got the chance to hold the violin after that miracle phone call, my whole of left shoulder and including the collarbone part was red and itching like crazy. Holding the violin was like hell. It hurt! Even when I had my first lesson, my left part hurt a whole lot and I was indeed struggling to balance the violin. I couldn't help but keep adjusting the violin so that the pain will lessen (it didn't help that much but it was a bit of a relief). When I first played the 3 notes and open A string, my fingers hurt like crap. They would swell and get really red. It didn't just stop at that... My fingers itched after the swelling and reddening. Hmm, at least it put a colour to my skin! Lol, no, really, it hurt for someone who has a sensitive skin. xD Not long, the fingers start to harden. You can even pick some dried skin off your fingers! It was so fun picking them! Kidding. xD I'm warning you, DON'T ever peel your skin off or get carried away cutting them off with the nail-cutter. I swear to God, you are going to REGRET it! Here's another warning, your skin will come off on its own if you practised vibrato too much. That's what happened to me. Haha... Not a nice experience. The injured part stung a lot. T.T The skin of my pinky finger and the finger between middle and pinky have both traveled somewhere else just from the vibrato practice. xD Also, I warn you, if you have sensitive skin, for instance, at the neck and jaw part, I suggest you use handkerchief to put over the fine tuner and chin rest part. Make sure you cover the bottom of those both parts too. The handkerchief can't be too thick though. The size doesn't need to be that big either. =P For those using shoulder rest, good for you, make sure you can STILL play without it! Hey, no hard feelings, I have a shoulder rest but I was told by both my teachers not to use it. I used it only a few times when I was still at beginner stage and you know what? It made holding the violin harder for me because the shoulder rest was pretty bulgy. Now it's left collecting dust along with my metronome. No worries, they are still in their box. xD At first, I wouldn't dare use the handkerchief even though I've already hurt the collarbone. Urticaria wouldn't stop appearing and knowing me, I still scratched it despite the terrible pain it gave. For weeks, the wound wouldn't go away so I had no choice but to use handkerchief. It still wouldn't go so I plastered it. Thank heavens it is gone now. =D Oh man, I cannot forget the pain when I first started using the 4th finger to play! Damn, it just wouldn't go any further and reach that note. I could only use the side of the finger and if I ever cut off the 'extra' skin coming out from the side of the 4th finger, I cannot reach that note and would be back at square one. *pouts* Now I don't need that 'extra' skin anymore. I still sometimes play with the side since I am learning third position now but will try using the middle part more. Ganbatte to other violinists' wannabe or violin fans! ^^ Just don't cross my line and make me jealous. =P The point of this paragraph is for me to reminisce the very beginning of violin learning and most importantly, let you all know that it's NORMAL to feel pain when you're learning the violin. I'm saying this because I was worried I wasn't cut out for violin playing and thought that I was too weak.

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Alright, those who've skipped the previous paragraph, congratulations, you've reached the part where you can start reading again! ^^ No rewards since you ignored my ranting. Lol. I recently feel pain from the violin playing. =/ Funny, I'm not really forcing myself that much anymore and I have stopped forcing myself to make it to 2 hours and above already. Why should I feel pain now? This question is still unanswered but you know what? I WILL NOT stop! I don't wanna and don't wanna break the promise to myself and my parents. This is going to be an investment. I dunno how long I will live in this world that's becoming increasingly cruel but it's still an investment. =P Bleh~ ^^

Man, didn't expect to talk this much. Sorry for the crap. xD

Watched movie today: Vampire Sucks. It was retarded and it's not like I like ALL parts of the movie but it's still OK. I won't buy the DVD even if it came out. Just wanna watch the movie since it's retarded. xD Nothing wrong with wanting to laugh, right?

OK, I am going to read manga now. Bye~

Take care and have fun again. Yours truly. xP

Real Life ~ Oh.My.Gosh!

Yes, that's all I can say now right after reading the e-mail sent from my dad.

TOO MUCH water can make you BLIND. =x

He sent me the photo of a newspaper cutting. It said a lady drank about 7 litres of water per day and it went on for like, 3 months. One day, she fainted and after she woke up, she was blind.

The lady drank lots of water to keep her blood pressure stable or something. Like me in a way, she thought the more she drank, the better it would be. She had something like "chronic water intoxication". =x

I already have chronic urticaria but getting chronic water intoxication that can make me go blind? Na-ah! I CANNOT go blind now that I've decided NOT to give up living anymore. I have violin to think about! And no, this is not because I HAVE to not be blind just for violin. It's because I love my violin, I love music and that I am still healing from the past sufferings, that's why I do not want to go blind. If I did go blind, my life's like the end since I depend a lot on the eyes. I still need to see the sheet music and read books! =[

Yeah, I know there are blind people out there who still lived but really, it's tough.

Anyways, moving on, I might as well tell you what happened today.

I didn't go to school. Yay and Nooo!

I say "Nooo" because thanks to mom, she made me worried that someone will get mad at me or that something bad will happen. Damn it! Why can't I EVER enjoy a day without going through suffering things?

Couldn't wake up at 9:30AM to practise violin. Gotta go for lunch with mom and grandma today. Would be leaving the house at 11AM. I usually start the practice at 9:45AM and end it about 11AM plus. It would be too rushing for me.

I took a cold pill yesterday too. I fought the drowsiness that the pill brought me yesterday too. =[ I kept denying the fact that I was damn sleepy by the time it was 11PM plus. It would be quite a waste to end such a day (even though filled with guilt) since not going to school the next day, which is today.

Yeah, yeah, I can hear you. You're saying it is a ridiculous thought but hey, SOME others think that way too and I know I cannot sleep too late because I do not want to worsen my skin condition (Yes, I am vain!).

Darn, the sarcasm and nastiness is still with me. Oh well, deal with it! Muahahahahah!

Anyways, I left house with mom feeling like an ugly oaf. Ugh! Had lunch, a very boring one, I assure you. I hardly got the chance to hang out with my grandma but every time I do get to see her, my mom would obviously be with me. Because my mom's there, they both talked endlessly. Grandma is stubborn. She just cannot change this habit of cutting others' words. Like say, if I were to be talking to mom, she would cut in and talk to mom. The thing is, mom is FINE with that!

When I was a kid, this happened often. I would ALWAYS get ever so pissed off. xD Just listening to her usual Chinese people's English pronunciation made me want to correct her a lot as a kid at that time. You know what? After my 15 years with her, she is STILL the same. She still pronounce certain things wrongly. =P

Continuing... (I cannot remember where I left off!)

Oh yeah, sorry, I forgotten since I was chatting with someone earlier. Haha.

They both are like the SLOWEST thing in the world when they are together. They cross the road so slowly, they eat so slowly and they walk so slowly. Crossing the read with them is a difficult and fatal thing to do. God knows! I am like, behind them getting roasted by the sun (I am NOT looking forward to getting darker, thank you very much!) and also, they think they're fast but boy do they not know that the way they drag me to "safety" while crossing the road is making my head dizzy. It's not my grandma's age that's making her slow but more like both mom and grandma's mouth that couldn't SHUT UP. Yes, I am being semi-rude here, whatever!

I could have reached the cafe MUCH earlier than them AND at the same time save my skin from getting any darker. >=[ The walk made me sweat too. Urgh!

I'm a girl, of course I think like that but no worries, guys, not ALL girls are like that. =P

After the lunch and another LONG time getting back to the car, mom and I finally headed home. I was dreading that moment too... xD

Although I was absent in school, I surely did my fair share of homework. See? Fair enough yet I still feel guilty for leaving my friends in school, which in the end, I just found out not long that most of them didn't turn up! LOL!

Oh right, I was distracted just now. I forgotten what more I should say. Haha...

Violin practice started at 3:22PM or something and ended at 4:22PM+

I felt noob while playing but that's alright, I know I will not be saying that one day... Just one day...

My friend once made fun of me and told me that I will get bored of violin latest by the time I start work. I would be too busy for it and ask it to F.O.

No sir-ee, I am TRYING to keep it my longest passion and companion. I am Trying NOT to give it up halfway. I do NOT want to give it up even if I finished grade 8. As long as I have many classical music to listen to, I will continue being inspired. I just gotta NOT give in to what my friend said! NEVER!!

Hmph, I am too dramatic today. Loud and dramatic on the INSIDE. xD

I am even starting to give up and wonder why I stay alive too these days. I may have my violin but I cannot play with it 2 times in a day because of what I feared as I've already mentioned in previous posts.

Dinner was not so fantastic but I did have the chance to chomp on KitKat this afternoon while doing homework to get rid of the fatigue. I was seriously out of breath and tired. Beats me why though. xD

I listened to classical music while trying to sleep after dinner. Guess what? I was too focused on the notes being played by different types of instrument that the focussing had screwed up my face and make me can't sleep.

Alright, bye for now. Take care and have fun~!^^

Note: Edited on 2nd September 2010. I've just spotted yet another wrong word. This time it is thanks to my dad. Lol. xD Why didn't the Spell Check correct me?! xD