Hey there, it has been an extremely long time since I have last updated this blog. I honestly wanted to update more often but since I have always been coming up with depressing posts, I did not want to continue boring everyone to death...
So, I was thinking of only posting something when I have finally come to a good conclusion as to where I would be heading in life. Which course(s) to take? Which college and/or university to go for? What part-time jobs to try out if I am allowed to? The list goes on (as usual)...
Life had been pretty peaceful on the outside... By "on the outside", I meant that others seem to think I have it all easy. Heck, maybe I really AM somewhat sick in the head and deluded myself into thinking that I am living in a world of hardship (and yet still know others are suffering more than me). Since I know that others are suffering more than me, I started thinking of how weak and ungrateful I really am. There will always be someone who is suffering more than me. I cannot even begin to imagine who in this world suffers or suffered the most! After thinking of that, I think of what I should do to punish myself for having thought of how miserable I felt when others are suffering out there. AGAIN, after thinking of that, I think of how unfair it is to always think of others and how they are suffering more than I am.
Ever since school started and something really upsetting happened on the first week of January (it was a Thursday), everything that has been niggling me suddenly became so real. Since there are so many, it was so overwhelming that my tears did not stop until I cried myself to sleep that night. The next morning (Friday - another day of school), I continued after I woke up. It did not end until my school finally ended. You may find this really dramatic or exaggerated but my eyes were really sore and they became kinda puffy... My eyes have never hurt that much before from crying! It was like the longest cry ever and it was sort of funny how there was a part 2, which was the next day. =x
When people mention the word "stress" and "money" (especially "stress"), I start to want to get all teary. It may not work all the time but when talked a lot about it, there is no doubt that I will most probably start the waterworks again even though I am pretty numb from all that crying right now...
Actually, I cried a little bit yesterday but I would not count that at all. As for today's, I would not count it either. xD
I have decided to try seeking help from the school counselor. That is like the last thing I would do to get help! See how desperate I got? I worry they demand money, take my lesson time or inform my parents...
Oh well, that's the only conclusion I have come to in the end... Can that be the first step I'm taking to get used to this life?
Take care and have fun, people! ;)
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