Hi again, people.
The reason for this title is because I rarely feel calm and that I am feeling pretty calm now though there are STILL many things running through my mind.
I am still OK with violin. Thank goodness. I think I know what are needed in order to play well. All I needed were enough rest, calm mind and not too much practice.
I did not do much practice today, to be honest. I started after 4:50PM when my phone rang as an alarm. I ended the practice at 5:39PM. I just calculated and found out that I only had 49 minutes of practice. Lol... I rushed through the easier songs halfway and played back after practising Gavotte a few times starting at 5:18PM.
I feel like playing it now. Not to make it one hour but for fun even though fun hardly run across my mind once I pick it up. Not saying I don't enjoy playing. It's just that I want it to be perfect so much to catch up with all those idols that I just cannot find time to put 'fun' and 'take your time' in my head. It's always 'accurate counting!', 'quiet/louder that part!', 'don't bounce the bow, play with more confidence!', 'hold that note longer!', 'it's an up-bow/down-bow!', 'more vibrato!'and 'hold that vibrato longer and make it consistent!'
I guess you can say it is very strict but it's not strict enough, I think. I should have a teacher always by my side when I am practising. =/ Haha, now that I've said it out loud, that means I am too serious yet not serious enough, which is bad for my studies. Damn.
I am still looking forward to playing the violin on YouTube! I will DEFINITELY cover my face with a little masquerade sort of mask. Just use those party masks to cover the eyes and top part of face. It would be enough. I do this because I do not want people to judge me because of what race I am. I do not want them to judge me because I am an Asian. I do not want them to judge me on how bad I look either. Clothes should be no problem so it does not matter. As for hair, I will still let it loose. Hopefully I am able to accept criticism very well. I will be playing every song. From the first song I played from the first violin book up until the current one at that time after the big exam.
Now I will be searching for that mask if I have the time. Of course I do not want a childish one. Lol. I will still try to focus on English, Maths, Science and maybe Survival Skills since my mom told me that I could get A for that if I just bothered to. I am damn worried more about Science than Maths now (Surprisingly). My Science is usually better than Maths but now I am worried about Science because when I was told to do the paper 2 of Science including all the things I've learned for 3 years, I had to flip through the reference book a lot and still ended up with many mistakes in the end. Mom was absolutely mad. xD She was thinking it was a mistake to not let me go for Science intensive class.
Mom definitely doesn't like me learning violin. When anything happens, the first thing she blames is violin. She was mad when dad let me learn. She was even more angry when she and I went for the replacement of violin class to find the whole music centre closed up. She started saying everything negative she thinks about music and violin. Damn her for that. Surely there are certain parts of my learning the violin that has made her pleased...? It's just that she is not looking on the bright side. Sometimes, I do wonder if it was the right decision to take up violin.
I noticed a big difference ever since I've started violin and playing songs:
I no longer read books on the couch for hours at certain times and I also no longer use the computer in the evening after the homework. I also started being aware of the time. I don't even dare to take afternoon nap even though I am dying to. I watched less of the TV and I started setting time to wake up at every weekends. Which means, I can no longer sleep at whatever time I want the day before weekends (Friday) and also, it means that I cannot wake up at whatever time I fancy anymore. I started having sudden earaches, arm aches, neck aches, jaw aches. My arm hurting is one of the most common. I have backaches too, which is like 24/7. xD I even started to care about cleanliness more. I always tried to make sure my hands are not dirty (particularly the left hand) so that the violin is clean and safe to hold every time I play (this is where I have to thank hives for!lol). Lastly, I take better care of my arms and fingers. This is excluding the time when I carelessly put the freaking hot test tube at the back of my left hand. The burnt mark is still there and will not go. Looks like a new scar. Sigh.
Oh, sorry, too much talk of violin again. You readers must have snored a lot by now.
I told you about my friend's birthday in the previous post, right? Well, I didn't want to say this but on that day, she told me that the present I gave her was stupid and could not match any of her clothes. Today, it was worse, she said that it was old-fashioned. It's so not. So I decided (not like I did not decide on the day of her birthday already) to never give presents anymore unless I am performing but depending on whose birthday and occasion. Yes, say whatever you want, I am sensitive or whatever...
Still, she did not have to be like that. Even my other friend did not appreciate the present she got last year. Damn. What is with all these people these days? This is the last straw! I give up. I am not going to give out anymore. After all, it'll save my time and money. >.>
Argh, I hate having to say those words! Oh well, whatever.
I am going to stop here for now because I suddenly just remembered something funny. xD
Take care and have fun~!^^
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Real Life ~ Back Again
Yo, people, I am back... with MORE problems! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kidding. I cannot lie that I do not have more problems but they are just mundane things, not to worry about. Just the usual violin and teenage problems.
About teenage problems, I am back to feeling ugly again. The thing is, it is getting even more serious. I won't dare to look in the mirror if I am wearing spectacles. Even if I do not wear specs while looking in the mirror, I must make sure not to be under bright light and also not too near the mirror. See? Stressing myself again. It seems like I am stressing myself without knowing it. Lol, somewhat unintentionally masochistic without knowing it? Whatever then. I am beginning to think that I will be able to look good one day, just gotta wait for that day. This thinking is to put an end to this problem.
As for violin, I realize that I have limitations and that I cannot practice too long if I am not in any condition to. On Sunday, I guess I must have pushed myself too hard trying to get 3 hours. I still played even though everywhere was aching and that my mind was about to explode from the frustration and perfection. This is pure self-torture. xD It's not the first time for me to do this to myself but then I suppose there will come a day when my arms especially, will not be able to endure it much longer. By then, I will not only be able to play violin but also do everyday-things. I decided to not push myself for 2nd practices in one day if I am not up to it.
I am currently having problems with "Gavotte" from G.F Gossec or something. I sometimes just cannot seem to play that fast part at the right speed. My fingers just suddenly go all weak, stiff and numb. I was thinking of a day off without practice to see if the arm heals or something but still went ahead and practice, hoping practice was all it takes to solve it. I even went through the trouble of watching other people on Youtube to see how they played it. Not all did well but who am I to say?
Tomorrow I cannot practise in the "music room"... Just remembered that. I guess gotta put back the music stand and everything down.
Alright, just got back from putting the music stand down. I guess I will have to have to courage to repeat the same notes and song over and over tomorrow after doing the usual warm-up and stuff.
I pity my mom, she has to do the hearing all the time. She said she doesn't listen but sometimes she does and tells me to keep quiet. xD Lol. How hurtful to hear that but anyone not interested in violin would say so. Imagine listening to the same thing over and over for about 1 hour to 2 hours? Even I would tell myself to shut up. xD
Anyways, violin cannot be my number one priority now as the exams and all are the actual important ones. I cannot make violin the first thing even if my heart and mind says to. Still, if I really made violin number one, I cannot imagine playing one day without feeling at least a bit of sadness. By then, studies and exams are going to be a way to drown the sorrow. That would be half good because I would be busy with school and will most likely get good grades. xD
Moving on again, there's exam next week. *Sigh* There are more exams like every week, totally intensive once the next month, which would be August starts. Not surprised. Quite happy because I just never do enough studying at home. Home is where all my belongings and pleasure is besides the stupid homework given by mom.
Not sure if I've told you about buying the English reference book meant for higher grades during the carnival period but I was not planning to show my parents the book. They did not let me buy any of those books to do so I decided to try out the whole thing on my own and see how much it helped improve my English, which is slowly getting worse thanks to being in my country. As long as I am in my country, it is pretty hard to avoid using 'Manglish' and the 'Manglish' that others use just makes me use it unintentionally. Urgh. Annoying. They not only use it in real life but took the trouble to type them out online too. Seriously...
Back to topic, mom found out about the book like at least 1 month after that. Lol. I left it on the computer table and it was bed time. I went into the kitchen to wash the bottle and after going to the toilet too, I noticed mom helped switched off the computer. It was then that I looked into the mirror giving myself a shocked look and a gasp. xD I ran out and there it goes. "Eh? Where did this come from?"
My name was already written on the book. >.< Surely she should know it's mine. I kept acting dumb and finally told her the truth. She was not mad. This happened on Sunday. xD Haha, so many things happened on Sunday now that I come to think of it.
Finally today, she said it's too early for me and that she has a harder one for me. I already knew it because she gave me much harder ones to do before and I swear to God, I can scream in frustration because of not wanting to admit that my English is not as good as the book. xD Even the book I bought is terrifying enough. Just thinking about how all these subjective questions were given and how they were supposed to be answered, I feel scared. I feel scared because I do not want to get a B for English. I always have this rule of my own to never get English marks less than anyone else in class and to never get less than A for English.
Looks like I am going to have a limit too. I became lazy when I see words I do not understand in a book but sometimes still take the initiative to check the dictionary.
Do I have some sort of problem...? I seem to have limits to everything. I just cannot seem to be VERY, VERY good at something without thinking it hard. My mom's English is good and it's only thanks to her that I am into English as well. She always corrected my mistakes from young even though I complained. *laughs lightly* Until now, she still does correct the mistakes I make. She even corrected one of mine today. I said stupider and she said it did not exist. Now typing this out, it was not underlined red showing that it's wrong. O.o Huh...?
Alright, there's nothing I can think of to talk about now.
Just for your information, I am still on talking terms with the group of friends. =D
It was touching when they bothered waiting for me after school. T.T
Not long ago, on Monday, it was one of my friend's birthday. There was this small party and well, not everything went well. I do not want to blame anyone here online now so I will let that slide.
Oh yeah, one more thing, our school is FREAKING RETARDED to ask us to sit on the floor or squat, which is worse when the floor's wet from rain. They have school hall but won't use it. RETARDED like crap. I know not everyone can fit in but they can always wait for next Monday, right? Sigh.
Bye for now and take care. Have fun everyone~! =D
Kidding. I cannot lie that I do not have more problems but they are just mundane things, not to worry about. Just the usual violin and teenage problems.
About teenage problems, I am back to feeling ugly again. The thing is, it is getting even more serious. I won't dare to look in the mirror if I am wearing spectacles. Even if I do not wear specs while looking in the mirror, I must make sure not to be under bright light and also not too near the mirror. See? Stressing myself again. It seems like I am stressing myself without knowing it. Lol, somewhat unintentionally masochistic without knowing it? Whatever then. I am beginning to think that I will be able to look good one day, just gotta wait for that day. This thinking is to put an end to this problem.
As for violin, I realize that I have limitations and that I cannot practice too long if I am not in any condition to. On Sunday, I guess I must have pushed myself too hard trying to get 3 hours. I still played even though everywhere was aching and that my mind was about to explode from the frustration and perfection. This is pure self-torture. xD It's not the first time for me to do this to myself but then I suppose there will come a day when my arms especially, will not be able to endure it much longer. By then, I will not only be able to play violin but also do everyday-things. I decided to not push myself for 2nd practices in one day if I am not up to it.
I am currently having problems with "Gavotte" from G.F Gossec or something. I sometimes just cannot seem to play that fast part at the right speed. My fingers just suddenly go all weak, stiff and numb. I was thinking of a day off without practice to see if the arm heals or something but still went ahead and practice, hoping practice was all it takes to solve it. I even went through the trouble of watching other people on Youtube to see how they played it. Not all did well but who am I to say?
Tomorrow I cannot practise in the "music room"... Just remembered that. I guess gotta put back the music stand and everything down.
Alright, just got back from putting the music stand down. I guess I will have to have to courage to repeat the same notes and song over and over tomorrow after doing the usual warm-up and stuff.
I pity my mom, she has to do the hearing all the time. She said she doesn't listen but sometimes she does and tells me to keep quiet. xD Lol. How hurtful to hear that but anyone not interested in violin would say so. Imagine listening to the same thing over and over for about 1 hour to 2 hours? Even I would tell myself to shut up. xD
Anyways, violin cannot be my number one priority now as the exams and all are the actual important ones. I cannot make violin the first thing even if my heart and mind says to. Still, if I really made violin number one, I cannot imagine playing one day without feeling at least a bit of sadness. By then, studies and exams are going to be a way to drown the sorrow. That would be half good because I would be busy with school and will most likely get good grades. xD
Moving on again, there's exam next week. *Sigh* There are more exams like every week, totally intensive once the next month, which would be August starts. Not surprised. Quite happy because I just never do enough studying at home. Home is where all my belongings and pleasure is besides the stupid homework given by mom.
Not sure if I've told you about buying the English reference book meant for higher grades during the carnival period but I was not planning to show my parents the book. They did not let me buy any of those books to do so I decided to try out the whole thing on my own and see how much it helped improve my English, which is slowly getting worse thanks to being in my country. As long as I am in my country, it is pretty hard to avoid using 'Manglish' and the 'Manglish' that others use just makes me use it unintentionally. Urgh. Annoying. They not only use it in real life but took the trouble to type them out online too. Seriously...
Back to topic, mom found out about the book like at least 1 month after that. Lol. I left it on the computer table and it was bed time. I went into the kitchen to wash the bottle and after going to the toilet too, I noticed mom helped switched off the computer. It was then that I looked into the mirror giving myself a shocked look and a gasp. xD I ran out and there it goes. "Eh? Where did this come from?"
My name was already written on the book. >.< Surely she should know it's mine. I kept acting dumb and finally told her the truth. She was not mad. This happened on Sunday. xD Haha, so many things happened on Sunday now that I come to think of it.
Finally today, she said it's too early for me and that she has a harder one for me. I already knew it because she gave me much harder ones to do before and I swear to God, I can scream in frustration because of not wanting to admit that my English is not as good as the book. xD Even the book I bought is terrifying enough. Just thinking about how all these subjective questions were given and how they were supposed to be answered, I feel scared. I feel scared because I do not want to get a B for English. I always have this rule of my own to never get English marks less than anyone else in class and to never get less than A for English.
Looks like I am going to have a limit too. I became lazy when I see words I do not understand in a book but sometimes still take the initiative to check the dictionary.
Do I have some sort of problem...? I seem to have limits to everything. I just cannot seem to be VERY, VERY good at something without thinking it hard. My mom's English is good and it's only thanks to her that I am into English as well. She always corrected my mistakes from young even though I complained. *laughs lightly* Until now, she still does correct the mistakes I make. She even corrected one of mine today. I said stupider and she said it did not exist. Now typing this out, it was not underlined red showing that it's wrong. O.o Huh...?
Alright, there's nothing I can think of to talk about now.
Just for your information, I am still on talking terms with the group of friends. =D
It was touching when they bothered waiting for me after school. T.T
Not long ago, on Monday, it was one of my friend's birthday. There was this small party and well, not everything went well. I do not want to blame anyone here online now so I will let that slide.
Oh yeah, one more thing, our school is FREAKING RETARDED to ask us to sit on the floor or squat, which is worse when the floor's wet from rain. They have school hall but won't use it. RETARDED like crap. I know not everyone can fit in but they can always wait for next Monday, right? Sigh.
Bye for now and take care. Have fun everyone~! =D
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