Real Life ~ Back Again

Yo, people, I am back... with MORE problems! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kidding. I cannot lie that I do not have more problems but they are just mundane things, not to worry about. Just the usual violin and teenage problems.

About teenage problems, I am back to feeling ugly again. The thing is, it is getting even more serious. I won't dare to look in the mirror if I am wearing spectacles. Even if I do not wear specs while looking in the mirror, I must make sure not to be under bright light and also not too near the mirror. See? Stressing myself again. It seems like I am stressing myself without knowing it. Lol, somewhat unintentionally masochistic without knowing it? Whatever then. I am beginning to think that I will be able to look good one day, just gotta wait for that day. This thinking is to put an end to this problem.

As for violin, I realize that I have limitations and that I cannot practice too long if I am not in any condition to. On Sunday, I guess I must have pushed myself too hard trying to get 3 hours. I still played even though everywhere was aching and that my mind was about to explode from the frustration and perfection. This is pure self-torture. xD It's not the first time for me to do this to myself but then I suppose there will come a day when my arms especially, will not be able to endure it much longer. By then, I will not only be able to play violin but also do everyday-things. I decided to not push myself for 2nd practices in one day if I am not up to it.

I am currently having problems with "Gavotte" from G.F Gossec or something. I sometimes just cannot seem to play that fast part at the right speed. My fingers just suddenly go all weak, stiff and numb. I was thinking of a day off without practice to see if the arm heals or something but still went ahead and practice, hoping practice was all it takes to solve it. I even went through the trouble of watching other people on Youtube to see how they played it. Not all did well but who am I to say?

Tomorrow I cannot practise in the "music room"... Just remembered that. I guess gotta put back the music stand and everything down.

Alright, just got back from putting the music stand down. I guess I will have to have to courage to repeat the same notes and song over and over tomorrow after doing the usual warm-up and stuff.

I pity my mom, she has to do the hearing all the time. She said she doesn't listen but sometimes she does and tells me to keep quiet. xD Lol. How hurtful to hear that but anyone not interested in violin would say so. Imagine listening to the same thing over and over for about 1 hour to 2 hours? Even I would tell myself to shut up. xD

Anyways, violin cannot be my number one priority now as the exams and all are the actual important ones. I cannot make violin the first thing even if my heart and mind says to. Still, if I really made violin number one, I cannot imagine playing one day without feeling at least a bit of sadness. By then, studies and exams are going to be a way to drown the sorrow. That would be half good because I would be busy with school and will most likely get good grades. xD

Moving on again, there's exam next week. *Sigh* There are more exams like every week, totally intensive once the next month, which would be August starts. Not surprised. Quite happy because I just never do enough studying at home. Home is where all my belongings and pleasure is besides the stupid homework given by mom.

Not sure if I've told you about buying the English reference book meant for higher grades during the carnival period but I was not planning to show my parents the book. They did not let me buy any of those books to do so I decided to try out the whole thing on my own and see how much it helped improve my English, which is slowly getting worse thanks to being in my country. As long as I am in my country, it is pretty hard to avoid using 'Manglish' and the 'Manglish' that others use just makes me use it unintentionally. Urgh. Annoying. They not only use it in real life but took the trouble to type them out online too. Seriously...

Back to topic, mom found out about the book like at least 1 month after that. Lol. I left it on the computer table and it was bed time. I went into the kitchen to wash the bottle and after going to the toilet too, I noticed mom helped switched off the computer. It was then that I looked into the mirror giving myself a shocked look and a gasp. xD I ran out and there it goes. "Eh? Where did this come from?"

My name was already written on the book. >.< Surely she should know it's mine. I kept acting dumb and finally told her the truth. She was not mad. This happened on Sunday. xD Haha, so many things happened on Sunday now that I come to think of it.

Finally today, she said it's too early for me and that she has a harder one for me. I already knew it because she gave me much harder ones to do before and I swear to God, I can scream in frustration because of not wanting to admit that my English is not as good as the book. xD Even the book I bought is terrifying enough. Just thinking about how all these subjective questions were given and how they were supposed to be answered, I feel scared. I feel scared because I do not want to get a B for English. I always have this rule of my own to never get English marks less than anyone else in class and to never get less than A for English.

Looks like I am going to have a limit too. I became lazy when I see words I do not understand in a book but sometimes still take the initiative to check the dictionary.

Do I have some sort of problem...? I seem to have limits to everything. I just cannot seem to be VERY, VERY good at something without thinking it hard. My mom's English is good and it's only thanks to her that I am into English as well. She always corrected my mistakes from young even though I complained. *laughs lightly* Until now, she still does correct the mistakes I make. She even corrected one of mine today. I said stupider and she said it did not exist. Now typing this out, it was not underlined red showing that it's wrong. O.o Huh...?

Alright, there's nothing I can think of to talk about now.

Just for your information, I am still on talking terms with the group of friends. =D

It was touching when they bothered waiting for me after school. T.T

Not long ago, on Monday, it was one of my friend's birthday. There was this small party and well, not everything went well. I do not want to blame anyone here online now so I will let that slide.

Oh yeah, one more thing, our school is FREAKING RETARDED to ask us to sit on the floor or squat, which is worse when the floor's wet from rain. They have school hall but won't use it. RETARDED like crap. I know not everyone can fit in but they can always wait for next Monday, right? Sigh.

Bye for now and take care. Have fun everyone~! =D